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Aug 14

Finding Arcadia || Chapter Twelve || No Promises

Pairing: RE9/Requiem!Leon Kennedy x Original Female Character Chapter Twelve Summary: Leon and Jules reunite after spending the night together, with a lot of unanswered questions, but time isn't on their side. 🔞18+⛔️ MDNI Tags: Strangers to Lovers, Character Study, Eventual Smut, Smut, Eventual Fluff and Romance, Leon's Ring Explained, Age Difference, Slow(ish) Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sexual Tension, Humour, Banter, Awkward Flirting, Friendship, Yearning, Mutual Pining, Drama, Pop Culture References, Gen X/Millennial Relationship, Survivor's Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Alcohol, Canon Typical Violence and Blood, Leon Needs a Hug, Shower Smut, Smutty Smut, more tags to be added with updates...

Fic Summary: Leon has survived more challenging battles than he’d care to remember, and yet no biological horror could be as scary and consuming as his own demons. After barely surviving the fight of his life, he walks into an unremarkable local bar where he finds himself ruminating on the past until he connects with a mysterious, but bold, younger woman. She is everything he never expected to meet - luminous, sassy, and harbouring secrets he can sense but not unravel. For first time in a long time, Leon finds he isn't lost in his darkness; he’s becoming drawn into her light instead. But as they grow closer, he discovers she’s running from something that could destroy them both.

AO3 || Previous Chapter || 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 ... Taglist: @villain-in-the-dark @broken-minded-love @allidelphi @cherrybathbombsucker

Time is standing still and I don't wanna leave your lips, Tracing my body with your fingertips, I know what you're feeling and I know you wanna say it, I do too, but we gotta be patient. Time is standing still and I don't wanna leave your lips, Tracing my body with your fingertips, I know what you're feeling and I know you wanna say it, I do too, but we gotta be patient.

'Cause someone like me and someone like you, Really shouldn't work, yeah, the history is proof, Damned if I don't, damned if I do, You know by now we've seen it all.

Said, oh, we should fall in love with our eyes closed...

-- Eyes Closed by Hexxenmind (cover)

Chapter 12: No Promises

All the determination Jules had fortified around her heart, in a bid to stand strong and stay pragmatic, collapsed the second she felt Leon’s presence enter her living space. Struck by a consuming wave of warmth and excitement the instant she glanced up to find him standing in her bedroom doorway. Looking as if he was simply meant to be there as part of the décor.

His pants, belt and boots were on but he was topless; carrying his freshly laundered compression shirt and tactical gear in his hand instead. The image of him half dressed was alone enough to send heat rushing through her - just as it had in the bathroom hours earlier.

The bright morning sunlight pouring in through her windows, cast him in perfect light and allowed for an even better look at him than she’d managed to get before. It was hard not to stare at just how good he looked.

Memories of all they’d done together, and everything he’d made her feel, began to cloud her focus as she bit back an amused smile to notice how fluffy his hair was. A couple of kinks sticking out in places that had dried wrong while he’d slept made her flutter inside at just how stupidly cute he looked – all soft eyed and still a little sleepy. Quite the contrast to the more grizzled and battle weary appearance he had when they first met.

Across the room, Leon was taken back a little by how the heat of her gaze on him had his skin tingling wildly. He felt it with her in the bathroom, but it was nice to be reminded of how something so innocent could feel that good. Especially in the harsh light of day - leaving no room for doubt about the impact of their shared experience in the hours before.

It had been his intention to get fully dressed before stepping out of her bedroom to look for her, but it felt like he was admitting defeat to do so, and he was too desperate to see her. Driven by the discoveries he’d made and a strange sense of longing that had formed deep inside him.

Eager to start the ball rolling, he smiled at her softly, a hint of nervousness tickling in his stomach that made him feel oddly like a teenager, and holding him back from forming words.

He noted she looked a little different than the night before, softer somehow, perhaps a little apprehensive too, but he didn’t want to linger too long on why.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, legs bare, one foot up on her chair, elbow resting on her raised knee. One shoulder exposed by an oversized ‘Screaming Trees’ tour t-shirt that looked well worn. Showing him that she clearly wasn’t exaggerating about liking nineties grunge.

Her dark curls seemed even more voluminous than when he’d first lost his hands in them in the bathroom. The memory of which swept an unexpected ripple of arousal through him.

He was still blown away by how tender and caring she’d been, how passionate and sexy -, then a little bossy too. How her hands felt in his own hair, and the feel of her scratching helplessly at his tender back, and grabbing at his arms. How good it felt to feel and see her give herself to him, and to give himself to her in return.

Feeling so much coming back to him made every thought he had of trying to question her go clean out of his head. He knew he needed to get to the bottom of who she was, and why the hell she had a new life -and what looked to be a murder weapon- stuffed under her bed in a duffle bag, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was touch her again. To breathe her in. Grab every ounce of the bliss she brought to him, and lock it away inside himself to get him through the time he’d have to spend without her.

“Hey.” she greeted softly, breaking the weighted silence between them. Her expression altered to become unreadable for him, as she fought herself to remain neutral and not try to lead him in any particular direction.

“Hey you.” he replied, his voice gruff from sleep.

She’d promised herself she was going to stay seated, and just let him leave before she had the chance to do something foolish like ask him to stay, or kiss him again, but before she knew it she was getting up to her feet.

Trying like hell not to notice how ridiculously good he looked, as he began to approach her with the effortless confidence that he exuded. Feeling her throat go dry at what the sight of him did to her body, while simultaneously fighting to subdue the growing nerves in her stomach.

