Content: contrary to popular belief, the fire lord can't have everything he wants. however, even he’d admit that what he wanted was troublesome in itself, which is why he forces himself to be okay with having you by his side as his advisor. [tw: MDNI, angst/fluff/smut, apothecary diaries coded, so much yearning and longing, porn with plot, there is no power imbalance he’s afraid of your father, zuko’s a little shit tho, we’re already married in his head] wc: 4.8k
m.list | chapter one | next chapter
“You want me to do your hair?”
His lips twitch, fighting back a smile. “Yes, precisely.”
You sigh as you step into the man’s chambers, walking up to the vanity that’s more fitting for a queen, in your opinion. If only people saw this side of the fire lord. Zuko, the pretty boy. He has zero insecurities over the scar his tyrant of a father left on his face, but he’d faint at the sight of seeing too much hair shed on the marble floors of his bathhouse.
“When you decide to have me summoned like this, do you ever wonder, hm— what would her father think?” you ask as you grudgingly pick up the boar bristle brush and begin to brush his hair.
“I do,” he dryly responds. “I like the way you do your hair, though, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell on me. You wouldn’t want me getting in trouble, right?”
Zuko might be the fire lord, but he still has to watch his relationships with the other clans in this nation— especially with a certain hot-headed strategist that just so happens to be your father. You can only imagine his outburst upon learning that his daughter is playing with the lord's hair, rather than playing your role as his advisor.
Most fathers would be pleased by the information— not yours, he’s a little more… strict. He already doesn’t like him from a joke made over a decade ago, suggesting you’d make a fine concubine, which wasn’t taken lightly.
Your father threatened to usurp the throne, sending a chill running down a then 21 year old Zuko’s spine.
There was no way in hell he’d hand you off to the imperial palace to become a concubine. You’re the only child of his that inherited firebending. If your father had it his way, you’d be a warrior, for fucks sake.
Lord Zuko may have a dry sense of humor at times, but you have your doubts about how much of a joke that statement was, especially with how much he likes to bug you throughout the day.
Perhaps another conflict should erupt— the man has too much time on his hands. Maybe then you’d fulfill your fathers wish of finally working in the military— put your talents to use, as he’d say.
But would Lord Zuko allow the gentle hands running through his hair to commit such violence? Or would that be when he’d draw a hard line with the aggressive strategist?
As progressive as he is, you sometimes wonder just how much it extends to you. Even as children, he’d go easy on you during trainings. He’s only grown softer with you as the years passed. Despite not being a concubine yourself, you wouldn’t be surprised if he saw you as one of the flowers in his garden— one he’s not allowed to touch.
You slide the hair stick through his headpiece, securing the top knot he had you redo. It looks the same, but you hold off on making a comment. “Is that better?”
“Much better.” His eyes meet yours in the mirror, lips curving into a sly smile. “Now— what are we doing today?”
We. You hate how much he likes to emphasize that at times.
“Well,” you sigh. “Aside from the usual council meeting, nothing much. Perhaps you can visit one of your concubines today… for once.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Are you saying I don’t fuck my concubines enough?”
“Precisely,” you say almost mockingly.
It’s all they ever complain about, and honestly, you’re sure you would, too, if you were one of them. Having to wake up and sit around all day, waiting for a man who never comes. And on the rare occasion that he does, he doesn’t stay long. He’ll show up, fuck the shit out of you for a couple rounds, then leave right after. Allegedly.
“Don’t you want an heir?” you ask.
“Depends,” he hums.
With the way he’s looking at you, you can already tell what it depends on, and it has nothing to do with his current concubines. Lucky for you, he never gets the chance to actually say it because he gets interrupted right after, putting a conversation you’d rather not have to a screeching halt.
“The council is waiting for you, my Lord.”
—
The silk district was notoriously known for two things: brothels and bandits. It was the wild, wild west compared to the other districts in the capital due to high crime and the growing wealth gap. The governments always kept a watchful eye on it, which was never enough in your opinion.
Are you surprised to hear that an entire brothel, including the madame, was discovered to be slain and robbed in the early hours of this morning? Absolutely not.
“Send more military officers to patrol the area,” the chamberlain says without hesitation. “We’ve been too lenient with them. If they want bloodshed, we’ll give them bloodshed.”
Yikes, he wants to rule the area with an iron fist when they’re already clearly struggling. You can’t help but think of how much of a dictator this guy would be if he were in Zuko’s place.
You make eye contact with the lord, who’s sitting at the end of the table right next to you. In that brief moment, he notices the concern in your eyes and gives you a subtle nod.
“Perhaps we can send more public aid?” you suggest. “They’ve been testing out a new rehabilitation program in Republic City as well. I’m sure the Silk District could benefit from—“
“Nonsense,” the chamberlain cuts you off, wondering why you’re even here right now— he thought you only assisted in matters within the court, not outside of it. “I-“
“Careful,” Zuko interrupts the man rather playfully as he continues to read through the scroll. “That’s the military strategist’s daughter you’re speaking to.”
The comment makes you nearly roll your eyes, knowing the only reason why he said it was because you’re having to constantly remind him yourself when he gets too close.
The chamberlain, however, straightens up immediately. You have no idea why it took him this long to realize it. He’s been here for nearly over a year, but at least he knows now. The chamberlain can be quite rude at times, you wouldn’t want him to slip up with your father in the room. Not only would that earn him an earful of insults that are as creative as they are hurtful, but it’d also be embarrassing on your part.
That old man embarrasses you enough when he’s around. Following you around like a lost puppy after meetings, asking if you’ve eaten and if your superiors are treating you right, while side eyeing the fire lord himself. You’d agree so yourself that he has too much power in the court. He enjoys holding it over everyone’s head even more. It’s sickening, really.
You look at the chamberlain, who is now pouting, and offer an apologetic smile. “May I continue?”
“Yes, of course,” the old man nods, struggling to hide his shame.
Always one for games, Zuko finds himself suppressing a laugh, which in turn makes the chamberlain’s slouch worsen. He’s grown to find more and more amusement in his daily tasks, a trait his father would definitely disapprove of— good thing he’s not here anymore.
The rest of the meeting went by as smooth as it could be, with the fire lord, of course, praising the chancellor in the end for being so well behaved, pretending to wonder what could’ve changed his usual demeanor. The usual teasings, all while you once again found yourself thinking of how light he’s become. Even after receiving such upsetting news, he stayed calm while finding a solution.
A humane one.
No longer the grumpy, angsty boy you grew up with. He’s actually quite charming. But you keep that to yourself.
The palace grounds are empty, as they should be during the afternoon. Everyone’s off either eating, napping, or tending to duties such as cooking or cleaning. It’s quiet, surprisingly peaceful. Your footsteps echo throughout the breezeway as Zuko defies the basic etiquette of walking ahead of you as a ruler should. Instead, the bastard walks a little slower than you. If given the opportunity, he’d turn it into a mini competition of who could walk the slowest, up until you both come to a full stop, with him looking at you all smug.
“Your chambers are this way,” you remind the said bastard as if he’d already forgotten.
He doesn’t bother to look back as he responds, walking down a gravel path leading directly to the flower garden. “How about we take a detour today, hm?”
You watch him for a moment, waiting to see if he’d stop. He doesn’t, and you shouldn’t be surprised by it. You’re able to catch up with him in just seconds given his slow pace, this time not bothering to walk behind him as he’s clearly in the mood to be extra stubborn today.
You’re all alone and away from the hearing distance of anyone else, yet you still choose to speak quietly as you start to gently tease the man. “What a surprise to see the king taking some time to enjoy his garden.”
He lets out a soft laugh that fades into a hum. “Only around a select few.”
“Oh, wow,” you pretend to be impressed. “How charitable.”
“It’s an honor that you think so,” he says, placing a hand over his chest to add to the theatrics, trying not to laugh once again. “Tell me, when was the last time you walked through here?”
You hum as you walk further into the sprawling garden filled with wooden arches covered with green vines and flowers in full bloom. “Can’t say I actually remember when.”
“That’s a shame. I had the gardener plant new rose bushes,” he murmurs. “Wanted to ask what you thought of them.”
“I think they’re lovely,” you admit, softly pinching a petal, rubbing your thumb over the velvety skin.
He smiles. “I figured.”
They were your favorite after all.
Why is he like this? The garden’s already filled with enough flowers. A new section wasn’t needed.
Again, he’s just bored.
In an attempt to keep the conversation from getting any more personal, you change the subject. “Are you looking forward to your trip to Republic City?”
At the end of the meeting, it was decided that he’d visit with the purpose of getting more information about the new rehabilitation program the city was rolling out. While the chancellor wanted to take a more aggressive approach, he decided to take a more peaceful route. It’s admirable how hands on he’s chosen to be since taking his father's place.
“Mhm. It’ll be nice catching up with some old friends while I’m there—“ he cuts himself off and looks at you with slight suspicion, “you’re going, right?”
You never said you would, nor did you want to, honestly. It’d be nice to take a break. “I’m sure you and some of your subordinates can handle it.”
“Weren’t you the one who came up with the idea, though?” his tone slightly clips as he reminds you.
“I was,” you respond tentatively, taking back your thoughts from earlier as you look him in the eyes.
This man looks like he’s about to throw a fit.
Zuko opens his mouth again, already knowing he shouldn’t be this pushy towards you, of all people, but he is far from perfect.
So with a forced smile and all the resolve in the world, he murmurs, “you’re going.”
You smile back despite feeling an annoyed heat creep up your neck, heart starting to pick up. “Alright.”
—
Imagine being the fire lord, a literal ruler, and getting the cold shoulder from your own advisor. Every answer is so curt and clinical, and it’s going to drive him up the wall.
Yes, my lord. Of course, my lord. Apologies, my lord.
Give him a fucking break.
As if you weren’t punishing him enough, you went ahead and had two of his concubines “accompany” him on the trip. It’s not like he can say no to that, either, since it’s considered to be one of his duties. Not to mention they both come from high-ranking families that would not be very pleased to hear of their neglect.
So now he has to deal with two spoiled, pent-up brats hanging on him during the entirety of this flight, all while trying not to glare at the biggest brat of them all— you, as you sit directly across from him, reading probably what’s some pathetic romance novel.
This is fucking ridiculous. You haven’t looked at him once since you first sat down.
You’re no better than him. There was a strike of lightning in the direction you walked off in, and given how it was a perfectly sunny day, he’s pointing his finger at you for the damages done in the east wing, despite keeping his mouth shut on the matter. Complain about being dragged to Republic City all you want, but you still have it better than most. If you really did have it that bad, you would’ve been punished for such an offense.
Like, seriously? Blowing shit up, like a fucking child— a terrifying one, to be frank, you are absolutely your father’s daughter— just because you had to do your job? Grow up. His grandfather’s statue was shattered in the midst of it all, thanks to you. You’re lucky he never liked the bastard.
In protest, you’re dressed like a noble's daughter rather than a member of the court. Wearing the finest silk and adorned in gold imported from the Earth nation, quietly refusing to represent your actual nation as you claim to be representing your clan— proof that you have enough power on your own to be acting like he’s actively denying you of basic human rights.
As if he even cared about your attire. Be his guest! You look fucking hot. Someone might even mistake you for one of his concubines, and he might just not correct them, since you think you’re more petty than he is.
Zuko gets pulled out of his thoughts when Concubine Aika speaks, still leaning against him and rubbing on his chest. She asked what book you were reading, which is when you finally looked up from it.
“It’s sort of an adventure novel.” You look at the cover, speaking to her with a certain warmth you’ve been depriving him of. “It’s about a girl escaping an abusive orphanage once she turns 18 and follows her journey for the next 10 years.”
So now you’re fantasizing about leaving him? Good luck with that.
“You look troubled, my lord,” the woman to his right, Concubine Saiyo, says. She’s leaning against him as well, now tracing her fingers along his jaw. “Are you alright?”
“M’fine,” he murmurs, trying to fix his face as he takes a sip of sake. “It’s been a long flight.”
“There’s a private cabin you can retreat to, if you’d like,” you suggest, going back to your little book, missing the way you just made the lord’s eye twitch.
“I know,” he says.
It’s his airship.
Without warning, he gets up from his seat. Was it a little rude? Perhaps. But surely the two women beside him could understand what feeling hounded could do to someone. They don’t, they do their jobs and get up as well, which he understands. However, Zuko’s not in the fucking mood right now and waves a dismissive hand.
“No need,” he curtly says, making his way to the back of the airship. “I just want to close my eyes for a bit.”
. . . . . .
The trip starts off strong with a banquet being held in honor of the fire lord's arrival.
Contrary to Zuko’s wishes, nobody’s stupid enough to mistake you for one of his concubines. At least not within the circle of people you’re mingling with tonight, who all recognize your family's crest engraved on your hairpin.
They were an ambitious bunch that spread all over once Zuko came into power— reaching amongst the highest positions within the military, medicine, and even education.
Funny enough, your position in the court was nothing special in comparison to some of your relatives’ achievements. Some are even bothered by the fact. Being the first of all your cousins to master the art of firebending, being your grandfather's favorite solely for bending lightning with the same grace as he did in his prime, all while excelling in your studies.
All of that potential, just wasted on being the lord’s “pet”.
