the daily life of an assistant

I am working as an assistant for several years now, done everything from office management to personal support - and there are just too many moments that are worth to be shared. I couldn't handle all the entertainment by myself. And since I am also a lady outside of work - there are many more storier to tell. You're welcome.

[mad-u]

Seriously...

If you can't make the coffee stains on the staircase as awesome as this one, how about you don't make any stains at all?

Please watch your step and your coffee cup in your hand - deep in my heart there is the desire to say "don't walk around with a coffee cup via different floors at all" ...but I was told I can't do it, so I won't.

Thanks for taking care of this gorgeous new office space!

All my best Your assistant

PS: am I the only one thinking about Modern Talking now? ...earworm potential...

[mad-u]

Office life at 9 am: After making coffee for everybody, setting up the cereal, getting dishes down...I finally have the time to paint my nails.

[mad-u]

Why do you love your job?

Here's a situation why I love mine: Rushing out of the office to an external meeting. I see the DHL delivery guy...and some tourist asks him if he knows a good hairdresser in the area. I jump in the game, yelling over "ha! I sure do know one". I show the guy where it is and he's asking if it's really a good one. Me: "well, they do my hair, how good do you think it looks?" Delivery guy: "if I was you I'd think twice of what I say now." Guy goes to the hairdresser, delivery guy smiles at me and says "see you in a bit, happy to tell you there are private deliveries for your co-workers again." That guy knows my pain and knows how to handle it. :)

[mad-u]

Birthday & Christmas Party

Hi lovely girls & boys,

About time we're sending some more infos on both the company Birthday and Christmas Party, don't you think?

Birthday

01.12.2013 - the day our company was born - for the public eye. Because as you know, babies are being made a few months earlier, not always sure who the daddy is, sometimes the info is hidden for a while, people are wondering about the name, nervous family all around...and then the bloody delivery. But oh that joy once it's there! ;)

For everybody in Berlin: We want to spend some extra time with you on that special day and therefor invite you to watch "The Wolf of Wall Street" with us. Nothing too fancy, just watching a movie with some beer and some chips (so you better plan lunch that day cause we won't have proper food). Sparkling wine for the ladies, of course... ;)

I will send out a calendar invitation - no maybe, only yes. We need to know how many people want to watch the movie.

Watching the movie is also the preparation for our Christmas party! :)

Christmas Party

10.12.2015 - starting at 7pm, enough to drink for everybody, no dinner

You can leave the office at 5pm to get ready and prepared, just like last year. Would be great to have you in the office at 09:30am latest that day then ;)

Everything under the motto "The Wolf of Wall Street". Dress like you own the world! :)  ...or like someone in the movie. Be fancy, look like you have too much money, and don't forget to bring your dancing shoes!

Talking about dancing shoes - what music would you like to hear? Help me put together the perfect song list for all of us! Use this link: XXX And please: don't give me those "I want to listen to techno"-mails again and then complain when I put Scooter on the list. I need artists and song names. Because to me, Scooter is techno.

Please let me know in case there are any questions open for the birthday or the day of the christmas party!

We will all celebrate the big party together, our international teams will be in Berlin! :)

All my best Your assistant

PS: Kids, we have to talk about it. There are drugs being used in the movie. No, that doesn't make it ok. If I see just one person with an attempt like that for fun, I will close down the party, call your mum and invite everytbody to an intervention. Drugs are bad for you and I ain't even joking.

[mad-u]

some rules about your private deliveries & my christmas gift to you

Hi all,

As christmas time is coming closer, I assume that some of you will take the opportunity to use this "internet" to buy gifts for their loved ones. First of all: really? You don't want to rush out Dec 23rd to do your shopping? ;) And also: really? You don't want your neighbor or next post office or gas station to receive your package for you? Rather have ME do that? ...interesting.

