[lushbarb]

y/n & j | hurt.

6 months postpartum

- the day -

It was about 6 PM when he came home and I told him I needed to speak with him.

Are you okay?” He asked me.

“Yes” I tell him, knowing I’m not. My stomach is turning, my face is hot and I don’t know how to tell my husband that I know he is having an affair and I am about to leave him.

I don’t want to. At all. I love this man with everything in me. We have been through different stages of life together, watched each-other become parents, started our careers, and there’s not a day since we met that we’ve spent apart. He’s my world. My child’s father. My best friend and I can’t remember life without him. How can I leave him?

But also, how could he step out on me? On us? How could he look another woman in the eye knowing it’s not me and tell her things that only he should tell me and treat her a way he should only treat me. He made a commitment for the rest of his life to me, to us.

I can’t even think about looking at another man, let alone sleeping with one. The thought of hurting my husband makes me want to throw up.

My thoughts are interrupted by our son waking up so I bury my feelings and my thoughts because I have to be okay, I can’t let my kid see me not okay, isn’t that what being a mother is all about?

We sit on the couch and I ask my husband to join me.

My face is so hot and my stomach is doing backflips and I just want to cry looking at this man. I love him so much, how could he do this to me? But do I even want to know?

“Did you cheat on me?” I just flat out say it. What’s the point of wasting time? If I look at him any longer I’ll keep remembering how much I love him and then I’ll just give in, I know I will.

He looked shocked that I just asked like that, then he stared at me in my eyes for about 1 minute and immediately put his head down.

My heart sank. I let out a small sigh, looked down at my kid and there was the tears. I knew. He told me all I needed to know without saying a single wrong.

I had so much I wanted to say but did he deserve for me to say anything? 10 years of marriage so I felt that I deserved to speak and I needed an explanation but I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I didn’t want to think about my husband with another woman. Kissing, touching, being intimate with another woman that’s not me, his wife.

My eyes felt so low but I still looked up at him. He locked eyes with me and suddenly I saw a different person, I didn’t know him.

“I love you” he said to me, his voice choking up.

Why does it hurt me to see him hurting and upset? But I don’t know why, He hurt me. He betrayed me.

“I have so much to say and even though I don’t think I should be doing the talking, I also don’t want to hear you explain it to me because that will hurt me even more” I say. I wanted to ask you do you love me? Did our family mean anything to you? How could you ever look at someone the way you are only supposed to look at me and then come home to me? I wanted to ask that but I know you will tell me that you love me, our family means everything to you and that the affair was nothing to you and that it will never happen again but I know that it is not the truth because If it was you would never be able to do this to me” I tell him while crying. I didn’t want to cry but how could I not?

“I love you” he repeats while looking at me. “I’m sorry, I never wanted this for our son, we always said together forever and that he would see that.”

“His dad stepped out.” I bluntly say.

He wipes his face. There goes the tears. Now I’m getting angry, how are you crying when you broke our family apart?

I look at him and I can tell he is about to say something.

“You will always be the woman that was made for me. You gave me my son, a family and a new life. Some men dream about having the life I have, some men would kill for it and I took it for granted. I knew what I was doing and I didn’t stop it, I knew my family was at home and I continued it and I knew it would hurt you and a part of me didn’t care but also knew I would lose my family so I tried to hide it. “ he says.

Ouch. It hurts so bad to hear him say this but I also know it’s the truth.

“ Thank you for your honesty. I just don’t understand” I reply. We were fine one day. What did I do? What changed?

“Don-“ he tried to speak.

“What did I do to make you fall out of love with me? To make you not care about us? It’s not just me you should’ve thought about. We brought a child into this world and you should’ve thought about him, you didn’t think about him!” I cried.

“Stop blaming yourself.” He tried to move closer to me but I put a hand up to stop him.

“No. Don’t do that. You’re wrong.” I say.

He moves back to his original spot on the couch.

“Are you leaving?” He asks me. “Taking him with you?”

I look down at my son and my heart hurt. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves for us to be a happy family and I can’t even look at my husband because I never wanted this, I don’t want our family to not be together every day but I can’t stay here, it won’t be the same.

“Yes” I tell him softly. “You know I don’t want you to feel like I am taking him from you.”

“You are, I don’t want to be without him or you.” He sits up.

“I have no choice. We talked about this before and we had a solution we both agreed on so it is not my fault you forgot about that when you decided you didn’t care to keep your family anymore.” I sharply tell him.

“Stay.” he tells me.

“No.”

“I love you.” He puts his head in his hands. “I love you.” He repeats with his head down.

“No.”

“You want to take my kid and figure it out but I don’t want to be without you.”

“Stop.” I say.

