luluah @luluahxo - Tumblr Blog

angel face

11k - Jake Sim x Reader & Jay x Reader

a/n: wrote this when it was finals and was losing my mind, such a niche mood, wanted to ruin everyones life then mine. so now that I'm literally normal I read this back and yeah I was too far gone, not even gonna try and edit it, so enjoy my delirium!

warnings: smut 18+, violence, religious imagery/ references, coercion, dubious content

summary: When you get the chance to house the angelic boy you've admired from afar for years, Jaeyun, because of you're bestfriend Jay maybe you take it too far. Maybe that boy isn't so angelic either, rather he's fallen.

Existing at night and blooming like a flower, he was angelic. You’d go out, eyes dolled up with mascara, cheeks rouged, and lips pink, ready to get a glimpse. Ready to be seen in return. Your heart is tight in your chest with excitement, joy and pain mixing together into an overwhelming desire to get what you want.

He’s the soul of the crowd, no one is like him. He moves with the music, words dripping from his lips like gold. Carnality sharpens at midnight but your heart remains softened from his singing voice on the platform. So many call out to him, ‘Jaeyun’. The two syllables are smooth on the tongue. You keep his name there at the tip, unsaid.

It sat on the tip of your tongue until the years were gone and Jaeyun left the center of your sight. It ached slightly to never have had him but it dulled overtime.

Until those sparkling angel eyes looked up at you, three years later soaked with sadness. A sweet horrid melancholy you wanted to be the one to cure.

Jaeyun doesn’t sing anymore, that’s what you can tell from the few words you’ve shared after he called out for you in the heavy August rain. It wasn’t that he knew you, he just knew who you came with. He’s chewing at his lip, the sky shifting from gray to blue as he says two words to you.

“Help me.”

You would never find yourself in a position to say no to him but in all honesty, Jaeyun’s favor was bizarre. Apparently, he hadn’t been able to make rent for a while now after losing his job and just needed a place to crash until he got on his feet. Jay, who you had not the slightest idea was friends with Jaeyun all these years, claimed to have no room since he lived in a studio and offered you up. Why? Because your house was unreasonably large, majority of the rooms were vacant while your parents stayed in the main house a couple states away. Really, it would be selfish to say no but it was your greediness that spoke up and said yes.

Jay went inside the cafe without you while Jaeyun explained himself to you. You nodded as if understanding his circumstance and offered Jaeyun to come by whenever.

He said it was his first time meeting you so he was sorry to put such a burden on you. But in your heart you’ve met him before, known him well enough to miss him and well enough to feel joy in his presence. It’s disgusting really how you have to bite away the smile on your lips.

You invite him to grab coffee with you and Jay but he says he has to go so you cross your fingers that the next time you’ll see him is inside your house after exchanging numbers.

Jay sits inside, legs crossed sipping on hot black coffee even in the heat of the season.

“You didn’t say yes did you?”

Your eyes turn wide to Jay who’s tone comes off as if it’d be obvious for you to say no.

“What do you mean? I said yes.”

His own eyes turn wide at you as well.

“You’re gonna live in a house just you and a stranger?”

“Aren’t you guys friends? And you’re the one who sent him to me.”

“Cause I needed to send him in another direction. He's been begging me for weeks, and I know you always say no.”

You lean back into the booth, holding your head with one hand.

“You’re so annoying.”

Jay just looks at you from the corner of his eye, the bone in his jaw flexing with frustration. Why he seemed so bothered you didn’t care to know, because if you talked about this any longer he’d know how you felt for Jaeyun who didn’t even know you.

“Can you order for me?”

Jay’s expression is still hardened but he listens to you, taking your card and drink order to the kiosk.

When he comes back with your drink he brings up the topic again.

“I mean alone with a man are you sure?”

“I’ve been alone with you,” you counter.

Jay shakes his head while staring at the table in thought.

“It’s not the same, you don’t even know him.”

“But you do. Isn’t he a good guy?”

Jay looks back up at you, now a little softer.

“I just met him at my part time job about a year ago, he’s not particularly close to anyone but he is friendly.”

“Not close to anyone?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t really hang with no one.”

“It’ll be ok, if he does anything weird I’ll just tell him to leave.”

Jay nodded without saying a word, letting the conversation fall flat. You both decided to leave and walk around the cobblestone sidewalks to an open alley where you both shared a cigarette.

You and Jay shared the worst of you with each other, that’s how you became friends. He knows your true disgusting nature, how selfish you are, how you parade around beautifully with a blackened heart. And he does too, he lives with no regard for anyone except himself and what he wants and occasionally with regard for you. There’s no one better and no one worse to share yourself with, he’s just a symmetry of you.

Jay’s eyebrows knit as he cups his hand around the tip, lighting fire to the paper, and burning red.

The smoke curled into the air around the both of you, creating beautiful spirals in the air.

You crumple the finished cigarette butt beneath the heel of your shoe when done and go your separate ways. Usually you wander the streets on your days off but all you can think about is Jaeyun, and how he probably has nowhere to go except the places he has to be right now so you walk to the bus stop bench where you decide to sit down and give him a call.

The line rings for a while but he eventually picks up, voice smooth and sweet as honey, with that twang in his voice he might as well be singing his words to you. And the way he says your name for the first time, it’s enough to make you want to fall to the floor of the sidwalk.

“Hello?”

You bite at your nails wondering if you’d sound too forward but with the opportunity in your hands you’d never let it go.

“Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to come tonight? I got alota room and I know you must be struggling.”

You can hear the smile in his voice as he continues to be polite with you.

“You know I really don’t wanna intrude, but if it’s okay with you that’d be amazing.”

You laugh knowing the boy you’ve lost your mind over once before and all over again is actually speaking to you like this.

“Just come tonight, I’ll send you the address.”

You roll around on your bed all night waiting for his knock, or an ‘I’m here’ text. The patterns on the ceiling make you dizzy as you stare up. This reigniting obsession is gnawing at your heart and when you hear the doorbell you run downstairs, shorts hiked up your thighs, tank falling down your shoulders to reveal the dip of your chest, all because you want him to see what he could have.

And there he is, cheeks red from seemingly being out of breath, hair tousled, framing around his face, chest heaving. He’s a dream.

He starts talking immediately, telling you about his job interviews and how he walked over here while you take him to his room, conveniently next to yours rather than the other side of the house. You turn back to Jaeyun who is still rambling with a friendly smile.

“This is your room.” You sit down on the bed watching Jaeyun put his single suitcase in the corner.

“This is a really fancy place.”

You shrug looking up at Jaeyun purposely with doe eyes.

“It’s my parent’s so don’t worry about anything.”

