and you let her go

luna sierra fernandez || 22 only know you've been high when you're feeling low, only hate the road when you're missing home, only know you love her when you let her go

[lennyxjames]

[Lenny was finally getting ready to finish up in the studio which she was beyond excited about since she wasn’t really feeling up for it today. She had decided to just get some take out and spend the rest of the evening watching tv and catching up on some writing. Saying her goodbyes to everyone and existed the room. She hadn’t even noticed her girlfriend until she heard her voice, but Lenny was almost sure she was just hearing things. There was no way Luna had come out to LA without her knowing it. Sure enough, once she saw the green eyed Latina, Lenny knew this was real.] Babe? [She stated, holding her arms out for Luna to come into. Once she had, Lenny held her tight. She had missed having Luna in her arms. She had missed her girlfriend in general.] How’d you get out here without me knowing? How’d you know I was in the studio? [She questioned before leaning in to place a kiss to Luna’s lips.]

[lunasfernandez]

Len, don’t you know that a good magician never reveals her secrets? [She returns the kiss, holding her face in her hands so that she can make it last a little bit longer. It’s been so long since they’ve last kissed, she just needs a moment to take it in. She finally lets her go, her arms wrapping around her neck to hug her tightly again.] I couldn’t wait any longer to see you. So, I got the weekend off work, I booked the planes, and as for knowing if you were in the studio or not, you told me yourself. Remember yesterday when I asked what you had lined up for today? You said you were gonna be in the studio all day. So.. I knew that was gonna be the first place I looked.

[lunasfernandez]

[Luna nervously straightens out the dress she’s wearing, her eyes on the clock while she waits for Lenny to finish up in the studio. She’s been waiting so long to finally see her girlfriend again, and these last few minutes have been the most brutal. Putting together this surprise had been difficult, but it’s going to be so worth it when she sees her. She stands up as soon as the door opens, a wide smile on her face as soon as she sees Lenny come out of the studio and into the small lounge.] Lenny! Surprise! [She immediately runs over to her, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.]

[lunasfernandez]

lenny: what?

lenny: that's kind of cute, but i guess it would be a little weird tpo. especially when it's something you're not used to

lenny: i'm sorry babe

luna: it's okay, baby, it's not a problem. it was just weird. i didn't mind talking to them for a little bit.

luna: they were pretty nice as far as fans go

[lunasfernandez]

luna: two fans came up to me today at the grocery store asking about you omg

luna: it was so weird

luna: i just wanted some grapes

[lunasfernandez]

Text: Lu

Lenny: I know you do, babe. I'm only teasing, but me too. Maybe you should...come out and visit one weekend? I'll fly you out Friday and you can leave Sunday morning? Even though i'm really not going to want you to.

Lenny: Oh. I guess I kind of get it.

Lenny: Yeah, it probably would be. I don't see how you do it.

Luna: I want to do that. Maybe one of these weekends I will. What does your schedule look like? I don't want to come out and then be in the way of you working or anything.

Luna: It's dumb because obviously I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it, but whatever.

Luna: I don't know... I want to help people, I guess. That's what makes me come back every day.

[lunasfernandez]

Text: Lu

Lenny: I'm pretty excited to see you too. Feels like it's been forever since I last saw that beautiful face.

Lenny: Paperwork sounds boring tbh, but that kinda sucks you didn't get any court time, but it must have been a pretty easy case then?

Lenny: Still trying to figure out how all of this law stuff works, babe. Lol.

Luna: Oh hush, I send you pictures all the time. I wish you were here, though. Or I was there.

Luna: Trust me, it is boring, but it's gotta be done. It wasn't easy per se, but I'm still kinda new at the firm, so they felt this one was still a bit above what I'm capable of.

Luna: Idk, it'd probably all be boring to you anyway. Lord knows it's boring to me a lot of the time.

[lunasfernandez]

Text: Lu

Lenny: Maybe around 8 your time. Is that good for you?

Lenny: Are you having a good day so far? I wanna hear all about that case tonight.

Luna: Yeah, that's perfect. I'm excited to see you.

Luna: Yeah, today's been alright. Pretty boring, just finishing up paperwork and all of that. It really wasn't all that interesting. I barely got to see any time in court.