“You’re begging me to stay after you cheated on me. You’re selfish. You are still not thinking about me or our son. You were here but not here. You didn’t treat us like you loved us or wanted a family but here you are acting like you are going to miss us so bad and we aren’t even gone yet. It’s not easy for me to leave, it’s so fucking hard to look you in the eye, tell you we’re leaving and come to terms with it because I was present, I always thought about you and our kid. I don’t care for your apology because you haven’t said much about you cheating, just begging me to stay. Stop.” I say to him.

“How did you find out?” He asked me softly.

“I always knew.” I tell him. “I always knew because I was always alone, slept alone, woke up alone, watched our son grow alone, and ate dinner alone. I shouldn’t be alone if I have a husband so where is my husband? I knew right away. For the sake of our family, I always wanted to get it out of my head but the signs were all there.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you and I’m sorry I am the reason we are like this.” He tells me.

“Tell that to him.” I say to him as I stand up with our son and head to the bedroom.

[lushbarb]

Wishing you and your love ones a happy Easter! 🐣🤍

[lushbarb]

just imagine 🤯💙 With faith and never giving up, you can accomplish anything because what’s meant for you can’t be disturbed by anyone else! & You don’t need anyone in your corner. Remember that babes💙

[therealglowup]

INVEST IN YOURSELF✨

I believe one of the major keys to glowing up and levelling up in life is investing in your mind, body and soul! Don’t wait for anyone to give or provide you with the things your heart truly desires (the truth is: nobody is coming to save you sweetheart) don’t fall into the trap of thinking your going to date or marry a millionaire, athlete or rapper and your life will be a fairytale there after! - Been there done that, wore the badge! You have to have your own shit going on also, whatever you receive on top of that should be extra or a bonus. Investing in you, not only nourishes your spirit, but it also makes you interesting, multifaceted, knowledgable and super attractive to the opposite sex! If you need an example: Think Rihanna, she has her hands in so many pots and executes all of them extremely well, she’s ambitious, confident, hardworking as well as fashionable, sexy and sassy. - and honestly I don’t know a man who doesn’t think she’s attractive. 

Now this isn’t an excuse to just “act busy” - really indulge in the things that interest you ... And start today! so when Prince Charming does enter YOUR WORLD, he’ll see and understand that your already an accomplished, driven, pioneering and enterprising young woman, he’ll respect it and try and match it, maybe even encourage you to do better, but what I’m trying to make clear is that you MUST step into the the woman you want to be today.

1. Educate yourself

• Take a free online course on udemy or skillshare

• Read one book a month / Audible is great too! 

• Learn a new skill that you could trade for money.

• Become a intern

• Shadow someone

• learn a new language

2. Start a business

• digital download business

• drop shipping

• selling arts & crafts on Etsy

• create a online course, teach others something you have knowledge of already.

• sell things on depop

• start a consignment store

• become a fitness, health and wellness advisor



3. Look after your health

• get a gym membership

• eat mindfully

• Do some at home yoga

• take your vitamins / supplements

• get a good nights sleep at least 6-8 hours

• meditate - 5-20 mins a day.

• pamper yourself on a weekly basis

• have a social media detox

4. Have a dream

• write out some goals

• create a visionboard

• network and connect with the right people

• ask for help / get a mentor

• improve your skill set that put you in alignment with your dreams

• just get started - on whatever it is!

[dreamgirlvibes]

Imagine investing in yourself, not giving up, staying committed and following your dreams....and it works out for the rest of your life.

[lushbarb]

Almost back at 7,000 followers 🔥 you guys are amazing🥺 ASK ME QUESTIONS !!!

[lushbarb]

MANIFESTATION MONDAY! Speak it into existence and watch things slowly work out in your favor! 🥰

Follow us on Twitter/Instagram @/bossluxbeauty😘

Linktree. Make your link do more.

[lushbarb]

MANIFESTATION MONDAY! Speak it into existence and watch things slowly work out in your favor! 🥰

Follow us on Twitter/Instagram @/bossluxbeauty😘

Linktree. Make your link do more.

[prettyvixenavenue]

How to be Confident:

tips and rules to apply and live by:

To really feel more confident and to get a clearer vision of how, establish what things in life your most confident version of yourself would have. What would they look like? How would they carry themselves or do things differently from you now? Create a vision board or write it down so you can understand what exactly you want and start working towards that right now.

Confidence is more than appearance. Which means if you feel you’re not enough, can’t achieve a certain goal, or succeed in life then that’s what your subconscious (inner critic) is going to keep feeding you. You have to feel, believe and know you can do anything you put your mind to in which, you can. Don’t let bad thoughts keep you from what you’re already destined for. Reprogram your subconscious beliefs. Try to be more optimistic.