Stepping out from behind the table, she suddenly felt exposed under his gaze, and she tugged at the hem of her t-shirt, trying to pull it down over her bare thighs. Wishing she’d thought to put pants on before he woke up. Afraid of how easy it would be for her to fall into him as she stood before him - half dressed and vulnerable to his touch.

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t appear nervous at all. The post-passion haze was clearly still in control of him as he covered the space between them; moving through to the kitchen area without hesitation. Placing his shirt and hardware on the free kitchen chair and never taking his eyes off her as he did it.

Seeing her standing there, looking so candid and almost coy, hit him in all the places she’d reached the night before and more. Fogging his mind to all the worries he’d held just moments earlier in her bedroom.

Standing closer to her, it was clear to see she was nervous too, somewhere inside. The way she nibbled her bottom lip and fidgeted slightly on the spot gave her away too easily. Silently suggesting she was battling with her desires in the same way he was, and that they were getting the better of all the years of training she’d had, on how to remain stoic in the most challenging of circumstances.

“You want some coffee?” she asked out and suddenly moved to the kitchen counter. Grabbing a mug from the cabinet above. Fighting to ground herself and regulate her breathing as she did so, before she gave herself away. Growing ever more afraid of what was going to happen if she didn’t keep control of the situation – and herself.

She put the mug on the counter and held still, but an answer didn’t come to her. Instead, she braced herself for his next words, and the rejection she was certain was coming.

Leon was struggling to find it in him to tell her he had no time for coffee, and he didn’t have the words to explain where his head was at, or any of what he was feeling inside. Scrambling for a place to start bridging the gap between them, in a way he’d never had to in his previous ‘morning afters’.

An overriding feeling of need came over him again, and he gave in to it without any sense of hesitation. He wanted to be near her -to touch her again- and he crossed the kitchen floor to step up behind her. His bare chest almost flush against her clothed back, their body heat instantly mingling as he watched for her reaction.

Jules didn’t respond straight away, she kept her breathing even, fighting to subdue the rampant tingles starting to swell through her as she told herself to wait and see what his next move would be. Yet her curiosity all too easily got the better of her, and she couldn’t resist turning her head slightly to glance back at him.

He took the small gesture as a sign to draw in closer. Sealing the small gap between them and pressing their bodies flush together, but hesitating to put his hands anywhere until she consented to it in some way.

It only took half a beat for him to feel her soundless response, which came in the form of her body relaxing back against him. His longing hands instantly slipped their invisible restraints and made contact with her hips.

His touch had her awash with warm shivers, that only intensified as his strong arms moved in to snake around her body - locking her in against his chest, as he moved in to place an almost chaste kiss on her exposed shoulder.

Just as she knew it would - her body betrayed her in a heartbeat. She felt herself slip under the warmth of his embrace. Responding to his touch by placing her hands on his thick forearms and stroking them softly, showing she welcomed the contact, as she fought against the rip-tide that threatened to drag her back under him.

They stood together like that for a few moments, until she felt one of his arms loosen from around her. He reached up and pulled her hair free of her neck, allowing him to start kissing her there. He felt her breathing shift, her body succumbing to him in a way he knew he shouldn’t be toying with, but he simply couldn’t help himself.

Her eyes fell closed as his prickly stubble contrasted with his soft -warm- lips, gentle in their pursuit to cover her tender skin, as he worked his way up to her ear and back down again. The sensations his touch filled her with made her sizzle with desire, that had barely settled from the last time his lips had been on her.

An uncontrollable but soft moan escaped from her – as her head fell back on his shoulder and he began to he caress her body. Hand coming around to settle high up on her stomach; his fingertips dangerously close to grazing her bare breast.

Hearing her response sent a swell of warmth to Leon’s core, his pulse quickening as his urges to explore her built rapidly again. At the very back of his mind he knew he shouldn’t have been allowing himself to do what he was -he had responsibilities waiting- but his desire fuelled actions felt completely out of his control.

Jules began to fizzle and quiver with the touch of his lips, burning hotter with each teasing kiss. Dragging her back under in the way he had during the night, showing her that he wanted more than they’d already had, and something about that scared her.

“Leon.” she whispered softly, as if trying to protest but her heart wasn’t in it.

“Yeah?”

He knew it was bordering on cruel to them both do what he was doing, there wasn’t time to be tempting her like that, but he simply couldn’t resist. The smell of her skin, the warmth of her body, every element of her made every tiny part of him beg to lose himself in her all over again.

The resolve to focus on unravelling her truth, securing a future meeting with her and the sense of urgency to get back to his obligations had vanished. Overridden by the way her body fit so well against his; her essence letting everything in his head fall silent and fade away just as it had before.

She squeezed her eyes tight, and willed herself to take control of the situation and resist him, before it spiralled into something which would only complicate everything that bit more.

Knowing it would be so much easier to write things off as a drunken mistake, than let it become something real in the sober light of day.

Gathering herself against the almost overwhelming urge to dissolve into him, Jules managed to shift control by turning in his embrace to face him. He kept his hands on her hips as she moved, but took a half step back to let her settle before him. The curved edge of the kitchen counter pressed against her lower back, as her hands hesitated on where to settle before cautiously coming to rest on his bare chest.

The contact was so delicate it seemed as if she was almost afraid to touch him, but the warmth that resonated from her hands filled him with a near overwhelming sense of comfort, desire and affection for her.

Her eyes scanned his handsome face for a moment, internally comparing what she saw before her with the ID photos she’d seen in his wallet, as her vibrant blue eyes swept up to lock with his paler ones.