Jaeyun nods slowly, obviously confused on what to do next.

You decide to fill the silence by by bringing up old topics,

“Do you still sing Jaeyun?”

His expression changes from warm to sharp, eyes boring into you like you know a secret you shouldn’t have. Jaeyunn sang publicly though so his expression made your heart drop with confusion. You start to laugh out of fear.

“Did I cross a line? I’m sorry.”

He turns around before saying it’s okay and opening his suitcase to unpack. You stare at the back of his head wondering why he’s so bothered by the fact he used to sing. Everyone knows? You start to get frustrated by his elusive attitude and leave without a word, going back to your room where you already miss him despite your mood. You fall asleep like that sprawled out on the bed until faint noises next door wake you up like you’re in a fever dream. You sit up to hear better what sounds to be heavy and painful breathing. Your shirt is about to fall off your shoulder entirely, and ridden up exposing yourself far too much to walk around, but it was your house so none of it mattered. Out in the hallway you can hear a little better the sounds from Jaeyun’s room. You stand outside the door before gently pushing it open where you see him on his stomach a furrowed expression, eyes closed, mumbling and breathing deeply. He must’ve been having a nightmare the way a bead of cold sweat fell down his forehead. You kneel down by the head of the bed, watching his distressed face and reach out to softly pet his hair. Something about the pain spreading across his face makes you pitiful towards him. You sit there watching him sleep with a twist of emotions in your gut. One night you’d be beside him, you just needed to let time build a sense of familiarity.

By morning Jaeyun’s eyes are devastated by exhaustion as he sits at the table with you eating the breakfast you prepared. You’ve never made breakfast before, you either skip it or get something from a cafe but then you and Jaeyun wouldn’t be able to eat together. In the thick of the silence Jaeyun excuses himself and says he’s going to go to church. In all honesty, you’ve never been but you propose joining. At that you see his mood lighten up and so you find the only modest clothes you have. The both of you arrive well before mass, besides three other people spread throughout it’s just the two of you sitting side by side while Jaeyun prays the rosary. The light filters through the stained glass while you fold your hands together and stare at the crucifix, praying for nothing. You whisper to Jaeyun whose eyes are downcast.

“What do you pray for?”

He stares at the space between the floors and pews before turning to you, eyes wet with something you don’t understand.

“Forgiveness.”

His voice becomes so low you wonder if his words are meant for you or himself,

“It’s a shame time doesn't go back, I’ve always wanted to do things right.”

You look at Jaeyun’s profile, a dull sadness dripping from his eyes you feel at fault for, for asking the things you do.

“Jaeyun.”

He looks up to you once more, still feeling miles away.

“What did you dream of last night?”

His stare remains set on you.

“I don’t remember?”

You push no further, opting to observe the strangers coming in, all sitting down immediately to pray. {}

You spend the rest of the morning with Jaeyun in mass and part in the evening to go to Jay’s studio.

You’re in your usual clothing again, knocking at his door. You can hear him from inside telling you to just come in so you enter the pin on the keypad to be welcomed by the sight of Jay, sitting on his own drinking through a bottle of bourbon.

“You can’t afford that, why are you drinking it?” you ask.

Jay’s heavy gaze comes up to you, cheeks rosy, pupils dilated.

“It was a gift.”

You walk over to stand in front of him, sitting on your knees and placing your palms on his to rest your chin on.

“I went to church today with Jaeyun.”

Jay's look feigns amusement as he pushes the glass he was drinking from his lips towards yours and you lift your chin to swallow.

“You like him?”

When you only drink up the last drops in the glass without answering Jay leans in, nose brushing against yours.

You know he’s a little drunk, he isn’t usually like this.

“You went because you like him?” he continues to interrogate

The question is uncomfortable like the answer, you’d rather avoid it for now.

“Jay, I wanna talk about something else.”

He leans back, legs spreading so you can no longer lean on them.

“Ok, let's talk about something else.”

You smile, coming up to seat yourself next to him where there's no room and so your legs drape over his.

You spend the hours drinking, smoking, talking about your jobs and what you’ll do with yourselves in the future. Right now you're an editor for a fashion magazine, it’s all you’ve done with your journalism degree since graduation. Jay is a law intern until he can do clerkship. Compared to Jay you move with a lack of direction but your circumstances are much more forgiving than his.

It’s two in the morning when you decide it’s a good time to go home, you both have work tomorrow and while you mostly work from home Jay doesn’t. You wrap your arms around the broadness of his shoulders, face falling next to the birthmark on the crook of his neck. The hug is brief but you’re slow to pull away as you look at the only slightly sober Jay. He was best to look at when completely undone, lips red from all the blood rushing to his face, cheeks hot from the summer heat but also the internal pressure within his body. His words were slurred sometimes and you just wanted to peck the tip of his nose. You wanted to take him home with you, he looked so endearing like this but the hug you shared was all it would be. You had to ignore the craziness of your thoughts, it only lasted a minute anyway. The walk to your car was sobering despite you only having half a drink, the crickets were loud and the air hot. Everything was lush in the peak of summer, and the night sky a pinkish hue. When you pulled into the driveway you made sure to enter the house quietly to not wake Jaeyun. If he smelled the booze and smoke on you after just going to church this morning wouldn’t he judge you? You take silent steps up to the second floor when you hear similar noises to the ones from last night. The flight of stairs takes you in front of Jaeyun’s room, only a couple steps away where you can see through the gap in the partially closed door. But it isn’t how you expected, Jaeyun doesn’t seem to be having a nightmare. You feel terrible but you can’t pull your eyes away. Jaeyun is contorted on the bed, fisting the bedsheets by his head while he lay on his stomach, lifting his lower body. Tears roll down the soft planes of his cheeks to his parted lips, showing a mix of pain and pleasure. His hand pumps against his exposed length, reddened with friction. As he climaxes his face falls into the sheets, but he remains hard, letting out an agonizing groan of sensitivity muffled by his covered face. For minutes he lay there sweat mixing with tears from shut eyes. Were those the noises you heard last night? You’re disgusted by the heat growing between your legs and try to walk by without a noise to your room. Despite your efforts the floorboards creak while you pass by and his eyes flicker to yours, flooded with lust, dripping onto the sheets. His expression shows no fear nor shock, instead an insatiable hunger unfamiliar to you in the eyes of someone you thought to be so different. The moments blur as you find yourself sitting on your bed, door closed, running away so quickly from the brief eye contact. Yet not long after you hear Jaeyun’s needy breaths next door. He isn’t hiding it. You tremble with shame as your body responds to each overwhelmingly seductive sound. You imagine what he must be doing behind the barely closed door to finally release all the pent up tension in his body. While you see the image of Jaeyun in your mind play over the sounds of his desperate moans, your hands trail over your own body. Slipping beneath the layers of your shirt and bra you pinch at your nipples, the sensitivity running straight to your core that you actively choose to neglect until the pressure builds painfully with each pretty noise from Jaeyun. You collapse backwards onto the bed, hands hesitant with conflict, and so you decide to lay there lost in his voice like a song. It kills you. He must be doing it on purpose or he’s so consumed by desire he can’t bring himself together. Either way you don’t care. This is a strange heaven, one that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. In reality, a palatable hell.

