03 - could do so much better!
i donât like your girlfriendâŚ
i think you need a new one. đ
SEONGHYEON SMAU - SERIES LIST
a smau in which you envy seonghyeons girlfriend for having such a caring and devoted boyfriend, and you know you can treat him better.
contains: swearing, crushes, jealousy, yearning and unhinged reader
notes: comment if you wanna be tagged for this series, this is quite wordy so i added extra screenshots and a little dramatic end to this episode so i have enough space for the last chapter to be less rushed!
seonghyeon doesnât even think about stepping one foot into ryulâs party.
ever since the abrasive argument with yejin, everything between them just feels off, more than usual.
her replies have become shorter. hours can pass without her replying to seonghyeon, and the conversations feel forced, he gets the impression sheâs only replying because she has to.
heâs telling himself not to overthink, everyone argues, right?
but it feels different this time.
he clears his head reluctantly, he canât blame her for bringing woojin,
yeah, it would have been awkward if theyâd both gone together after everything thatâs happened in the last week.
thatâs what he tells himself, even though he doesnât believe it himself anymore.
so when friday evening finally arrives, he stays in his room, his one escape from reality, convinced he will be staying there the rest of the night.
that plan lasts about twenty minutes, his doorbell rings, followed by his phone.
before he even manages to walk down the hallway, keonho has let himself into the house.
he grabs seonghyeonâs hoodie from the bannister âyeah iâm not having you miss out on actual fun because of yejin again.â
âkeonho-â seonghyeon begins to protest before james cuts in, walking through the front door slowly
âno sean, youâve spent months making excuses for her, you can have one night without all of it.â
within five minutes, seonghyeon finds himself in the backseat of jamesâ car, without ever actually verbally agreeing to come.
the drive consists of martin playing whatever songs he brainstormed and created himself, giving a narration of the process and story behind each one, then keonho turning up the radio to sing off key.
seonghyeon would usually have laughed, but this time he tunes everything out.
he considers texting the mystery girl, telling her heâd be at the party tonight, maybe sheâd finally reveal herself, did he even want to know who she was?
instead, he lets out a short sigh, and goes to turn his phone faced down, but instinctively he clicks on the instagram app,
he sees stories of yejin and woojin posted by yejins friends,
theyâre laughing, blurry videos of them dancing together in the living room or ryuls party, more and more videos show up that seems like something seonghyeon isnât meant to see.
he taps onto his and yejins messages, he hopes to see her message something like
âyou should comeâ or even an âitâs boring here without youâ
but thereâs nothing. what was he even expecting anymore?
by the time james pulls up outside, the music from ryuls house is already blasting and echoing through the walls, loud enough to hear from inside james car.
the front garden is full of people, packed tightly together.
seonghyeons stomach begins to twist, like a gut feeling that something about tonight isnât going to end well.
âguys i think iâll just wait in the car.â
martin stares at him like heâs from another planet, âuhhh, no you wonât?â
juhoon opens the door from the outside, and keonho unbuckles seonghyeons seatbelt.
âi hate all of youâ he murmurs.
james gives him a gentle shove on the shoulder, and seonghyeon stumbles through the front door.
you notice him immediately, how could you not? he looks drained, rightfully so. you want nothing more than to go up to him, comfort him.
he doesnât know who you really are. to him, your real identity is a stranger, a classmate, someone you greet in class upon arrival or wave to for a split second in the halls, nothing more.
for a moment, seonghyeon stands there and scans the room for yejin, it doesnât take very long until her laugh echoes over the music, across the room.
sheâs with woojin, her laugh isnât the polite laugh youâd give to an bad joke, or a friend you arenât that comfortable with, itâs a genuine and real laugh.
woojin says something else to her , unintelligible to seonghyeon from the other side of the living room, but it earns another laugh from yejin, and she reaches up to brush a strand of hair out of his face.
that was all seonghyeon needed to see.
it seems like an innocent gesture to anyone watching, but to seonghyeon it was so much deeper.
it was what she used to do for him, the times sheâd fix his hair when it blew in the wind, when they took selfies together, when they were in love.
were they not in love anymore? was this it?
seonghyeon doesnât want to admit, that heâs no longer the person she notices first in a room, the one she reaches for when she needs comfort, a friend or a connection.
he takes a slow and considering breath before he slowly makes his way over.
yejin notices him first, and her eyebrows lift in surprise, as if her plan to prevent him from coming was foiled. sheâs not happy to see him, more confused on how the hell is he is standing infront of her.
