Lucy @lucyvictoriaquinn - Tumblr Blog

It's been just over a year since I've been on here, guess I've not really felt the need to vent in peace.

I'm on a cruise at the moment with my mother and all we've done is bicker, she's expecting me to know and do everything.... I'm no more clued up than her. I am to blame to obviously but that is the root of the problem.

This morning she's left me, God knows where she's gone... I just hope it's not to go and drink though. I've been sat by the pool, alone, for the last two hours and it's been horrible. I've not felt this alone for a very long time.

zarathustra-would-be-proud

lucyvictoriaquinn

Saw this and feel like its 100% right rn. Ditched and made to feel like absolute shit and completely unwanted. Upset is an understatement for what I felt yesterday after work, now I'm sort of 🤷‍♀️ 🙇‍♀️ after listening to reasoning from my mother.

silence--girl

Daddy I miss you so ridiculously much. This time of the year brings all sorts of emotions to the surface, both good and bad. I haven't yet learnt how to pass the sadness that surrounds Christmas, I guess its something that will come with time and the development of life. Hopefully one day I'll have my own little family and all of the heartache will fade and I'll be able to look at pictures or think of you without feeling such intense sadness. Missing you is the hardest thing about life, the more I think about you and remember memories, the more upset I get knowing you had a horrid end to life and you didn't deserve to suffer.

I could go on for hours about how painful missing you is but I don't have it in me to put it all on "paper" today. I've had my cry, my heart is still shattered but I'm feeling a sense of weight taken from me. I guess it's the tears I've locked away for the last while.

I don't know what I believe in, but I hope you are with me/us on christmas day. Because I know how much you loved it.

I love you and will always love you forever, I miss you so ridiculously much. I really wish I had more time with you. Good night daddy ❤

My absolute best bud ever.

Every time I get ready to go away for a holiday/short break with my mother I'm left feeling absolutely rubbish a day or so before. I try not to but I just think of how unfair it is that we're going to enjoy this without my dad.

Life's so unfair and cruel

naturaekos

:)

8 years ago today I felt what I thought was the most painful heartache imaginable. I'd dealt with death before, quite a few times unfortunately, of people close to me including my best friends mother. But this was by far the most painful thing I'd ever felt up to this date. I remember it so clearly. I remember having a phone call in the middle of my psychology lesson and having a gut feeling that something really wasn't right. This was one of them very rare moments where I answered and couldn't believe what I had heard; Lucy, you need to come home, mam is dying.

I hung up and almost in autopilot, walked in to the class and told the lecturer that I had to go, she was dying. From there on I remember my brother picking me up, and the deadly silent car on the journey to carmarthen. You could have heard a pin drop.

I didn't expect to walk in and not get to say goodbye, but it clearly wasnt meant to be, she had peacefully passed away just minutes before. And that image stays with me to this day. I remember feeling that this would be the worst heartache I would and could ever feel. It took me a very long time, years infact to accept that I now had to live life without my mamgu. She was so much more than a grandmother.

Since this day in 2011, I've felt somewhat broken at times and begged that she'd come and help. I've spent nights praying and hoping that shes listening. This day in 2011 I couldn't even fathom the thought that just under 6 years later, I'd be without my father as well. I can honestly say that time hasnt healed the wounds, it may do in the future but at the moment I have quite a large gaping hole in my heart.

Mam I miss you, I really hope you can see me and have met Mog, you'd really love him. I'm sure daddy has told you all about him. I hope you're with daddy. I love you and miss you both so much.

sxcktwxst

sometimes i wish my dad’s face would magically appear in the sky like mufasa in the lion king and tell me he loves me because i just need to hear his voice one more time.

lucyvictoriaquinn

I'd give anything at all. I can't remember his voice, which absolutely breaks me so badly inside its unbelievable. But I know damn well if I just heard a couple of words, I'd know it. And I know I miss it so much. So ridiculously much.

sleepingtruths

Sometimes, I get jealous when I see people with their dad.

Today I'm grateful for

1. Morgan, my dog. I fucking love him and he's shown me today that dogs are the most loyal little things ever. Scary how much I absolutely love him.

2. On a wider note.. having a family. Although it's not made of people all on earth, I'm still lucky because I can still speak to them. Despite bickering and disagreements, I love my family.

3. Being able to afford things. Today I went and finished off holiday shopping, and then went and sat by the seaside for food.

onlinecounsellingcollege

“Part of being human is that we can’t go back, we can only hope that if we come across that moment again we’ll do it the right way.”

— Jesse Lacey

I've not felt this unwanted, unneeded or unloved for a very long time - if not ever. I know I'm not the best person to people, I can be really fucking shit sometimes. But I still don't see how, even murderers, rapists, the worst people on earth have some people who love them unconditionally.

It all began a couple of weeks ago but the last couple of days, and today has really hit it hard. I feel like I've been pushed away by every single person I know.

I feel so unwanted and I have no other words to explain it. No one cares, no one wants to know and no one wants me in their life anymore it seems.

I can say, maybe it's just a bad night but this feeling has been with me for a while deep down and I guess it took everything leading to today to surface. It's a lot more than just a simple oh you've upset me or oh that day was sort of crap. It runs a lot deeper and I dont know how to fix it. I dont know how to fix my life and get people to want me.

lost-broken786-deactivated20200

oxyjenn-deactivated20210115

let’s play “is this an actual issue or am i overreacting and overthinking this into a problem in my head!!”

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