Practice and preach self assured and positive affirmations everyday, multiples times a day. If you have to write them down on a sticky note and post them on a mirror or wall, do it. If you have to set some as your locksceen, do it. When saying affirmations, always say them in present tense. Examples; “I am successful in everything i do.” “There is power within me.” “I ask, I believe, I receive.” “My confidence knows no limit.” “I am beautifully made.” Being consistent in saying affirmations is steps of many to uplifting and boosting your confidence.

Stop comparing yourself to others, grow compare yourself to the person you was yesterday and how you can be better today. Everyday is a new day, a new start, use that to its fullest. Instead, look up to people that inspire you to learn and make you want to be your best self.

Have plenty of “me” time or moments where you spend time alone. Learning to be more comfortable in your own skin and get to know who you really are as a person is really important. It gives you time to learn how to be more in tune with yourself. Eat out alone, meditate, treat yourself to things that’ll make you feel better about you or at your best—skincare, makeup, clothes, plants, books. As well as taking needed breaks from social media. Which helps to clear your mind, give yourself a break and focus on tasks without distractions.

Speak kindly of yourself (reframe from negative talk), smile more, be kind to others, be softer on yourself and not to hard by focusing on solutions to problems and not all the bad of it. Stay away from negative people and things that could lower you vibrations or bring you out of character.

Don’t let outside validation value who you are nor seek it. Ignore outside opinions that don’t enhance your life.

Take steps in working on your presence and mimick the “confident posture.” If you walk and act like you got it like that, that’s what others around you is going to see as well as how you would feel. Examples; walk with your head held high, eye contact, compliment people, be more assertive and speak up and speak clearly when you talk etc. The saying “fake it to you make it!” is to act like something you are not, yet but you can become it if you put in the work.

Create personal boundaries, first step is to learn how to say no when you’re really saying yes. Challenge yourself everyday and push your self to grow. Set a small goal at first, achieve it and repeat. Getting out your comfort zone and facing your fears is the biggest goal of all and is very life changing. Accomplishing something you was scare to do and it turning out better than expected, is the most satisfying thing and raises your confidence times ten. Understand that once your mind is set on something, you can be successful at it everytime. Also understand that if you run into a setback, it’s only a matter of time before you bounce back.

Confidence is not everyone liking you. It is feeling good about yourself, not needing approval & knowing you’re the “it girl” whether someone like you or not.

Lastly, remember to always be your authentic self and to know no one is better or more deserving than you. You have your own uniqueness, energy, and personality. No one is you or can be you, embrace that!

[lushbarb]

Happy Tuesday ✨ You are a Queen and BETTER be treated as such and that’s just that!

[lushbarb]

MANIFESTATION MONDAY. 💓 Speaking into existence 💓 Happy March 1st!

follow us on Twitter @/bossluxbeauty 😘

[lushbarb]

Happy Tuesday ✨ You are a Queen and BETTER be treated as such and that’s just that!

Follow us on Twitter/Instagram: @/bossluxbeauty😘

[glowithin-deactivated20220219]

March 2021 Astrology

March 3 - Mars enters Gemini

Mental energy surges. Collect information to put your plans into action, stay focused.

March 5 - Last Quarter Moon in Saggitarius

Release anything that is keeping you from having the freedom, and space you desire.

March 13 - New Moon in Pisces

It’s very easy, and important to get inspired during this time. Work on creative projects, and art to make the most of this time.

March 15 - Mercury enters Pisces

Thoughts tend to be more abstract, so give yourself extra time to work through plans and goals.

March 20 - Sun enters Aries + Spring Equinox

A powerful beginning is at hand. Be confident in yourself and take action.

March 21 - Venus enters Aries

Feelings of boldness and courage in romance, be direct and take the lead.

March 21 - First Quarter Moon in Cancer

How are you feeling about your plans? Let your emotions help you show what areas you need to work on.

March 28 - Full Moon in Libra

Relationships will be under review. Look into what needs to be balanced and released.

[babyphat05-deactivated20250613]

you mentioned how much you dislike the instagram baddie look and how that's how everyone dresses nowadays so what's your favorite way to dress? do you only stick to one aesthetic or do you switch it up often?

Restraining from dressing like an Instagram model is literally sticking with CLASSIC pieces (which is something I try to do!) and not wearing the same generic Fashion Nova jumpsuits everyone on Instagram is wearing. It’s about wearing outfits that are in style and will be in years from now. Lori Harvey, Teira Walker (sometimes) and a couple of other fashion gals does a good job at differentiating their style. I’ll give examples:

The IG baddie look vs. the opposite

Ig baddie look vs. the opposite

Ig baddie look vs. the opposite

[authentic-femme]

The overuse of brand names and logos is very tacky to me. I like the opposite look though, very classy and not to "showy".

Remember, less is more.

[luxoffux]

[teenageers]

[lushbarb]

I heard Greece isn’t this peaceful and I’m sad bc I really want to go 😢

[luxoffux]

[westsidemxmi]

westsidemxmi