The connection sent her immediately into a flashback of the passion driven eye contact they’d shared in the shower as she came around his fingers, and then again when he was buried inside her on her bed.

As if an internal call to arms had been raised, all her determination rushed forward, to reinforce her will to resist him. Demanding she put some kind of roadblock in the way to protect herself from falling over the edge, into an attachment that her life would give no allowances for.

“You want somethin' to eat?” she asked out, hoping to put focus on something other than the hunger in his eyes, and the rapidly resurfacing ache between her thighs.

Her question triggered a roguish part of him, and he gave her his best lopsided smirk. The glint in his eye said that what he wanted to eat wasn’t available in grocery stores.

Taken off guard by his risqué gesture -that hinted at a dirty mind- she couldn’t help but snicker. Shaking her head softly and forgetting herself for a beat. “Food! Not that.”

His eyes softened, relenting a little but it was clear he was riddled with the desire to do everything he’d missed out on, and her legs began to weaken. The way he looked at her, cut to her core. His eyes seemed so full of yearning that they made her want to cave in and confess everything he had her feeling.

With her body longing for his touch more with every passing second, she knew she had to try and escape from where he had her pinned, but any plans she had to steer him away or protest fell to the floor as his hand came up out of nowhere and cupped her cheek tenderly.

Brimming with desire but tinged with concern, Leon checked the bruising that was maturing out on her jaw for a second, feeling a bubble of anger stir deep inside him again. Born of a wish that he’d done a better job of protecting her in the bar.

His thumb softly grazed over her lower lip. His eyes fixed on her mouth for a beat before looking into her eyes again. “You alright?”

She knew where his concern was rooted and nodded. “Yeah. Are you?” The image of the dark the bruising and sore scratches on his back was impossible to unsee, but at least the scrape on his cheek looked better. “How are the war wounds?”

“Bit sore...but I’ve had it worse.”

She scoffed, almost rolling her eyes. “Don’t find that hard to believe.”

After what he’d told her about his return to Raccoon City, she expected he was more than familiar with waking up black and blue, and something about that hurt her heart. Recalling how he said he’d been through it alone, and relating to a solo fight for survival all too well.

Leon studied her face as they stood there – her hands soft against his bare chest as his thumb moved to caress her cheek. He didn’t know what it was about the way she was looking at him but it touched him deep inside, and compelled him to bring his mouth to hers. Leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips as he tightened his arm around her back to pull her close to his chest too.

A warm shiver ran through her, as her body responded instinctively, sending her hands gliding up his chest to encircle her arms around his neck, as he locked her up tight in his embrace again. Kissing softly for a few moments before her mouth naturally opened to welcome his tongue back inside. Giving the faintest and most pathetic needy whimper on the back of his groan, as their tongues reunited.

Feeling his body start to brim over with arousal, he moaned into her mouth. Hungry urges surfacing out of their dormant state, as his hand stroked downward to find the curve of her ass. Squeezing softly, before his fingertips began to trace the fine elastic leg of her panties -flirting with the idea of pulling them off- while his right hand maintained his grasp on her head, kissing her deeper almost to the point of being unable to breathe.

Leon groaned low in his chest as he felt her fingertips trail up to latch onto his head, where her nails began to graze over his scalp and the back of his neck, as her other hand played with his hair. The sensation of her touch filled him with a familiar ache of arousal, as their tongues slid against one another. Teasing and tempting with each flick and lick as desire rapidly built and threatened to sweep them away.

Feeling all self-control slip from his grasp, Leon’s hands moved freely, finding their way down her body to clutch the back of her thighs and lift her off her feet onto the counter behind her. Rough palms sliding along the supple flesh up to her hips, where his hands snuck under her t-shirt to caress her bare back. Her thighs locking at his sides, holding him close, as they kissed deeper still.

Feeling the heat from between her legs warming his lower abdomen, he moaned into the kiss again - wild urges stirring at his core with every move her body made against his. Their hands roaming with growing confidence and an intensity that matched the passion in their kiss.

She whimpered in response to his impassioned call, loving the sensation of friction that his rough touch created. Making the heat inside her double with a thirst to feel his hands all over her again.

As they kissed and caressed each other, his head swam with ideas of all the things he could do to her that he didn’t get the chance to do. How badly he wanted to see her spread out on the bed for him again in broad daylight, to sink between her thighs and focus on using nothing but his mouth to make her cry his name in the beautiful way she had three times already.

As if she’d seen directly into his head, her right hand slipped free from his hair, and she dragged her short fingernails back down his chest, languishingly. Refamiliarising herself with the feel of the firm hills and valleys of his defined torso, until she reached the buckle of his cobra belt.

She felt his hips rock against her encouragingly, an innate motion that pushed back all hesitation, and spurred her on to slip her hand down between them to cup him softly. Stroking over the tough fabric of his tactical pants, with a firm and needy touch. Showing him that she wanted exactly what he was tempting her with, and that no rational thought was present enough to hold her back.

He grunted, as she felt him begin to stiffen in her hand. A spark igniting within him that suddenly intensified the kiss, with an urgent sense of need consuming them both.

Hands suddenly grabbing and groping needily, as his mouth broke away from hers and went to her neck, ravenously kissing at her while his hands roamed all over her, his hips aching with the need to grind against her.

She teased his growing bulge with her hand and the arousing sounds of her soft moans. Her other hand taking off dancing down his back to squeeze his ass and pull him in deeper against her.

The taste of her lips and skin, along with the touches she lavished on him completely succumb to his impulses. Sending him diving under a wave of lust, losing himself in the intense warm tingles that were rushing all through him. Filling his head with the intoxicating floaty feeling he’d experienced the first time she’d explored his body.

