🍂🐾🌿

Lilian. ND (dyslexic & undiagnosed ADHD), INFP, she/her, cats, fandoms, writing, mental health, finding purpose soul searching, self discovery, living in a fantasy in my mind, some real life stuff like my face, dyslexic blunders, attempts to be funny, random mumblings and musings 🇬🇧 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[sleepless-cavia]

[mamoswole]

When I tell that I LOVE solarpunk

[powersandplanetaries]

[hunter-rodrigez]

Oh, I remember this, the edit was done by youtuber Waffle to the left.

They didn't just cut out the parts with the oat milk, they skillfully edited over all the god-damn branding and replaced the audio.

But what I still find most hilarious about this whole commercial is the fact that everything they show in this solar punk world seems to be made with sustainable, zero waste and reusable materials.

Everything EXCEPT THE FUCKING CHOBANI BRANDED STUFF! The only plastic you see in this whole commercial is all the straight to the landfill packaging made by the very corporation that tries to sell how sustainable and "green" they are. Unintentional self satire at its finest.

They couldn't even show their yogurt and milk in (basically infinitely reusable) glass containers because they pretty much only sell their shit in plastic

It is such a perfect example of the true face of "green" capitalism, it's hilarious.

[undeadentropy]

The punk in this solarpunk comes from cutting the corporation out of the picture

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

If you’re not accidentally too tipsy on a weekday evening what exactly are you doing with your life?

Are you unrealistically being responsible or in a stable relationship? 😂

Or am I just painful single ?

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Some selfies from Seoul, Busan and Incheon 🇰🇷

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Walking round Incheon 🇰🇷 the other day when the temperature dropped and I came unprepared with open finger gloves, but thankfully use two old socks to protect my camera lens, so ended up walking round in -3°C looking like an idiot while trying to still commit to taking pictures and videos (and failing as it was still too cold)

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

I’m too lazy, someone write it for me…

A super villain who rips the fabric of time to travel to alternate universes repeatedly, leaving chaos in their wake, purely so they get to spend even more life times with their familiar and life long love, their most beauty and precious pet cat.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Bonus points if the villain also tears shit up in the fucked up worlds as they go, sprinkling their adventures with a healthy dose of “ah, I fucking hate people” as they do everything in their power to save the weak and unfortunate, eat the rich, and destroy corrupt governments with a grumpy attitude and a signature exasperated and annoyed sigh.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

I’m too lazy, someone write it for me…

A super villain who rips the fabric of time to travel to alternate universes repeatedly, leaving chaos in their wake, purely so they get to spend even more life times with their familiar and life long love, their most beauty and precious pet cat.

[vikingofficial-deactivated20241]

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[napster-insomniac]

Tags via @bigfootismyonlyfriend

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

so i check quadball usa and

[animentality]

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Why did I just feel this to my bones?

I love living in a quiet countryside village…. B-but a walkable city? Being financially strapped enough to own a house there and being able to say “I need to walk the streets and discover new worlds in this place” on those days when the daily stressors build up too much.

Like I wanna be rich or rich enough but I know there’ll still be stress and suffering even in that life. But to then say fuck it and go for late night walks in a city to reset my mind, and re inspire myself?

I love being surrounded by nature, but I feel stagnant so often that the constantly changing and evolving city that I experienced briefly while living at uni calls to me still.

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

| This Owl and Raven are Best Friends and You Can't Convince Me Otherwise

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Entering my goblin era 👹

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Alexa, play Everyone Supports Women by Sofia Isella

[agdhgdhansbhshshwhhdggw]

[rynekat]

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

This is what I come to tumblr for.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Ah yes all is well with the world when I return to the depth of tumblr and the weird desires to be inanimate objects, or discussing how girldinner is probably canabalism in tumblr world. Yes tumblr. Give me all the weird. This place is home. No else does it like you do.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Lately I’ve been so bored and restless within the day to day, and I’ve been stressed with work and being behind on my workload and I’ve been disheartened and disappointed that I can’t get an assessment for ADHD to try and get help (and I’m STILL waiting for group CBT for low mood and coaching as the only things I can access to try to help)

All of this combined has lead me to lean on my coping skill of daydreaming fantasies and inserting myself in scenarios that don’t exist and that I’m currently obsessed with (I’ve been daydreaming that I’ve moved abroad and am living a different kind of life). But I’ve hit a point where I got too wrapped up in the daydreaming.

I apparently score as anxious on all the CBT pre-screening questions but I never felt worried or anxious, I was happy but just stressed with a dash of sadness because of feeling so incompetent at work. But in typical overthinking natural I’ve asked myself ‘am I anxious?’

And now I actually am. I’ve tricked myself into feeling waves of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I’ve been giving myself brushes of disappointment across my chest that weigh heavy on my lungs. And I’ve been ploughing through each day expressionless or masked with a smile, and the occasional burst of verbal hyperactivity, but have been plagued with underwhelm and disconnection. I’ve been craving something and I don’t know what it is, I need a focus and something exciting to motivate me through each day, but the more I live in this fantasy land in my head the more the logical side of my brain yells at me to return to reality. And then I become terrified of the crushing weight of disappointment, as I realise the things I daydream about will never happen. I’m breaking my own heart daily with the sudden and harsh snap back to reality as I yell to myself ‘it isn’t real!’, and then crush myself with the sadness that I’ll never achieve a life like my fantasies if I keep only living in fantasy.

My emotions are often intense and I don’t handle the big ones well. I’ve spent a lot of my life with depression and I escape to fantasy to cope, but anxiety? It’s not a feeling I’ve had a lot, I’ve had intense excitement that makes me stim (and I’ve always kinda hidden that), but anxiety is much less familiar. I logically know a lot about anxiety having worked in mental health before, but my stupid brain is hardwired to grab at quick fixes and instant results. I feel anxious today and I suddenly found myself rummaging through all my medications and herbal remedies seeking at johns wort or something similar and ended up taking out of date CBT drops in a desperate attempt to erase the feelings of anxiousness as my thoughts started to get louder. As I’m working and have a very strong moral compass I have just narrowly avoided the temptation to drink whiskey to get through the day and shut my mind up.

I thought maybe I’m just hungry and tried to eat only to find myself crying and shaking and hitting my own head over a bowl of salad. It’s a side of myself I don’t show people, nor do I admit to it either (until right now I guess).

I wonder if I’ll feel better by getting some tasks done at work as I’m meant to be WFH right now. But I kept getting the waves of dread and fear in my stomach making it even harder to ‘just push through’ the lack of focus I have. I feel like I’m going to keep having meltdowns until I can find a new thing to obsess over so I can push through the day masking as normal and typical and living for the moments in between where I live in a daydream. But as of right now I’m acutely aware I’m too emotionally attached to the daydream and I’m scared I’ll go crazy with heartbreak as I keep hitting myself with the reality that it’s not real and never will be.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

Job advert: “we’re looking for a self-motivated individual who is able to work as an autonomous practitioner within xyz team…”

Me: ffs. Not me then. My unable to get an ADHD assessment procrastinating arse can’t even find the strength to change out of pjs and put deodorant on in the morning when I WFH, and I keep WFH because I can’t wake up in time to get to the office because I’m a 30 year old toddler who literally needs to be nagged to go to bed and wake up at reasonable times.

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

I’ve got to a point in cognitive fatigue and neurodivergent burnout where I need to literally be told exactly what tasks to do each day at work, even though I strongly hate being controlled and ordered about… I just need concise directions and for someone to cut out half the brain power I have to use just to fucking prioritise basic shit

[luna-lilium-nineteenth]

I can literally stare at nothing and still be fucking distracted