Luni

Just thoughts

[lunicrayonn]

Mostly just my thoughts and vents and stuff here cuz idk maybe someone in the universe will find this relatable

[lunicrayonn]

I want to be tiny and thin so bad im so fucking hungry

I starve all day and as soon as i come honey i binge so bad and hate myself

[lunicrayonn]

It sounds so stupid ive been doing SH since i was 9-10 ish and i wont say my age but a lot of time has passed and i make progress so slow it sounded weird but it took me ages to build up the courage the first times i bled and had cat scratches i was having a meltdown qnd freaking out i promised my parents it wouldn’t get worse but then i started doing cat scratches every time then it became every single day multiple times and now im so obsessed with the idea of styros i ive only every gotten tiny ones but baby steps it is ig try to get one every sesh and i panic if i cant it’s genuinely a problem i couldn’t get one today and i started crying and freaking out i feel so incapable i want one so bad i just end up doing a bunch of useless cat scratches

My blades are all so rusty and useless i need a new one so bad i think once i can get a new one it will all be okay

[lunicrayonn]

I was meant to do a taster day somewhere today but my alarms didnt wake me up and my parents didnt either (obvi its not their responsibility to but they normally do) and im out of my routine cause i was off school yesterday so i thought it was the weekend and i completely missed it and my dad got so mad he said i need to be more organised but i had everything ready my clothes my bag my alarm my plan and my friends are there right now i was actually looking forward to it. I dont get how its my fault if i dont follow my routine the day before like getting up on time then i just cant the next day im so angry at myself

[lunicrayonn]

I think i still have things that need diagnosing but if i open up about my symptoms and be truly honest then i’ll get in trouble my parents wont see me the same and i know they will tell them, i so badly want to know why i am the way i an i would love a diagnosis but if i tell them what i actually think something bad will happen

[lunicrayonn]

They denied me medication for my neurodivergence due to my self harming im so angry i need this now i have to lie for ages abs wait for another appointment i really think i need this medication something js very wrong with me i dont want to feel this anymore snd im scared it goes further then just my autism and adhd i dont think this is normal the thoughts i have and the extent of my emotions is more then just that im scared it’s something worse

[lunicrayonn]

Ive been obsessed with planking all i do is plank until im shaking and collapsing but i fell asleep and didnt do it yesterday broke my streak im so mad

[lunicrayonn]

I wish i never started sh but i dont want to or plan on ever quitting just stopping a bit, i can never fully quit something i just swap it with another addiction to distract from my sh urges ive been addicted to weight loss but its not enough its too kong of a process it doesnt have the instant dopamine hit i want cuz starving isnt fun at all. I want to pick up something new sounds dumb and small but ive really wanted to try a cigarette since i was young obsessed with the idea of smoking but its too hard for me to get cigarettes everyone just vapes bruh bruh im so bored

[lunicrayonn]

Fuckkk in so weird no one knows the extent of my weirdness end me

[lunicrayonn]

Seeing my scars (even tho they arent crazy obviously or horrid) in photos makes me kinda sad idk when this realisation started cause i used to love them but when im trying to talk to my parents and their eyes are glued to my arm that makes me feel so sick and disgusting i want to quit so bad sometimes i catch myself wishing i never even had then and its so odd cause i used to want them so bad for self validation

[lunicrayonn]

I really struggle to regulate my body temp idk why but im always extremely cold or extremely hot, its not even warm in my room but im burning up and feel dizzy what is going on omg so annoying and idk why but recently every time my school shirt touches my stomach i freak out it feels like i (maybe tmi) have some kinda rash or something I thought it would be from anxiety since i experience intense anxiety that show signs though me physically but theres nothing there it just feels incredibly uncomfortable almost sensitive wtf is going on

[lunicrayonn]

If I see another girl blog post with anything to do with Lana del ray I’m gonna blow my shi clean off I press dislike this post on EVEY SINGLE ONE BUT THEY KEEP COMING BACK PLEASE GO AWAY

[lunicrayonn]

Im so scared about opening commissions i cant really tell if my art is good or how much its worth everyone says different things and also everyone on tumblr asking for comms always have empty blank accounts and im 100% they are bots or scammers it makes me not want to trust and make art for anyone

[lunicrayonn]

Its about to be 7am still cant sleep might be time to try do a pushup

[lunicrayonn]

I cant sleep cause my bed smells like the shampoo the hairdresser lady used on my hair. It doesn’t smell like it normally does and its throwing me off omg im so tired let me sleep

[lunicrayonn]

Its gonna be 4am soon and im obsessing over peoples animal crossing layouts and themes i wanna do mine like an outdoorsy rural Japan with a few roads but i really dont wanna lay out and make all the custom road patterns cause i dont wanna pay for Nintendo online

[twoslicetoast]

you’ve got mail 📫💌

[lunicrayonn]

Im too lazy to make my island on acnh look cute but im SO jelly of everyone who has a good themed island and entrance like bruhhh