3 years ago today
It hit me a bit ago what today was. The 3 year mark of the scariest time of my life. After two surgeries that December it seemed inhumane to have to wait several weeks without a thyroid, without medication, for my body to be ready for radioactive iodine treatment. Just the movement of walking by that last week or two felt like I was against a solid brick wall. I was so ready to come back to life. The drive to the hospital Feb 13, 2014 is a day I will never forget. I had tried so hard to be strong since receiving the C word diagnosis. This day I was full of fear. Consumed. I cried the whole way there and simply could not quit. Through the check in process i could not quit crying. I was embarrassed and apologetic. I said this was not my norm. I was told I had to have a chest X-ray. My mind went crazy during and after the X-ray, and the way they called the nuclear med doc so quickly, I was convinced they were going to tell me it had spread to my lungs. I hung on to Kenny’s arm, terrified, waiting for the bomb. Doc went on to explain the radioactive iodine dosage and how it bounces through floors and walls and all kinds of weird information, and I said wait, what about the CXR. He said it was clear. I’d already had myself at Mayo for a lung tumor in my mind. I made the doctor promise he was telling the truth. After about 45 min with this smart man, they took me into a safe type room, the nurse had to crank open a real safe, unscrew jar inside jar inside jar and said swallow this. I wanted to run. It took everything I had to put that "poison" in my body. She took me into another room. I sat and read a magazine and ate grapes I’d brought. Periodically she would peer in and show me with a Geiger Counter how radioactive I was and how far away she needed to stay. I began to experience some relief because I really wasn’t feeling anything. I went home later that day. They said to avoid the interstate as I’d set off some alarm. For real. I had to come back in 4 days for a body scan. What really sucked after that was having to wait almost 1 ½ years to see if the treatment worked. Stressful. I prayed incessantly day and night. Dark post? Yes. The wonderful end of this post is that it is now 3 years later. I’m still here. I truly feel better than ever. I feel like I can do anything. We are all human. It’s probably ok to melt down once in a while. But the huge lesson that day was to not worry. "Do not worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done." Thank you God, for my life. I have a lot of living left to do. And now I can feel great doing it.