Understanding For Better..For Worse..
On our wedding days we made a contract.Ā A contract to God and the law that you would āHave to hold from this day forwardā¦..For better for worse...For richer, for poorer..āĀ But how soon do we forget the layers that contract is.
Ā Ā Letās break it down by the small minute details.Ā A Contract according to the dictionary is..
āA written or spoken agreement, especially one concerning employment, sales or tendency, that is intended to be enforceable by law.ā
Iām sure in your adult life you have signed a few of theseā¦ even when you werenāt as smart as you are now.Ā Like that time I bought a car from a coworker and blue smoke started coming out of the tailpipeā¦ and I was still making payments on it.Ā I didnāt really go over the terms of what would happen in the case that the used car decided to die before I paid it off.
I was youngā¦ this was one of my first cars.. Maybe #2 for me actually, and it was used.Ā I decided I wasnāt gonna pay because I didnāt have a car to drive. She sued me, and I gave her half as a settlement.Ā But indeed I learned the hard way.Ā
What about the people that end up on The Peopleās Court for also buying lemons or unfinished contractual work.Ā Well that contract with your Marriage is also just as important as the plumber not fixing the plumbing.
For Better sounds good on every side.Ā The shmoney is right, thereās groceries in the fridge, the gas tank is full, youāre looking less bloated in your favorite dress, and you are having a good hair day.
Have you ever stopped to really think if everything went right, life would be boring?
What about the rich kids who overdose on drugs, curse or even kill their parents because they head āNOā?Ā Ā
Was there a period(s) in life that were REALLY hard, but you dissect the situation and you come to the conclusion that that situation molded your grit.Ā Gave you the integrity that you have today. It gave you your work ethic or attention to detail?
That couldāve happened if everything was āFor Better..ā.
In my house, itās good when itās good.Ā Me and the Hubs donāt argue like we did years ago because we really have made a decision to learn and to respect each otherās ticks.Ā Everyday, financially stable or not is always an episode of a sitcom. It makes me sweat and gives me great anxietyā¦. I didnāt even know I had anxiety until I became an adult.Ā But when itās going well Iām not really challengedā¦ Iām at a plateau, not learning new strategies. Agree?
For worse can really make you want to bury your head in the sand and only peek when thereās a music festival on the beach.Ā Iāve been there, sometimes every other week. I have to verbally (literally) tell myself to come out of it. But my mission is to be a better person.
When the āFor Worseā comes down the turnpike, we want to get our hat and run.Ā The For Worse comes in different shapes, smells, and forms. But we base it on being āhappyā or the For Worse stage is not making us happy.
Largely we, us humans, are programed to be ungrateful.Ā The commercials and ads we encounter daily, which statistics say we are exposed to approx 5k a day are always luring us out of our money.Ā As soon as you by the car of your dreams, here comes the commercial for the newest model and now you're regretting the decision you made to take the plunge.
The For Worse all has its own time lengths.Ā There is NOT a time limit that is limited to 2 weeksā¦ though that seems most favorable.Ā It could be actually go for 3moā¦.8mo which is almost a full term pregnancyā¦.1yrā¦...5yrs. But here we are again..
āIām just not happy anymoreā Cry me a riverā¦. Sorry, not sorry if I donāt feel sorry for you.
I definitely believe there are drawn lines.Ā Godly ones. There are things thatās unreasonable to be classified as worse.Ā And if it is your plan to live the Godly marriage, below are some of the windows of escape for you..
Infidelity: but there have been many successful relationships that have come back from this.Ā As long as both parties make a decision to be faithful. Infidelity doesnāt have to be the death, there are no cookie cutter outcomes either.Ā Sometimes infidelity can be for marital neglect, witholding of sex from each other, revenge, bad habits, lack of respect for the contractā¦.etc
Abuse:Ā This can happen is three forms, verbal, physical and financially.Ā Verbal can be degrading, barrating, constant attack of your character.Ā Not petty name calling but the verbal abuse thatās almost just as bad as being physically abused.Ā You can feel like your fear for your life and mental wellbeing. Physical is pretty much self explanatory.Ā A man that hits you, pushes you with his hands, and other members of his body. Often times he can apologize and try to give you gifts to make up for it, but I have not personally known this action to be curable...as I have never known anyone who has been physically abused either.Ā Financially is more than your husband being cheap, irresponsible with his money and stingy. This is when your practical needs arenāt met and he has the means to do so. When he verbally abuses you when you need food, personal items, or wonāt let you have the keys to your car, gas to put in your car when money is available.Ā And withholding money from you because he wants to keep you away from your friends and family.
Sexual deprivation:Ā Did you know that sex was made for Married Couples.Ā Originally...Biblically so we arenāt out there testing the multiple murky waters and peitry dishing new STD/STIsā¦ but having that one sexual bound for your one mate.Ā But anywayā¦ back to my pointā¦. Biblically you arenāt supposed to ādefraud one anotherā which means withold sex from the other to keep from dipping on the otherside. Although Iām not gonna talk a lot about in in this post, you should be adaquaitly be sexually matched with your mate i.e high sex drive, medium, little.Ā Most men have medium to HIGH sex drive, which also means that out of 7 days in a week, he should be able to have your thick thighs around him 3-4xās a week. Yes!!!! Donāt argue with me.
Now, all those listed says you are within your rights of a Contract Breech if you are currently living here in these scenarios.
The goal for all of this For Better and For Worse are supposed to create you both into āOne Fleshā.Ā One flesh meaning the Ying and Yang, Ketchup and Mustard, Peanut Butter and Jellyā¦ get it. And thatās thru Worse.
I have been asked many, what I call petty questions about ending their Marriage.Ā Like my MIL (mother-in law) and I donāt get alongā or the difficult blended family scenarioā¦. Or āhe didnāt stand up for meā.Ā Remember there is NO cookie Cutter for any of these scenarios, but you have to keep focused and strategize your sanity.
Being Married, a mother, a wicked stepmother and an adult, I have developed some pretty wonky emotions.Ā Anxiety has claimed residence in my body, but like my favorite writer says that I have to remind myself often..Ā
āThereās has been few rainbows in my cloudsā
Just about every other weekā¦ maybe day, that I feel like I want to run, flee from my disappointment.Ā But after I quit my anxiety down and come from the land of Petty, I think about all the things that are going right, what Iām thankful for, my family, my kids, the outcome.Ā Did you also know that the decisions that you make doesnāt just effect YOU. Especially if there are kids involved.Ā Ā
Calm down...Iām not saying stay for the kidsā¦ but yea, stay for the kids.Ā I have literally feel in and out of love with my Hubs, but thatās because I stopped working, stopped challenging us and being adventurous.
Iām sure if you got a degree, high school to phD, it was work and sometimes it almost kills you, but you still inch along.Ā Why donāt you give your Marriage Contract the same justice?
Iād love to hear your thoughts on this post, so drop me a line.
