The last time I touched this website was just about three years ago. I still had time to even use Bleach as a source of comfort, my stress (while high) was manageable, and I enjoyed the creative output (and the connections and friendships I made!).
Then began a downward spiral.
I met a man, who on the surface, seemed nice enough, was such a toxic strain on my entire being that I suffer from PTSD. I’ll spare the details, but just know it was nearly a full year wasted, put me into $6,000 in debt to support him (and towards the end of the relationship, his brother), and begun the biggest mental health disaster I’ve had since before I was properly medicated.
Which leads us into 2024.
I spend the first quarter piecing my mental health back together while fighting a job that was so toxic, it gave my boss a brain aneurysm at her desk (it also sent me to the hospital in January). I lose time to even function as a human. I’m in survival mode. What in God’s name is a tumblr? Bleach? Yeah I use that in my bathtub.
Somehow, I survive the year. I meet a really good man, I start enjoying my life again. I leave my toxic job to go back to retail full time (yeah, listen — that’s how bad it was), and shockingly: this job is bad too. Jesus Christ.
I turn 30.
That’s too old to be on tumblr that’s obscene.
2025 happens.
I quit toxic job two before I let work kill me. I start to launch my own business.
I get diagnosed with cancer.
Oh alright.
So where am I now? I’m a 30 year old woman with stage 3a aggressive breast cancer. It feels… surreal.
I’ve done a lot of reminiscing and joking lately, and the topic of this blog came up. I’ve thought a lot about the meaningful collections of people I’ve made here that have slipped through the cracks that I’d love to get back in touch with (and I’m happy to share details to find me/get in touch. My instagram is mostly chronicling my cancer journey at the moment).
And, even if not, I said I always often wondered what happened to “those blogs” and would love an update post. So I assume that others have that same desire too so I’M HERE TO SCRATCH THE ITCH.
This Rukia’s earned her retirement. Roleplaying her took me through some fucked up times and years. I started with it back on MySpace and Chatzy and MSN in 2009 and kept her around in varying capacities until 2023. Atta girl.
The last time I touched this website was just about three years ago. I still had time to even use Bleach as a source of comfort, my stress (while high) was manageable, and I enjoyed the creative output (and the connections and friendships I made!).
Then began a downward spiral.
I met a man, who on the surface, seemed nice enough, was such a toxic strain on my entire being that I suffer from PTSD. I’ll spare the details, but just know it was nearly a full year wasted, put me into $6,000 in debt to support him (and towards the end of the relationship, his brother), and begun the biggest mental health disaster I’ve had since before I was properly medicated.
Which leads us into 2024.
I spend the first quarter piecing my mental health back together while fighting a job that was so toxic, it gave my boss a brain aneurysm at her desk (it also sent me to the hospital in January). I lose time to even function as a human. I’m in survival mode. What in God’s name is a tumblr? Bleach? Yeah I use that in my bathtub.
Somehow, I survive the year. I meet a really good man, I start enjoying my life again. I leave my toxic job to go back to retail full time (yeah, listen — that’s how bad it was), and shockingly: this job is bad too. Jesus Christ.
I turn 30.
That’s too old to be on tumblr that’s obscene.
2025 happens.
I quit toxic job two before I let work kill me. I start to launch my own business.
I get diagnosed with cancer.
Oh alright.
So where am I now? I’m a 30 year old woman with stage 3a aggressive breast cancer. It feels… surreal.
I’ve done a lot of reminiscing and joking lately, and the topic of this blog came up. I’ve thought a lot about the meaningful collections of people I’ve made here that have slipped through the cracks that I’d love to get back in touch with (and I’m happy to share details to find me/get in touch. My instagram is mostly chronicling my cancer journey at the moment).
And, even if not, I said I always often wondered what happened to “those blogs” and would love an update post. So I assume that others have that same desire too so I’M HERE TO SCRATCH THE ITCH.
This Rukia’s earned her retirement. Roleplaying her took me through some fucked up times and years. I started with it back on MySpace and Chatzy and MSN in 2009 and kept her around in varying capacities until 2023. Atta girl.
but -- she was feeling small and isolated; scared of showing her face 'round the manor. the idea of sitting down for a formal meal with them, still? it made her gut roll, nearly hunching her back over.
she settled for cross-legged on the ground instead, entering into the position slowly, (carefully).
---- -- ❝ --sorry to waste time, then. ❞ the younger shinigami bowed her head in shame, just a little too tired to give him a full and proper bow. ❝ you're right. i do know better. ❞
he scowls, face contorting in response to her submission. resisting the urge to let out some sort of exasperated sigh, he instead purses his lips and approaches her - stops only when he’s looming in front of her before he abruptly bends at the waist. now face-to-face with the female’s own, bowed head, he stares for a few moments in what he hopes to be an intimidating manor before reaching out to her.
and not-so-gently flicks her right on the forehead.
’ quit it! don’t go being all serious on me when i was only messing with you. sheesh - way to make a guy feel bad. ’
She sneaks a peek up at him through her lowered lashes, noticing the scowl right away. Great. She really did it this time, huh? Usually he laughs it off, tosses something at her, just -- oh no. Why was he standing right over her now? What did...
❝-- Ow!❞ The palm of her hand flew up to the now sore spot on her forehead, face falling into a pout. ❝I didn’t mean to! I was just...❞ worried to be scolded for not groveling; not that Kaien ever cared. She was just too used to walking on eggshells now...
Bleach favorite dynamics (4/?): Uryuu, Rukia and Ichigo
“If I’m the first one here, I could rescue Kuchiki-san myself. I bet Kurosaki wants to save her himself. If I did that, he’d be pissed off.”
she heaves herself up, dusting off her captain's coat once she's back to her feet.
❝ just because that worked on Renji twice does not mean it will work on me. ❞
later, as it was explained to her by the lieutenant, it was just to thank Hitsugaya for his patience -- not because he was like, afraid of him or anything. What could he even do, right? Shhh no, stop. We don't need to tell Kuchiki-taichou!
anyway...
a small frown, rocking back and forth from her heels to her toes, thinking harder.
❝ did Rangiku run off with her? she isn't in the eleventh's barracks... ❞
which meant she'd pulled a fast one on Renji and nii-sama, and that she was up to something, AND --
Rukia shook her head a little - needed to cut off all the extra thoughts for now.
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