Luna Bunny

I thrive in chaoss.

[m00wd]

A person raised in love and another raised in survival, will never see the world the same way.

—M00wd

[nothingspecialjustasoul]

I’m healed enough to function, not enough to feel safe.

[inkcobwebs]

one day i'm just gonna pack up and leave. i won't even tell anyone where I'm going

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧˚

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

An unofficial situationship you said.

They say that you should not let someone tell you twice that they don’t want you .

But I’ve let you tell me at least three or four times as if you will change your mind soon.

I don’t know if it’s because I view myself as worthless

But it’s my self confidence I forfeit.

I stare at you with awe and starry eyes.

You stare at your phone and deprive me of reciprocation and I quickly realize

No matter how much effort I put in or how hard I try

I will always be the girl who is not enough in your mind.

I bleed myself dry. I try to do everything right.

This doesn’t matter when someone refuses to see your light.

That light fading to a dimly lit flame.

No matter how much time passes,

Our story stays the same.

On the same exact page.

Everyone else progresses around me.

Marriage. A house. A happily family.

I go home and I’m still just as lonely.

As lonely as the day I moved out at 18.

Lost little girl who once had so many dreams.

About love and life and what it all means.

An unofficial situationship.

I guess things are never as they seem.

Do I give up the idea these things will ever happen for someone like me.

Because I’m the girl who is never quite seen.

Never quite understood.

Never quite wanted. It’s feeling like a routine.

I’ve searched my whole life for love, but it’s something I’ve never received

Not from my father.

Not from the boys who said the right words, but when it came time for actions they didn’t even bother.

It’s hard to believe that love is real when it is something I’ve never had the opportunity to experience or feel.

Another unofficial situationship.

Another man refusing commitment. Not a done deal.

Another year has passed. An unofficial situationship. A lie dressed sweet, but still a pill.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

Mania

My brain and body buzz so intensely

I’m up so high it’s like I live up in the clouds

But nobody talks about when you look down and you can no longer see the ground.

A scary place to be. But look how much I get done can’t you see.

One sleepless night turns to three.

My memory and delusions start to bleed into each other like sharpie through paper.

The things I say and do quickly become difficult to remember.

It’s fun in the moment, but when I lose trust in my ability to make decisions.

Pull out a blade and make my own incisions.

I don’t trust myself with a blade after I almost killed myself with a glass bottle.

I do everything I can to stay afloat until the waves settle.

Sometimes I am pulled under before the storm goes calm.

I am forced to face who I hurt and all the things I did wrong.

Unpredictable behavior and unpredictable consequences.

The power of mania leaves me defenseless.

I cannot control who I am in those moments no matter what the expense is.

[z3r0-c4ls00]

when the 'why did I eat that?' starts to kick in

[dolljointz988]

“boys don’t like skin and bones”

okay well i do so

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

You dropped her to the ground,

My 11th birthday, a day to remember.

What should have been a celebration.

A problem that could have been solved with a simple conversation.

But no. Communication does not exist in a home where words and hands are used as weapons.

I internalized the things you said to her. Your words like knives so sharp they ripped through her and impaled me.

Those words you said hurt all of us… daughters one, two, and three.

You tell me I am too skinny, but how can you not see your words made me afraid to eat.

I looked in the mirror at twelve years old. My shoulders are too broad. This blue shirt makes me look fat.

I don’t think you realize the things you said to her is probably what caused those thoughts to appear out of thin air like that.

I try to forgive. I try to forget.

The older I get, the more I uncover about what actually went on.

You didn’t have our best interest, we were just used as pawns.

My mom hid the abuse she endured like she had to hide the codeine.

He asked us. We tell him. Creating a problem that none of us could have foreseen.

A sick child without medicine.

Our family home sinking like sediment.

My 11th birthday. A negative sentiment.

Children without shoes. A kitchen without a sink.

My poor mother worked three jobs. She barely slept a wink.

The water shut off. The power is out. But you didn’t care what we went without.

My mother shared the story of what happened that night. Literally just last week. The night she mustered up the courage to finally speak.

A broken hand. Black and blue bruises appear. She put action behind her plan no longer in fear.

Women stay for the children when they should just run. Life got so much better when my mother finally had enough and declared she was done.

Years of pain leading up to that night. As we sat in the living room, we just assumed it was a normal fight.

What appeared as a happy home was actually filled with darkness, verbal abuse, and violence.

I wish somebody would have told me sooner I didn’t have to suffer in silence.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

You say I’m your little secret to use.

After I gave my body to you.

What is it about me that makes you want to hide me being the curtains where nobody can see.

I’m kind and everyone says I light up every room I walk into.

Yet, anyone knowing about me is an issue.

I want the type of love where you aren’t afraid to shout it from the rooftop.

I’m too anxious to take a picture of us because I’m worried you will tell me to stop.

