Submissives crave structure. If you create a world where the decisions are made, expectations are clear, and she knows what to expect, your submissive will do everything in her power to please you. The thing is that youâll hear a lot about structure and consistency, itâs eluded to all the time, but youâll rarely hear people talk about what that it looks like.
Structure is more than a set of rules, though rules are a great start. If itâs structure youâre after consistent behaviors are the building blocks. Structure is built by the Dominant, and maintained on both sides. For submissives thereâs freedom in knowing what to expect. It may seem boring to most people, but I love knowing that my days will start and end in exactly the same way, and I think most submissives would agree. So itâs down to the nitty gritty⊠taking a look at what structure looks like.
Disclaimer: Â Itâs not the same for everyone, and thatâs okay. Relationships are different, and these examples are to give an idea to those who are struggling. They are not meant to be the be-all-end-all, that defines structure. Also I use feminine pronouns for subs and male for Doms, not because Iâm silly enough to believe thatâs the only way it goes, but because thatâs the sort of relationship I personally am in.
Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? Is there a message on her phone from you? Is she supposed to let you know that sheâs awake? Should she start the coffee while youâre in the shower?
When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? Do you pick out her panties each day? Does she send you a picture for approval? Are skirts expected on certain days?
Sheâll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Leave you a text message? Is the note scribbled on the calendar enough?
She wants to make a purchase but she canât get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? Can she decide to spend, but only up to a certain limit? Does she wait unless itâs an emergency, even if sheâll miss the sale?
She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Every other day? How about when she has her period?
So these might still seem like just rules to you, but how about thisâŠ
Is it safe for her to come to you when sheâs disobeyed. Sure, she should expect punishment, but does she know that your reaction, and her punishment will be rational and equitable?
Does she know that you will call if youâll be late?
Is she sure sheâs doing well because you tell her consistently? Or show her with your affection? (Structure is about eliminating doubt too)
Do you hold her when youâre falling asleep? Do you realize that when you donât she might worry sheâs done something wrong?
If she journals for you, does she know that youâll read it within a certain time-frame? Do you let her know when you have?
Does she know when to worry that you havenât contacted her? Does she know youâd never miss a goodnight message unless something is wrong? Or does she assume youâve fallen asleep or not charged your phone and give you time? How long? 12 hours? 24?
When these questions have answers itâs a sign that a submissive has structure. She knows what to expect, and she knows what is expected. A lot of it is about having rules, and what @instructor144 calls âdefaultsâ (Knowing what to do when youâre not there to ask. ex: If she sends you a picture of her outfit for approval and you donât respond within 20 minutes, then the outfit is automatically approved).
Some of it is about being predictable as a Dominant. Predictably strict. Predictably observant. Predictably fair. Predictably affectionate. All these things stacked one on the other create the structure that makes a submissive feel safe, loved, and cared for.
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