Lizzy

22, cosmetologist, photographer, escaping twitter

[maddmedusa]

I'm so tired of missing you

I'm so tired of letting go

Of grieving people and watching them grow

Without me

And the longer I watch you walk away

I feel I'm growing the opposite way

I fear I'm shriveling and

Drying out

I'm laying sprawled out

A puddle on the floor

A weaker link

A young little girl lying in wait

The clock ticks ticks ticks

My heart races more

I clutch my pillow waiting

For the door to open

For you to come home

Hard to come home

When you never showed

Hard to feel like home

I'm always here alone

[maddmedusa]

First time rereading this in a while and I think its still pretty good!

[maddmedusa]

Healing is not linear..

It won't always be this way.

But the world doesn't feel so heavy today

as it rests between my shoulder blades.

🌱💕

[maddmedusa]

I'm so tired of missing you

I'm so tired of letting go

Of grieving people and watching them grow

Without me

And the longer I watch you walk away

I feel I'm growing the opposite way

I fear I'm shriveling and

Drying out

I'm laying sprawled out

A puddle on the floor

A weaker link

A young little girl lying in wait

The clock ticks ticks ticks

My heart races more

I clutch my pillow waiting

For the door to open

For you to come home

Hard to come home

When you never showed

Hard to feel like home

I'm always here alone

[tiredandlonelymuse]

The window pane is 20 knives, all cutting through my fragile life. Someone new peeking through the room. I fear the name you whispered is mine, I’ll know it soon. I’m headless, I’m just limbs. I think they’re coming in. I already died, so this is extra time. I already died, so now I see it open eyed. I already died, so I am justified. I already died. There’s nothing you can say to change my mind.

[maddmedusa]

🤯👀

[neil-gaiman]

Hello,

You said that Aziraphale is obviously gay coded. Do you think Crowley is too?

I think Crowley is disaster coded.

[maddmedusa]

Same

[tiredandlonelymuse]

I mean. Yeah. being thrust into this insane world / business at 18 irrevocably altered my brain chemistry. but I gotta say, I wake up everyday and make a coffee and sit with my son while we have breakfast and I think to myself “you made it out relatively unscathed to this point, kid.” and for that I am grateful beyond measure. all it took was the exhaustion of waking up and self evaluating on a microscopic level for the past 5 years (which nearly killed me) BUT. I’m here. And I have kept it pretty much together (best as I can) as of recent. which is more than 18 year old me would have ever given herself the faith to bet on. Growth and pain and peace on the horizon. You got this.

[maddmedusa]

Don't put your life on hold for people who couldnt give a fuck if you're even breathing.

Love people who love you

Run to people who would run to you.

You deserved to have your energy returned. ✨️

[maddmedusa]

Strawberry Feilds forever 🍓💨

[tiny-little-baby]

Halsey - love & power tour. Milwaukee 7/2 on 35mm film.

[maddmedusa]

A draft

I remember you

I have your eyes burned into my brain

Your smile sets on me like the sun

We've done this a million times I think

I've loved you in every single one

Reaching back into my divine feminine

And remembering what it was like

To not be chronically afraid.

To step out of a suit of armor

And into where the flowers grow

Keeping a dagger by my side

But letting it sit low

I remember every time we met

Over the past 10 years or so

And I'm glad we've done it so often

I'm always sad to let you go.

The skin that we both touched

Is not the same and what we live in now

I see the age across your face

The hair on your chin

The crows by your eyes

The slight ache in my heart

The wisdom in our eyes

Heavy on the trauma

Living in our youth

I still want to be a little young with you

A million lives we lived alone

May we build one together

Our past teaching us what we didn't want to know

But somehow making us better

[tiredandlonelymuse]

My therapist once told me, “You are the guiltiest feeling person I’ve ever met” and just to prove her right, I took it to heart. An astrologer said, “You have so much water in your chart. What is it like to feel the emotions of every single person alive, everyday?” and I wept because I sensed he was displeased. A teacher told my parents “She’s very sensitive. Far more than the other kids in her class.” I took my SATs at 9 years old, but they encouraged my mother to hold me back because of how my eyes glistened when I heard the word no. She told them to go to hell. So I cried my way through my education until high school when they said “You take everything so personally, you’ll never survive in a company environment. You wouldn’t make a good employee.” So I employed myself (out of spite or…necessity) and then later, I hired 200 people. A boyfriend told me “Don’t be so dramatic, everything isn’t a movie.” Fine, so it’ll be an album then. The doctor said “This shouldn’t hurt a bit.” I tread daily on a minefield that leaves me classifying the variations in footsteps, the tonality in voice, a change in breath. “Is everything okay? You seem mad” is my pledge of allegiance to this tightly wound bundle of flesh. I am cut open, butterflied and flayed, with every single nerve exposed like live wires and, yes, they all hurt to touch. Each interaction is a litmus test of how well liked I am, and therefore how worthy to live. I wake up every morning and the moral barometer resets, T-minus 12 hours to prove to myself that I am not the bad person I believe I must be. Sleep, repeat. An amnesiac nightmare. Prometheus on a rock and the gull in my guts is myself. I once envied those with greater armor, but not anymore. “Why do you care so much?” Guard yourself from the little grievances, but the shield does not differentiate. The space where I am vulnerable to the pain that passes through is an entry point for the microscopic good that others may miss. I live in technicolor torment. If I could do it over again and choose the comfortable grey, I would seize a knife and cut the little keyholes back into my every limb. So the light can get in.

[metamorphesque]

—On Love, Marina Tsvetaeva

[text ID: I just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into the room.]

˗ˏˋ☕ˎˊ˗    

[kylebonallo]

Dunkeld, by Kyle Bonallo (ig: @kylebonallo)

[rowanstonephotography]

fading

December 2022

[kylebonallo]

Dunkeld, by Kyle Bonallo (ig: @kylebonallo)

[rhiannatruex]

an understory tale

[cynthiaruth95]

i love the idea of the bath as a substitute for religious worship because it is a place we go to cleanse ourselves, instead of looking for a god to do it. 

a place we go to reflect and purge—and where we often are faced with the horrors of ourselves

sometimes it feels like an “out damned spot” experience where you don’t feel any cleaner

but still it is ours, we don’t need saving