I was thinking today that In My Life is not just a John song for Paul, it is McLennon Proof
I think some people think, Okay, maybe John had a crush on Paul, but because of Paul’s “immovable heterosexuality,” he never acted on it. Never told Paul about it. Just suffered in silence. BUT then we have “In My Life,” which is NOT John suffering in silence, is it? No no no, it is John being quite loud and clear. In My Life is an ANSWER to a QUESTION that someone has asked him, and that question is: “Who do you love more? Who is more important to you?” And John ANSWERS that question with the most beautiful, profound, powerful lyrics. He answers it with a resounding “YOU it is YOU I love YOU MORE I love you MOST of all, the most of ANYONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.” It is meant to be the kind of answer that is completely unequivocal. It leaves no doubt.
Now, who asked him that question? Why, of course, it was the Paul that hardly anyone ever gets to see. Insecure!Paul. Needy!Paul. The Paul who doubted John’s love. The Paul who desperately wanted reassurance. Probably only John, and Linda, ever saw that Paul. But we, his fans, know that Paul from listening to his music. Scared!Paul never, ever comes out in interviews, never. But he writes and plays and sings these beautiful songs and so we know that Paul quite well, actually.
And what was making Paul insecure in 1965 in his relationship with John? I’m betting on a BIG FIGHT happening about Stu Sutcliffe, John’s only other male love interest (and possibly, lover). Paul believed that he and John could not be jealous of one another’s relationships with women. But Stu? Paul admits to having hated Stu, and he doesn’t admit to hating anyone. He doesn’t like the part of himself that gets jealous and angry. But there was some incident in which Paul let John know something like, “I think you loved Stu more than me. I think if he were here, you would love him more than you love me. Do you love him more than me? Will you always love him more than me?”
And John responds with the moving lyrics of In My Life. He says to Paul, I’ve known a lot of people, friends and lovers (Stu was possibly both), and yes, I loved them, I loved Stu, sure, I definitely did, just like I loved my mum and Mimi and Uncle George and like I love Cynthia and Julian, I have loved lots of different people, and I will treasure their memories, I remember all the places and people I have loved, BUT THERE IS NO ONE WHO COMPARES WITH YOU. IN MY LIFE, I LOVE YOU MORE.”
I think there is just no way John would make such an open declaration of his feelings for Paul if he were completely closeted and repressing his feelings for Paul. And moreover, the lyrics do not read like the musings of a broken-hearted man who is keeping his feelings inside. They read like the response of a man to a serious question that his beloved has asked him. It’s like we’re coming in to the room in the middle of a conversation when we listen to this song.
And come on, look at Paul in 1965 (above), who could compare to him? John got to see Paul’s immense beauty every day up close for YEARS and plus he knew literally better than anyone the staggering depths of Paul’s musical and vocal genius and compositional brilliance. And John knew Paul as a person, too, as a man. Paul’s generosity, kindness, wit, his loving heart, his warm friendship. John had all of that. Only John had all of that, only John had every piece of Paul. How could anyone have compared to Paul McCartney?? It wasn’t possible.
So John gives Needy!Paul what he needs. John loved many people but he loved Paul THE MOST. The lyrics shut down the question entirely.
The fact that, in Paul’s recollection, John gave him the lyrics on a sheet of paper and Paul wrote the music makes the song, imo, an even more fantastic love song. Because that makes the song not a one-way answer by John to Paul, but actually a whole conversation between them.
2087
gummygunk
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
snowghoul
jbbartram-illu