I can’t handle rejection. Although, in this case it might just be protection.

Protection from heartbreak. Allowing me to escape.

To find the love I deserve.

The type of love that can be shown through actions that match words.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

Every Lock has a Key

I hear every lock has a key

A perfect fit.

You see, when you told me my body was a perfect fit for yours, it made sense why I am consistently wanting more.

Physical touch used to feel like a cat's scratch to my skin.

I didn't want it, but I would put myself in situations where it would happen again and again.

It wasn't until you. I started to suspect you're my key.

When pain was no longer felt from physical touch and intimacy.

The comfort I feel when you put your arms around me. What used to feel like a burn now feels like a blanket. Warm and comfy.

I crave this, but only from you.

You seem to want this too, but the walls you have built around you are as sturdy as stone.

If you are the key and I am the lock, teach me how to open your door, let me show you we are much better together than we are alone.

Let me bring warmth to you and the place you call home.

Allow me to show you that not everyone has ulterior motives. Please allow me to set the tone.

A lock cannot open a key, but a key can open a lock.

I open up to give you love, but unfortunately you have heart block.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

The Love I Yearn For

I've been loved, but never truly seen.

Beyond my physical appearance. Beyond my body. Underneath my skin.

I have a looking glass to gift the next person that loves me in hopes they will look within.

Discover the things that make me laugh and the things that keep me smiling.

Someone who understands how I express my emotions through music, my poetry and writing.

Uncover the things that make me tick and the things that make angry.

I want someone who has taken the time to learn how much I love the little things like bringing me a coffee and my favorite blankie.

I don't ask for much beyond affection and quality time.

Yet, every person who has loved me before has piled me with gifts that cost a pretty penny and dime.

I waste my breath time and time again. Depriving myself of air trying to explain how your focus and attention is the one thing that will make me feel like you really care.

I'll toss hints here and there.

Sharing about how I love walks and trips to the grocery store.

But as I walk alone. As I shop alone. If these hints don't work then what am I doing all of this for?

I've been loved before, but never truly seen.

I've learned that I can plead and scream.

But that won't make this person act like the man I have pictured in my dreams.

So I pack my bags and go because I cannot make a home out of a person who makes me feel this alone.

I've came to realize I will always be the poet and never the poem.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

You Broke Me

Your words were like poetry.

Saying in the most charming ways how much you love me.

Eventually those words you once won me over with quickly turned to insults.

You were a pendulum. Oscilating so quickly.

I never knew what I would get. A gentle touch or adding salt to my injury.

I'll never forget those fifteen minutes.

Screaming at me for crying. I couldn't move. I couldn't talk.

I genuinely felt like I was dying.

As the Seroquel ran through my bloodstream, I knew I was stuck.

Four hours away. A silent scream.

I couldn't get away. I was out of luck.

You took away the bed. You wouldn't let me sleep on the floor.

You broke my heart that night and sent me out the door.

I laid in my car and fell asleep to the storm.

Pouring rain, vicious thunder, and lightning that struck.

I knew come morning I would never turn back.

You came out at 6:00 am to try and pull me back in.

I sped out of that driveway in hopes that I would never hear from you again.

My heart died that night. It hasn't been the same since then.

Eventually my heart rose from the ashes and I am full of love once more.

Escaping you felt like the end of a year long war.

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

I showed up on a cold February night.

Broken, beat, and sliced from head to toe.

Injuries self inflicted.

A month into this cycle and the last house on the block was the only place I could go.

I didn't know what to expect.

Would it be like the movies?

Sitting in a circle and listening to each person reflect on the effect of this disease.

I sat crouched in my car.

Nervous to go in.

Little did I know, this would be the place I would meet a new family and all of my friends.

One common problem. One common goal.

Picking each other up.

To find a higher power and regain our souls.

I remember hearing the term soul sick.

I have never resonated so much.

Unfortunately, that was at home where I wrote it in blood.

They held me close. They picked me up.

They gave me the strength to not drink that last cup.

Forever friendships.

A second home.

The one place I can go anytime I feel alone.

[steppingonthescale]

I just want to be skinny now. I'm too impatient. I need to lose all of the weight now.

[555iris]

real

[overwhelmed-overweight-deactiva]

Found on reddit 😭

[lunabunnyinchaoss]

I am my father’s daughter.

I grew up watching him lock himself in a room.

Euphoria for you, a lack of warmth for me.

I didn’t realize I would do this to my loved ones too.

You handed me a pill. A warning you heed.

Don’t take too many of these or else you’ll burn a hole in your tummy.

I should have wrote that down. I should have saved a note for later to read.

I wish I didn’t just assume you were just being funny.

I learned why you preferred isolation. I understand why you lied.

You didn’t want to see the hurt you were causing.

It’s honestly better to hide.

It’s not that you were a bad person.

You were just going through a tough time.

I just wish you were more present in my childhood storyline.