A feeling that did nothing to quell the passion and hunger in him, driving it forward with every touch they exchanged.

His hand stroked up the right side of her torso to her breast, where he delicately teased her nipple to make her cry out, while he licked at her neck. Her hands groping at him as they sort to find his head again and tug at his hair demandingly as her legs tightened around his waist.

The breaks of restraint were cut, and they were speeding towards another round of unbridled passion right there on the kitchen counter - until a possessive buzz started in his back pocket.

Leon felt it but shut his mind off immediately – wanting nothing more than to ignore it and carry on in his journey to pleasure her all over again.

Trying to switch his mind off to the intrusion, he captured her mouth again in a possessive kiss. His hand softly kneaded her breast to distract them both from what threatened to impede on their reunion. Trying with all he had not to let his focus on her slip back to the real world - but it was already too late.

She’d felt the disturbance too -her energy shifted- and the moment was lost.

With a hand sliding down to his chest, she softly pushed him back. Not wanting to break the kiss but knowing that the bubble had been burst already, and reality called.

Their lips parted and she looked into his eyes sadly. Her whole body buzzing with the need to feel more from him, and chase all he’d just silently promised her, while the cold chill of pending loss tried to muscle its way in between them.

The vibration of his phone stopped for a moment, just long enough to allow them both to consider starting over and reuniting their mouths, but it began again. Seeming louder and more insistent than the first time.

“Lemme guess, you gotta go, right?” she said calmly, trying not to show just how crushed she was by the very idea that their time was finally over.

Leon hesitated to confirm, his stomach tipping with a sense of guilt that sent him crashing back to earth. His hand slid down her sides past her waist to settle in place, as one of his thumbs stroked rhythmically over her hip bones like it was on some kind of autopilot.

He internally chastised himself for allowing things to go so far. Knowing how wrong it would be to indulge his urges again, while the girls waited for him, and to only have to walk out on her right after, but he simply couldn’t resist her. He needed more of what she’d shown him, and the remedy that she seemed to be for the pain he carried.

“Gotta go pick up-”

She cut him off. “Your ‘friend’?”

His thumb froze. The tone she used gave her away – showing him why she’d stopped tending to his wounds and tried to leave as he’d stood at the sink in her bathroom.

It was obvious at that moment that she hadn’t believed him that Grace wasn’t anything more to him, and it seemed apparent that nothing about their night together had changed that either.

He felt a ball of frustration knot in his gut. Annoyed that he didn’t have time to explain properly, or try to convince her that she had no reason to be concerned about where his feelings were at.

A part of him felt as if it was better not to anyway, and it parried his attempts to find a way to reassure her. Allowing him at that moment to only give a simple and flat - “Yeah.”

“Guessed as much.” she said, giving a tight smile that straddled the line between sadness and acceptance. Trying as best she could to keep her eyes light, but there was no hiding the disappointment, and no avoiding the rapidly increasing sense of guilt and suspicion that tried to root itself in her chest.

“I don’t wanna go...” he confessed, his arms aching to wrap around her again - unwilling to let her go. Yet he held strong, keeping his hands firmly on her hips and fighting back the intense urge within him to follow through on what they’d almost started.

He felt his heart crying out to hers as he looked into her eyes. The pretty blue swirling with so many different emotions that he couldn’t seem to separate enough to read any one clearly.

Disappointment pushed out an exhale from his lungs that formed into a gasp of - “shit!”

His head was swimming with the urge to just say ‘fuck it!’ and drag her back to bed, or at least to stay put and explain himself to her, and get to the bottom of what exactly the bag under her bed meant, but it simply wasn’t possible. “...I wish I could stay.”

Jules looked over his face, her expression getting no easier to read, but he could feel the sense of uncertainty coming off her. It didn’t seem that she doubted his authenticity, just that she was thinking more pragmatically than him about what was going on between them, and what could be allowed to come next.

His eyes appeared to be brimming with sincerity, and she could hardly stand to see it. Knowing while he might have been truly honest about not wanting to leave her, there was still no way for her to tell if he was being entirely truthful about anything when it came to Grace, or the ring he wore.

It was best not to give him the full benefit of the doubt, she thought. If only to remain realistic and protect herself from any more pain and disappointment.

Her detectable reluctance to believe him and apparent pessimism, made it even harder for him to accept the idea of walking away. After everything that had happened the night before, all he wanted to do was stay and chase more of the fun and pleasure they’d shared, but he’d made a promise to Grace, and she needed him too.

The powerful sense of responsibility in him was just a tiny bit stronger than his desire to stay with Jules and never leave. A sense that reminded him that while he could break the historic promise he made to himself without much guilt and consequence, he couldn’t do it to others.

He had to fulfil his vow to the girls, but he needed to ensure he didn’t lose his grip on the connection he had with Jules in the process. Searching his mind quickly for the right way to ask her if he could come back to her later. To establish if she wanted to see more of him, as much as he wanted to see more of her.

Sensing the disappointment coming off him in waves, Jules tried to block her emotions from surfacing and making her believe in the foolish hopes she’d managed to get up.

As she’d been taught to do for the purposes of interrogation and undercover work, she quickly levelled her emotions, and kept her expression neutral, as she absentmindedly reached up to smooth down a piece of his hair, that was sticking out where it shouldn’t.

It didn’t seem to want to behave, just like her heart. Which had declared an internal war within her. Forcing her to wrestle with the desire to ask him to stay, and the fear of even daring to do so.