The next day Jaeyun looks at you with innocent eyes, as if yesterday was your own fever dream. His lips pout, he rubs his eyes in an attempt to wake up and his gaze flickers to you with a light devoid of desire. You can only stare at him, attempting to put each piece of his character together. Leaning back in your chair you speak to his back, while he flips eggs on the pan.

“You got work?”

He doesn’t turn to look at you.

“I’m still trying to get hired.”

“So it’s just me and you today,” you hum.

Jaeyun doesn’t say a word. You notice despite his acted innocence something is off about him. Today you’ll crack him, work at the seams he’s unsealed himself.

Throughout the day he remains in his room so you stand the door frame, arms crossed watching him type on his laptop, while sitting at the desk that used to be your father’s.

"Me and Jay are going to the club this weekend, you wanna join?”

He only shakes his hide while still typing. You drag your body down the frame to sit on the floor.

“Jaeyun why not? You have a place to stay with me you don’t needa work yourself so hard.”

His smile at you is meek, you’re starting to think Jaeyun doesn’t like you that much.

“It’s just not my thing.”

You tilt your head, seeing him now from an angle that almost strains your eyes.

“Then what is?”

He shrugs, not as into the conversation as you are but falling in at the mention that you didn’t quite mind him staying here.

“Staying in?”

“We can stay in together tonight,” you drag your words slightly, to send the message. This isn’t a ‘friendship’, you're building. Now getting up you walk over to the side of the desk and slightly push Jaeyun’s laptop down.

“Then I can relieve all that tension you build up so late, yeah?”

His eyes shoot up to you, tinged with fear and shock, the kind look you thrive on. And if it wasn’t indecent to pounce on him this second you would. With a smile you walk out the room and down the winding stairs to do nothing but wait.

Tonight he was yours.

In the meantime you finished the editing work you had left and submitted your recent project.

You roll around the couch, legs in the air, shorts already too short to fall any higher and chest pressed upwards by gravity. Looking at yourself like this you became attracted to your own body. You’d look a whole lot better if Jaeyun came down and made a scene of you but he hasn’t left his room since. Even when you offered lunch he said he wasn’t hungry. The clock ticks incessantly, and you’re aching without his submission. So you roll over and scream his name from downstairs. Eventually he comes down, sweatpants, baggy tee, and glasses, edible.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbles.

“I’ve been waiting for you so we could watch a movie together.”

He scratches the back of his head, letting out an anxious laugh before sitting on the couch, too far away from you for your liking. You scooch in throwing the lap blanket over the both of you and scroll through movies thoughtlessly before landing on something Jaeyun says he likes. He doesn’t protest much to watching a movie with you, nor when your knees touch, or when your head is on his shoulder. He’s actually into the movie, it’s Interstellar, and why does everyone fucking love Interstellar? Even Jay likes that movie.

You use Jaeyun’s interest to move in closer, lips faintly brushing against his neck and you feel him shiver. His eyes stay on the screen but you don’t care anymore, you place your lips against the crook of his neck and kiss before leaving a bite. His breath hitched, a faint moan slipping from his mouth.

“Oh Jaeyun baby, just give into it.” you whine.

“I saw you last night, you just need someone to help you out.”

His eyes roll back to you, darkened but fighting between restraint and release.

So you make the decision for him and kiss the softness of his lips, the plush drowning you in pleasure. You could kiss him all night. You feel a wetness against your cheeks and when you pull back Jaeyun is crying, tears trickling down the roundness of cheekbones. You kiss and lick them like sugar.

“What's wrong Jaeyun?”

But he doesn’t answer, he only grabs your arms and pushes you down against the couch, letting you feel the twitching arousal of his hardening cock against your thigh. His lips are on you like he’s starved, unstifled hunger ravishing you.

He moans from the contact instantaneously, slurred speech falling into your mouth.

“What’s wrong with you?”

And you love it.

You pull his hair, roughening the kiss and Jaeyun grinds up against you. You can feel that he’s let all his inhibitions fade away, because even if the both of you are sound of mind, in reality you’re not. His thumb prys your mouth open to muffle any noise as his mouth goes down, nibbling and biting on any crevice of exposed skin. When he can feel you have no bra on though the fabric of your cami he latches onto your nipple, wetting the shirt with saliva. The friction of the cotton with the movements of his mouth make you bite around his thumb to stifle the sounds building up in you causing Jaeyun to thrust his thumb deeper. His own breath is becoming heavier and the sound itself is a source of pleasure for you besides the way he touches you. When his hot breath fans over the center of your shorts you push yourself up slightly on your elbows to take a look. The scene is a recreation of bliss itself, his pathetic, whiny expression between your legs, with wet eyes and thick disheveled hair. Lashes tickling your thigh, and fluttering away like a flicker of light in the rain. He looks up at you, relishing in the contact of your eyes while pressing hard kisses against the sensitive spots close to your core. His tongue presses flat to lick your skin like he could consume you entirely. His eyes are now closed as he nuzzles his nose against the scent and wetness dripping from you. His moans almost sound like sobs as he falls into the mess between your legs, knuckles brazing you as he pulls your pants down with an unexpected quickness. His tongue slips from inside to back out, making circles up to your clit in desperate motions that make you dizzy. Jaeyun shifts his hand now so that you’re gagging on both his index and middle finger, his thumb dragging along your chin, wet with your own saliva. Your legs tighten around his head on instinct, suffocating him as he drives you closer and closer to the edge as if this is more of a pleasure for him than yourself.

“Jae-”

His eyes snap up at the breathless call of his name, the call that almost sounds like you’re reaching for someone else instead. He becomes more aggressive, the stimulation rendering you speechless as you fall back, eyes rolling. Your vision turns white before you feel it all roll up and explode within you to gush out onto his face, the fluids of your orgasm. When you face one another again he’s panting, voice hoarse.

“Don’t you see I’m the one in front of you?”

His fingers fall from your mouth and to his own, coated in your cum. His tongue is lolling out, held in place by his index as he sits you up on his lap. He’s looking up at you expectantly.

“Then come on, get what you want.”