But ok...here are some rules: - make sure you have "company name" on the address somewhere, otherwise the package will end up in whichever office here in this building...and guess who gets the mails being asked if she knows person XY - preferebly have something like "private" or "persönlich" on the address, which is the best indicator for me knowing it's your private stuff - otherwise I might get in a christmas mood and open everything like a maniac...because that's what I do - I usually open all the incoming mail (like a maniac) - when I tell you there is a private delivery for you, I expect you to pick it up the next day latest or in case of absence send someone from your team (team; that's this "one for all and all for one"-thing you might have heard of) - no returns - if you want to send something back, do it yourself (this also applies for...well, for forever)

And here comes my christmas gift to you: I totally support it if you send out christmas cards to your loved ones! Handwritten - remember? Like they used to do it. Usually I am not taking your private mail to the post box - but for your christmas cards (and christmas cards only) I will make an exception :) I will even have the proper stamp for you! For cards being sent out to Germany: 62cents For international cards: 80cents Please have it handy as I already know I won't be able to change. We also still have sooooooooooo many company christmas cards from last year - you are more than welcome to send one of those to your grandma :D  ...or your friend who needs our product.

Questions? No? Fine, then get to work now ;)

All my best Your assistant

[mad-u]

Health lesson from your assistant.

[mad-u]

Byebye little Kyocera printer

I sent this mail to my team today:

Dear Kyocera printer,

You were one of my very first duties here at XXX.I remember the hassle we had, even deciding if we want to invest in you or not. But you've been a part of the team eversince then. 

To make it short and crisp: I will turn you off for good now because getting you repaired would be a bigger investment than getting one of your fancy new sexy sisters.

All the ones that were using you for their purposes, will have to get to know your big brother a little closer. You were seperated at birth and he is now living with the XXX team. Yes, he does have a better life there - windows, fresh air and everything. In order to get your big brother installed or get their address in his address book, all they need to do is send an email to XXX. OR they can chose to use your HP-cousin that is standing next to the risk team.Easy to set up with the IP: 12.34.567

I am not sure how to proceed from here with you, for that I have to wait until daddy co-founder is back from his vacation.

Thanks for your work, but due to your current behavior, this goodbye doesn't hurt as much as it would have if we had other reasons to send you off.

All my best 

Your assistant

[mad-u]

#partytime ...I knew getting up wasn't the best idea this morning.

[mad-u]

Ice coffee for everybodyyyyyyyy! ...in my office. Made by...my lovely co-worker and my gorgeous self.

[mad-u]

If life gives you bananas...find a way to make them more entertaining!

[mad-u]

3 months holiday...kinda

So yes, I left the company I was wrapping up on in my last post. Ending with saying I am looking forward to all the WTF moments in the new company...little did I know. Basically each of those 3 months I spent at that company were one single WTF moment. Don’t get me wrong - it was, still is, a great company. But kind of unprepared for...well...me. 

They set up a position for an Executive Assistant to support 4 ppl on the C-level. So little me got there totally motivated for the next level of my career - got sick after 4 days at the company, came back to work for 2 weeks, then went on vacation for a week and then...looked around, noticing there’s nothing to do for me really. No joke. I was far from being busy - a situation I was longing for at the old company for just one day to take a breath - here I had it. Every single day. Boredom. So after two months, I decided I can’t take this any longer. I need work to do, I need to be busy, I need to be needed. So guess what? I resigned. I resigned after two months. Despite my first thought, it didn’t feel like giving up, it was more like now knowing what I want and even more imporant what I don’t want. So after resigning they asked me to stay a little longer than the regular 2 weeks as they have an idea and would need me for it, we agreed on 3 weeks - and guess what? Another 3 weeks of not really having anything to do. I felt like a hooker - I offered myself to anybody who was willing to talk to me and the first one who said to take me got me. Good lord, I was cheap to get. But at least I wasn’t paid for doing nothing and got to meet more nice people at that company (seriously, the people there are super nice!). Naturally, they are now overthinking the whole position...maybe they call me, once it’s all thought through ;)

Having several job options, I decided to follow an old love - back to the old company. Back to chaos, back to too much work to do, back to being needed. Might be true what they say - you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. And I guess I underestimated the fun that came with all the chaos. 