You don’t have much of an opinion on the disappointment some of them have expressed in the past, though it would’ve been nice if their words had stayed behind closed doors. You didn’t want to hear any of it. If you truly wanted to make use of that said potential, you would’ve worked directly under your father as his subordinate.
Maybe it was the result of growing up feeling like you were enough. You have nothing to prove, and quite frankly, you’re content with having a role that really only requires you to share your opinions with a ruler that shares the same ideals as you… for the most part.
If only he’d also agree that you two spend way too much time together.
Luckily, you’re not required to be by his side tonight since you’re attending the banquet as a representative of your clan— something Zuko had no clue about until the moment you stepped onto the airship, which had him looking like he was about to blow a fucking gasket. He absolutely sucks at masking his frustrations. You’re surprised his concubines still had the courage to cuddle up with him. He looked like he was 2.5 seconds away from throwing you off the ship mid-flight.
Zuko would never do that, by the way, but you’re sure he was daydreaming about it.
But even then, with all the distance between you tonight, you can still feel his eyes on you. Just watching and waiting for you to do something he didn’t like. Very masochistic considering how he wouldn’t confront you if you did end up doing something wrong in his eyes.
You spend the entire night avoiding eye contact, which isn’t too hard given how all you’ve done is catch up with old peers from school and relatives who’ve decided to move here to start new lives.
The relatives you got along with, that is.
You were enjoying yourself. Truly. Until Sokka called you over to their table.
Funny how Zuko wasn’t looking at you then and was instead stuffing his face with spicy dumplings, then downing it with whatever liquor was in his cup.
You walk over with two thoughts running through your head— please don’t let this man be as drunk as Sokka and Aang, and don’t let this be a conversation about how work was been. Sokka tends to ask those things at the wrong time, despite his heart being in the right place.
This time around, it’s not Sokka.
“How’s our flaming hot lord treating you?” Aang asks, throwing an arm around a very drunk Zuko, who’s laughing his ass off over the avatar’s words for once.
Your lips may have twitched a little, as well. Only because Aang gave even less fucks when in an inebriated state.
“Oh, you know— the usual.” You let out a lighthearted laugh, and only you notice the way Zuko’s face momentarily drops.
The air around him quickly screams ‘don’t fuck with me’, then settles back into something more suitable for someone who’s already had half their water weight in alcohol.
“C’mon, you can do better than that,” Zuko forces out a laugh, leaning back in his seat.
You laugh a little harder. “Can I?”
“Yeah, you can.”
Sokka lets out this weird, giddy gasp because he loves drama, and cuts in. “Are you two fighting?”
“No.”
“No.”
You and Zuko look at each other after shutting down Sokka’s question at the same time. The fake smiles you’re wearing are not helping your case at all.
“Where’s Katara? I’ve been wondering where she’s been this whole time,” you ask in an attempt to keep the energy between you from getting any more awkward than it already is
Aang grows a little pale— the instant karma feels nice. “She’s a little sick tonight.”
There’s a bit of fear in his voice. She’s totally pregnant. Not that you say that. Instead, you just point in some random direction behind you. “That’s terrible— my cousin actually just mentioned a bug going around. I hope she feels better soon.”
“Thank you,” the man lets out a sigh of relief, allowing himself to be delusional for just one more night.
“What about Toph?”
“Home. Asleep.” Sokka rolls his eyes. “She’s like a little old lady now. You’ll see her tomorrow, though, she’s been volunteering at the center.”
“Volunteering or beating everyone into submission?” Zuko murmurs, and they all erupt in laughter. “She probably runs that place like the military.”
You find yourself starting to zone out as the conversation moves on to a different topic. You’d like to blame some of the wine you’ve been sipping on throughout the night for that. Everything starts to melt together— the live music, the endless chatter in every which direction. The only thing that pulls you out of it is seeing another one of your cousins who had just arrived, waving at you, and you don't shy away from taking that as an opportunity to excuse yourself.
Aang and Sokka were as kind as usual when you said your goodbyes. Zuko, on the other hand, was harder to read through the pathetic excuse of a smile he gave you. One only meant to save face.
If only he knew just how much worse he makes things sometimes. Although they’re rare, this isn’t the first fight you two have been in. Perhaps you have been a little petty towards the man, but it’s not you who grows so frustrated at someone’s anger that you begin to hold a grudge yourself.
You arrive back to your room in the early morning with the regret of not cutting yourself off from the drinks sooner than you did. You wouldn’t say you were drunk, but you were definitely tipsy as you started to shed layers of clothes and jewelry to get in the hot bath that had been prepared prior to your return.
Aang may be childish at times, but fuck was he a great host. Or maybe it was Katara who had all of these amenities set up for you. Candles and bath salts— you could die a happy woman right now as you settle into the stone tub, taking deep breaths, letting your muscles relax.
Twenty minutes in, you hear rattling and heavy footsteps that seem to hit the ground with more confusion than the determination an attacker would usually have. It forces you to leave the warmth of your bath, slipping on a robe. Getting hit with annoyance rather than fear may be a little foolish. Overconfident, even. But there’s still alcohol running through your veins, and you aren’t the pride and joy of your clan for no reason— you can absolutely hold your own in a fight.
When you walk out of the bathroom, you come face to face with exactly who you were thinking of.
“Fuck,” he looks away for a moment, regretting his decision thinking it was okay to just walk in.
Zuko didn’t think you’d be bathing, for some odd, stupid reason. Judging by the fact that he’s still wearing his usual day clothing and his hairs not up in a bun, it’s safe to assume he went straight here after leaving the banquet.
You let out a long sigh. “God— what are you doing here?”
You don’t even sound mad— just disappointed that you have to see him once more before you lay your head to rest, which slightly hurts the man’s ego. Truth be told, he came here to argue with you, but even in his drunken state, he’s finding it quite difficult to do so since he looks like a fucking pervert now.
“Your comment from earlier— what the hell was that about?” Zuko sounds more wounded than anything right now.
You cross your arms, leaning against the door frame that connects the room to the bathroom. “What comment?”
“The usual,” he says with air quotes. “Do you not like me anymore or something?”
“You’re seriously asking me that right now?” Your face twists, just dumbfounded at this point. “You ask me that as if I don’t work for you?”
He scoffs. “So what, you’re saying I’m not your friend now?”
“I mean, yeah— you are, but I’m still your subordinate at the end of the day,” you attempt to spell it out for him, trying to get it through his brain that he can’t just act like you two are a pair of besties.
But he just continues to argue with you.
“Really? ‘Cause last time I checked, people don’t fight their superiors.”
No, they do not. You’re not sure why you even tried to make that an argument, the line between you has blurred a long time ago.
“You know what, just— forget it.”
The thing is, you're not the best at taking accountability. Most of the arguments you’ve had with him have been swept under the rug after a while. Zuko's not having that right now, though.
“Hm— actually, no— I don’t think I will,” he stubbornly says. “You have been punishing me for fucking weeks now and now you just want me to forget it?”
Punishing him?
You roll your eyes, muttering “oh my god” under your breath, not even bothering to look him straight in the eyes anymore as you walk to the nightstand and pick up a small jar of body cream.
“We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow,” you say dismissively, rubbing the jasmine-scented cream into your hands. “I need to go to sleep, and so should you, honestly.”
It doesn’t matter how well he can handle his alcohol— he reeks of it.
“I’m trying to talk to you right now so I don’t have to deal with your attitude tomorrow,” he says, as if he hasn’t had an attitude himself the last couple of weeks.
“Don’t worry, you won’t have to,” you murmur back.
What feels like minutes pass after your pathetic attempt to settle your issues with him. At first, he just lets out a sigh, trying to keep his composure, but then he laughs under his breath.
“So that’s it?” he asks in a condescending tone. “We’re all good now?”
“Yes. Goodnight, Zuko,” you hum.
More silence follows after. You can just feel his eyes on you despite still facing away, now reaching for some hair oil, waiting for him to leave.
He never does. Even after working the product into your hair, you have yet to hear the door to your room close, making you grow wary.
There are many things telling you not to turn around at the moment— your blurred mind and tensed body. But even you make mistakes, lots of them with Zuko, and so you finally turn around.
His lips are on yours.
You don’t know how long he’d been standing directly behind you, you never even heard his footsteps. All you know is his hands are snaked behind your neck and he’s kissing you and you’re letting him.
It takes you a moment to realize you’re kissing him back— too focused on how soft his lips are, how his tongue glides across your lower lip before slipping inside, so commanding yet so gentle.
Then you sober up— pressing your palm flat against his chest and pushing him back so you two can look at each other, eyes wide and filled with instant regret.
“What the hell was that?” you try to snap at him, but the sharp edge was dulled from the start, already fearing what’ll change between you from this moment forward.
“I— fuck,” he stutters, taking another step back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
Immediately, you cut him off. “No, you shouldn’t have and you know that.”
“I know.” It sounds like a plea coming from him as his chest tightens. “I’m sorry.”
Even you start to look apologetic, which breaks his heart a little since you did nothing wrong. The one who crossed the line was him, after all. “You should go. You’re drunk.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it shortly after. There was nothing to say.
And so he slowly nods and turns around, still in shock by his own actions as he begins to walk away, leaving you to deal with the aftermath of what the fuck just happened on your own.
This was going to be the longest work trip of your life.
notes: i hope u guys enjoyed this first chapter!! this was supposed to be a oneshot but then ideas kept popping up in my head and i thought, why don't i just turn this into a longfic like defiance lol. the plan is to follow these two around throughout a couple arcs, with the first one being them trying to navigate their feelings and attempting to go back to normal while trying to fix the shit show in the silk district.
hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god
if u came to my account cus u liked the luffy fic i just posted, give me ur opinion real quick!
people are thinking the fic is cute and sweet (which im glad, thank u all much) but i was thinking of later making it a smut once it gets to that point. not sure tho! so…
☆ Contents: First Kiss, First Time, Innocence, Pining, Discovery, Oblivious Luffy, Friendship/Love
☆ Word Count: 4.5k
☆ Summary: You’ve long been pinning for your captain, maybe since the very first day you first set sail as a strawhat pirate. But knowing him, he’s never and probably will never show interest in anything romantic— let alone for you. Maybe you’ll always be destined to admire him from afar as he chases his dreams.
Or maybe one silly little bet on a random night will change your relationship forever…
☆ A/N: you guys are never gonna believe this… im not actually caught up on one piece 🥀 think of this fic happening around the 400 episode mark?? there might be some things that wouldn’t make sense for later lore (i don’t know) and ofc were missing the last strawhat. the rating for this fic might also change later… im not sure if i wanna make this a smut fic or not, but for now its very wholesome :3
other than that, hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1 - The Bet
“I’m telling you, there’s no way in a million years!“ Nami tells you for maybe the thousandth time, leaning (a bit drunkenly) on the stair rail behind her as the two of you sit on the steps together.
“Wanna bet?” You ask her with a certain mischievous look. For a moment she looks a little surprised, then her expression slowly mirrors yours. You know how much she likes a good bet, especially when the odds seem to be in her favor.
“I like those odds. You’re on.” She tells you gladly. You know her too well.
“I want in too.” Zoro’s voice suddenly appears behind you two, making you both jump out of your skin.
“Jerk! Don’t sneak up on us like that!!!” Nami shouts, giving the green haired pirate a good smack on the head.
“Did you hear all of that?!” You ask directly after, a bit mortified because you’ve never told anyone but Nami about this. Though you suppose there are probably others on the ship who have caught on, you’re not exactly that subtle. Unfortunately.
“Yeah, and I’m with Nami.” He says easily, like his confirmation is not very embarrassing for you. “There’s no way you’re getting the captain interested in anything like that. I’ve never seen it once in my time sailing with him.”
“Exactly. That boy is totally unamused by the entire idea.” Nami agrees, “But honestly, I’d still like to see you try.”
You frown at both of them. You know all of this to be true, but you don’t like to admit it. You’ve been admiring and pinning for your captain all this time, yet ultimately knowing better than to actually pursue him. It’s like they said, he’s never really seemed much interested in the idea of romance , not to mention that he’s specifically never shown any of that type of interest in you . Romantically, that is.
You remember when he invited you into his crew, your vulnerable and crying self parallel to his bright-as-the-sun smile. He wanted you to sail with him, be by his side for the coming future. Despite it being the same thing he’d done for most your crew, for a moment it made you feel special, feel like a person who is capable of great things. It was that moment that you fell in love with him. You never had a chance really, you were hooked since your first day of pirating. Luffy gave you many things; confidence, bigger purpose in life, hope, friendship, sanctuary. But you selfishly crave more from him. Is that so bad? Maybe thats why you’ve never quite tried, feeling tied to the role you occupy in his life and the gratitude you should hold for him at all times.
But maybe today, just once, you can try to be a little selfish.
“…Fine. I’ll take both of you on for the bet.” You say, crossing your arms and doubling down (literally).
“Alright!! What are we thinking? Five hundred thousand berries?” Nami beams, a little too excited about this. Does she have that little faith in you??
“Five-?! What, each? Do you think Im rich?!” You gawk at her.
“I can accept a payment plan.” She shrugs.
“No, no.. I know you and your debts…” You mumble, side-eyeing her as you look away for a moment to think.