Leon’s heart hurt as he watched her fiddle tenderly with his hair. He could see how hard she was trying to lock down her emotions and not let them show any further, but the sadness rising in her eyes was all too clear and resistant to control. He knew that, because the same sadness was surfacing in him.

He knew it was crazy for him to be letting his feelings for her build in the way they were. Having had himself believing he’d long trained himself out of getting attached so easily, but he couldn’t hold his heart back. There was something about her that was undoing him and every safeguard he’d put in place to stop himself falling too far, too fast.

“It’s okay...” she eventually said, placing her hand on his shoulder. Her tone was light and reassuring which was a stark contrast to what she was unknowingly showing with her eyes. “...We both know what this was.”

Leon’s mood shifted, the darkness seeping through the widening cracks in his heart as he tried to read her. It didn’t seem like she was rejecting him, she was just showing awareness of how things between them looked.

After all, she’d already told him she didn’t do complicated, but he couldn’t help feeling things could be so simple.

He liked her, and he was pretty sure she liked him right back. Even though they’d skipped a few steps and there was something dark in her past, there was potential for a strong foundation forming on what they’d build back in the bar.

If only he could have stayed the rest of the weekend to work on that, but as always – his work and the need to honour his word was pulling him away from the direction his heart wanted to go.

In turn that reminded him that he was being a fool, and that he could never give her anything she deserved. His work didn’t allow for any semblance of a normal relationship, or any of the things women generally expected and needed from the man in their life.

It would be unfair of him to build something with her only to watch it fall to the pressures of his toxic work-life balance, and unconventional lifestyle. Not to mention all the emotional baggage he came with.

It was a lot to ask of anyone to take on, but there was the tiniest seed of hope in him that whispered, if anyone could manage him – it was her.

All he wanted to do was reassure her and alleviate the doubts she had about him. Hold her, comfort her. Tell her that he was locked in, and that whatever she’d done didn’t matter, because he would help her make it right.

He knew he could have done that right there and then, but there was no way -and too little time- to explain or justify the knowledge he’d gained that morning, without risking spooking her. Sending her running for the hills where he might never be able to find her again.

The hurt in his gut deepened, realising just how fragile hope for them seemed.

Jules could see the cogs turning over in his head, as he stood there between her thighs. His bare torso close enough to hers to feel his body heat, his hands still holding onto her hips, like he was afraid to let go. As he searched his mind -trying to find the right words to give her- but he kept coming up blank.

The truth was, she’d hadn’t been expecting him to move on her the way he did. She’d been anticipating some ‘post-nut clarity’ instead. Or at very least, ‘post-nut guilt’ - considering the fact his wedding ring hadn’t left his finger all night.

Not that she expected it to, of course.

However, the fact it stayed in place seemed to imply there was a chance he hadn’t been honest with her about it. That and knowing she still couldn’t be certain if the woman in the hospital was more than a friend, had the sense of guilt within her digging in deeper.

An unwelcome feeling which chased the lust she felt for him back into the corner, leaving her feeling hollow and a little hopeless, but she inhaled deeply and set her head on straight. Determined to not let herself dream of what could be - if things were different.

“I like you, Leon. A lot.” she gave him. Trying hard to be pragmatic about everything, as her heart began to sting in the knowledge that he was about to walk out of her life. “...And I don’t want this to end.”

Those words hit Leon directly in the chest, filling him with a renewed sense of hope and lifting his shoulders. There was a light in her eyes that burned true, but it made what came out of her mouth next harder for him to swallow.

“...But there’s so much we don’t know about each other.”

He immediately thought back to what he’d found in her room, and a sense of worry crept up his spine. He opened his mouth to tell her he wanted to know and understand -to help her in any way he could- but she spoke again before he found his voice.

“...And I think you need time to catch your breath...You’ve been through a lot...probably got some stuff to figure out too...” As if to silently clarify what she was getting at, her arm shifted from its rest on her shoulder to come down and cover his hand on her hip. Letting her fingertips brush over the ring he wore, showing him that she couldn’t forget about it, even if he could. “So, please don’t go makin’ me any promises you won’t keep, okay?”

That gesture suddenly pushed him into action, like the low power mode his brain had been idling in had switched off and booted him up fully.

“I’m not married. I swear to you.” He peeled his hands off her and went to remove his ring, intent on showing her the inside of it. The inscription, the date - the tiny indent that allowed for a tracking chip, but she stopped him. Gently placing one of her hands over his again, showing him with her eyes that she didn’t want him to offer the empty gesture it seemed like he was about to make.

“It’s not just that.” she insisted gently. “A lot happened to you yesterday...you need time to process all that without me in the way…and besides...things that happen this fast, fall apart even quicker.”

That felt like a gut punch that shocked him fully into reality. He knew she was right, but he couldn’t stand the thought of not grasping the chance he had with her with both hands. Even though he feared it would only end up hurting her, and leaving him accumulating more debt on top of what was already loaded on his soul, from so many painful failures and regrets.

It pained him that he couldn’t seem to find the words to tell her to explain how he wanted to return to her as soon as he’d settled Grace and Emily.

How he was subconsciously plotting ways to help her beat back the shadows that loomed in her past. Thinking too of how he could regularly make the drive out on weekends to see her, take her on nice dates, start things properly, get to know her better, and see where it all could go between them.

All crazy thoughts that it was far too soon to have, of course, but there was something so encouraging about her and the connection he felt between them. It seemed so hopeful. As if it promised him something he’d always quietly longed for, even though he knew how easily it could all collapse into nothing but heartache. Especially given the circumstances it seemed she was living under.