Most of the trouble makers are gone by now (because otherwise I would have never went back fo shizzle), but still enough people to already entertain me after the first two days back in the job.

Funny how they think I come back and jump right in as I was never gone...also not the easiest task when your successor was doing what you were doing while working at the other company - pretty much not a whole lot. So here I am, after a ridiculous handover that’s not even worth being mentioned (and that’s not mean or anything, just true because nothing really came out of it). Back at my old spot, and eventhough I’ve been there before, it feels like a new job. Loads of chaos to clear up, new chaos ahead - but this time there’s the plan to take it all as smooth as possible and enjoy the ride.

Buckle up, you people. I shall take you along with me on my ride! :)

[mad-u]

Wrapping Up

I never thought I would fall for a bunch of founders and have a rather hard time with the team. It usually was either trouble with the management or love for everybody. While prefering love for everybody, I understand that life isn’t an amusement park and that we should just take what’s being thrown in our direction and make the best of it. That said, there are also two hands full of people I adore, so don’t get me wrong!

I would like to give it a try to wrap up this job with a few highlights that I might have talked about already, some I haven’t:

- I have to name the coffee situation again because it was just so wrong on so many levels

- also I have to name the outgoing mail situation again, yet again wrong on so many levels

- offboarding myself because none else was around (again: offboarding myself.)

- even changing my own email password so I can’t access anymore - is everybody getting the irony of the situation? I changed the password MYSELF so I don’t have access anymore.

- I go for lunch with one of my founders last friday because he is on vacation this week - he’s taking me to his “favourite” italian place

- I go for lunch with two other founders today for my last lunch - they are taking me to a really great italian place

....needless to say, I ate at the same italian place twice....

- I had a possible replacement coming in today, for trial work day - she leaves after lunch because her english just isn’t good enough (thank you headhunter for making this a lovely situation for everybody involved)

- my goodbye gift was a tattoo voucher for my very own tattoo artist (idea of my management - how freaking awesome is that?!)

- the gift card came along with some great (company related) tattoo options

- one of my founders asked which one I would get, I told him I’ll show him once it’s been done

- he laughs saying “depends on the place, right?”

- I say “no, on the amount of alcohol I had when deciding to show you”

- I seriously freaking lost the last important kicker game

- I was still in the better looking team (and yes, we weren’t tired of telling the other team)

- an hour before I left I went upstairs to my new office (yes, upstairs - funny enough, I will stay in the building) to bring up my lunch equipment for when I am making myself a salad...asking if I could store it already...that felt a little akward. On boths sides.

- I was asked to order a PS4 with an extra controller, didn’t get the “extra” part and ordered just one controller 

- it looks a little sad when one IT guy is playing FIFA and there is another IT guy sitting next to him just watching. I apologized.

- someone once resigned after 4 days because he couldn’t handle my emails. True story.

It’s been a rollercoaster ride, but despite the bumps I enjoyed the ride.

Now off to a week of vacation, looking forward to all the WTF-moments the new job has to offer.

[mad-u]

byebye team

It was fun, I fell in love with the founders, heart actually more than 2 hands of people and might come back once that special round of you understood how to behave in the kitchen and knows how to appreciate when someone clears their leftovers. :)

Thank you for the little gathering earlier and the super massive gift (a tattoo voucher at my very own artist)! I really appreciate it, that will make all of you be a part of me for the rest of my life (and seriously - who else really means it when he says it?).

If I was you, I wouldn't answer to this mail, because the moment this has been sent off, I will redirect my mails to one of the founders.

Rather go with [email protected]  ;)

All my best and I will see you around, as I am only moving up one floor

Your assistant

[mad-u]

Last days...

So yet again, I have a last day at a job.