“Well, you don’t have to do the bet. If you’re that unsure of-“
“Alright, alright…” You quiet her before she can taunt you. “How about.. two hundred thousand each.”
“Two hundred fifty?”
“Fine.”
“Woo-hoo!” She throws her hands in the air and then turns to look at your crewmate. “Zoro? That sounds good for you?”
“Hell yeah it does.” He grins, folding his arms and leaning back as if he’s 100% sure of the outcome being that he’ll be two hundred fifty berries richer tonight.
“Ugh, you guys are the worst.” You groan and push yourself up to stand.
“Hey, you brought this upon yourself.” Zoro tells you and you stick your tongue out at him.
“Whatever. Get ready to lose.” You tell them with only partially-fake confidence, as you turn away.
“Good luck!” Nami waves to you with a smile despite you already walking away. “Oh this is gonna be good.”
“I’ll say.” Zoro grins at her.
As you make your way to Luffy across the deck, your heart does pick up a few paces. Glancing around, the others are busy thankfully. Chopper and Usopp are dancing around with Brook while he plays some quite fitting music for the situation actually. Upbeat but somehow romantic even without any type of lyrics. Robin is relaxing on the upper deck reading a book, franky probably keeping her company. You don’t see Sanji, you imagine he’d be inside preparing meals for tomorrow at this time. That’s good, he’d probably only interfere or worse; freak out if you were lucky enough to actually get anything out of this bet.
You take a deep breath as you set your sights back on Luffy, getting close. You just have to think of this as any other conversation with him, just be natural. He looks so cute, staring at a map at the top of the stairs on the opposite side of the ship from where you just were.
You approach your straw hat captain finally, feeling a bit more doubt than you were before suddenly. Not enough to make you back down, though. You got this.
“Hey Luffy!” You call to him right before you can take a seat across from him. He looks up at you from Nami’s map he was priorly investigating. His immediate smile at seeing you is contagious and it makes your heart flutter like usual.
“Hey, [Y/n]! What’s up?”
“What you doin’ with the map?” You ask him curiously and you both peer forward at it.
“Just thinkin.” He says simply, and you look at him curiously.
“I still can’t believe I’m really getting to sail the grand line with my crew. I wanna get as familiar with this map as possible.” He continues, still staring at it.
You smile fondly at him. You’re so happy he’s getting to achieve his dreams, and that you’re here to see it.
“You’re gonna be great when you finally become king of the pirates. I know it’s your destiny.” You tell him honestly and he looks at you a bit surprised before giving you his signature big grin.
“Thanks! I can’t wait!”
You continue to smile as he goes back to admiring this map. You’re happy to just sit with him like this, and suddenly you don’t even want to do what you came for and possibly ruin this moment. You glance up at the orange and green-haired pair watching you across the deck. They both give you a tipsy and somehow condescending smile. Nami gives you a thumbs up. They really don’t think you can do this.
“Hey, Luffy. Can I ask you something?” You speak suddenly, breaking the prior silence.
“Sure, anything.” He answers easily, still gazing down. Your heart flutters.
“It might be kinda weird.” You warn him and he finally glances up at you, attention peaked.
“Weird how?”
“I’m just curious..” You start, trailing off for a moment. You want to make this seem as natural as you can. Play it cool.
“Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“Huh??“ Comes his immediate surprise, his eyes widening a little. “Kissed someone? What, like, on the mouth?”
You giggle at his predictably silly reaction.
“Yes, on the mouth.” You confirm.
“No. Why would I? Seems gross.”
“Why’s that?”
“I dunno. Just does.”
Shut down.
Okay, you can still do this. Keep going.
“But don’t you think there’s a reason why so many people do it? Maybe it would feel good if it was someone you really liked, right?” You explain, trying not to be weird. Did that sound weird?
“Maybe. But I’ve never felt that way about anyone.” He shrugs, attention going back to the map.
Wow, okay. You have to admit that that one stung to actually hear out loud. You think you just might be down for the count after that. Ugh, you don’t really care about Zoro, but being in Nami’s debt does not sound fun. Why did you do this?
You gaze at the map again with Luffy, just continuing to have a bit of a pity party in your own brain.
“How would I even know, though?” He suddenly asks, drawing your attention back to him.
“Huh? Know what?” You ask.
“Know if I liked someone like that? How do people even know?”
You have to take a second to really think about that question. How do you explain the feeling to someone who’s supposedly never felt it?
“Well… You would probably think about them a lot, and want to be around them all the time, know everything about them, help them whenever you can. It would be the person you have the most fun with, like a best friend, but something more. They would make you really happy, and excited, but also nervous and anxious. You want to be better for them, always growing so you can protect them and care for them.” You list off things as you think about all the ways you know that you have feelings for him.
“A lot of that just sounds like stuff I feel for all my friends, though.” He frowns, confused.
“Yeah, well, I guess it’s pretty similar. But it’s definitely different.” You try to explain to him, though still contradicting yourself there. “You would probably just know. Someone who makes you feel different than anyone else. You think of them in different ways than you would with your friends. You’d want to do… romantic things with them. That kind of thing.”
“Huh…” He hums, putting his chin in his hand and looking off at the sea for a second to think about it.
The clear sky allowed for beautiful moonlight to shine down on the ship tonight. You stare at your captain as you admire him for the umpteenth time. You wish he would do the same for you, but you’re content enough with just getting to spend time with him like this, see him like this.
“Yeah.. I don’t think I’ve ever felt all that.” He says slowly, still gazing off. You ignore the ache this time and try to just be present in your conversation with him.
“That’s okay. Maybe you just don’t get those feelings. That’s totally fine.” You reassure him. It’s true, some people just don’t get feelings like that, aren’t able to. Maybe Luffy was like that. You’d considered it before.
“What?!” He shouts suddenly, whipping his head around to you. “That’s possible?! But I don’t want to miss out! If it’s so great like people say…”
His pouting pulls a short giggle out of you, and you turn to look at the sea this time. It looks so endless on nights like these. But the light reflecting off every surface around uou is certainly a beautiful sight.
“It’s not that great, really.” You sigh, wielding a bittersweet smile. “Honestly sometimes it’s kind of torture. But maybe you’ll still get to feel it one day, who knows? Maybe you just haven’t met the right person.”
It’s quiet for a few moments after that. You swear you can feel his eyes on you now, but you’re too afraid to look.
“So, you’ve liked someone like that before?” He asks you. You look back at him finally, a bit thrown.
“Well, yeah. Of course.”
He stares at you for a moment, that then turns into a lot more moments. So much time that it becomes kind of uncomfortable and you have to glance away. His face is stark blank, so you have no idea what this look means.
“Luffy?” You say cautiously, tilting your head a bit.
“Hm.” He hums, deciding to look back down at the map between you two. You frown, confused on whatever that just was.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothin.” He answers simply, and so you don’t push any further. Whatever. Maybe he got lost in thought about something totally unrelated. Your captain is kind of unpredictable like that.
There’s another silence, though more comfortable this time. Moreso than the map now, you start to admire Luffy’s hands in front of you. The sight along with Brook’s distant piano music and the sound of the waves calmly moving, makes this moment feel so tender and serine. You want to keep it with you to remember when times get hard.
“Still though.. I can’t imagine that kissing anyone at all would be all that great.” He speaks suddenly once more, and your head perks up again. He still looks particularly focused on the map, despite continuing this unrelated conversation.
“Even if I liked them all special, like you said.” He adds and you blink at him.
Oh, you feel an opening here.
“You don’t think it would be nice at all?” You continue, pulling it a bit further.
“Not really.”
“Well…” You start, and you bite your lip to contemplate if you’re really about to say this. Can you?
“Then…” You keep going and, finally, he looks up at you again slightly. His big brown eyes are a weakness of yours truly. And you realize it might just be now or never.
“Do you.. wanna try?” You finally ask cautiously, giving him a smile despite your nerves.
“What, kissing? With who?” He asks, obviously not getting the hint.
This is it. You can feel it. Your confidence is starting to come back and you can still feel those two’s eyes on you from across the ship. You feel like they’re about to be in for a show.
“I can show you, if you want.” You offer sweetly, and you do enjoy the way his reaction flusters in surprise as he realizes what you meant. You hardly see him get embarrassed, or whatever this is.
“H-HUH?! WITH YOU?!” He shouts obnoxiously, grabbing the other’s attention for a moment. You just keep smiling at him.
“[Y/n], are you drunk?” He questions you, raising an eyebrow.
What the hell! Why would that be his first assumption?!
“I am not!” You scoff in defense, and honestly you forgot that that was even a factor. Though it probably wasn’t. You hardly drank much at all and it was a while ago now. This is just what you wanted, drunk or sober. Sometimes, when you got drunk, Nami had to keep you away from the captain so you didn’t embarrass yourself in front of the crew. Not the point.
“You don’t have to, obviously, if you’re not comfortable. I’m just saying, if you’re really curious…” You tell him and trail off. You find it hard to keep eye contact, eyes wandering off and then running back to him again.
He stares at you, and he seems to be actually considering this, to your surprise. You continue to watch him contemplate it. Your heart feels like it’s going a million beats a second now.
“…Alright.” He concludes, and you’re not quite sure what that means by this. You wait for him to continue.
“I mean, can’t hurt to try and say I did it, right? Then I’ll know I’m not missing out on anything.” He tells you and- oh my god this is really happening. He just agreed to kiss you. Your eyes light up. You’re so excited to not only win this bet, but also get to be Luffy’s very first kiss.
“Okay! You want to do it now?” You ask him, just to make sure (and maybe a bit too eager).
“Sure, why not?” He tells you, staring at you intently. It’s a bit strange the way he immediately got over his embarrassment from a moment ago, but then again that is very Luffy of him.
The truth is though, that Luffy is actually nervous deep down. This thing that everyone seems to value so much and is apparently so intimate and great. He’d never really seen the appeal. But now that he’s agreed to do it with you, it’s suddenly got his stomach all in knots, a weird queasy feeling mixed with antsy anticipation. Is that what you were talking about earlier?
The two of you kind of just stare at eachother for a moment or two.
“Uh.. so.. how do I do it?” He asks you genuinely, like he has to wait for your instruction.
You smile and try not to tease him for his question. It’s an understandable one for someone who’s never done this. You’ve only done with one person in the past, but that still makes you more experienced.
“Just do whatever feels natural. Oh, and close your eyes. It’s weird to stare at the other person while kissing.” You tell him and he nods in understanding, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks a slight pink. He shuts his eyes tightly and waits, and you cant help not to silently giggle while he can’t see you.
Wow, you’re really doing this. And just on the deck like this, too. You totally thought he’d want to go somewhere private or something. Though, now it seems obvious that he wouldn’t care enough to want to hide.
You take one last look at the two people who are totally about to be in your debt, making eye contact. They have no idea what’s going on, rather confused compared to their earlier confidence in your failure.
You give them a cute wink before turning back to Luffy and finally leaning to place a soft kiss on his lips. You’re honestly half expecting him to shoot backwards in disgust, but he doesn’t. He seems unsure for a second, just kind of staying still, but after a few seconds ends up leaning into it. You can already hear the others freaking out from a distance, more than just Zoro and Nami after their initial shout of disbelief. You smile against his lips at your win, and take in one last moment with him like this before you pull back. The moment is so sweet, you already know you’ll never forget it for the rest of your life, even if you never get to do this with him again. And you are simultaneously accepting that the likeliness of this never happening again is pretty high. At the end of the day, Nami and Zoro were still right, Luffy has no real interest in romance. Of course you knew that. Still, it’ve killed you if you didn’t try. And thank god you did.
What happens next surprises you, though. When you do start to pull back slowly… his lips only follow you. You break for less than a second before you’re connected again. He doesn’t want to stop, keeping the two of you together himself. You almost gasp, totally taken off guard by the way he seems to take charge. Didn’t he say he’d never done this? Why does this feel so good?
This changes everything. Before this was just some sort of trial, nothing special between the two of you, something you were sure he wouldn’t end up liking anyways. But now… you start to get excited. There’s butterflies in your stomach and suddenly you’re nervous. This feels ten times more intimate than it did originally, and assumingely everyone is just watching you guys have this moment.
This goes on for a few more moments, many moments longer than you had originally anticipated. Still, you take in every bit of it. You forget where you are or what even started this. All you can think is how good Luffy’s lips feel on yours. Your fingers somehow come to intertwine on the map below you at the same time, like your bodies are in sync. His hands are smooth like rubber, and warm against yours, just like his lips.
This is perfect. You don’t want to stop. You could do this forever.
You pull back only when you feel Luffy start to. Only a few inches, faces still close. You’re both blushing with heavy breath, but your expressions couldn’t be more different. Your eyes are blown wide, still in shock from what just happened, and-
The fact that Luffys expression is—for lack of better description— lusted out. You’ve certainly never seen him look at you like this before, and you have to cover your mouth with your hand before it goes agape right in front of him.
“Um..” you push out embarrassingly sheepish behind your palm. “So.. how was that?”
You most definitely already know the answer from all of his body language, but you’d still like to know what he’s thinking.
“You were right.. that felt good.” He tells you genuinely, slowly coming to his senses again. A shiver runs up your spine by how smoothly and assuredly his words come out. Your face is still hot and he can’t stop staring at you. This is so unexpected, all of it. You weren’t ready.