You smirk, looking down at him, his panting mouth wide open for you, and you spit in it.

He swallowed, smiling back up at you, sweat glistening on the both of you.

“What else do you want”, his strained voice whispered on your skin, leaving goosebumps.

You wrap your arms around the broadness of his shoulders, words falling into his mouth.

“Every last drop of you inside me.”

Your days in those four walls continued like that, clinging to one another's skin in dirty ecstasy like your drive ran endlessly. When the both of you didn’t have work it’d go on for hours. Jaeyun couldn’t calm down, he came hard, cried hard, begged, whined. The more you slept together the more attached to you he became and it satisfied your soul so deeply you thought you may just lock him here and make him yours forever where no one can see him but you. Sometimes he tells you you’re too old to be acting like this, or that you’re crazy and he can’t live under your roof inappropriately like this. Other times he’s on his knees for you.

But Jay knew your youth was still present and not to be wasted and so as promised you saw him that weekend at the club. Together you were free, the beat reverberating through your bodies amongst flashing lights and strangers. It was the proper way to unwind. For Jay to hear a single word coming from your mouth you had to yell in his ear.

Purple and blue strobes flashed across his face sporadically highlighting the different distinct features of his face. As the beat picked up you bounced up and down, hair falling in front of your face. Drinks passed around continuously, you couldn’t even count how many you had. Rolling your hips to the music with Jay over your shoulder you turned to blurt barely coherent words about how the music reminded you of how Jaeyun used to sing. Club music was nothing like Jaeyun’s voice but Jay understood you and dug his fingers into your grinding hips, pulling you flush against him so his ear brushed the tip of your ear.

“Shut up, and have a good time.”

You nodded, forgetting your statement almost instantly.

Held in the arms of the night you got lost in the rhythm until the both of you stumbled out.

Sitting on the pavement, heaving from the parting, Jay lit you up a smoke. Placing it between your lips you sucked in.

Breaking the silence with a foolish question you spoke, “Do you sing?”

Jay’s arm lifted to rest on your shoulders before looking up at the night sky.

“I play guitar.”

You turned to him with a face of insult.

“You never told me?”

With a click of the tongue Jay answered,

“I don’t even have time anymore with school.”

You leaned into his arm, laughing at nothing but the reality of life.

“We used to have time for anything. I guess instead of partying you could play.”

The slight night breeze blew stray strands of hair over his clouded eyes.

“Don’t think my neighbors would like me playing at night.”

“There’s always my place, no one can hear anything for miles there.”

His laugh was mocking.

“With Jaeyun?”

“Aren’t the two of you friends?”

“I told you, he has no friends.”

You rock forward to hug your knees.

“Ohh kay.”

Silence permeated between the two of you for a long miniature before you broke through it.

“So you gonna play that guitar for me?”

When you somehow find your way to Jay's apartment he pulls a guitar case out from the closet. He takes his place in the lone chair, placed by the window that looks down on the empty streets. He strums some chords while tuning and you lean on the sofa watching him fall into each note. Each one reverberates in the quiet studio, crisp but blending into the next. You don’t know when you fell asleep but you got through two songs. He was talented, and he hadn’t mentioned a word of it this entire time? When your mind dozed off entirely your last thought lingered on how beautiful someone can look doing something they love. When you awaken it’s from the bumps in the road from the backseat of a car. Jay is next to you staring straight ahead and you realize you’re in a taxi. When he notices you’re awake he tells you you’re going home, it’s around four almost five in the morning. You slump even deeper into the carseat and complain he could’ve left you in his place. He only shakes his head, bouncing from the bumpy car ride.

“You’re really good at guitar,” you mumble.

Jay looks down at you and rests a hand on the top of your head.

‘I can play for you whenever you like.”

Your laugh is weak, weighed down by the sleep you’re gradually waking from.

“I thought you were busy.”

“I know you won’t ask often,” he responds.

When the taxi arrives at the pristine gardens of your front lawn and wrought iron fencing Jay walks with you through to the front door where you fumble for your keys in the mess of your bag.

His shadow projects onto the white door and when you find your keys you turn around to look up at him, his still expression the cumulation of a patient compassion and building exhaustion with the length of the night. Shaking your keys in front of him you bring yourself up slightly to hug around his neck, his hand resting on the space between your shoulder blades.

With a goodnight and goodbye Jay goes back to the waiting taxi and you turn the lock to enter.

The house is silent, as expected. You toss your bag by the door and go upstairs, assuming Jaeyun is asleep and go directly to your room. Yet, you find him there, on top of your bed laying on his side, eyes wide open staring back at you. You crawl onto bed, knees in the sheets but Jaeyun stops you before you can say a word or fall into the bed by wrapping around your waist, chin at your belly button.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

His head turns, nose wrinkling the fabric of your black dress.

“I can smell him on you. The alcohol, the incense.”

Your hand ruffles his hair, heart softened by his puppy eyes.

“Sorry, baby. I’ve been thinking of you.”

His words are dripping with jealousy, so much so you can’t tell if he’s angry with you or not.

“You didn’t do anything with him right? I saw you hug outside the door.”

You laugh from bewilderment, you had no idea Jaeyun was watching you enter from the windows now.

“No, no, he’s my friend.”

“So it’s only me?” His voice softens.

“Yes, it's only you.”

His fingers trail up under the hem of your dress with expectant eyes but you push him back onto the bed, revealing the growing tent in his pants.

“Aw you really missed me baby. You love me?” you muse.

His nod is meek but his eyes ravenous. Jaeyun felt everything strongly, that’s what you’ve noticed. It was as if he didn’t have a hold on his emotions. He has mass in the morning, a million things to seek forgiveness for but he lays here in the early hours craving you, aching for you, like it’ll kill him to be spared another drop.

And you live to tease him, torment him, ravish him.

“Then show me, show me how you touch yourself when I’m not around,” you demand.

A noise comes from his throat in defiance but once you sit back on your legs waiting he slowly pulls down the zipper of his pants.

“Take it all off,” you say in a flat tone.

His hands push the denim down and lift his sheer white tee off. When he’s left in his boxers, showing the thick outline of his erection you motion for him to continue, and so he does. He lay naked on the white sheets, like an angel with big eyes looking to you for the next command.

When you nod he spits into the palm of his hand and runs it up and down his cock, tightening his hold at the base more and more each time until he chokes out gasps. His free hand plays with his nipples, going back and forth between each one. His hold became suffocatingly tight, slipping down to grope his own balls from time to time.

As he picks up the pace and his hips stutter, about to climax you crawl over him, pressing a firm grip, causing his eyes to roll up to you.

The more the sounds from his throat can’t make it out you grip tighter in a chokehold.