âi thought you werent coming?â
a small yet dejected smile forms on his lips,
âthe boys convinced me.â
thatâs all that yejin says to him, no warm conversations, not a hug, a kiss, anything.
she turns her back to sean, to talk to woojin, picking up her conversation as if seonghyeon was interrupting something, as if he was never there.
he stands beside them for a few seconds, expecting to be invited in by yejin, included in some way. until seconds turn to minutes and it looks like heâs awkwardly waiting.
woojin gives him a look, almost apologetic.
james and martin notice seonghyeon from across the room, they donât say anything, they donât know where to start anymore.
you notice too, from the hallway you see the whole interaction with a frown on your face. louis grabs your wrist gently,
you stay stood there, unable to stand in and ask yejin who she thinks she is, what sheâs doing. your nails dig into your palm hard enough to leave visible marks.
an hour passes, and seonghyeon barely speaks to anyone, heâs like a shell of himself.
yejin often wanders past him, not even bothering to smile or talk. always walking back to woojin.
eventually, he finds her near the garden door,
she jumps a little in surpise and turns around.
she shrugs, âi guess.â
they step out into the garden, neither of them speaking yet, until seonghyeon meets her gaze and realises that he has to be the one to break the silence, otherwise the conversation will never happen.
âdid you actually think the party was a plus one invite only?â
yejin freezes for a split second, like sheâs been caught in a web of lies and cant hide behind the comfort of a screen anymore.
he expected this, right? then why does his heart drop a little anyways..?
âthen why did you tell me it was?â
she sharply exhales, sounding irritated at his prying questions already, âbecause i wanted to come with woojin.â
the blunt honesty makes his eyes widen in confusion, âyou could have just told me that, why didnât you just tell me yejin?â
despite his feelings, he stays calm in his tone, like he always has with yejin, no matter how disrespected or hurt heâs felt by her.
âyou wouldâve been upsetâ she sighs, as if it was a simple matter.
he lets out a quiet laugh. âso you lied to me instead then?â
she rolls her eyes âitâs not that deep, seonghyeon.â
he shakes his head, smiling, because heâs too exhausted to argue, âwhy do you keep saying that?â
âbecause everything i do has to be a problem nowadays.â
he nods, âso itâs a problem that i wanna spend time with my girlfriend?â
she folds her arms, âi wanted to spend time with my friend, is that a problem too?â
âim not saying that, yejin.â
âthen what are you saying, seonghyeon?â
he struggles to form his next sentence, stuttering slightly on his words, âim saying that i wanted you to want me here.â
yejin letâs out a dramatic groan, âthis is what i mean, youâre so needy, since you started talking to that account-â
he calmly cuts her off, âno, donât blame someone else for this.â
she bitterly laughs in his face, âdefending them again are you?â
he looks down at the grass, stopping himself from letting tears well in his eyes, âiâm trying to tell you that theyâve helped me realise how lonely iâve been.â
he waits for an apology, or for yejin to say she never wanted him to feel like that.
âthen maybe you should just date them instead.â
he looks up almost rapidly,
she doubles down, âstop asking me to prove myself to you, itâs so annoying.â
his voice cracks, âi wasnât asking you to prove yourself, i just want you to choose me over him.â
yejins phone buzzes, and she unlocks her phone, for a moment, seonghyeon has hope that she will turn it on silence mode, and continue talking things out, if youâd even call the conversation that.
instead, she begins typing, smiling at her phone in the middle of their deep situation.
seonghyeon realises in this moment, heâs given up. he smiles to himself, a sad smile.
âi think that this is over, us.â
she looks up, one eyebrow raised.
âyouâre breaking up with me over this? seriously?â
he nods, âyeah, i think i am.â
she slips her phone back into her pocket, and rolls her eyes exaggeratedly,
and that was it. she turns her back on him one last time, and walks back into the party, as seonghyeon watches the door swing shut behind her.
@ICOULDBEURGF (your anonymous account)
i saw you at the party, how is it going for you?
he stares at the message for a long while before typing.
i think that i just broke up with yejin
somewhere in between figures at the party, your heart drops, you have no idea heâs stood alone outside, you spot yejin in the kitchen with woojin, hugging eachother, you feel sick to your stomach.
you had no idea the relationship that you spent weeks convincing seonghyeon wasnât healthy, had just ended so explosively.
you type a reply, as genuine as you could possibly imagine.
i know that it definitely doesnât feel like it right now
but i hope one day you will realise you deserve someone who chooses you, without you even needing to ask.
seonghyeon rereads the message over multiple times, before his vision blurs, and then he cries.
dividers from @honeyluvsw
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