“What about you?” He asks back suddenly.
“Me?”
“Yeah. It was my first time, so, how was I?”
“It was… really good. Are you sure that was your first time?” Your question is half joking and half genuine. You know that he’s definitely never done this before but seriously that felt way too incredible for your mind to really accept that fact. Luffy puts on a big grin after hearing your words.
“Hah! I was that good, huh?” He jokes, snickering. But his grin drops when he sees you’re not laughing with him, still with the same expression. “You okay?”
“Yeah! I’m great! Fine..” You assure him, sitting up straight again and finally letting your hand down from your face. As someone who’s had feelings for him for a long time now, and had already accepted that he’d never feel the same way, even while actively kissing with him. This has totally shaken you.
“LUFFYYYYYYY!!!!” Comes a familiar booming voice from your right. Uh oh.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH MY PRECIOUS [Y/N]?! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD TONGUE HER OUT ON THE DECK LIKE THIS AND GET AWAY WITH IT?!” He shouts as he grabs your captain by his vest and shakes him around.
“H-HUH?! TONGUE?! WHATS DO YOU MEAN?!” He shouts back, completely dazed and confused.
“DONT ACT OBLIVIOUS WITH ME! HOW DARE YOU CORRUPT HER PURE AND FRAGILE MIND WITH YOUR PERVERTED ACTIONS!! ARE YOU NOT ASHAMED?! YOURE HER CAPTAIN!!”
You stare in utter shock at those two, frozen in place. What can you even do here? Sanji is way too worked up for you to get a word in.
“BUT-SANJI-“ Luffy starts to protest.
“I DONT WANNA HEAR IT BUCKO. IM GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS YOU HEAR ME?!-“
“SANJI!!!” Nami’s incoming voice booms even louder from behind him before he can say anything else. She gives him a hard smack on the head, knocking him out cold. Your jaw drops, though you really shouldn’t be shocked at something like that at this point.
“So sorry to interrupt! Continue!” She insists quickly as she goes to drag Sanji’s now unconscious body away from you guys.
“Uh. That’s okay. I was planning on going to bed soon anyways, I’m tired.” Luffy speaks up, making her stop and bringing your attention back to him. He outstandingly quickly seems to have gotten over all that shaking and screaming from just now.
“Tell Sanji I’m sorry for whatever he was upset about when he wakes up, kay?”
He then promptly stands and begins to walk towards the quarters. Both yours and Namis eyes follow him.
“Oh, um.. sure. If you say so.” She says, sounding a bit confused.
“[Y/n].” He says as he comes to a brief stop, not far from you yet.
“Yeah?”
“Earlier all that stuff you described, I think I felt that just now… Does that mean I like you?” He asks without looking at you for some reason. Your eyes widen, his question ten times more intense than he makes it sound. You cant even believe what you just heard.
“I.. I wouldn’t know. Only you would know that..” You force yourself to say, even though you wish you could just tell him yes. But was that a form of confession or not? Luffy’s always been unique and done things differently, you doubt he’d ever confess to you normally if that were a possibility. Or, you suppose it is a possibility now.
“Hm.. alright. Well! Cya tomorrow.” He says easily, waving his hand and walking until he’s inside and out of sight.
Both you and Nami have no words. She’s staring at you while you continue to stare at the door, but you both share the same disbelief.
“Well, I guess we owe you two hundred fifty thousand berries each now.” Zoro says, having walked up at some point, you’re not really sure when.
“Yeah I mean… I gotta admit you proved us wrong entirely..” Nami agrees slowly, clearly still dumbfounded.
“Forget it.” You tell them. “I don’t want it anymore.”
“Huh?! Seriously?!” Zoro shouts in disbelief, probably never used to being relieved of debt thanks to one of your friends.
“[Y/n], are you alright? Just what happened??” Nami asks you, not really all that concerned with the bet now, same as you.
“I’m great! I’m…” You slowly turn your head, finally looking over to your friend. Your hand comes up to rest over your mouth again, and you feel like you can still feel his lips on yours. You’re just still in total disbelief. You kissed Luffy. Not only that, but he liked kissing you, he wanted to do it.
“I just cant believe… He said he enjoyed it.. and earlier he was even trying to keep me from stopping.”
“Seriously?? Aww, [Y/N]!” Nami tells you with a smile. Despite always showing her moreso disapproval (and sometimes disgust) at your long-term crush on the captain, of course she’s still happy for you. All this time she’d given you advice and a shoulder to lean on about the whole thing, she was the only person you really told (though you’re sure maybe others have caught on). She never thought it was possible to get the captain to feel that type of thing, his aspirations too big seemingly to have any interest. This is a big surprise for both of you.
“Alright, you ladies can gossip about the details, but I don’t need to hear it so I’m out.” Zoro says, a little uncomfortable clearly. “But you’re serious about dropping the bet?”
“Yeah.. I don’t want the whole thing to be tainted by it being some bet. Let’s just pretend that never happened and… don’t tell Luffy, please.” You tell them both seriously and they nod, obviously having no objections to not having to pay you that amount anymore.
You then get bombarded by some of the others for a moment, all asking you a bunch of questions at once that you don’t really want to answer even if you could. You still need time to process this. Your best friend Nami obviously knows this, and forces them all to leave you alone so you can go to bed. You thank her and head to your room.
You realize something before you’re about to fall asleep. Just what exactly is this going to mean for the future on the ship?
☆ Contents: Sub!Reigen, Co-workers, Office Masturbation, Humiliation Kink, Caught in the Act, Mutual Pining
☆ Word Count: 7k
Chapter 1 - Cause
Chapter 2 - Effect
The sound of a blaring alarm jerks you awake. In auto-pilot, you immediately reach over and slap the top of your annoyingly loud digital clock, and have to continue to do so several times before it actually goes silent. You slam your face back down into the pillow below you and groan. You really hate mornings.
After a fair amount of self-loathing, you finally sit up a little and grab your phone from the dresser. You see that it’s Monday, 6:15am. Well, you better start getting ready. You’ve already wasted 15 extra minutes in bed.
So, you do just that. You shower, dry your hair, get dressed, make breakfast, do your makeup, ect. It’s around 7:40am when you’re rushing out the door and fumbling with your keys to unlock your car, throwing yourself inside.
You’re to be at work by 8am, and you’re opening alone today as you always do on Mondays and Thursdays specifically. So really it’s not like there’s anyone to scold you for being late, but you still don’t like to be. It’s about a ten minute drive, so you should be fine, if there’s no traffic.
You make your way down the busy streets, singing along to some music as you pass the same buildings you do everyday. When you pass by the Daiso you’re reminded of the events of this past Friday.
You remember coming into the office to a totally worked and strangely-behaving Reigen. You remember how weird the atmosphere was, and you have to convince yourself it wasn’t a dream. The only real proof you have for that is the way you stuttered in your routine this morning to grab your scarf, only to realize it was gone. All weekend you had off and you didn’t really think much about it, kinda busy with visiting family. But you definitely couldn’t stop thinking about it that night, and not now either as you sit at a long-passed turned green light. You ponder what the hell that was about for the hundredth time. It’s not like he was on drugs or something, right? That’d be crazy.
A car honks and you jump in your seat, speeding off as you realize you’ve been embarrassingly holding up the line of cars behind you.
Well anyways, maybe you’ll just ask him about it later if the topic arises. Or if he’s acting similar at all. Maybe he’s sick? If he calls out then you’ll know, but you’ve never ever known Reigen to call out of work. Despite his whole scamming deal, he does take his job seriously and he does it passionately, something you respect him for. Once you had to literally shove him out the door to go home when he came in with a fever.
You finally get to work, parking the car on the side of the road and making your way to the building. The snow on the ground is scarce, but it’s still so cold out you can’t help but being a bit rushed to get inside. You make it up the stairs and down the hall, but as you approach the door, you see there’s already someone standing there. A customer this early?
It’s an older man, and you now recognize him as the customer who came in for a consultation on Friday. The one who gave you extremely detailed instructions for his exorcism appointment. As you get closer you can see him scowling and remember that he was really grumpy and quite inconvenient to deal with. When he eventually notices you he scowls even harder at you, and you sigh internally. You’re dreading this already.
“Finally! Yknow you people open up shop way too late in the day! I’ve been waiting here for a half-an-hour!” He shouts at you angrily. Late? Seriously? It’s 8 in the god damn morning.
“I’m sorry sir,” you say, giving him a sweet, practiced, smile. “We open on the weekdays at 8am. It does say that on our website, but I’m sorry to make you wait so long. We normally don’t have a lot of customers in the morning hours if I’m being honest with you.”
The man scoffs at you and folds his arms, not letting up. “Yeah? Well, it’s probably because your customers are all poor gullible teenagers, right? I knew I shouldn’t have listened to my grandson about coming to this sham-shop!” He says harshly, and you’re now confused.
“Sir, your appointment was for today, was it not? Did something happen?” You ask as nicely as you can, kind of awkwardly standing there in the hallway. You’d prefer you did this inside honestly.
“Actually, hold that thought.” You say quickly just as he’s opening his mouth to answer you. “Would you mind if we took this inside?” You ask, gesturing to the door behind him.
“Fine! Only because it’s freezing out here. Why do you not have any heating in the hallways?” He demands, reluctantly moving out of the way for you.
“You’re telling me! Unfortunately, we’re just one of the few companies in this building, we don’t own it. So I’m afraid I don’t have that authority.” You inform him as you take his place in front of the door and jam in your keys that were already in your hands.
You unlock the front door and immediately sigh as you walk in at the slightly-warmer room temperature. You step over to the thermostat and adjust it as the man steps in behind you and immediately goes to take a seat in front of your desk. You roll your eyes behind his back and close the left-open door. Then you waltz over to your desk and have a seat in your usual chair. You click on your PC and it takes longer to start than usual as you remember how it had to be restarted on Friday, and has not been booted up again since.
“So, what seems to be the problem, Mr… Ito, was it?” You ask and he gives a kind of grunt which you assume means yes. “I assume you want to file a complaint?” You ask.
He laughs once at your question. “Gee, how’d you know? You must be used to this, huh?” He asks rhetorically.
“Well, this is part of my job, sir. But your first appointment isn’t until… eleven-o’clock it says.” You say as you reach into your drawers for the man’s file and examine it.
“Well you’re damn right I’m here to complain! That damn con-artist stole my money!!” He shouts, suddenly getting worked up again. He slams his fist down on your desk at his last statement you just kind of stare at him. You’re still lost.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Ito, can you… elaborate? You say Mr. Reigen stole your money, but… all you’ve paid for thus far is the consultation, correct?” You ask him for clarification. Sure, he could’ve come to the conclusion that even just the consultation fee was overpriced and a scam, wouldn’t be the first time. But this seems a bit intense for that, especially with him not even going through with the appointment yet.
“I’m telling you he literally stole from me! When I came in last Friday for that consultation, he did that stupid evaluation for evil spirits and swiped my wallet! I haven’t been able to find it since!!” He shouts, now getting up out of his chair to basically spit this information at you.
You frown. Reigen may be a con artist, but you know he’s not a thief. Well, one could argue that they’re the same, but they’re really not. He would never just straight up steal from someone! They’d just have to be dumb enough to trust him and give him their money willingly! That’d be on them, nothing to do with him. You take a deep breath.
“Sir, are you positive that this is the case? Mr. Reigen would never do such a thing, I can assure you. We wouldn’t be able to keep this business running if we outright stole from people like that. It’s just not professional.” You tell him calmly, and this does not make him happy.
He then proceeds to shout at you about how dare you question if he’s mistaken, the customer is always right, and that he demands to speak with Reigen himself.
“Mr. Reigen will be in the office around 9:30 if you would like to see him. Until then, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to help you.” You inform him as calmly as you can now manage. Seriously, he must be mistaken. You’ll have to text Reigen and warn him about the impending shit-storm he’ll have to deal with the second he walks into work. Not that you escaped that fate either, but at least you can give him a heads up.
“Fine! I’ll just wait here then!” He says angrily and crosses his arms again as he falls back down into the chair below him. He grumbles something about already having to wait and time is money. You nod and kind of awkwardly start logging into your computer in silence. Damn, this really isn’t how you wanted to spend your morning.
Only a few moments go by before you glance at him and see him staring at up at something in the corner of the room.
“You have a CCTV!” He points out just as you turn to follow his gaze and see the security camera in the corner staring down at you both. Oh, that’s right. You had that installed a few months ago after getting a complaint about not having one. Reigen really didn’t want one, but you had no choice when the building owner heard word about it and you almost lost your contract. Anyways, you had totally forgotten.
“Oh, you’re right. I’m so sorry. I’d forgotten it was there.” You tell him honestly. He scoffs and rolls his eyes at you, clearly not buying that.
“Yeah, well, can you check it? I know that guy took my wallet. I demand to see that footage!!” He says sternly, and you suppose you have no choice. You have no idea how to check the footage honestly, you’ve never had to. But you can try.
“I’ll take a look. Just hold on a moment please.” You say and get up from your seat. The footage storage is connected to Reigens computer somehow, so you’ll have to figure out how to get to it. Otherwise he’ll have to do it when he gets here.