He sighed heavily, almost defeated. “D’ya have to go and be sensible about it?”

She gave him a half-smile and a shrug. “Guess I’m just that kinda girl.”

He scoffed, with a little shake of his head, like he already knew she’d have a smart ass reply to give him. Just as he would have for her, if the roles were reversed.

The ache inside him said that if he was sensible about it himself, the best thing he could do for her was to walk away and leave her alone.

She didn’t deserve to be tangled up in his life or hurt in any way, and he couldn’t stand to fuck up something so unique and beautiful – but he feared he didn’t have the strength it would take to leave her alone.

He wanted her too badly.

Not just for the sex but just to be around her - in her energy. To pull back into the joyous feeling that he’d experienced just talking with her. An interaction that had him feeling so young and free again. Reminding him what it was like to feel proper -genuine- laughter and connection. Along with the sense of contentment that kept the screaming ghosts in his head silent.

He was already longing to get to know her better, to ask the questions that were starting to eat at him. Share some more laughs, and bask in the gentle intimacy they’d shared - anything at all that would keep the therapeutic feeling he felt from her presence. The one that felt to him like the warmth of winter sun on a freezing cold day.

“Can I get your number?” he asked out, eager to try and show his interest in keeping their connection. Hoping it might give them a chance to keep hold of what they’d found and thinking how nice it would be to be able to call her on the lonely nights, when his demons were their rowdiest.

To his surprise, she shook her head, a soft consoling smile pulling across her lips. “You don’t need it, you know where to find me.”

In that statement -which came as both an open invitation and a challenge- she told him everything he needed to know.

He was welcome back, but if he wanted something more with her, it couldn't just be texting and empty words. He had to do the real leg work - get his head clear for what still lingered from his recent past, square away everything that could cause roadblocks for him returning and staying with her for longer next time.

Suss out the ways he could help her find safety -if his fears about her military status were true- and take a chance on seeing where their bond could take them in the right environment.

It seemed like he had a mountain yet to climb but he was ready for the challenge. Determined to find a way to prove to her that he knew what he wanted already, he just needed a little time to set things right to free him for long enough to chase it.

“Alright.” he relented, sensing he couldn’t say anything to change her mind at that moment. He understood what she was asking of him, even if he was truly disappointed that it wouldn't be easy to reach her.

She was clearly just as stubborn as he was. Yet he wasn’t going to leave her without a way to reach him, not when he knew there were dangers surrounding her.

“Just don’t go disappearin’ on me...” he asked. “...At least not without givin’ me thirty seconds?”

She snickered softly, rolling her eyes at his corny nod to the film reference she’d made the night before, but inside she was smiling.

Every part of her longed to grab him with both hands and beg him not to go, but she wouldn’t do it. She didn’t want to hurt him; he’d clearly been wounded enough. It was clear he still had many ghosts and demons to slay, and she wanted to help him do it in any way she could, but her life was too unstable to be what he needed.

Even if he was hers for the taking, it wasn’t fair to try and build something with him that she knew she may have to abandon in a heartbeat. No matter how badly she wanted more of what she’d experienced with him in the fifteen hours they’d known each other, and how much something in him called to a part of her, that had her doing things she normally wouldn’t do.

It felt like a tragic case of ‘right person, wrong time’ and she hated it.

Reluctant, but knowing it was necessary, Leon fought himself to loose his grip on her hips and he eased back from between her thighs. Turning to make his way over to the kitchen table, where he picked up the notepad and pen she’d been using.

His eyes caught on her doodles and he smiled to himself before turning to a new page, and quickly jotting down his phone number. It took him to the final digit to realise he hadn’t even told her his last name.

He wanted her to know -even though he guessed she wouldn’t give him hers in return- and he still had his doubts that she’d even told him her real first name.

The concern he had for her and what mess she was in compelled him to want to give her a place to run to if the worst happened, and he scribbled down the address of his apartment. Feeling it was at least only fair that she knew where to find him too.

He dropped the pen once he was done and tore the paper free from the notebook, turning back to her as she slid off the kitchen counter and took a few steps forward. He folded the paper over and held it out to her, pinched between his middle and index finger.

She took it without question but didn’t open it, looking back at him with that soft -sad- smile that hurt his heart so deeply.

“If you need anythin’…” His eyes firm with resolve, as he reached out and touched her arm. Wordlessly asking her to come to him if the trouble got to her before he could make it back. “…anything!...You get in touch with me, okay?” his tone was firm, insistent and she nodded, but part of them both already knew she wouldn’t ask a thing of him.

“Thank you, Leon...but I can take care of myself.” she said sweetly, showing him she was appreciative of his offer but she relied on no-one. She never really had, at least not since the first time her life fell apart over two decades earlier.

He hated how much those words stung him. He knew it was partly true – she could clearly handle herself physically, after all. Yet it was in his nature to want to help her with whatever she was running from, and give her a soft place to fall.

Not only that, but he wanted to do whatever he could to help her heal from the shit she’d been through, in the same way she’d helped him already. The way she’d kissed the scar he kept hidden, still played on his mind. How she’d reminded him it was possible to not be so gruff and jaded too, and stop dwelling in his thoughts long enough to feel something positive and rapturous for once.

He felt his heart pulling him closer to her light, while the logic in his head tried to pull him away. Lassoing him with a rope made of all the reasons why it couldn’t work out for them. It was an all too familiar feeling, since his head and his heart were so rarely on the same page.

