contemplation

space

[m-a-e-x]

The system doesn’t forget. It wants what it wants. Until it gets what it wants. Developing a quality of deeply listening to our urges and schooling the ability to translate this into direct action is gold. Clicking and rewinding the old patterns is serving you just more old pain on new plattes. #newschool https://www.instagram.com/p/CDv4GJMIZiH/?igshid=idafpdp1ai1f

[m-a-e-x]

A cycle The sun around the earth we call a year. From full moon to new moon to full moon we call a month. From sunrise to sunrise we call it a day. Life and it’s cycles. A woman’s cycle. Bleeding and babies. The body builds up a home for an egg to attach. If no egg is fertilized and ready to develop, the lining breaks down - we bleed. A painful part of womanhood. A concoction of hormones. A wild mental ride. It brings me down on my knees. Not the physical discomfort! The mental tantrum it is. The inescapable question IF motherhood! The inbuilt longing of Mother Nature. A strong pull out of my safe space. The uncontrolled power behind creation. Down on my knees. Crying. Begging. Waiting. In a few days it’s over. To come back in a month. Knocking on my nerves. Reminding me of my possibility. Freaking me out! #period #bloodmagic #menstruation https://www.instagram.com/p/CDtKBCooy69/?igshid=1o05qz764h9zx

[m-a-e-x]

Today I asked myself: What do I really know? Like for sure! It took a while. I drifted. Eureka - nope! What did I learn from life in all those years of learning, reading, living, asking, failing, doing, being, studying, working, seeing, experiencing, loving? Here it is: Life has crazy ways to meet our wishes. Life decides when we grow. Humans are deeply complex. Everything we need is right in front of us. Security is an illusion. I deeply love the ocean, the sun, pink tomatoes, figs and the infinite beauty of life. #waves #varna #варна https://www.instagram.com/p/CDo_KnxolHo/?igshid=nqlql2ywx8lu

[m-a-e-x]

When Mother Nature is ready she gives it all at once Not bite by bite Not fruit after fruit Not 10 now and ten later It’s up to you what you do. Eat em Juice em Bottle em Jam em Waste em #peaches #preaches https://www.instagram.com/p/CDnrKRrIr-v/?igshid=ajnfwy9r39q1

[m-a-e-x]

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I asked the mood to take away what is old what was learned what I believed I asked to clearly see me I asked to truly be me Today I look at tons of fears Fears creeping up the legs Fears sneaking in my brain Fears limping my hands Fears sealing my lips Fears squishing my heart Fears blinding my eyes #fullmoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CDdx5EeIh5U/?igshid=11ywdun8thegn

[m-a-e-x]

A true master will point towards the one path with these: Nothing The silence Everything The love Disagreement The inquiry #summer #honeymelon https://www.instagram.com/p/CDdxxvCIV-h/?igshid=1wirg52nqiomv

[m-a-e-x]

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I trust my feet to walk. I trust my hands to feel. I trust my guts. I trust my body to orchestrate the symphony of my aliveness. I trust my heart to know what love is. I trust my heart to guide me home. I trust my heart all the way. I trust my brain to become silent if I wish. I trust my brain to stop pushing me. I trust my brain to not force me into action. I trust life to know what I don’t know. I trust to know what is beyond known. I trust in the goodness of thee. #itrust #trust https://www.instagram.com/p/CDLhgzvI6cx/?igshid=1pht1b5pgcyyj

[m-a-e-x]

Complaining whining loose goose lacking substance free from self-care. You call for help. You are desperate. You deny life. You wallow in self-pity. I know this space. I feel your pain. Been there done that. Been there again and again. Done it over and over again. I love you. I hope to see you happy. Even if never did. All I know now I cannot help you. I cannot be empathic with the shit you spread around yourself. I cannot afford buying you story. I tell you that I love you. You throw a pile of dirt. I sit patiently with you. You get drunk. I let you be who you want to be. You threat to kill yourself. If you were an arm, I’d need to amputee it to stop the infection from attacking my whole body. If you were a child, I’d need to get help to know where I have failed you. If you were my partner, I’d suffer for quite a while by your side. But you are my father. You are a grown man. You are big like a bear. You are stubborn like an opposing army. I sit. I breathe. This is not my job. I am not yours to use. I am my own human. I am free. This loose loose situation I cannot solve. I give it to god. I ask divine helpers to hold you tight. I ask all angels to surround your human flesh. I ask all light to kiss your thought. I ask grace to soothe the storm inside your heart. But most importantly I let go. I let my urge to have a relationship with you, the way I imagined it. I take it as it is. I pull down all labels. I forgive you. I forgive myself. I love you. I love myself. #fatherdaughter https://www.instagram.com/p/CC0bYhuo6d8/?igshid=i2r47a4h1i81

[m-a-e-x]

A fine web Defines you Another even finer web Guides you The first cell forming a heart formulating a wish to feel it all in a costume of flesh. Besides form and flesh you are you a wonder unique expression of love one in millions the power of the cosmos We are a human form From divine source A higher self God’s plan invisible web of coincidences weaving a nest for our heads to rest A divine master plan to uncover to discover A whole new world #mysticmessenger https://www.instagram.com/p/CCvkdyWoCbj/?igshid=1hhqkm426amci