You get to his computer and turn it on, logging in easily as you already know his passcode. You search around the desktop for it, and then in the folders until you eventually come across something labeled ‘CCTV LOG’ and click it. It’s actually an application, and it’s kind of confusing to look at when it opens up. You’re figuring out how to navigate this kind of out-of-date looking setup as the man now walks over to where you are. He takes a seat in Reigens customer chair now instead.
He looks very impatient when you glance at him and you’re starting to get a bit nervous here. You’re taking way too long just to figure out how to find the footage.
“Well?! Do you see it?” He blurts out suddenly. Though you’re not sure what he’s referring to when he says ‘it’. Evidence probably?
“Just a moment sir, please.” You say to him and continue clicking on things until you can find where the video footage is actually stored. You finally find it and let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“Alright, I’m looking at the footage. Let me find when you came in.” You inform him and he doesn’t say anything as you continue.
You search for Fridays date and click it open. It starts at 1am in the morning, the office dark and empty, only the moonlight lighting the scene. Obviously, this is no help. You skip forward on the timeline until the morning where Serizawa comes in to open. You realize there’s no sound as he sets his things down.
Okay. Gotta find when this guy came in. Unfortunately there is no times on the timeline bar, so you’re kind of playing a guessing game here. You click a bit too far and see the office is dark again now, and you’re sitting in Reigens desk as he sets salts on the couch. Ah, you remember this. Still not what you’re looking for.
You’re about to go scroll back when you remember something suddenly. You were just wondering earlier about why Reigen was acting so weird, right? This seems like the perfect excuse to check.
You debate about this in your head for a moment. Maybe it was something private? It feels kind of wrong to be snooping on here for your own curiosity, even if it is office footage that everyone should be allowed access to. It’s probably nothing anyways, right? Couldn’t hurt to just… scroll through slowly? For no particular reason.
So, you click the marker and drag it some-what slowly to the left, not too slowly but enough to not miss too much in between clumps of frames. You watch as the two of you move in reverse, passing when you gave him the scarf, stood awkwardly in front of his desk, first entering, and then-
Oh.
Your breath gets caught in your throat as you let go of the mouse and the video resumes playing a scene you absolutely were not prepared for or expecting to see. And thank god for there being no sound.
The act you’re watching him do right now, he’s doing at YOUR desk for reasons that escape you at first. But then you notice something else. Your scarf, scrunched in his hand and pressed to his face. The camera quality isn’t amazing, but it’s enough to see that and the way his eyes are starting to roll back. You stare at the screen wide eyed as you feel your face go hot, and your mind races with thoughts. Why is he holding your scarf while… doing that? Why is he doing it in the office? Oh god, THATS why he was sweating and nervous before you came in? Did he… finish before you-
“What is it?! Did you find it?!” The man shouts out suddenly, and you whip your head around to find him staring at you. Of course, you probably look like you just watched him murder someone.
“He stole it, didn’t he?! Let me see!” He demands and begins to lean over the desk to get a look. You frantically click to another point in the video, hoping for it to not be anything like THAT.
Thankfully, it’s not. In fact, it skips right to the beginning of this man’s consultation. You turn the monitor around slightly so that he can watch as you silently freak out to yourself.
This is so fucked up. You should be terribly disturbed, horrified even, at the fact that your boss was masturbating to assumingely the thought of you. In YOUR desk with YOUR scarf which you ended up GIVING to him.
But…
Why do you feel… like this instead? Seeing him like that… I mean, yes you were and still are shocked out of your mind. But what you’re feeling isn’t disgust or anything of the like, it’s more of a flustered feeling. God knows it’s insane to feel flattered at something this… taboo? But god, you really did that to him? He… thinks about you like that? Are you excited right now?
Your breathing is thick and heavy as you try to be as calm as you possibly can be on the outside. You try to shake off your thoughts for a moment to address the man in front of you. You kind of desperately want him to leave now.
“Ah, this is all before the ritual thing he did. Skip to the evil-spirit searching part! When he gets out of his chair.” The man tells you before you can say anything. You just nod and very carefully scroll a little further until you find what he’s looking for.
The video plays as Reigen performs some sort of ritual on this man to scope out spirits or something. You’re not really sure. You were on lunch break at this point. It goes on for several minutes before Reigen goes back to his chair, and as far as you can tell, he didn’t take anything from this guy. Barely even touched him.
“Sir, I-“ You start and don’t get to finish.
“No! I know what I’m talking about! I know he did it! Rewind! I’ll watch it closer this time.” He insists to you, keeping his eyes on the screen.
You sigh and do as he says, reluctantly. This happens again where you have to rewind for him once more, until it’s very clear that there was no robbery of any sort here.
You inform the man that he can still talk with Reigen if he’d like, but he just interrupts you to rant about how phony your company is, and that he’ll be contacting someone and never be coming back. He then stomps out the door as you try to ask if he’d like to cancel his appointment. But as he slams the door with no answer, you assume that’s a yes.
You slump down into Reigens chair and groan, putting your face in your hands. What just happened?
You look around the room, where you’re sitting, up at the camera, and then back at the computer screen.
How did he not think about this? Getting caught on video. And if he did, why wouldn’t he delete it? Did he want you to find it? No, you never look at this footage, as previously mentioned. But of course the one time you do, you see this.
Or does he always do this?
You slowly reach for the mouse and adjust the monitor to be fully facing you again. You click the marker on the timeline again.
This is wrong.
This is wrong this is wrong this is wrong.
You should just pretend like you never saw this. Click out of the application now and walk away.
But now you’re skipping back to where you had stopped before, but you’re going a little before that too. You watch him palm himself at his own desk, and assumingely receive that text from you. You watch as he gets up and checks the door, of course that couldn’t have kept you out if you had arrived any earlier. How didn’t he think of that ?
Then you watch it all happen from the beginning in real time. The whole thing. You watch the way he strokes himself, and leans into your scarf, probably carrying your scent you assume. When he leans back from it, you can see his pleasure-risen face and the way he’s breathing so heavily. He looks desperate and so insanely needy with that expression he’s making, and he can hardly keep his pace for too long without stuttering. You watch his mouth move as he says somethings, and now you really wish there were sound.
Without really noticing, you’ve taken one foot out of your heel and brought it up under you. You grind against the heel of your foot in a need for some kind of friction, your eyes glued to the screen.
You can see how his mouth hangs open and he must be moaning out. God, you want to hear him. You want to hear him so bad.
This is crazy. You’re getting yourself off in the office as you watch your BOSS get off to you in the office a few days prior. Granted, you’re not being nearly as obvious about it, but you wouldn’t want someone to walk in right now either.
Oh, shit.
You remember suddenly all at once that you are at work, during work hours. You’ve not done any of your opening tasks due to that customer immediately screwing up your morning, and now this. There’s not much you have to do, but it looks like Reigen will be here fairly soon, so you should really ex-out of this and get to work.
You do so reluctantly, even though you really don’t want to stop. You’re still insanely horny even when you do a few tasks and are now sitting at your desk answering emails. Even when Reigen walks in at 9:30 and greets you. You give him a kind of quiet greeting, and stay glued to your work. You hardly look at him, like you’re afraid you might lose your mind if you do. You just can’t stop picturing him in that chair. In your chair.
He doesn’t seem to think anything of your quietness, and the two of you just kind of work for a while. That is, until it hits 10:30 and you realize you still haven’t told him about his canceled appointment.
“Oh, right. Reigen…” You start, reluctantly turning to look at him.
“Hm?” He hums at you in response, but doesn’t look back at you yet.
What were you picturing when you thought of me?
“ Uh, your 11am appointment today. You remember that guy with all the requests?” You say unsteadily.
He looks over at the clock on the wall and nods. “Right. He’ll be here pretty soon, huh? Don’t worry I figured out how to appeal to all that absurd extra stuff.” He tells you confidently as he looks back at you. You swallow hard looking at him.
What kind of things were you moaning out? Did you say my name?
“Yeah… about that. He actually canceled this morning.” You tell him and wince.
“What?!” He shouts, looking genuinely shocked and confused. He must’ve put in a fair amount of effort to plan and accommodate those needs.
You inform him about what happened, and you obviously do not inform him of anything you may or may not have seen on the CCTV footage that wasn’t just his non-incriminating appointment recap.
Still though, when you mention about watching the footage you cant help but notice him get a little stiff and kind of nervous? It’s subtle, but you can notice a change in his attitude. Maybe it’s because you already know what he did. Maybe if you didn’t, it would’ve gone over your head.
“So then he just kept shouting about how he was going to contact the police or something? Or report us? I don’t really know. Not that that’ll do us any harm if he does actually do it really, you’re obviously innocent. But I guess it would suck to have police here at all.” You babble on.
“No, you’re right. I just can’t believe that guy would accuse me of petty theft. I mean, come on.” He agrees, putting his hand over his mouth and looking off in thought. You’re still thinking things. Goddamnit, brain. Think something normal for two seconds!
“So, how did you uh… look at the footage? You don’t normally do that, do you?” He asks suddenly as he looks at you sidelong, and obviously you know why, but have to pretend like you don’t.
“Huh? No, I’ve never looked at it before. I just kind of figured out how when I found the application in your folders. Sorry for that by the way, having to go though your computer.” You tell him, apologizing for your invasion of privacy. On a much deeper scale than he’s aware of.
“Right, right…” He says and it stays kinda silent for a few moments.
“Why? Something you don’t want me to see?” You say because even when you know what you do, you can’t help teasing him. You’re m also kind of curious how he’ll react.
He makes direct eye contact and stares at you for too long to be comfortable at all. Like he’s trying to read you, but you’re doing the exact same.
“No, of course not.” He says finally, breaking out into a smile and waving it off. “I’m smart enough not to have anything I wouldn’t want people seeing on my work computer. Only an idiot would do sketchy things at the workplace.” He babbles on and you almost just laugh, but manage to hold it in. Right, only an idiot, truly.
“So you admit you look up sketchy things at home then?” You muse and cant help the smirk that creeps up. This is kind of a normal thing for you two, casual teasing, but not crossing the line too much.
“ That is for me to know and you to never find out.” He says flatly and goes back to clicking about on his monitor. You laugh a bit and go back to your work as well. You manage to shake off most of the perverted thoughts from then on. Everything feels normal.
Mondays can be pretty slow, especially in the mornings. It picks up a bit towards lunch, and you take a break after that to get the both of you some lunch. Serizawa isn’t scheduled today and Reigen informs you that Mob won’t be stopping by either. So it’s just the two of you for the rest of the afternoon.
You’re walking back down the street with a takeout bag holding a few burgers and fries, along with two take-out cups. You’d be surprised if your sodas weren’t frozen by the time you get back. You make it back to the building and up the stairs, struggling to open the door with full hands. When you do, you’re surprised to see the setup of the room somewhat different. He has his whole massage station set up in the room, some of the things that were in the center pushed away.
There’s a topless woman on the massage bed, face down of course. Her back is slick with oil and Reigens hands match the same consistency as his thumbs press into her shoulder blades. He’s going on about some spirit lingering on her body, but she doesn’t seem to be listening really especially as she moans a bit at his firm movements.
This is normal for customers who come in for massage-therapy related exorcism’s. Reigen is apparently incredibly good at this particular thing, and you sometimes wonder why he didn’t go into being a masseuse instead.
You watch his hands slide down her back, caressing her skin. Your eyes are trained on them, and something in you flickers as you remember what they also do to himself. What they have done. How badly you want them on you instead. That with this lady’s subtle moans makes this kind of an erotic scene, or maybe you’re just particularly into this kind of thing.
And maybe you’re feeling just a hint of jealousy right now. Just a little.
You’re not sure what alerts him to your presence, maybe he sees you out of the corner of his eye or maybe he got a whiff of the fast food in your hands, but finally he ends up looking up at you after you’ve already stood there staring for an odd amount of time.
“(Y/n)! You’re back! Took you long enough, I thought maybe you got lost.” He laughs.
You’re like almost 100% sure that you’re blushing, and you’re really hoping it’s not that noticeable so that he doesn’t comment on it.
“Ha ha,” You start sarcastically and then turn so he can’t look at you any longer, making your way to his desk to place the food down. “There was a really long line and wait for the food. I was there for way longer than I expected to be.” You explain.
“Ah yeah, I forgot it gets busy around this time.” He says thoughtfully before you turn back around and see he’s back to massaging the customer. “I’m just exorcising this spirit from this poor civilian here. I know you can’t feel it, but it’s a pretty big one! Alright Miss, now I’m going to-“
He gets back to his ritual immediately after explaining to you and you leave him to it, desperate to just get back to work and not think about this. Of course, that does prove incredibly hard when you keep hearing the noises. And though Reigens silly speech and yelling should be enough for you to not focus on that, instead you just keep watching his body. From behind him, you literally cannot help but think things like how fucking good his pants make his butt look. And this isn’t your first time thinking that at all, but you’re so needy for him right now it’s driving you crazy. You think you’d give anything to be the woman on that bed right now, to have Reigens hands on you.
This goes on for an agonizing amount of time, and eventually the session finishes. You’re almost positive that the woman seems to be flirting with Reigen once it’s over and he’s going over some final things with her.
