I just need to get my thoughts out
Itâs gonna be a long post...
So, almost two years ago, my parents and I moved from the state that we lived in for, pretty much our whole lives, to a new state. The reason was, to get my mom better care and to be closer to the hospital where she will have her heart transplant. Leaving my elderly grandparents and all of our friends behind.Â
The move wasnât easy, and the two years that have followed have been worse.
The first year, my mom was still healthy enough to live in the apartment with me and my dad. During which I struggled to find a job, after leaving the job I previously had for five years. On top of that, my elderly cat, that we had had since I was five years old, passed away.
While living here, I have struggled to make friends as well and have honestly been extremely unhappy.
Early spring last year, my dad was diagnosed with diverticulitis and eventually had to have surgery and then had to have surgery again a few months later. During which, my momâs health was getting worse, and she ended up moving into the hospital in the summer.
Adjusting to not having my mom around all the time was hard. My dad has clinical depression and Iâm an only child with ADHD and an anxiety disorder. It hasnât been great to say the least. My fiance comes out as often as he can and helps, but he lives four hours away so itâs difficult for him too( not to mention that his parents also have medical issues).
So. Mid December, I go out and visit with my fiance and his family, taking a week from work( I had a week of vacation from work) It was fun and nice to escape the stress at home.
on the way back, my mom lets me know my grandpa is in the hospital. He had, basically a heart attack. Obviously I was really worried, and the next day my mom told me he needed a pacemaker and that someone needed to go out there and help him after his surgery. She tried getting the help of some family in New York but the wouldnât help at all. So me and my fiance had to go.
Now up until this point I had only called off work if I was extremely sick, or if the weather was so bad I couldnât leave the house. Needless to say. They were not happy, but I had to go. My grandpa is 89 and his wife is 92.
So we went. We arrived on Christmas Eve and stayed in a family friendâs basement for the whole time. We ended up being there for 2 weeks. Both of us being away from our parents on Christmas for the first time in our lives. During this time we missed one of my fianceâs friendâs funeral, a concert that was pretty important to both of us and I missed my workâs big semi-annual sale. Â
My grandpa recovered really well thankfully, so we went back home. Ever since I got back my work has been treating me pretty poorly, and the environment has become a lot more negative. On top of that after a week of being back. My dad got the stomach bug, then I got it, and my fiance got it. I had to go to the ER it was so bad, so I again had to miss work. and my fiance had to stay in a hotel when he went back home because his mom has a weakened immune system and his dad was having surgery.
While that was happening my mom was having heart issues as well, and sheâll probably be getting a transplant very soon.
Once I got back to work, I had my one year review and up until this point I had only been told I was doing great, my assistant manager even told me they had put my name in for employee of the month. I was expecting criticism for missing so much work, though it was really out of my control, but not a bad review. It went terrible, to the point where I started crying in front of my manager. I was told I wasnât doing my job correctly and how I wasnât meeting expectations.She suggested that I switch departments because they needed someone dependable. It was awful.
Yesterday I went in already pretty anxious about my terrible review, and spend most of the first half of my shift trying to make up for my bad review by working harder. Then on my lunch I found out that my 92 year old grandma was found naked and confused by my grandpa, and he called an ambulance and sheâs now in the hospital... I pretty much had a panic attack at work and could barely function,thankfully it was a slow day so no one noticed how bad I was.
Iâm just kind of at my limit. It feels like my life is like a bad comedy skit, where things just keep getting worse.
TL;DR: My life is full of really stressful stuff and it shows no sign of stopping.
Please pray for me if you can.
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