Maddisons Headspace

My random thoughts

[calellon]

unfortunately i could never be nonchalant because i am not well in the head and also my soul is on fire

[trinketman]

can i actually only be happy when im not sober bro that sucks

[maddisons-headspace]

Everyday I say I can’t take this anymore yet I somehow continue every single day… hmm…

[maddisons-headspace]

The world is shitting down and I can’t even keep anyone in my life 😂

Like damn…. I gotta go through this shit alone too?? Okay 😕

[maddisons-headspace]

Everything about my existence is so heavy.

My sadness, my joy, my pain, my regret…

I feel everything in the deepest parts of my soul and every bone in my body.

I’m exhausted.

[maddisons-headspace]

And as I sit on the floor on the verge of ending my life, I look at my phone screen desperately begging my brain to think of ANYONE I can call.

Then I stop crying.

I pick myself up off the fucking floor, wipe my eyes, and keep it pushing.

I will not die alone. I’ll leave this world with at least one person to call. I have to…

[maddisons-headspace]

Every single time I think I’ve hit rock bottom I somehow fall even further…

I’m so. tired.

[maddisons-headspace]

Okay I’m back from the dead to ask a serious question cause searching it up on safari isn’t giving me real answers.

I’ve recently started taking amitriptyline to help with pain management. It’s a 10mg dosage at the moment just to see how my body will respond. I looked up whether or not you can smoke weed while taking it and what the side effects are and all I’m seeing is an increased heart rate.

Soooo does anyone on here take that medication and smoke weed still?? If so can you share your experience with it? 

 

[maddisons-headspace]

I genuinely have absolutely no one…

[maddisons-headspace]

Got some dick yall my minds chillin for a while

[maddisons-headspace]

I’m gonna blow my brains out.

[maddisons-headspace]

Ik for a fact I’m splitting because my boyfriend is coming over and instead of being happy all I feel is hurt and dread.

Oh my god why can’t I be normal. He didn’t even do anything wrong (kinda) I can’t do this.

[maddisons-headspace]

I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything’s okay and he’s sorry…

But I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I want to make him cry. I want him to know how what he does to me feels. I need him to understand what this feels like. I don’t want his fucking apology I want him to hurt.

But I want to be his baby so bad and laugh and hug and cry as much as I want to in his arms.

[maddisons-headspace]

I really need to stay away from weed dude

[maddisons-headspace]

ANYWAYSSSSS LOL

dk what THAT was guys I’ve snapped out of it 🤣🤣🤣

Let’s all join hands and pray to whatever god there is that my boyfriend doesn’t leave me after he wakes up and reads those mortifying text messages I sent mhm hm hm ☺️☺️☺️☺️

Fucking end me.

[maddisons-headspace]

I can’t keep breathing

[maddisons-headspace]

I’m going to kill mysepf.