“Oh, Mr. Reigen I really can’t thank you enough. That exorcism felt incredible and I’m positive the curse must be gone now, thanks to your work. I feel weightless.” She compliments him. You watch her with a burning gaze as she shamelessly bats her eyes at him and rests her hand on his shoulder, caressing slightly down his arm. He doesn’t seem bothered by this at all, or really he doesn’t seem to have any reaction.
“Of course Ma’am, just doing my job. I sincerely hope you don’t come in contact with any type of evil-sprits again, but if you do, please feel free to come back for another session.” He tells her with a practiced smile. Not flirting, he tells everyone some variation of this after their session.
“Oh, I’m sure I will. Yknow I think I’ll be coming into contact with them a lot in the near future. Just a hazard in my line of work I suppose.” She tells him smoothly and she still has her hand on him. You feel like you’re glaring holes into the side of her head but you can’t make yourself stop.
“Is that so? Well, I’d be happy to keep doing business with you.” He tells her calmly and you wonder if he knows or not.
You see the woman start to turn her head and you immediately look away before she can catch the look you were giving her. You feel her looking at you for just a moment.
“You’re really quite good with your hands, has anyone told you that, Mr. Reigen?” She asks him and you look back at them again now that no one is looking at you. She gets closer to him and leans her face in way too close for your liking.
“I hear you do at-home exorcisms as well. Maybe the next session could be at my place?” She suggests softly and quiet enough for you to just barely hear it.
Before you can even feel any type of angry, jealous emotion, you watch his head turn to you. The two of you lock eyes if not only for a few moments, and he looks… worried? Not for himself, but more like he was checking to see how you were reacting. He probably wasn’t expecting you to be looking at him though, as his mouth hangs open with something he was about to say. But he resumes as soon as he shakes off whatever it was he was thinking and breaks your eye contact again.
“I’m sorry Ma’am, but I only do at-home sessions with people whos spirits are locked to a specific place. If the spirit is on your body then I’m afraid it would be pointless and a bit inappropriate to perform at your home.” He tells her very matter of factly, back to his usual demeanor.
She doesn’t seem to let up at this.
“Oh, but I think I do have one in my home! He’s quite nasty, making my life very uncomfortable.” She tells him with a frown. “I can feel him watching me when I shower… or when I undress. He must be a pervert. You can help, right?”
She pulls hair behind her ears and looks up at him innocently, tracing a finger down the length of his arm now.
He just stares at her blankly for a few moments, and it’s a bit awkward if you’re being honest. For her, anyways. Then he breaks out into a big customer smile, putting a hand on her back and suddenly making an open gesture in your direction.
“Well then! I’d be happy to take the job! Just head over to my secretary over there and she’ll get you scheduled!” He tells her brightly and then saunters back to his desk.
She looks quite thrown at his sudden change of demeanor and exit, looking to him and then at you unassuredly. You are pretty thrown yourself honestly, almost mirroring her expression. When the two of your eyes meet though and she starts towards you, you collect yourself and nod. You preceded to set this woman up with her appointment, and you’re silently worrying about what’s even going to go down there. She’s probably lying about the spirit, but not like that’ll stop Reigen from ‘finding’ it and getting money out of this whole deal. Obviously she’s expecting to get something else out of it and you’re almost positive it won’t turn out the way she hopes at all. Almost positive. It’d be kind of delusional to assume you knew everything about him, maybe he’s down for it too.
There’s still an anxiety that eats at you even after the date is set and she makes her leave. You look over at where Reigen is sitting, and you bite your lip nervously. You’re just gonna say something.
“I’m almost positive that woman was flirting with you.” You tell him suddenly. “You noticed, right?”
He looks at you a little surprised by your question obviously. But he just shrugs.
“Yeah I kinda picked up on that. It’s pretty normal from woman who get that treatment, and sometimes even from men. It’s just something about those kind of massages, they’re inherently kind of erotic I suppose. She’ll get over it.” He informs you nonchalantly and you guess he’s right. Even you were kind of turned on by it and you were just watching. Though you guess there were other factors.
“Well, that probably means there’s not actually a spirit at her place. What are you gonna do when you get there? I think you might’ve given her false hope about how that’s all gonna go down.” You say to him and start to find a place in your file cabinet for the papers she’d filled out.
He seems to find this amusing the way he smiles at your words, and he shrugs again.
“Eh, it doesn’t matter. I can be very good at acting oblivious. And you know that even if there’s no spirit, I’ll find one.” He replies cooly, and kind of spins his chair back and forth slowly as he leans back to look at you.
You look over your shoulder at him and raise an eyebrow. “And what if she tries to make a move on you?” You ask hypothetically.
“Then I file for sexual assault. More cash. It’s a win-win either way, really.” He tells you in the confident tone that is so very him. You have never met anyone quite like this man in your life.
Still, you feel kind of relieved at this. That all seems a lot more likely that him going to her house for a hookup.
“Plus, it’s always nice to get appointments that I won’t need Mob for. I feel bad calling the kid in all the time.” He adds and you nod. You guess that’s a good thing too.
You two then proceed to discuss Mob for a while while you both eat your lunch, how he’s been doing and such. He’s a really cute kid, but you don’t see him as often as Reigen does of course. You think they have a very cute father-son thing going on that you tease him for sometimes.
After that the conversation dies down. Reigen gets a few more customers and you file a few more appointments, monitor and tweak some things on his website, answer more emails, etc etc. You’re very exhausted by the time it reaches and passes your out-time. You were quite distracted today so you still have some stuff you need to get done before you feel comfortable leaving.
“Going home late today?” He asks as he walks past your desk to get a drink of water from the dispenser across the room.
“I guess so. I was working kinda slow honestly. My fault.” You tell him, and you suppose that’s true, but you don’t know if you can say it’s completely your fault.
“Ah, it happens. What are you thinking about?” He asks as he walks back over to your desk with his little cup of water in hand.
“What do you mean?” You ask as you look up at him.
“Working slow isn’t really your deal, (Y/n). I know you. So something’s on your mind. What is it?” He says, analyzing you unwarranted.
You kind of falter for a moment, looking away from his intense gaze at you.
“It’s… it’s nothing-“ you start.
“Don’t tell me, was it that lady from earlier? Were you jealous?” He says entirely sarcastically and you roll your eyes.
“Oh, of course. I was so sure she was about to steal my position as your overworked glorified secretary.” You reply back just as sarcastic and shoot him a look.
He chuckles at this and then circles around the side of your desk. He leans on the side with one hand as he stands in front of you.
“Then, what’s up? You can talk to me y’know. Doesn’t matter that we’re at work, we’re still friends.” He tells you and you nod. You know you can. But this topic specifically probably negates that fact.
“It’s really nothing. I’m just tired today. It’s not a big deal, I’ll just go to sleep early tonight.” You lie to him and he frowns at you. He continues to stare you down until you start to feel a little nervous.
“Um, but anyways,” You start, quickly trying to change the subject. “I was only meant to be out an hour before close. I’ll just stay until you close, and if you want I can give you a ride?” You offer him.
He continues to frown at you, until eventually you guess he decides his insistence is pointless if you really don’t want to talk about it. He nods to you.
“Yeah, alright. I don’t think I have any extra work, so I’ll just close up on time today.” He says and heads back to his desk.
You sigh in relief, thankful he didn’t press about that any further. What could you even tell him? Sorry, I just keep thinking about you jerking off I can’t get any work done.
Time after that goes by fast and you’re back to thinking about what you saw again. You don’t even get much more done at all thanks to that, but you figure you’ll just have to work extra hard tomorrow to make up for it. You’re too tired for this.
The two of you quickly close up the office and make it to your car. You converse like you normally do on the drive, and you keep scolding yourself for trying to take peeks at him repeatedly. He’s got his chin resting in his hand propped against the window, looking out of it. He’s so fucking pretty. Your heart races for some reason just admiring him. You’ve got it so damn bad and now that you know he wants you too, you can’t control it.
The car ride passes fast too and you’re shocked you didn’t manage to crash with the amount of time you had your eyes off the road. Before you realize it you’re parked outside his apartment complex.
“Well, good work today. Thanks for the ride, I’ll see you tomorrow, etcetera.” He says jokingly, practiced phrases from the amount of times you’ve done this for him already. You look over at him and something tugs in your chest. You don’t want him to go, or rather you don’t want to go home without him. You’ve been so needy for him all day, but you can’t exactly tell him that, can you?
“Reigen, wait.” You say before he can pull the door handle, and he turns to face you curiously.
You try to think of something, any excuse to stay with him longer. You didn’t really think before calling out to him, you just did it and now you’re kind of at a loss for words.
“What is it?” He asks as he tilts his head at you.
That face. He looks so innocent, but you’ve seen what he’s done. You’ve seen the actions he took that he thought no one, especially you, would see. Really, if you’re being honest, the reason you couldn’t get work done today is his fault. He’s made a mess of your mind. Even now you’re picturing that face and you want to see it with your own eyes. Not behind a screen. You’re considering crazy things right now.
“Are you alright? Your face is turning pink.” He points out and you suddenly snap out of your thoughts. How long were you just staring at him like an idiot?
“Huh? Oh, uh,” You stumble for words, suddenly snapping forwards so your face is out of his field of view. “Sorry. I was just… Can I use your bathroom?” You ask and it must’ve just blurted out as soon as you thought of it because even you’re a little embarrassed by the question immediately after.
Of course he tells you yes, though a little confused. And that’s how it all starts.
omg its really cool seeing my yuta fic get so much love after only posting it a couple days ago <3 im glad ppl are enjoying it!
i have little snippets written for almost every chapter, and 2&3 are both like halfway done i would say! im doing finals rn but hopefully ill get more story out asap :3
☆ Contents: Sub!Reigen, Co-workers, Office Masturbation, Humiliation Kink, Caught in the Act, Mutual Pining
☆ Word Count: 6.7k
☆ Summary: A boss and his employee is quite the forbidden love affair. It could never happen, really it shouldn't. He would never let his feelings for you get the better of him and let you see. But Reigens worst nightmare is where you find out about what he allows himself to do and think in private. What would you think of him? And why does the outcome arouse him anyways?
Or at least it does until it becomes his reality.
☆ A/N: i am incapable of being normal about this man.
Read on AO3
Chapter 1 - Cause
Reigen was never one to be perverted, especially at work. He knew how to separate business and pleasure. Even when certain cases walked into his office (like a spirit mark on a woman’s breasts, or giving a full body massage to particularly attractive customers), it was important for him to keep his business composure. And maybe he’s had a perverted thought or two in moments like those, but who wouldn’t? The mind wanders. What’s important was that it never left that moment. Once it was over, those thoughts were out of his head, and he would never act on such thoughts.
Something weird has been happening lately, though.
He’s been feeling strange. Having perverted thoughts when he shouldn’t. It started off at home, he started watching porn more often, which he rarely does, and that’s to say of course he started touching himself more often. But then it started happening at work in the morning too. Getting aroused and having a strong urge to relieve himself, sometimes he couldn’t even get his head straight with customers in the middle of a session with him. It was quite troubling to say the least. And recently he realized why it started.
It was you.
Having you in the office wasn’t really that much of a change from before, other than being able to get work done more efficiently of course. He wouldn’t say just having a woman in the office itself did this to him, because that would be gross. But really in the beginning everything was fine. The two of you had normal co-working banter while you did your work, nothing special really. And you were very respectful in the beginning towards him so you weren’t really close. That is, until the “company dinner” together, when all three of you got fairly drunk. After that, the two of you have been closer, like friends more than boss-and-worker honestly.
He cant put his finger on exactly when his perverted feelings started coming into play. Maybe it was the day you gave him a ride home. Being alone with eachother outside the office (like actually alone, just the two of you), he remembers it feeling pretty intimate. And also being extremely nervous, but playing it off cool of course (you could see him sweating).
Ever since he’s started seeing you as more of a friend, his mind started to wander into the danger zone. It’s like his business filter is flipped off when he thinks of you now, and he can’t find it to turn it off anymore. He always keeps it appropriate at work of course. But maybe sometimes when you stand up to get water, or talk to a customer, perhaps you could catch him looking at you for a bit too long. And maybe if you looked over at the wrong time, you would catch his eyes wandering to places they shouldn’t be. That he scolds himself for afterwards every time.
Just like he’s doing now. You’re taking a customers payment and having him fill out some forms from across the office, your back facing Reigen. He can just never get over how good you look in that skirt. It’s not like it’s even particularly short, it’s appropriate length, but the way it hugs your figure….
Work. You’re at work. You need to focus, Reigen.
He turns to the computer again.
The thing is, he didn’t like being like this. And he tried to fight it at first, but it’s like you’ve put some kind of horny spell on him or something. Are regular crushes supposed to make you more sexually driven? He doesn’t think so. There must be something wrong with him.
“Okay, Reigen,” You call out, snapping him awake, “I’m gonna start running the calculations for this weeks total income. Do you need me to do anything else before going home for the weekend?” You ask politely, turning your body slowly to face him, tapping some documents together in your hands. The guy from before is gone now. When did that happen?
He buffers for a second looking at you, and probably for a moment too long, because you turn to look back at him curiously.
“Oh- No, no. You’re all good to go home after this, (Y/n).” He finally replies.
