I Want It, I Got It

Mackenzie Valdez - Comedian/Unemployed - Political Science Major

[macandvaldez]

@mamma.mia: @macandvaldez then you're the perfect candidate to send to the uno equivalent of the shadow realm lol

@macandvaldez: @mamma.mia next time we hang ill bring a deck. if i can find 1

[macandvaldez]

what's the meanest thing you've said to someone?

“Oh, I got it. Like four or five years back - the last time I talked to my father - things got tense an’ I said some stuff I’m not proud of. Told ‘im he was a worthless piece of shit who didn’t deserve to call himself my father. That he shoulda stuck around if he wanted my respect, that I wouldn’t give a damn if he went off an’ died. There was more, too, but I don’ think it’s worth repeatin’. No use dwellin’ on the past unless you’re lookin’ to hurt.”  

[macandvaldez]

[bopeep]

*doesnt check my academic email* everythings OK

[macandvaldez]

@bansheemans: @macandvaldez ...... nice........ great idea!

@macandvaldez: @bansheemans u gotta make 1 man.

[macandvaldez]

@bansheemans: i have a crush on a porn star and it's ruining my life

@macandvaldez: @bansheemans sounds like the title 2 1 of those clickbait YT vids

[macandvaldez]

@mamma.mia: when you're playing uno and someone goes "skip you, skip you, reverse, reverse back to me, draw 2, uno, draw 2, uno out" I WILL CUT YOU

@macandvaldez: @mamma.mia lol. hey, if u play w me there’s no risk of that, I suck. got the worst luck w tht game

[macandvaldez]

kit-notatticus‌:

kit stumbled through the quad, his clothes all disheveled and his body smelling pungently of various types of alcohol. he slipped out of his shoes, leaving them in their spots as if they were ghostly reminders of where he came from. “so what the fuck…” he continued singing obnoxiously as he continued on the cobblestone path. he wasn’t even aware that he wasn’t at his apartment. “….happened to us?” kit continued to croon as he flopped down onto the bench, letting out a whimper of pain as his head hit the wooden panels.  

“Hey, man.” Kenzie smiled, helping himself to a seat on the bench. He’d grabbed the dude’s shoes a few feet back just in case he missed ‘em later, dropping them within eyesight so people wouldn’t get any funny ideas. Kit was drunk, obviously. He smelled like a liquor store and walked like a sailor who’d been missing land for months, it spelled trouble and Kenzie’d kick himself later if he didn’t try to get him home safe. “Good song! Kinda sad, though, right? ” 

[macandvaldez]

miaxcs‌:

with a pink pen placed between her pearly whites, mia had her gaze locked on the paper before her ; seemingly looking like she truly was reading something of great importance to anyone who looked her way in the cafe. that was, however, until they came closer and saw the cosmopolitan magazine in front of her. perhaps, that explained why it took her a moment to even acknowledge kenzie’s arrival. “ do you think i should dye my hair blonde ? “ she asked out of the blue as he sat down, plump lips puckering up together before she finally looked up at him. “ it’s supposed to be a new fall trend, “ the project they were supposed to do together ? was far in the back of her mind.

“Yeah, try it out. You got the kinda face that can pull anythin’ off.” He replied without skipping a beat, offering her a blinding smile before turning the rummage around in his bag. Kenzie hadn’t necessarily been expecting a random ass question about fashion right off the bat, but he was all about trying new forms of expression so the ‘yes’ was kind of a given. Things like that interested him, he was always wearing something new and fun he’d thrown together - from fishnets to Hawaiian tees he’d tried it all...and he’d liked most of it. “If you end up hating it, you can just dye it back - or shave it and try somethin’ new. I dunno.” 

Grabbing his notebook - the only spiral-bound notebook he owned - and a pen, he set them both on the table in front of him and opened to the next blank page, ready to get the party started. Kenzie would’ve brought his computer, but he got distracted way too easy for that. He’d have spent the whole evening playing the little T-Rex game Google Chrome launched whenever the internet was out. 

[blububblewrap]

[headfirst-for-your-mum-deactiva]

Some of y’all didn’t darken your clothes or strike a violent pose and it shows

[macandvaldez]

“Hey! Sorry ’m late! Got stuck in pre-game traffic, seems lots of folks are comin’ out to watch us kick ass.” Kenzie slung his backpack over the back of the chair and took a seat across from his project partner. As a general rule he did as little schoolwork as possible - his classes bored him and he couldn’t have given less of a fuck about his grades - but when someone else’s grade was on the line, he gladly stepped up to get shit done. It was the right thing to do, much less scummy than sitting back and watching a classmate struggle with the workload. 

[macandvaldez]

[macandvaldez]

colorme-stasia‌:

stasia was still wearing the remnants of her previous room. her white overalls, converse and beret were splattered with the whole spectrum of colors. even her cheeks were striped with multi-colored lines. taking a break from being splattered with paint, the girl found herself leaning against the wall just rocking on the heels of her feet. she barely even noticed someone beside her until they spoke up. “oh! no. haven’t been in there yet. seems a little too much for my tastes. honestly, since the door is closed and all, they could be sacrificing a goat in there or something for all we know. I don’t know if I want to be a part of that.”

“Goat sacrifice?” He laughed, caught off-guard by her weird-ass suggestion. “Guess I should avoid it then, huh. Don’ need somethin’ like that on my hands.” Kenzie gave the young woman a subtle once-over, wondering where she’d been - paint splotches covered her head to toe in interesting patterns he kinda wanted to wear himself. Maybe there was a painting room? Considering he just walked out of a room completely covered in fake blood, anything was possible. 

“Cool beret.” 

[macandvaldez]

“Sounds pretty wild. You been in there yet?” Kenzie asked the closest bystander, leaning back against the wall across the way from what seemed to be a pretty rockin’ room. Well, all of them had been pretty rockin’ from what he could tell, but this one in particular was really taking things to the next level. There was even screaming - good or bad, he didn’t know, but he wanted to find out before he went on in. Finishing off his umpteenth drink of the night, he crossed his arms and cocked his head - staring intently at the door as if he’d suddenly gain x-ray vision and stare through it. 

[tvandfilm]

[macandvaldez]

ingridrdley‌:

Ingrid had somehow ended up hosting a room on her own, pool floaties stuck on her arms as she opened the door to her room, bodies spilling out with Lizzo playing on a speaker. “God, you’re here just in time. My dealer showed up. He’s offering free lines every time the beat drops. Honestly think he’s almost out.” She brushed past a blow up palm tree on the way into her room, kiddie pool in the corner taking up most of the space. “Wanna go for a swim? Thought of just fully making it a Swimfan theme. But this seemed a little less murder-y.”

“Sure! I don’t have a swimsuit so I’m ‘a stand, but it sounds fun!” Kenzie smiled brightly, taking in the room full of blow-up decorations and sweaty bodies. He’d brought his own drink - a solo cup full of punch from the room before - and he was already three glasses into the night, so everything sounded fun to him. Including blow. Which was, objectively, not a good idea. 

“Wait, what’s Swimfan?”