“Sing for me baby,” you coo, despite the constriction of his throat.

Tears well up in his eyes from the pressure but he continues to pump his cock until he cums all over his stomach, thick white ropes spurting out continuously as his orgasm only continues on. You lick into his mouth drinking all the noise and feeling the heavy exhalation from his nose on your face. He doesn’t become flaccid and you hold the base with your fingertips, making him whine and cuss.

“Please, just let me -fuck-please, let me put it in.”

You smile, kissing the tip of his nose before hiking up your dress and moving your underwear to the side sitting right on it and feeling the stretch burn. Your arousal from watching Jaeyun and his ejaculation mix to ease the tightness as you purposely clench around him into an indescribable sensation. His hands on your hips serve no purpose as his heavy lidded eyes watch you ride with faint movement from himself.

“I love, I love it, I love you,” he slurs and you’re on cloud nine. Your midnight flower sees you back. You pull him up to press against you kiss hard on his jugular notch, leaving a purplish mark. He grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss so harsh it's numbing and you can’t move on him anymore. He somehow pushes even deeper inside you and a hand leaves your face to fumble with your clit. Your jaw falls slack against his kissing mouth and so he kisses your chin, looking up at you with a lit up expression.

“You’re everything,” he cries against your throat. “I hate you for it.”

You can barely speak with how hard he rubs against your clit and you feel yourself about to come.

Throwing your head back your release around his twitching cock that at your orgasm pumps into you, painting your walls white. The both of you sit still breathless as his spent cock softens inside you. You move to get off him and look at the scene between your legs, your cum stuffed pussy dripping onto his belly. Your first instinct is to lick it up, your tongue dragging against the depressions of his abs, down to his dick. At the contact of your tongue he sobs with sensitivity but you continue, putting the entirety of his half hard length in your mouth, feeling the thickness tear your throat as his body wakes up all over again. The lewdness of your actions builds the fire up in you and at the mixing taste of the both of you, you let out a guttural moan. You pull off with a pop, letting his reddened tip drag along your cheek as you hold it there and leave kisses around the base down to his balls and he whimpers, a tone mixed with pain and euphoria. You make music of his voice and push him far down your throat until you gag. Both of you are beyond sensitive but you arch your back and work your mouth on him, using your own free hand to plunge into your hole, pushing his cum deeper inside of you. Jaeyun watches, relishing in the sight of you pleasuring yourself while deepthroating him. His hands run through your hair, moving it back, and pulling it to push your head down even further. You can feel his tip reach the depths of your throat, rubbing your uvula. It doesn’t take long for him to ejaculate a third time, this time much less than before allowing you to swallow it all. He gazes at you proud and satisfied. You roll next to him with heavy eyes, exhaustion settling over you but the aching between your legs stronger. You grab his hand, guiding it down to rub your entrance. Jaeyun takes initiative, thrusting and curling not two, but three fingers inside of you. The squelching noises become louder, his thumb is rubbing on your engorged clit as his bony knuckles hit your g spot. Your fingertips place featherlight touches to your nipples, the stimulation pushing you further.

“Jae- Jaeyun harder,” you whine.

Jaeyun picks up the pace, pushing your hands away from your chest with his nose and latching onto your hard nipples, sucking until you feel bruised. You can feel yourself climaxing once more and grip his bicep, riding his fingers, making his thumb brush against your clit with more friction. You squirt out onto his fingers, dampening his forearm, and for the first time he really laughs. He stares in amazement, eyelids hardly lifting as the both of you become sleepy, the sun already rising.

Your body is sore in the morning but you hear movement. When you open your eyes you can see Jaeyun going down the stairs in his Sunday best. You decide church isn’t for you this week, rather you enjoy being by yourself for a time. The sound of the door closing and lock turning brings you out of bed where you can properly see the mess disaster of yourself in the mirror. Smudged mascara, dried cum between your legs, hiked up dress, tangled hair, God you look terrible. You pull your dress down before taking it off completely and stepping into the shower, cold water quickly becomes scorching and relieves your muscles like a massage. When you leave the shower you look clean and pretty once more, a face that didn’t need makeup because your natural features shone beyond getting dolled up. As you towel dry your hair you walk throughout the house, deciding to wander into Jaeyun’s room. Much isn’t different since he moved into the room as it was but some of his things scatter the room and you go through them. Button ups line the closet, socks are on the floor, his laptop at the desk, a tie on the side table, and also a bookmarked Bible. You sit on the bed, looking at how there’s only two bookmarks within the Bible. Using your free hand to flip to the pages you see the first is 2 Peter 2:4, the second Jude 1:6, with an envelope sitting in between. You let your damp towel fall to the bed, reaching to open the unsealed envelope, inside is a polaroid, Jayeun singing from the old platform you used to look up to him on in your undergrad years. The light in his eyes glimmers even through a photograph. Those years feel so far away now. When you flip it over you see two names, one too familiar for you to stomach.

It reads ‘To JAKE, From Jay.’

Like your Jay? And if Jaeyun is in the photo why is it for Jake, but Jaeyun does have the photo? This means Jay knew Jaeyun longer than he said he did?

Your mind is spinning with questions you can’t get immediate answers to. You fight between taking the polaroid or leaving it in its rightful place. In the end you take it with you, pulling on the first clothes you see in your closet, running out to your car with wet hair, all the beat Jaeyun before he comes home.

In a daze you find yourself parked in front of Jay’s apartment, the image of Jaeyun tucked in your back pocket. You were never this rash before but you go up to his room, taking the stairs, allowing you to fully think about what you’re going to do. Will you confront him, bring it up smoothly, what even is your excuse for being here that you’ll say?

When you’re standing in front of his door you knock slowly, each gesture full of contemplation.

He takes a while to open up, but the most unfamiliar of smiles is on his face.

“Jay?” you question, voice almost quivering from your irrational anxiety.

He pulls you in, giving you a generous hug that you fall into, his hand falling on the small of your back right about the pocket where the polaroid sits.

His voice is brimming with elation as he pulls away and gives you the news,

“After I got a call back from my OCI they called with an offer for a big firm in Chicago. Literally, just now.”

His smile reflects a brightness taking away from the fatigue in his eyes. It’s the best thing that could’ve happened for him, but Chicago is hours upon hours away. If he gets an official job offer down the line he’d live in Chicago after his last three years of school.

“That’s amazing,” you laugh, going in to hug him again to hide your face.

He spins you around, with energy unbeknownst to you.

“So next summer you won’t be here?”

He shakes his head, smirking, defining his dimples.

“So, what’d you come over for?” he questions.

The words you never sorted out remain stifled in your throat.