You crack a smile at this statement, looking pleased to hear that. He watches as you turn to sit in your chair and start typing with a newly determined end-of-the-workweek energy. He ends up also smiling at this, managing to turn his attention back to his work as well.
The next hour or so goes by in mostly silence, only the sounds of tapping and the occasional thinking noises that comes from Reigen. The sun starts to set now, orange tinting the room through the slightly-open shades.
You push yourself up to stand, clicking the shut down on your computer, all while smiling. Finally you get to go home early. And not late like you always tend to do.
You alert his attention again at this, and he looks up at you. “Heading out?” He asks.
You smile proudly at him, “Yep! Unless you want me to stay. But if you do, I think I’m qualified to start asking for overtime pay at this point.” You say, partially joking.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “No, no. Really, you’re good to go.” He reassures you.
You squint your eyes at him, leaning on your hand placed on your desk. “This is suspicious. You never let me go home early.” You accuse him.
He frowns at you, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms. “What am I, some kind of ceo villain? It’s not like I try to trap you here. If you’re done with your work, you can go.” He states simply.
“Yeah, you say that but,” You stand up straight and take your purse, moving around your desk to make your way to the coat hanger. “There seems to always be something you want me to help you with, even if I finish my work. You’re sure you don’t need anything?” You finish and turn to face him again.
“What? Do you want to stay later? If you really want something to do I can make something up and-“
“No! I just…” You cut him short and then trail off, holding eye contact for a weird amount of time in silence.
He tilts his head at you, confused. “What is it? Is something wrong?” He asks, a sudden concerned tone in his voice. You are acting a little strange, so it makes sense. You stand there for a few more seconds without answering.
“Are you going to be going home soon?” You blurt out, and he blinks a few times at the sudden question.
“Uh.. No, I don’t think so. I’ve got some more things I gotta take care of before the weekend, so I’ll probably be here for a while.” He says, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.
You frown at this, and he starts to see what’s going on now. It’s cute, and he tries not to smile and make it obvious what he’s thinking. Or at least he puts on a fake, sly smile, prepared to tease you about your reasonable concern instead.
“What? Are you worried about me? That’s oh so sweet of you, but don’t be. I’ll be fine. This won’t take too long. Believe it or not, I don’t especially love working past close either.” He does his best to reassure you, but you’re still frowning at him, clearly not convinced. “Hey, don’t give me that face. Just go home and get some rest. I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?” He says again, trying to wave you off as he directs his attention back to his monitor, pretending to do something.
Of course he doesn’t want you to go either, but as your boss he really didn’t have anything to give you. And as your— what he guesses could be called “admirer”— he did want you to actually get some rest.
You watch him sadly for a few more moments, and then let out a sigh. You reach for your coat, and he can hear it ruffle as you put it on.
You don’t know why you’re suddenly sad about leaving, since you were just over the moon about it a minute ago. Maybe it’s because lately you get out so late that you end up closing with him most nights. When this happens you’d always be a little annoyed, since no one likes working beyond their hours, but now you’re realizing maybe you actually grew to enjoy it? Or at least to be accustomed to it. Since you feel weird like this about leaving early now. It’s not because you want to work obviously, but you guess…
You just really like being in Reigens company.
You glance over your shoulder again at him before you go for the door. He’s busy at work again. You know he probably has more than he’s letting on, and he’s probably just letting you go since you were so happy about leaving early.
You suppose you’re lucky to have a boss who’s also a friend. So much that he cares more about your health than work. So much that you dread leaving his side…
You spot the heating/ac control panel on the wall next to you. You realize it’s pretty hot, forgetting you just put your jacket on.
“Is it hot in here? Do you want me to turn the heat down for you while I’m on my way out?” You ask, breaking the loud silence.
“Hm? Oh, no, it’s fine.” He mumbles back to you.
“Okay..” You mumble and finally head for the door.
You stop again.
“Oh! By the way,” You start and turn to him again. “I’m gonna go to the supercenter this weekend to pick up a few things. So, let me know if there’s anything I should pick up for the office.”
He cracks a smile, leaning his body to the left from behind the monitor, his chin coming to rest in his hand. “Alright, I’ll make sure to do that. Anything else you wanna ask me?” He teases, giving you a smug look.
You smile back at him, rolling your eyes. You’re about to have a witty comeback, but suddenly remember another thing. You can’t believe you almost forgot.
“Oh! Okay, one last thing!” You hurry over to your desk, and his eyes follow you as you make your way over and bend down to open up a drawer. He’s doing the thing again, his eyes lingering.
You find a folder you were searching for immediately and take out the first paper in it. You make your way over to him, still not looking at him yet. As you approach, he shakes himself out of the daze he had just gone into.
You stand next to him, staring at the paper for another second as he waits for whatever you have to show him. Then finally, you hand it over to him.
“What’s this?” He immediately asks.
“The first client that came in today had a follow-up session request. It was pretty detailed and picky so I had him fill out a form about it. I told him you’d call back about it in a few days.” You inform him.
“Huh. Must be serious if he’s so strict about it. Or maybe he’s just picky, I guess.” He says, skimming over the several paragraphs of writing under the ‘extra comments/requests’ section. “Guess I’ll just have to charge extra. I can give him a call tomorrow.” He finishes with a signature grin.
Then to his surprise, he suddenly feels you next to him, as you bend over him to point to something on the page.
You start to make a comment about something the client wrote, but Reigens mind kind of stops working for a moment. He glances over at you, your face dangerously close to his. He can smell your signature perfume, already familiar with it from the times you’d get close to him, pass him by, or give him rides home in your car. He loves the smell, the smell of you, and he remembers times where he’d wished he could get to experience it even when you’re not around. He starts to let himself admire you as you continue to talk to him about something he should probably be listening to.
“-And I mean I told him that might be out of our control, but he insisted on writing it. So, it’s up to you.” You finish your explanation that you didn’t realize was going unheard. But when you get no response at all, you finally turn your head. Your eyes meet for a moment, and his widen a little, snapping out of his daze again.
He immediately snaps his head forward and nods. “Mm, Okay. Understood. I’ll take care of it, (Y/n). Thank you.” He says quickly and very matter-of-factly.
You blush a little from your one second of intimacy, not expecting for him to have been staring at you like that. You slowly bring yourself to stand again.
He won’t look at you now, placing the piece of paper down next to him and pushing himself further into the desk as he goes back to scrolling on the computer.
You stand there for a little too long, like you’re a stunned animal, just looking at him curiously, wondering ‘what was that?’.
He can feel you still next to him, and there’s an awkward air. Was that too obvious? Did you finally catch him? Gotta play it off.
He clears his throat, glancing up at you again with a straight face. “I’ll take care of it, so you can head out, (Y/n).”
You jump a little, face flushing darker at how awkward you were probably making him feel just standing there in silence. “Oh, right. Thank you.”
“And, you have something in your teeth. By the way.” He adds on bluntly.
Very smooth.
Your brows furrow as you cover your mouth, tongue feeling around for something. Now you feel especially embarrassed.
Of course he just saw something in your teeth, idiot. Why else would he stare like that?
Your internal dialogue as you make your way to the door again, not dragging your pace this time.
He watches you subtly as you go, feeling a bit guilty now.
“Have a good weekend!” He calls out, but you don’t stop or look back, feeling too humiliated at the moment. You just nod and hum a “you too”, and then you’re gone.
He throws himself back, his chair reclining with him, throwing his hands over his face. His hands run back through his hair.
He wishes he had thought of a different excuse, but he was frantic, and he really can’t have you finding out about the way he feels for you. On the likely chance it makes you weirded out and decide to quit, he’d still be able manage same as he did before you were hired, but of course that’s not the reason he doesn’t want to loose you.
Once he gets over his regret or whatever this is, he gets back to work, and then an hour or so passes quickly. He finally takes a break to look at his phone.
No messages.
What was he expecting?
He thinks about you again, and all the different ways the two of you interacted today. This became a pass time for him, thinking about you, and replaying you in his mind. Before he knows it, he’s been staring at the ceiling for 10 minutes. A sigh leaves his lips.
“Damn. I need to go home too… I should wrap this up.” He speaks to himself, pulling his attention away from your temptation.
But as he tries to finish up the last of his to-do list for today, he can’t stop letting his mind wander. Every time he starts to get into the rhythm, his focus gets lost again, and there you are. Work that should’ve only taken about another hour or so turns into 2 hours. And as time passes, his thoughts of you only get more perverted.
This was like clockwork, when he couldn’t get you off his mind, his fantasizing eventually ended up a little X-rated. He finds himself starting to palm at the buldge that had appeared under his pants, staring blankly at the screen in front of him with an unfinished email, totally spaced out now.
He pushes out a shaky breath, gently massaging himself to the thought of you. The fantasy of getting to have you in any context, but right now his fantasy scenario is one that takes place in the office. You tying his hands behind his chair, straddling his lap and having your way with him. His cheeks are bright red, engulfed in his imagination. The PC fan, clock ticking, and Reigen’s unsteady breathing being the only sounds in the empty office. He’s started to work himself up without realizing.
Ding!
The sound of a notification suddenly brings him out of his daydream, his actions stopping all at once, his eyes refocusing. At first he searches the computer screen, thinking he’d have gotten an email, but there’s nothing new. He reaches for his phone, and sure enough, a text notification. From you.
The text reads:
[hey! you still at the office?]
And as he’s reading it, he receives another.
[better not be.. if you end up sick from overworking im not coming in for you! :p]
He laughs through his nose, running his hand through his hair again. He sighs. You’re right, he really needs to finish up here. If only you knew what he was really doing right now.
He was basically finished, just needed to send this last email that he’d already started. Yet, when he tries to finish it again, he just can’t seem to focus at all. He got himself too riled up, and there was only one real way he knew how to fix it, of course.
He contemplates it for a minute. Masturbating in the office… It’s a terrible idea, right? But it’s not like anyone would come after close, and he could just make it quick.
He wastes more time contemplating, but eventually comes to the conclusion that the only way he can finish up today is if he can be relieved of his thoughts of you first. This is a lie of course, he really could make himself power through, but he convinces himself otherwise. After all, he is very convincing.
He gets up from his chair and makes his way to the door, checking to make sure it’s 100% locked. God forbid something unthinkable occurs.
As he’s about to walk back to his own desk and finally get down to “business”, he stops in front of your desk, spotting something.
Your scarf is left on the headrest of your chair, and he doesn’t know how neither of you spotted it before you left. You always take it with you.
He stays frozen in place for a moment. An awful idea occurs to him.
He cant even believe what he’s doing as he saunters over to the chair, taking the scarf in his hand and bringing it close to his face. It smells like you. And your perfume. Just like he thought it probably would.
This is bad. Dangerous, even. He shouldn’t be doing this.
But then he’s sitting down in your desk chair, nuzzling his face into your left-behind apparel laced with your scent, his hand slipping down to massage himself again.
And then before he knows it, his length is out in his hand, and he’s pleasuring himself. In your chair. Surrounded by your things. Everything around him reminds him of you. The cute trinkets on the desk, the colorful paper clips keeping papers tidy, the dog-shaped sticky notes on the monitor with reminders written in your pretty handwriting. And your scent. God, he goes crazy for it.
Sighs start to escape his lips, and then soft moans begin to follow. His pumping gets faster, his hips start to buck up into his hand, his breathing getting more unstable.
This is so so wrong. Horribly wrong. You’d probably kill him if you found out.
You.
The things you’d do to him, if you knew.
His shame only fuels his arousal for some reason. Even though it’d be a nightmare if you walked in right now, for some reason the thought still turns him on. You seeing him desperate and needy like this, his dirty secret finally out. You’d finally know what you do to him, and he could confess that only you make him act like this.
“Fuck… (Y/n)…” He whines into the soft fabric in his hand.
As his imagination runs wild in his mind, he just gets more needy. All this time of touching himself to the thought, but he wants the real thing more than anything. So badly. He wants you— no— he needs you.
This prompts him to start letting out short whines, your name leaving his lips again and again. He keeps fucking his hand, wishing that somehow he’d open his eyes and see you around him instead.
“Please.. please-Ah-.. fuck..“
He starts pleading and babbling nonsense, head tilting back to look up at the ceiling.
Faster. He strokes himself at a faster pace now, sometimes stuttering as his hips jerk up involuntarily.
He cant believe he’s doing this. But it feels so good, there’s no way he could stop.
He’s nearing climax now, and his noises get less controllable as he continues to get immense pleasure from this perverted situation he’s cultivated.
He brings the scarf back up to his face, the scent renewing and giving him a better illusion of you. The fabric helping to muffle himself as well. His eyes squeeze shut and with your aroma so close to him, he can make out the image of you. Wrapped around him, moaning his name into his ear, your plush skin pressed against his own.
Finally, with one last hard thrust, he reaches his climax, his hips thrusting up and locking for a moment as he shakes with pleasure. He’s not able to catch the first line of semen that comes out way more intense than he expected. It gets on the top of your desk, but thankfully not on his clothes somehow. The rest he catches with his hand.
He sits there shocked for a moment, breathing hard and heavy. He hasn’t finished that intensely in a while.
Then he lets himself lean back into the chair to relax for a moment, sighing heavily at his intense relief.
