I’ve been trying to think up what to say all night.
Yesterday, I was angry. I was hurt beyond belief. I was so upset that my cheeks were red, my hands were shaking, and tears were in my eyes to watch what went down on the dash. My safe place felt so incredibly unsafe and for the first time in years, I didn’t have any qualms about leaving Scandalous.
I was mad. And I vowed to say so many hurtful things in my goodbye post if I decided to leave and when I woke up this morning, I was just..sad. But I knew it was time to say goodbye. I’ve been in this group for four years and I’ve considered it my home. I’ve met my best friends here. I’ve fallen in love with characters and with ships. It has truly been my safe place to land and that’s why yesterday was so incredibly unsettling because I had never felt as triggered and disrespected.
But I don’t want to leave this RP with anger. Anger is easy to hold onto and I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business so it would be very easy for me. At the end of the day, I am leaving because it’s not a healthy environment for me. I am leaving because I’m ready to try something new. And I’m leaving with the comfort and peace of knowing the people I care about here will still keep in touch with me. That’s the blessing I’ve gained from this group - my friends.
I wish I could individually thank everybody but that’d be the whole RP and I don’t know if I could stomach writing emotional goodbyes to everyone. I can barely stomach writing this. So this will just be a farewell to Scandalous, and a hope that I still talk to you all in the future. Thank you for letting me be your Troian. Thank you for letting me be your Ian. Your Bob. Your Liam. Your Becca. Your Lili. Your Ross..so many great stories I’ve weaved and watched develop on the dash.
And thank you for letting me be your admin. Thank you to the admin team for taking me on. I hope I was a good one.
I ask that my characters histories be wiped, purely because I created them all, but I’ll understand if that’s not allowed - it’s your RP now and I’m comforted by knowing nobody can play my babies the way they’re meant to be played because I created them.
What I want to leave with is - roleplaying is a hobby. It’s a fun past time. It’s a way to develop your writing skills, to learn development and plotting, and it’s an escape. Mental health is never something to be joked about. You don’t know what word or “joke” will tip somebody over the edge. And if you make jokes about you triggering somebody, take a good, long hard look in the mirror. Your actions and your words affect people. Freedom of speech is one thing - being a person you can be proud of is another. Don’t be cruel. Don’t be petty. Use your words to make them count.
Also, if you are struggling with mental health issues, please speak to a professional. I cannot stress that enough. Help may seem hard to find but it’s out there. Your mom. Your dad. Your best friend. Your doctor who can recommend you medication and therapy to manage it. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. Depression and anxiety are not easy but they are survivable if you ask for help.
You can reach me here. I think I’ll be logged in on Lili for the rest of the day but after today, that’ll be my main contact.
I love you. Thank you.
xoxo, Becca