“Oh, I couldn’t find my gym membership card, I thought maybe it fell out of my bag yesterday when you moved me to the taxi.”

Jay shakes his head, “Nah I definitely would’ve seen it, this place is small.”

You nod slowly, staring off at the floor before getting up and going to the door. Yet, before you can go you turn to look at Jay.

‘Hey, Jay?” you call out.

“Mhm.”

“You tell me everything right?”

He walks over to you at the door, leaning against the frame with a puzzled look.

“Yeah, why?”

Your eyes flicker between his eyes, the door, and the exposed skin of his collarbones.

“I was just thinking, it’s nothing.”

His eyes are angular, the sharpness driving into your bones the more you stare into them, despite the look behind being tender. You leave a peck on his cheek, something you’ve never done before and say congratulations before leaving. When your hands are on your steering wheel, car in drive but foot on the brake you can’t understand why you begin to cry. Tears water your lap as your forehead rests against the back of your hands. It bubbles inside you and pours out without restraint. On the ride home your tears dry into the redness around your eyes, hair still partially damp. The house is still empty, Jaeyun is still at church or wherever he may be now. It’s not like he’s yours for you to know everything about anyway. You go back to his room, placing the photo in its rightful place, reading the first highlighted without a second thought. Surely, the both of you needed something beyond forgiveness at this point. You sacrifice all your chances at redemption. Repentance is lost on you. Yet, for Jaeyun, beyond his instability he seems to be a good person in contrast to you. You feel dirty looking at the signs of his worship, the ones you taint. It churns in your stomach until it becomes an irrational anger. You may have not lived admirably but you lived honestly and most couldn’t say that. Fuck them, they’re always lying about everything. Lying to themselves, lying to you like it’s nothing, just to smile in the morning like they’re angels. Fucking dirty bastards. You drop onto the bed, the smell of linen and laundry reminiscent of Jaeyun soaked by your resurfaced tears. You grip at the bedsheets as if you could rip them apart. Your chest heaves like your heart is placed outside your chest. Body still, gazing off into nothing as you zone off in the abyss of your thoughts you perk up at the sound of the door, it’s noon, he’s late. You run to the bathroom, looking at your puffy and irritated eyes in the mirror. Hunched over the sink counter you hide until your face calms down. His steps echo throughout the house but you hold your breath as if you’ll be caught with emotions on your face you can’t explain. When Jaeyun calls for you, you tell him you’re in the bathroom and you’ll be out in a minute. The minute lasts ten and he calls for you again. Your face only has tinges of your tantrum, but with your demeanor Jaeyun can’t tell your mood. You wave to him as you pass his room to go downstairs, where he sits in the same place you cried. Once downstairs you stand in the kitchen, subconsciously moving around, opening the fridge, washing vegetables, dicing them, thawing chicken. In the end you make an entire dish. Jaeyun comes up behind you, noting the fragrant smell. You turn to him with a small smile, asking him to sit down and eat with you. Your chin is in the palm of your hand, watching him quietly stuff his mouth. You look back down to your own plate and stab your fork at the steamed vegetables alongside the chicken. It’s actually surprisingly good for someone like you who doesn’t often cook. Jaeyun finishes his serving quickly so you get up to get him seconds from the pans sitting on the stove. He stops you from getting up, saying you did more than enough but you get up regardless and spin on your feet to stand behind his chair. He looks up at you, the whites of his eyes showing with curiosity. You cradle his jaw and lay two soft kisses on his cheek, where the suppleness of his skin melts your lips. He looks at you dumbfounded but you continue, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle embrace.

“Jaeyun,” you mutter, “can you just stay with me.”

His fingertips come up to rub back and forth against the knuckles of your hand in a soothing gesture while he leans into your hold.

“Of course.”

You kiss his cheek once more, longer now, letting your face nuzzle his neck.

“Then can you sing for me, Jake.”

You feel his body stiffen.

“Sing for me like your days on the stage.”

You pull down the collar of his shirt revealing the hickey you left last night, right in the middle of his clavicle.

“Make me yours like I made you mine.”

He pulls away from you but your grip persists, if he wanted he could be rough with you to be free from your hold but he isn’t.

So you inch closer, mouth hovering above his ear, speaking in a taunting whisper,

“Hey Jakey, do you tell God you’re sorry for lying to me?”

He spins around, almost knocking the chair over in a spur of energy.

“It's not like that.”

“Then what’s it like? Why Jake? What's that picture about?”

He turns back around, face hidden in the placement of his hand. You can see him pick and choose his words before saying them.

“It’s my baptismal name.”

“Mhm and how do you know Jay?”

His head tilts, as if searching through memories.

“I’ve known him since college, I’d sing, he'd play guitar, he even took pictures of me performing sometimes, we were close.”

“Not close anymore?”

“He just kinda grew distant.”

“Ok.”

You repeat yourself, stepping away from Jaeyun.

“I met Jay my junior year,” you state to the wall, “I never saw the two of you together. Not once.”

You leave the kitchen, going up to your room where you sit and stare at the wall. Jaeyun doesn’t let you fester in your thoughts for long as he comes up the stairs following you, staring at you quietly from the ajar door. You don’t look up at him once, aware of his presence but too disoriented to react. When he comes towards you, getting onto the bed and laying his head on your chest to wrap around your waist you look down at him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

When you look at it, Jaeyun really didn’t do anything to you, it was Jay who was dishonest.

You pet his hair, letting your cheek rest there.

“I’m not upset with you.”

At that he embraces you tighter, head coming up to kiss your cheek like you kissed his.

“Jake”, you hum.

He brings his head back down and nods against your chest.

“Why don’t you sing anymore?”

You feel his lashes flutter against your collarbone as he blinks.

“I can’t.”

“Why’s that?” you question.

He inhales so subtly you wouldn’t tell if you couldn’t feel it on your bare skin,

“It’s my punishment.”

Baffled by his words your tone holds an edge,

“Punishment for what?”

Jaeyun looks up to you, snaking his hands around your neck where he lets his mouth rest.

“Will you love me regardless? Even if I can’t be that boy I was back then?”

The moment you attempt to respond he bites down on your neck in a violent kiss. It sears with pain, you feel blood, warmly trickle down, blood that he laps up.

He was panicked at the slight uncertainty of your answer. So much so he bites, to confirm the fate he wants.

“Now you’re mine. Just like you wanted.” He speaks with a wet smile.

You almost bite your tongue, still from shock at the sudden behavior.

“Why’d you do that?” you shriek.

His eyes look scarily carnal.

“You asked me to?”

You begin to laugh, shock, fear, and the absurdity of it all swarming into one reaction.

“I do anything you ask, what are you surprised for?” he questions, so genuinely it’s disturbing.