[lunasfernandez]

Text: Lu

Lenny: Hey, gorgeous getting ready to leave the studio soon. I'll have a couple of hours to myself, just wondering if you wanted to try to Skype sometime this evening.

Lenny: Also, I miss you.

Luna: Hey baby. Yeah, that sounds great! I get out early from work today cause we just finished a case. What time are you gonna be around?

Luna: I miss you too. So much.

[lennyxjames]

[Lenny couldn’t believe what she hearing right now. Everything she’s always wanted from Luna from the moment the girl had decided to leave. She’d waited for so long to hear those words fall from the Latina’s mouth. ‘I’d really like to try to make things work between us’ Those exact words. Lenny could feel her own heart racing as she tried to process all that Luna had just stated. She couldn’t move and as bad as she wanted open her mouth and speak, she couldn’t. After a moment had passed, Lenny cleared her throat, attempting to collect her thoughts.] You…you want me back? [She mumbled before looking up at Luna and smiling.] You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say all of that. I’m…i’m glad you said no. I want you to be happy, Lu…but I…I couldn’t stand knowing I wasn’t the one causing it. I..um…i’m leaving going back to LA in the morning.”

[lunasfernandez]

[Luna’s heart beats loudly in her chest and she’s surprised it hasn’t escaped her body yet. She bites her lip as she waits for Lenny to react in some way, giving her an indication as to what the other girl is thinking after her confession. As soon as she sees the blonde smile, she lets out a breath she hadn’t even known she was holding. She nods her head and returns the smile, still biting on her lip.] I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long. I was just... Confused. But I think I know what I need now. [The smile diminishes on her face, her heart dropping when she hears that Lenny is leaving tomorrow. Talk about terrible timing.] In the morning? W-what? That... That really sucks.

[lennyxjames]

[Lenny dropped the clothes in her hand when Luna turned her around. Staring into the other woman’s emerald green eyes, she could tell that this was important. Something that Luna needed to get out. She nodded at her words, waiting for her friend to say whatever it was she needed to say.] Lu, is everything okay? [Lenny asked, now somewhat worried.]

[lunasfernandez]

[Luna’s heart is beating fast now that she has Lenny’s undivided attention and she has to take a few calming breaths to try and make it slow down. She hadn’t really planned this far ahead and now her lack of planning has caught up to her. There’s so many things she wants to say, she doesn’t even know where to start.] I said no. [She pauses for a second, taking her hands off of the other girl’s shoulders.] She asked me to marry her and I said no. I... I just, I couldn’t say yes knowing that my heart is with you. [She takes Lenny’s hands in her own, looking her in the eyes before speaking again.] Lenny, you’ve had my heart for so long. I.. I don’t even know if I could give it to someone else, even if I wanted to. But I don’t, because as terrifying as it is, I want to be with you. I don’t need stability in my life, Len. I need you. So.. If you’ll have me, I’d really like to try to make things work between us.

[lennyxjames]

[Lenny had just settled herself into bed, wanting to get a good nights sleep before the long plane ride she had to take back to LA to began working on her new album. Her vacation back home had finally come to an end and Lenny wasn’t sure whether she was excited about it, or somewhat upset that now that she was leaving, she’d have to leave Luna behind. She was beyond happy that they’d managed to work through their problems and were at least able to remain friends now. Lenny respected the fact that Luna was in a committed relationship, even if she wasn’t the one no longer making her happy, the fact that Luna was happy in general, made her happy. When she heard pebbles being thrown at he her window, she placed her book down and hopped up from bed. The sound was very familiar, it was what Luna did when they were younger whenever she came to visit after Lenny’s parents had gone to bed for the night. Opening her window, she had a bit of a hard time making out who Luna was at first until heard her voice.] You come up. It’s pouring! [She shouted back before closing her window and rushing downstairs to meet Luna at the door.] Jesus, Lu. You’re soaking wet. Come in, i’ll get you some dry clothes or something. [Lenny stated, stepping inside to let her friend in, then leading her upstairs, closing her bedroom door once they were inside.] Strip. I’ve got some sweats and a tee you can toss on. [She added as she pulled them from her drawers] 

