Self indulgent oc fic hurt no comfort
Silk and Rabid were inseparable, everyone knew it. Wherever Rabid was, Silk was at his side. On the battlefield, Silk would be guarding Rabid, looking out for him, protecting him. When Rabid was in bed, Silk would be keeping watch, or simply asleep in a bed near his. It was no question that Silk adored Rabid, every soldier who even knew who Silk was knew of his borderline obsession for Rabid. People rumoured that the two were in love, though it was depicted as one sided. Silk heard those rumours, they hated them, though they knew they were true, whatever relationship they and Rabid had was one sided.
It made Silk sick to think about his devotion. At first when Rabid joined the forces, little silk lit up with admiration. Silk knew that they would become friends. They knew from the start that their feelings were pure, but tainted with romance. It felt like a stain on their soul, a sin they needed to get rid of.
The night came where Rabid invited Silk into his bed, it was a cold night in Kettra, and Silk wouldn’t pass the opportunity. Silk descended into Rabid’s bed, the bile in their throat rising. It was more than they deserved, and a small sliver of hope crawled into his mind, immediately shut down with reality.
“You okay?” Rabid asked, his voice soft.
Rabid wrapped his arms around Silk, holding them close. Rabid fell asleep, leaving Silk with their emotions and worries. They were worried that one wrong move, one honest confession would ruin everything. The truth was that Silk’s feelings for Rabid was messy, and repressed most of the time. they knew they loved him, treasured him. But he knew that as much as Rabid loved them, but he would never feel the same way. Silk was one wrong move away from losing the man they loved.
Silk’s mind was racing, their head rested in Rabid’s chest, the rise and fall a calming pattern. To be truthful, Silk had never had this level of intimacy before. They had kissed a man before the draft, but never had they had a devotion like this, a night where Rabid pulled them closer. It made their mind hazy, thoughts racing, none coherent, just memories and feelings.
How they wouldn’t allow themselves to even have thoughts about Rabid, that made it worse, the longing. The ache in their heart when they remembered that Rabid wasn’t capable of the love that they yearned to be reciprocated. How their love tainted everything. Why couldn’t they just love the same way Rabid does, why cant they be pure like him?
Silk drifted off to sleep with tears in their eyes in their companion’s arms.