Telling himself there was nothing more he could do to fix the way things lay, he stepped back from her again, and moved over to the kitchen chair where his things waited for him. Reaching for his shirt and carefully pulling it on, while keeping his eyes loosely on her as he did so, noting how she was trying not to watch.

The sadness in Jules’ heart tussled with the desire at her core, forcing herself to look away from the way his abdominal muscles stretched as he reached upward into the shirt. The distracting little trail of fine hairs below his belly button leading down under his belt - reminding her of everything he’d done to her and what more she wanted to do to him.

It was all she could do not to jump him. Not just for the thought-silencing sex but the sense of security he brought to her -the comforting intimacy- and the reminder that she wasn’t simply a ghost lost to time and circumstance.

Doing his utmost to remain focused and duty bound, he shrugged his split-rig back on, but didn’t fasten it. Instead he stepped forward and reached out to her again. Taking her by the waist and pulling her to him.

She didn’t resist. She couldn’t. She needed to feel him and the warmth that chased away the hollow chill which threatened to consume her soul the minute she returned to solitude.

Hoping she could see and understand how he was feeling, even if he couldn’t put effective words to it, Leon looked into her eyes as he loosely linked his arms around her waist, hands fanning out on her back. Warmed by the way she returned the gesture by gently squeezing his biceps, in an attempt to hold him but not get too close.

“The credits ain’t rollin’ on us yet.” he assured her, making her chuckle softly and forget the anxiety trying to lodge itself deep inside her for a moment.

He clearly couldn’t help himself, he just had to be corny and she couldn’t deny she loved it. She’d laughed more with him in the hours they’d known each other than she had in years.

“No promises, remember?” she returned, with a contrasting note of melancholy. Knowing that nothing was guaranteed in their world, and she’d learned quick never to put too much hope into anything - especially the things she really wanted.

Frustrated by her unwillingness to believe him, and torn by his sense of guilt for even daring to imagine he could make it work with her, all he could think to do was just kiss her again.

Cupping her cheek and letting their mouths reconnect. The kiss going deeper than he should have dared. Hoping it might be enough for her to feel how strong his feelings already were, and as he hoped - she reciprocated.

A warm shiver raced down his back as her hand came up to stroke his stubbled face lovingly, encouraging him to pull her in close against him. As her tender touch showed him -in a way the words she had wouldn’t allow- that she wanted what he wanted but she didn’t dare believe it was a possibility.

Not there in that moment, not while he wore that ring, and not while so much remained unspoken about their lives outside of their little bubble in her apartment.

As if reality had been given its cue, the buzzing in Leon’s pocket started angrily again, and he sighed out of the kiss.

The sense of duty that was never far from his back, pushed up hard against him. Reminding him that he was running out of time. He had to leave her - there was no way around it.

With a deep hurt in his chest, he took one last longing look at her. Her warm hands rested on his shoulders as his pressed against her back tenderly. Not wanting to let go and surrender to the world outside, wrestling through every beat of time and buzz of his phone that tried to pull him away.

“I really wanna see you again.” he confessed. “..I’ll come back as soo-” she cut him off, her eyes gentle, but firm.

“No promises.” she reminded. Making him wonder for a moment how broken she must have been inside to not believe he’d return to her, after the night they’d shared.

He nodded, granting her wish, but in turn he suddenly felt able to put words to his feelings, knowing their time had run out and needing to make certain she knew - just in case he couldn’t find his way back to her again soon enough, or perhaps ever.

“Just so you know…” he started, holding her gaze. Hoping she would see his honesty and believe in it. “Last night...it really meant a lot to me...Talkin’ with you in the bar...and everythin’ after...this mornin’ too...I’m not used to hangin’ out with someone like that…or being taken care of…Thank you.”

Her eyes brightened with happiness to hear such a thing, but a more intense sense of pain came forth inside her. She was close enough to see through him to all the shadows that lingered at the back of his mind. Shadows that were formed from darkness in both his past and his present. A darkness she wished she could shine a soothing light into for him, but that required time they didn’t have.

She raised up her hand and cupped his stubbled cheek – annoyed that she hadn’t the words to explain to him what their time together had meant to her too, but to begin explaining would force her to reveal things she couldn’t dare to. So she simply smiled at him lovingly, hoping he could see all she wanted to tell him in her eyes.

“You’re welcome...it meant a lot to me too.”

Leon smiled faintly, scanning her pretty face as he fought to suppress his longing to not let her go. Not wanting to be one more person who disappeared from her life and added to the grief he knew she carried.

“I think you’re really special.” he whispered and that was all he could manage to vocalise before emotion closed his throat up. Too afraid of saying anything more for fear of scaring her off, and even more afraid to admit how deeply his myriad of feelings for her already ran.

“Yeah?” She almost blushed, dipping her head a little but casting her eyes back up to him.“You ain’t so bad yourself.”

He snickered softly, bringing his hand up to her cheek to raise her head again and hold her in place for one last kiss. Deep and needy, giving the promise she wouldn’t let him speak.

They lost themselves in each other for a few moments more, before they mutually broke the kiss and melted into a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he locked his around her torso; squeezing each other -firm but tender- in a silent goodbye that neither of them wanted to surrender to.

It felt so bittersweet to be hugged like that for both of them. The healing warmth comforting them both in ways they didn’t realise such a simple act could. Jules almost felt tears stinging her eyes, and she closed them tight, afraid of what she might do if she let them fall.

Standing in the middle of her kitchen, they breathed each other in deeply. Trying to take enough of the other’s essence to help them survive the challenging -lonely- times they knew waited ahead.