[lunasfernandez]

[Luna sighs and nods, waiting for Lenny to come downstairs and let her in. The rain really doesn’t bother her anymore at this point, but she knows that the other girl isn’t going to focus on anything other than getting her out of the rain. She tries to get a word in when Lenny but opens the door, but she’s not fast enough and instead she has to follow after her after taking off her shoes and wet socks. She follows her up the stairs and stepping to the side while she watches Lenny searching for some clothes to give her. She lets out a large breath and walking over to Lenny, turning her around and holding her shoulders so that she’ll focus on her now.] Len, that’s not what’s most important right now. I didn’t come here to put on some dry clothes, I came here because I need to talk to you and I’m not doing anything else until I’ve done just that. [She raises an eyebrow and waits for any interruptions from the other girl.]

[lunasfernandez]

[Luna throws the small pebble toward the upper left window of the house in front of her, not bothering to shield herself any more from the downpour that’s soaking through her clothes. She has too much on her mind to worry about things like that. She knows it’s a little cliche, throwing a pebble at Lenny’s window, but she doesn’t have her phone with her to text her that she’s outside. Lenny doesn’t even know that she’s here. All of this is spontaneous, a decision that Luna made on the way home from arguably the worst dinner she’s ever attended. She shudders, whether from the memory or the rain she isn’t sure, but she puts those memory on the back burner of her mind right now. There’s more important things to be worrying about right now and she cups her hands around her mouth when she sees the window open, revealing the other girl.] Come down here, Len. I need to talk to you.

[lennyxjames]

Then…then what do we do?

[lunasfernandez]

I have no fucking clue. I... I can’t just jump into anything. That’s not fair to Mara. She doesn’t even know that I found the ring. And it’s not fair to you, because I don’t want to hurt you again if I can’t handle that lifestyle. I just.. I need to think. I need to choose the option that’ll hurt the least amount of people. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt Mara. I just... I need to think.

[lennyxjames]

You…you still love me? I get that I can’t give you this boring ass white picket fence life, Lu, but I don’t ever say I can’t give you stability. I know where we’re going to end up. At least I know where  I want us to end up and i’ll be damned if I don’t get us there. I know…I know the life I live scares you. I know you don’t like it, but i’ll…i’ll drop all of this and give you everything you want if it means you’ll be happy in the end and if it means i’ll have you again.

[lunasfernandez]

Of course I do, Lenny. I don’t think I know how to stop. Where we end up and where we want to end up isn’t always the same thing. I... I’m terrified of what could happen. And.. I can’t ask you to do that, Lenny. I can’t ask you to give up your dream just to make me happy. I don’t want that for you. I want you to perform and share your music with the world because I know that makes you happy.

[lennyxjames]

I think…no one can really tell you what to do in this situation, Lu. It’s something you’re going to have to figure out yourself. Whatever you do, just know what you’ve got me regardless. Whether we remain friends or you’d like to be more, i’m not going anywhere and i’ll support whatever decision you make. I want you to be happy.

[lunasfernandez]

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. How am I supposed to? It’s all so fucking confusing. I don’t know what I want anymore. I want Mara, and I want stability, but I want you too, even though it really fucking scares me because I just... I don’t even know what would happen. It scares me because I don’t know where we would end up. I know where I’d be going with Mara. I don’t know where I’d be going with you. I really... I still love you, Lenny. But I don’t know if I could handle that uncertainty.

[lennyxjames]

You can’t me ask that expect me to say that you don’t. I think the fact that you belong with me is a good enough reason.

[lunasfernandez]

Lenny... I... I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even fucking argue because a part of me feels that way too.

[lennyxjames]

Well, since you know that it’s something that could be happening soon, maybe now is the time to think it over and kind of decide if this is something you’re ready for. That way whenever she does ask…you can let her know that you need a little more time or say that you’re ready? That’s a pretty big commitment, marriage. 

[lunasfernandez]

It is a big commitment. I don’t... I don’t know. Saying maybe doesn’t seem right. And to say no... Well, I’d have to have a good reason. Do I have a good reason to say no?