“Jaeyun,” you mutter weakly, “What are you punished for?”

His eyes bore into yours never wavering.

“For loving a human. I desired a human.”

“What are you talking about, as if you’re not human?”

He speaks so casually while your voice is only more stricken by confusion and fear.

“Now I am.”

The heaviness in the air is interrupted by the ringing of your phone that you jump to pick up. Jaeyun remains on your bed, watching.

“Hello?”

It’s Jay. Jaeyun can hear his voice through the phone and leans into you expectantly.

“Hey, Jay.”

“Hey, I was thinking I could treat us to dinner to celebrate my internship.”

You try to keep your voice steady and joke as normal.

“Shouldn’t I be the one treating you?”

“Whatever celebration is celebration, are you down?”

You’d do anything to get away from Jaeyun for the evening.

“Yeah, today?”

“Yeah, today, Bachega at six?”

“Bachega at six,” you echo.

Jaeyun says nothing but keeps a watchful eye on you as you slip away from under him to your vanity.

The bite on your neck is prominent, it's an eyesore in the mirror and no amount of makeup will cover it up. You style your hair, letting it fall down your shoulders in an attempt to hide something but to no avail. It's summer for god’s sake you can’t even wear a turtleneck. You go to your closet rummaging through your clothes and decide on a sheer skinny scarf, matching a tube top you own. Hopefully you look chic instead of ridiculous. The shame you’ve put to fashion is only one of many on your list of sins. You sit back down, applying your mascara and rouging your cheeks when Jaeyun makes an offhand comment about you getting pretty for another man.

“I’m always pretty,” you sigh.

Your answer doesn’t satisfy Jaeyun though as he pouts on your bed as if you’ve begun to betray him. Infidelity against the covenant he believes you made by letting him claim you.

When you leave for dinner everything feels deafeningly quiet. Your heart is heavy and every action contradicts the adjacent thought. When you want more you reach for less and when you desire to run away you jump in head first. You reassure yourself everything is okay and you’re warping events as you drive downtown to the restaurant. You get there ten minutes before Jay, a cherished ten minutes where you exist in the utter absence of either Jay or Jaeyun. You watch the couples, families, business colleagues, all clink glasses or laugh amongst one another with a carefree spirit you wished to possess in that moment. The peace of strangers made you oddly nostalgic. When Jay arrives you stare nostalgia in the face, a viscerally painful form of it. A fragment of your youth is held inside him, all the secrets you never told anyone else, the nights out he fills the gaps in your memory of, and your formative years into adulthood. He holds it, and without a care. You always knew. You knew Jay put himself first and you know your twisted logic that takes the shape of you prioritizing him is really you thinking of only yourself. It all comes down to his role in your life and nothing else. You stand to greet him, his smile from the morning still present on his face and when you sit back down you speak without inhibition.

“You’re beautiful when you smile.”

“That’s sudden,” he comments.

You stir your glass of water with your fingertip staring at the ripples.

“Yeah, when you played guitar you had the same look. It’s beautiful.” Must’ve been a face Jaeyun saw often.

“So you’re happy to see me happy?”

You nod, affirming your gesture with your words,

“I am.”

Jay leans in, taking in your appearance as well.

“And what's up with the scarf?”

You curl your lip, giving him a look of faux judgment.

“It’s fashion, you wouldn’t get it.”

Jay leans back in his chair, shrugging his shoulders.

“You know, there was a ballerina in a music box that I got in elementary. She sang and danced. I bet it’s in my room somewhere.”

Jay lifts a brow at your statement, confused with where you’re going.

“I always liked music,” you continue. “So in college I’d always watch if Jaeyun was singing, he had an alluring voice. I could sit and reminisce for hours the way it once sounded but I know there's no flower you can bring back to life.” You look up to Jay now, who’s evidently frustrated that at a dinner to celebrate him you’re bringing up that roommate he seems to irrationally dislike. Yet, you run your mouth anyway.

“When I met you I had no idea you liked music but I know everything about you right? But the things you love that you never shared with me I don’t get why. Are those things what made Jaeyun love you? I’m happy for you though. Really I swear. I can see it too, all the beautiful things in you even if you hide them. You might be a little dirty, but I like that human aspect. I’m glad I met you. I’m glad we’re friends.” With no drink but water, you raise a glass to cheers.

“To Chicago!”

Jay lifts his glass of water to clink with you but his face is showing a blatant confusion.

“Thanks?”

You nod smiling down at your plate of nothing that doesn’t exist because you haven’t even ordered.

“He’s crazy, you know, says he’s not human. Or I guess now he is? Whatever the fuck he’s on about”

You look up at Jay’s darkened expression.

“What does he mean by that, Jay?”

His eyes dart to the windows before coming back to you.

“I told you not to live with him, I literally told you.”

“But the polaroid Jay, what does it mean to him? What does it mean to you?” you almost whine.

“What fucking polaroid?”

“The one of him on stage you took and signed!”

His brows and mouth scrunch into a disdain that makes you feel like the subject of his disturbance.

“He still has that? Wait, why do you know about that?”

“Well why’d you lie about how you met?”

“What the hell does this have to do with my internship?” he almost yells. Before you can snap back the waiter comes, asking for your orders. You choose some random pasta dish and Jay steak, when the waiter is gone the conversation seems to be dropped but the air is awkward.

“You’re really fucking weird, you know that?” he mutters under his breath.

“Sorry,” you spit back with sarcasm.

Jay looks around, still not settled in his seat.

“Can I have some of your penne when it comes?”

“If I can have some of your steak and potato.”

“Deal.”

You share your food when it arrives and talk about the weather in Chicago, the windy city. Jay asks if you always plan to be an editor, making less than your parents do. You say the pay isn’t bad when you stay in the business, and with some connections you could get far. Maybe travel to Milan, Paris, you could do anything really but for now you’re comfortable.

Afterwards you walk along the sidewalks, only street lamps looming over like the backs of aged folk bent uncomfortably, lighting the way. The road leads to a river, under the arched bridge and visible from the open plaza pavement. Moonlight reflects off the water hypnotically, so you lean and look at the sight from the bridge. Jay behind you, the drapes of your scarf whipping against him in the wind. You don’t even notice when he tugs at it, the fabric slipping from your neck with ease. When you turn around he takes in the sight of your bare neck marked in shades of purple and pink, dots of dried blood littering the bruise. Jay doesn’t say a word, he only crouches down to you and traces your skin with his middle finger, making you flinch when you realize what he’s revealed. He stands, putting his hands in his pockets and gazing back at the water once more.