Feeling soothed by her embrace, Leon squeezed her harder still. Closing his eyes and burying his face in her neck and nuzzling her - making her hug him tighter in return. Trying to push the negative feelings and worries out of each other, and fill them with the strength and resolve they needed to let go, and hope to believe they would see each other again.

Neither of them wanted to part, but after a couple of minutes, something natural swelled through them and they broke the embrace in sync. His hand slipped from around her back to come forward and take hers, as they looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. So many emotions cycling through the two very different shades of blue, as they squeezed each other’s hands.

Their minds both asking questions and making silent wishes, before he forced himself to let go of her hand and step back.

Inhaling deeply to strengthen his resolve, he made a mental check that he had everything of his with him, and made a turn to the door. Internally grappling with every part of him that clung around his ankles, and tried to stop him walking away.

“Leon, my-” her voice called out hopelessly, stopping short as the words wasted away on her tongue before they could form into her truth.

She couldn’t tell him.

What would be the point?

They were probably never going to see each other again anyway.

Telling him her real name would just put her at unnecessary risk, and there wasn’t time to explain why she was living under an assumed name, at least not in a way that wouldn’t make him question why she hadn’t told him sooner. Yet his eyes -showing a mix of confusion and curiosity- threatened to undo her.

With a crease in his brow he stared at her, wondering what her next words were going to be. Hoping it was ‘my number is…’ or ‘my real name is…’ but none of those sounds came out.

Instead, a resoluteness swept over her eyes.

“Just take care of yourself, okay?” she said softly, trying her best not to note how deeply sad and puppyish his eyes looked, or how badly her heart ached to let him go without knowing the truth.

He held her gaze for a moment, feeling the two factions inside himself butting heads. His moral obligations beating away his desire to stay.

“You too.” he forced out in return. Granting her wish not to make any promises despite hundreds of them piling up on his tongue, struggling to make a bid for freedom.

As if to stop himself blurting out something crazy, he locked his jaw and stepped back to her. Reaching out his hand to the back of her head, guiding it forward a little and holding her in place, as he leant in and softly planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

Holding his lips against her skin for a few beats -so she felt the warmth- then pulling back before he lost the weak grip on his self-control that he struggled to maintain.

He looked into her eyes deeply, trying his best to show her what she already meant to him without words.

Then with a heavy sigh -that dropped his shoulders- he let his hand fall from her head, and he turned for the door. Forcing himself to walk away before he crumbled and betrayed his promise to Grace.

With cold emptiness coming for her, she followed behind him, exchanging control of the door with him as he stepped through it. Unable to do anything but watch as he walked out onto the silent landing, where a bright beam of fall sunlight cut the space in half, as he turned to take one last look at her.

Her beautiful face and sad eyes framed with such unruly hair. An image that he recorded in his mind, and stored away with the moments they’d shared that he wanted to revisit.

He gave her a gentle -reassuring- smile -which she returned- and then using the last of his willpower he pushed himself away from her door towards the stairs.

His cell phone vibrated again as soon as his foot met the top step. Taking it as a welcome distraction from one of the hardest choices he’d ever had to make, he pulled it from his pocket and descended the staircase.

Jules stayed in the doorway, just listening as his voice and footsteps faded down into the foyer below her, until the outer-door creaked open, letting in just a second of ambient outdoor noise, before it dropped closed behind him and sealed her in with the silence.

As if the sudden emptiness snapped something inside her, she felt her throat tighten with emotion and a weak, ragged sigh escaped her lips.

Stepping back into her apartment, she closed the door and bolted it quickly, before turning to look at her home and the space he’d left. Pressing her back against the coldness of the wooden panel that shut out the world, as she grasped for something to ground her.

There was no way to explain why it hurt the way it did, because it shouldn’t have.

She’d only known him for a matter of hours. They weren’t anything to each other more than a distraction from a night of emotional torment and loneliness, but feeling him leave cut deep.

Wracked with too many different emotions -some of which she couldn’t even name- she slid down the door to sit on the floor. Pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging them to her as she let her head rest on her knees, falling under a cloud of something that felt like regret for letting him go without an easy way to contact her, and with so much left unsaid.

The defences she’d fought to bolster collapsed, and she let the silence pull her down into a darkness that felt like quicksand. Noting as she went, how the apartment felt so much bigger without him.

Empty.

It seemed illogical for the removal of his presence to have such an impact on the space when he’d not been there long, but his absence allowed for a familiar sadness to resurface in her. Reminding her of how lonely she was, and how good it had felt just to be with someone who seemed to understand her and care.

She raised her head, and ran a hand through her curly hair, blowing out a shaky sigh that almost sounded like a whimper, as tears threatened. She didn’t know why she felt so upset, it was pathetic and far too unlike herself.

No part of her had ever expected to meet a man like him in that town. Especially since she tried so hard to keep to herself. Surviving alone. As a way of retaining control in a life that felt like it was balanced on a knife edge. Protecting her sanity and her heart in isolation.

She’d had to run in the middle of the night too many times already, and she couldn’t afford to commit to anything that couldn’t be left in a heartbeat, should trouble come calling again.

It was easy to see he was hurting and damaged inside, and she couldn’t stand to think that her past mistakes and irrational choices would only serve to add to his burdens, if they got too close.

Even if he had been honest, and they were free to build something together, where would they start in the circumstances? Between her status in the eyes of the law, and his work for the government it seemed like there was no realistic way they could ever be more to one another than just one night.

Yet despite knowing all that, it hurt like hell to let him go.

“Goddamnit, Murph!” she self-admonished out into the heavy silence of her life. “You’re such a fuckin’ idiot!”

Thanks for reading! 💜

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