[m-a-e-x]

Was willst du? Was gibts den? Was du willst. Ich weiß ja nicht was es alles gibt. Alles gibt‘s. Ich will fühlen was ich will. Ich will machen was ich mag. Ich will sein wie ich bin. Ich will denken wie ich. Ich will lieben wie ich will. Das geht nicht. Das kannst du so nicht. Niemand macht das so. Aha. Eine mediale Armada aus Bildern und Texten aus flimmernden Filmen spricht mitten rein ins zarte Menschsein. Ein ambivalente Monstrosität aus Anpassung und Individualität nagt, klagt und niemand wagt Dieses Leben gegeben um zu streben in selbst Autorität Wahnsinn und Authentizität zu finden was Gott in dir zu sagen hat (frei nach Eugen Drewermann) Ach Seihen wir mal endlich ehrlich gefährlich! #aufdeutsch #fussfetisch #herzenssache https://www.instagram.com/p/CCauqsJIlrS/?igshid=1c2gx97mw44nb

[m-a-e-x]

#drsuess #alltheplacesyoullgo Every precious moment lived in truth led by breath enables love to move you Every honest experience allowed to sink felt with grace overrides old patterns Every deep breath taken to the heart filed with hope unwires immemorial entanglements Every pure movement a connecting stream wide and wild brings forth primal energy Every day A chance To be, to see, to move, to love Darling it’s in your hands Darling it’s in your eyes Darling it’s in your skin Darling it’s in your wild Darling in your dark is all the light. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCYNJuEIg1T/?igshid=17hw5tj3ixww6

[m-a-e-x]

A new layer of me A step closer to my truth A shy look at my wings Today I am ready. Ready to choose. Choose myself. My wishes. My needs. My life. My purpose. I bring a lot to the table. Always did even as a kid. I’ve observed and improved myself and everyone and everything crossing my path. I munch demons and old shadows for breakfast. I cook lunch with scary scars for wounded souls. For dinner I like to serve a piece of defragmentation with pointings to self illusion as a side dish. I am an exceptional chef. I fillet lies in see trough layers. Digesting at my table looks like vomiting after having too much resisting eating the fullness of foul dancing for years in the dark around the table It took me almost 40 years to learn how to prepare my dishes more balanced for a softer transition. I had to learn whom to invite and whom to let wait. I had to learn how to chooses bite sizes that can be chewed well before swallowed. I had to learn to have a big big cup of silence as backup meal. But for many years I thought I am a shitty cook. I thought my meals do not serve the purpose. I thought my guests would be better of without my skills. For the past ten years I sat alone at my table thinking I am unworthy of happy guests in my honored house with the table of personal horror. Today I know there are the right guests to any party. I know to cherish the variety I am. I see the beauty in my though love and my soft love. I see clearly what is meant to be will be. Today I promise to create a special menu this summer. To invite only those who are ready and willing to choose wholeness. Mine. Their. #chooseme #choosejoy #chooselife https://www.instagram.com/p/CCI49i2IUQz/?igshid=15zw3rakmhreq

[m-a-e-x]

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What if it’s not a mistake who you are, how you are, who you are not, how you are not. What if you are already exactly who you shall be? Most people can’t find ease in accepting themselves. We often think of ourselves as misfits, imperfect, work in progress, bad, lazy, stupid, ugly, not enough. When I tell you: you are already perfekt, you are who you are I see the infinite potential in you. I see your quirks, vice, flaws and your darkness. I do. But this is not who you are. I also see your glamour, achievements, success and pride. But this is not who you are. You are the mystical wonder happening behind all ideas of ideal selves. You are endless boundless space. You are the infinite goodness. You are what will naturally unfold when all fear falls from your skin. You are what will naturally unfold when the highest love is present by your side. #loveletters https://www.instagram.com/p/CCCO1_GIMNR/?igshid=j7zdi7urlwki

[m-a-e-x]

What is love in the absence of imagination and culture society and history? What is love outside of roll play and customs, relationships and morals? Rich Deep Strong Magical Free Enough Everywhere Unbound #love https://www.instagram.com/p/CB731bEou3p/?igshid=1kw863brge4gm

[m-a-e-x]

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Going deeper in touch Feeling deeper In touch Nurturing nature Connection concoction #remember https://www.instagram.com/p/CB5VoICI4Ur/?igshid=18su9v62w23tp

[m-a-e-x]

Control What can a human control? The own breath, the own mind. Depending on health and age: the own body. What does a human try to control? Own feelings, feelings of another, outcome in life, life itself, animals, children, other humans, nature. #control https://www.instagram.com/p/CB2mIPlIVTO/?igshid=u5bjxy7rekwl

[m-a-e-x]

About you. It’s all about you. Intimacy with you. Will lead you to become intimate with all that is. Seeing everything as part of you. #worldpeace #simplepleasures #simplemagic https://www.instagram.com/p/CBveDTuoElJ/?igshid=676i5hfamsni