“I think I’m gonna go home,” he comments, with no hint of emotion in his voice. He begins to walk away but you soon follow after, telling him to wait up but he won’t listen. The elderly streetlights watch you with pity. Jay doesn’t turn once but he doesn’t stop you from being one step behind him all the way to his door. When he unlocks the door he turns to you, absorbing the sight shroud in sin. But he can’t speak and you don’t know why, you can only call his name. The door is open but the both of you still stand in the hallway.

“Don’t you have someone waiting for you at home?” he questions distantly.

Your mouth is open but no words are coming out. It’s pathetic.

Jay’s tone doesn’t raise at you but the disappointment is blatant.

“You slept with him?” he asks. His hand reaches out to caress your neck like earlier, coming up to cradle your jaw in a painfully tender gesture.

“Jay,” your voice is so weak from embarrassment it may have been a whisper.

His eyebrows knit together, each clench of his jaw showing the turbulence beneath.

“So there was more to this? It's from him isn’t it?”

He licks and bites at his lips, face turning to the wall as he nods, the pieces coming together.

“So now he’s stuck to you the way he was to me and you let him?”

You repeat yourself, saying his name like it’s all you know, all you can hold onto. The vein in his forehead becomes prominent, his patience is thin and before you can process it you’re up against the wall, pinned by Jay’s firm grip.

It almost hurts, his words though, his words strike through your heart to your soul and leave a haunting pain far greater.

“Fucking say something. You’re so empty when I look at you, just like that ballerina in the music box, spinning in circles. Letting yourself fall into something so vapid. Do you even know what you did?

Your eyes widen, Jay was never so harsh with his words towards you before, you laugh nervously.

“What and like you’re better? You think we’re different?”

“Yeah I think we’re different,” he spits.

You laugh but tears are welling in your eyes and rolling down your cheeks like fire to your skin.

You shake your head as if you’re losing your mind.

“No Jay, we’re not. He probably only fucks me cause he sees you in me. We’re the same.”

He turns, leaving you to enter the apartment, but you trail behind, closing the door. His head snaps back at the sound, he’s enraged at this point.

“What? You wanna follow me to know more? You were never here to celebrate me, you made the whole night about yourself.”

“It was never like that,” your voice is torn, “I came because-”

You’re cut off by your own sobs.

“It was always about you. I was about to ask you everything this morning but it felt wrong seeing how happy you were.”

You’re at the door and he’s by the window. So close but so far.

He can’t even look at you. You approach, slowly, staring at his back.

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

At those words he turns, looking down at you, his hair casting a shadow on his gaze.

Then his lips are on yours, and you don’t know if it's you or him who initiated it.

It was desperate, it was soft, it was gentle, so gentle it hurt.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” he whispers into the kiss. Sorry for what, you’ll never know. The more you leaned into his touch the more he became needy, lips kissing down your down, to the hickey on your neck. Your tears fell down continuously, a monsoon to your skin, bitten and kissed by Jay.

“Just forget him,” he says to your skin. You run your hands through his hair, head thrown back as he positions you to balance on the armrest of the coach. When he comes back up and your eyes interlock you’re met with the shielded fragility now exposed in the dark. Every disgusting layer of the both of you meshes into the entanglement of your bodies. Kisses turn into frantic touches, your shirt is just one article of clothing in the pile of others on the floor, body flipped on the couch letting him enter from behind. It wasn’t for pleasure, it was the sheer need of being as close as possible. It was to feel his breath on your back, shallow and warm. To be wiped clean with a greater filth. There’s no question it isn’t right and the line of friendship is blurred but it doesn’t apply to the both of you. You have no reason to care when you have exactly what you want. He holds your hand tight, you can feel his blood pump. It’s as if your own heart has popped a vessel and you feel it all leak within you, like a slow webbed death.

You crawl home in the early morning, dawn not yet arisen. You’ve learned to always expect something from Jaeyun when you get home so when you see him hunched on the stairs it comes without surprise. You walk by him, pretending as if he was a ghost. Rather it wasn’t animosity in your heart but an instinctive fear. He latches onto your leg halfway up the stairs, rising behind you to his knees. He doesn’t speak, the speech is in his eyes you don’t dare look at. His fingertips snake up past skirt, allowing his fingers to enter you and feel the remnants of Jay in you. He pushes deeper into you, the friction making you almost keel from discomfort. When you try to move away he grabs you by the torso and pulls you down, resulting in you falling down the stairs. The throbbing in your back from the fall aches, resounding throughout your limbs.Your body is sprawled beneath him on the floor while he remains on the staircase, peering down at you. That is when you’re faced with the insidious stare. Behind his mask of normalcy was a festering desire, now evident.

“You’ve spoiled everything I gave you,” he speaks down at you. “Laid it all to waste.”

But he smiles. A toothy, wide smile all the way to his eyes.

“I forgive you.”

The moonlight reflects on his profile like it did on the river, leaving an almost blue hue on the slope of his nose, down to his lips, illuminating the words.

“I forgive you for all your sins, if you come back to me.”

“You don’t want me,” you cry out, “you want Jay.”

He shakes his head as if your words are absurd.

“The only thing I want is you. You wanted me too. Now you have me, aren’t you happy?

Why betray me?”

You sit up, resting on your knee in an attempt to calm the double vision but you pass out, the last image filling your sight being Jaeyun’s devilish face.

Cicadas chirp with the rising sun. The light reflects and shoots off the window like diamonds, laying wake to your eyes. It's your bedroom you’re in, sheets tucked in around your shoulders in the sweltering heat making you sweat, still in last night's clothes from what you can tell. You untangle yourself from the sheets and take in your surroundings. It’s quiet, except for something muffled. When you look at the clock it reads half past eight in the morning. You’ve been unconscious for the past three hours. Once you're by the stairs the noises are more clear, it’s someone crying. You feel yourself go light headed you see faint traces of blood going from the foot of the stairs towards the kitchen to the living room. The air smells metallic, mixed with the dew of the open windows. Regardless of instinct you walk slowly down the stairs, feeling your hands shake as they grip the railing. Just to breathe feels too loud. The cries are Jaeyun, you know it. When you turn at the end of the stairs you have to stifle your screams. The sight was repugnant, a knife on the floor, covered in shades of blood like the hands of Jaeyun which held the lifeless body in his lap. His tears watered the open wounds of the repeatedly stabbed man, mumbling words of regret. He’s never felt these things before and doesn't know how to control it. He feels it all so strongly, the human emotions he didn’t have before. In front of you is the fallen angel, holding his damnation, murdered by his own hand. Now forever forsaken a return to heaven. Forgiveness is lost on him. You’re on your knees, heaving from shock.

It’s Jay in his arms.

Paying for his sins and yours.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

luluah