This time is so different from last time - no breakfast together, no team lunch, no rice pudding for everybody. And for sure there won’t be any tears.

As I had quite a few WTF-moments at this job, I have so many people coming up to me saying “you must be super happy to leave”. And guess what - I am not. Why would I be happy that something failed? This job was quite challenging on many different levels and if anything it contributed to my “what I want to do/what I don’t want to do”-list.

Today will be filled with last minute tasks, yet again making coffee for everybody, preparing cereals for everybody and hopefully one or two kicker games ;)

I am looking forward to my lunch with two of the greatest MDs I ever had the pleasure of working with. Besides two handful of really great co-workers, this is what I will miss most about about my job: my management. (if someone would have told me that 1.5 years ago, I would have asked them to consider therapy)

No job is perfect, but every job has tiny little things to it that are perfect and after all the rage that has happened in the past months, I do cherish the great moments. Even all those WTF-moments are good for something: no matter how bad the party is, I always have one or two stories to cheer up the crowd.

Before heading to my last day at that this job, here is my total WTF-highlight that pretty much sums up those moments:

- co-worker A gets into the kitchen and sees that BOTH coffee makers are running over - loads of coffee flooding the kitchen

- co-worker A gets out of the kitchen, tells co-worker B to send me a note that coffee is flooding the kitchen

- co-worker B sends me a note via Skype, telling me that coffee is flooding the kitchen

- me, not sure if I should say “thank you for the note” or not, coming over from THE OTHER office to clean up the mess, wondering how many people have already seen it and just walked out...also still confused about how the info got to me after all

If anything like that happens today, I won’t be moving one little bit. 

[mad-u]

SHAPE UP!

Hi boys & girls,

It is that time again! :)

We will have an Audit next week Monday-Wednesday.

This means: - look as gorgeous as usual - clear your tables from as much as you can - clear your tables from anything confidential (including the love letters from your secret admirers!...those are to be handed in with me, basically for my entertainment) - behave at the kicker table

And in case any of those audit people asks you if you are always that super awesome, say yes.

Tuesday will be National Anthem Day - feel free to sing your respective Anthem to them when you see them. Also, feel free to sing the theme song from Arielle in case you always wanted to live in undersea kingdom of Atlantica.

Thank you and have a smashing weekend everybody! :)

All my best Your assistant

[mad-u]

visitors in da house

Hi all,

We will have external visitors for the next 3 days - they are making themselves comfortable in the cosy corner next to me. They are from XXX, working on our annual financial statement.

That's all. Wait, no. Its not.

Happy Inconvenience Yourself Day! :) In case you don't know what to do with this information, here's a little help: http://www.wikihow.com/Celebrate-Inconvenience-Yourself-Day Feel free to report at the end of the day how succesfull your attempts were, and I am not even kidding. Special attention: #1+3 are to be reported to me #5 is to be reported to your teamlead or respective founder #7 is a never ending story, feel free to talk to anybody about it Forget about #4, that's practically not possible in Berlin.

All my best Your assistant

[mad-u]

The good news is, I won't bother you with the kitchen anymore...

Hi boys and girls,

That said, I won't be bothering you at all for that much longer ;) I will take up a new career opportunity starting in April, which makes me leave you by the end of March. It is more a decision pro the new job than it is con you. Eventhough you all are aware I am having...eh....let's say difficulties with parts of my job here, leaving is never an easy decision if you generally like the people you work with! ...and suprisingly really don't do that bad in the kicker tournament...(sorry kicker partner!!!) But I want to concentrate more on the assisting part of my job, as I have by now professionalized un-/uploading the dishwasher, sort empty bottles and order drinks and food. ;)

As I am not a fan of those last minute mails right before leaving, I am very happy that our lovely founders gave me the chance to tell you in advance!

And also, please have in mind our referral programm! In case you can think of anybody that would like to sit in the chair that has the form of my butt cheeks after sitting on it for 16months, please let HR know! We are happy about any referral coming in!

All my best Your assistant