Jesus, Reigen. You’re a fuckin creep. Look at what you’re doing right now.
He thinks to himself in his post-clarity.
He sits there in silence for a while, letting himself wallow in the shame of his actions tonight.
Then he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. He’s ready to just put this behind him, pretend it never happened.
“Alright… Guess I should-“ His own speaking to himself gets cut off as there’s a knock on the door.
He immediately goes into panic mode for a few moments. He almost answers, until he realizes it’s probably a customer. They’ll go away once they realize the shop is closed.
So he stays still and silent.
Then probably one of his worst case scenarios takes place.
He hears the security system unlock, followed by the door opening slowly, and then-
You pop your head in slowly as you look around the room, eventually locking eyes with Reigen. His heart sinks.
Luckily for him, your desk faces the door, so he’s still in the clear from your point of view. Of course not the most ideal situation to be in right now.
“Oh! You’re here,” You step inside, shutting the door behind you. “You didn’t say anything when I texted. And usually I knock before I come in during close, incase you might be busy with something, but-“ You come to a stop when you realize how in-shock— and sweaty?— he looks right now. And just the overall weird tenseness in the air. And-
“Why are you at my desk?” You ask with a slight tilt of the head.
He’s suddenly snapped back into reality, realizing the urgency of this situation. He needs to figure out how to get out of this smoothly, and fast. His hand is literally full of his own-
“Reigen?-“
“HEY!” He startles you with his sudden volume. “(Y/n)! Hey! Funny seeing you here so late I thought you went home already!” He smiles as genuinely as he can manage as he pushes out that regrettable concoction of words.
You blink a few times. “Uh… Yeahhh, well I did! I mean I was on my way, but-“ He nods along as you speak, eyes glancing around for something to wipe off the desk. “-then I found that brand of salt you like so much when I stopped at Daiso and yknow it’s always sold out so I brought it back for you. Never a bad thing to have extra stock right? Just in case.“ You tell him sweetly. He now notices the three bags of salt in your arms. Normally he’d be very pleased with this. In ideal circumstances.
“Wow, look at you! You’re really an amazing employee, (Y/n), yknow that? Have I ever told you that?” He starts to babble, giving you a big fake smile. “Thanks so much, hey, uh- Why don’t you just put them on the couch and I’ll put them away when I’m done over here. You should really head home and actually get some rest for tonight, right?”
“Oh, right.” You remember how badly you want to put these bags down now. They’re kinda heavy. You move over to the couch, hunching over to drop them down.
While you’re looking away, Reigen glances around frantically for any sort of paper towels on your desk. His eyes lock onto your box of tissues, grabbing a handful and quickly wiping the mess on the table, just before you turn back around with a labored exhale. He’s wiping himself off discretely under the desk when you make eye contact again. “So what is it you’re doing over there anyways?” You ask to his dismay. Of course you’re curious about the situation though, since he is in your work space after work hours.
He opens his mouth to answer, and he only buffers for a moment. Almost suspicious, but not quite. “Ah, I just wanted to restart your computer, I do that with mine every once in awhile. Keeps em running smoothly. But yknow then it started acting strange, so I was just checking it out.” He comes up with an adequate excuse on the fly.
“Oh, seriously? Strange how? I can help you, let me-“
“NO!” He practically shouts when you take a step towards him, making you jump. Then he clears his throat immediately. “I mean, seriously, I got it. Cmon, you don’t trust your own boss? Just get home, will ya? You worked hard today.”
His rare compliment/considerateness blinds you to how weird he was being for a moment. You start to grin a little.
“Hmm.. I mean, you’re right. But honestly I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you fixing my computer, considering I was the one who had to fix yours the last time it started having issues.” You say in a joking tone, placing a hand on your hip.
He lets out an awkward, but still believable laugh. “Ahhh, that’s right! BUT I do know my fair share about computers. I did have to function somehow before you got here, right?”
“Yeah, it’s almost unthinkable.” You roll your eyes smiling. “I’ll go home after, but I can just help real quick. I’m sure you were doing something more important before this.”
He certainly was. And he definitely regrets getting off track now. Lesson learned. And as much as he appreciates your eagerness to help him, it literally could not be a worse time for it.
“(Y/n), it’s fine. You just stay right there and watch the master at work-“
“Master? Is there a spirit in the PC or something?” You say sarcastically, crossing your arms.
“Will that convince you to leave it to the professional?”
“Well if that’s the case, maybe I should call Mob?”
Woooow. Okay, that makes him crack an actual smile, his tenseness losing up a little. “What are you talking about? You know what mob calls me, right?” He says cockily, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Oh whatever, just let me help you!” You say letting out a laugh, like this is some kind of game.
“I don’t need your help!”
“Yeah right!” You take another step towards him.
“Don’t move another muscle!”
“What, are you naked behind the desk or something?” You ask jokingly.
He lets out a loud “Ha!” At your (scarily close) accusation. “I’m sure you’d love that, wouldn't you?” His words come out as quickly as he regrets them immediately afterwards. Both of your eyes go wide at the same time, and a blush quickly surfaces on your cheeks.
His expression and his heart drop the same.
“I am so sorry. That came out wrong.” He apologizes immediately, and he’s genuine because he really did not mean for it to sound that way. With you being both his friend and now secret desire, the line between professional and unprofessional is sometimes a little foggy. He has to remind himself to tone it down maybe.
Your mouth hangs open slightly, trying to think of something, anything to say after that, but you can’t seem to form anything together. You’re not really offended, just embarrassed. What did he mean by that? Why would he think you want to see him naked? Does he know you like him?
Stupid! Idiot! Why would you say that! His mind practically screams at him. He has to say something else.
He clears his throat. “Anyways!” Of course, perfect segway. “Just watch this. Like I said, master at work.” He says quickly and slides himself out of your chair and down under the desk where the PC box sits.
You just kind of stand there awkwardly. You don’t really have anything to say to him anymore, overthinking about whatever just happened.
“Alright, come here.” He finally calls out to you after a few moments and you oblige, coming over to behind the desk. He comes up again, clicking the start button on the PC before he does. And then of course your totally-fine-in-the-first-place computer boots back up.
He gives you a satisfied look. “There. Fresh as new. You’ll thank me later.”
You cross your arms, rolling your eyes. “Wow.. I guess you really are the master.” You reply sarcastically.
“I told you, didn’t I?”
Now being this close to him, you notice again how worked he looks. Like he’d just done a workout or something.
“Why are you sweating so much? Are you sick or something? I told you not to overwork yourself..” You scold, leaning over to take some tissues out of the box off your desk and taking a few to hand to him.
He clears his throat again, hesitantly taking the tissues from you with his free hand that doesnt already have crumpled up ones in it. “Ah, no.. It’s just hot in here. I should’ve let you turn down the heater earlier. I’ve been too busy to bother getting up to adjust it.” He makes another excuse. Truly, he feels gross being this close to you right know, knowing what he just did, and that there’s still evidence of it lingering. Normally this is very much an at-home-only activity. He never thought he’d get himself in a situation like this.
You tilt your head a bit, forgetting that you had even offered to do that earlier. “Oh yeah…” You eyes trail over to the control panel across the room, while Reigen wipes his face, watching your expression carefully.
When you look back over, the two of you makes eye contact for a moment. For some reason, it feels intimate, and Reigen thinks maybe it’s just his imagination still. He should say something to get you to leave though. This situation feels way too weird.
Right before he can say anything though, your eyes finally pull away, coming to spot something on the floor.
You make a slight “Oh!” sound, noticing the scarf you left behind, now on the floor.
Reigen follows your eyes to it and doesn’t stop you when you walk around him to pick it up.
“That’s funny, I left my scarf here. I didn’t even notice I was missing it.” You shrug.
His heart beats faster watching you hold it. Maybe because he can’t stop thinking about what he was just using it for.
He watches as you unravel it and wrap it around you, still filled with anxiety, like you’d sense his filthy use of your precious accessory just by touching it. You look at him when its back on, and you make the same strong eye contact again.
This is so weird. For the both of you.
The atmosphere feels unreal, like you’re experiencing a dream right now, being alone together in the dim-lit office way after hours. And reigen was acting so strange to how he normally is, though you don’t want to address it and let him know you’re that observant to his behaviors.
“Um.. I still have more bags of the salt in my car. I couldn’t carry them all in one go.” You finally say, eyes still connected to his.
“Oh. I can help.” He replies with no real emotion, like he’s in a trance right now.
“No no, it’s okay. You finish up work. I’ll just bring the rest in.” You assure him, still not breaking eye contact.
“I should help you. You already went through the effort of buying and transporting them here.” He says and finally breaks the contact for a moment to glance over at his desk. “Actually… if you want to do something, there’s an unfinished email on my desk. I’ve been trying to write it for a while but I don’t know, I guess I’ve just lost my work energy for the day.”
“Oh! Okay yeah, I can do that. Then,” You begin to take your scarf off again, taking it and reaching up to wrap it around Reagan’s neck instead. He blushes slightly at this, but not flinching or acting bothered at all. You can feel his eyes on you as you adjust it correctly into place. “You need this instead.”
He laughs through his nose slightly, and for some reason, he’s no longer tense or anxious. Smiling at you, and you smiling back, he feels his nerves calm, and he nearly forgets about whatever the hell he was worried about.
The eye contact continues, and it feels like you might… kiss? Or that’s what would happen if this was some cliche movie or something. But neither of you would ever be brave enough to make that risky first move. So you just stand in silence again for a weird amount of time.
“So..” Reigen finally breaks it when he comes back to earth before you do “Keys?”
You jump a little “Right!” You agree and fiddle for them in your coat pocket, pulling them out and handing them over.
Then for the next 20 minutes or so, the two of you say nothing to each other. You finish up his emails at his computer while he comes in and out of the office a few times with the salt.
You’re shutting the computer down when he puts the last sack of bags down with a heavy last heave of breath. You admire the way he rolls his neck and rubs at the muscles on his arms. His sleeves are rolled up and he pulls at his tie to unloosen it a bit as he turns to look at you. You pretend like you weren’t just having questionable thoughts about him.
You offer him a ride home, and he reluctantly takes it. During the ride, the two of you get back to your everyday conversational banter, like nothing happened. And really, nothing did anyways. When you turn the corner to his apartment, the two of you are still laughing at something stupid he just said.
You’d normally pull into the parking area in front of his place, but some idiot parked on the side of the ride is too far into the entrance. Definitely not legal, and also incredibly annoying.
“What the hell. What was this dumbass thinking?” You say in disbelief, gesturing out to the car in front of you.
“Ugh. They’re notoriously bad at parking, everytime I see that car there’s always some type of note on it. Guess there’s no free spaces.” He comments, peeking out the window to try to see into the gate.
“Yeah, but they couldn’t have just parked a little further up the street? This is actually laughably bad. Like illegal, even.” You say to him and just put the car in park where you are on the side of the road. You’re obviously not getting in.
“You think we could get compensation if we reported it?” You ask, turning to him with a mischievous look. He turns to face you and can’t help but mirroring your expression.
“I’ve taught you well. I’m sure I could somehow.” He tells you to confirm your question. “But, if I’m being honest, I can’t be bothered. I just want to sleep right now.”
You give him a disappointed look and he shrugs.
“Well. Then… are you okay walking in from here then?”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine walking a few extra feet to my front door, yeah.” He answers you sarcastically and you roll your eyes immediately.
“Oh okay, attitude. Go ahead then.” You tell him with your own tone, but you’re clearly teasing with the smile across your face.
“Wow I can’t believe you’re really going to make me walk so far, (Y/n). After everything I do for you, really. If I-“
“Oh my gosh, gooooooooo!” You say, cutting off his silly monologue and pushing him towards the door with both hands.
“Alright! Alright! I’m going!” He obliges with a laugh and you let him go. When he opens the passenger door you can feel the wave of cold air and you involuntarily shiver. You’re watching him step out and come to stand, when you notice that he’s still wearing your scarf.
“Wait!” You call out on impulse and he turns around to face you, his hand placed on the hood of the car.
You think about it for a second, looking at your scarf around his neck. It looks… cute on him. And you feel like he kinda needs it, he’s not really dressed very warm. Even though he’s only walking a few extra feet like he said. You want him to use it.
You’re about to say it’s nothing and let him take it, but he seems to notice where you’re looking and looks down to notice for himself.
“Oh, right. Here.” He says and starts to take it off, but you stop him.
“No, no! Take it.” You insist. He looks at you confused, eyebrow raising.
“What? Why? You wear this everyday.” He says.
“I have other ones. You never dress warm. Just use it for the weekend and give it back to me on Monday, kay?” You tell him.
“But-“ He starts and then trails off with seemingly nothing else to say.
You just smile at him and give him a wave goodbye. He buffers there for a moment before just going with it, nodding and waving back.
“Thank you.” He says as he reaches for the door.
“Goodnight.” You tell him gently and watch him go even after he shuts the door and walks off. You sit there just for a moment, wondering why you wanted him to have your scarf so bad. And also why he agreed. He has his own, you’ve seen it before, though not often.
☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, College AU, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Obsession, Loyalty, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Drinking, House Party, Masturbation
☆ Word Count: 10.6k
☆ Summary: Linked at the hip as best friends since birth, you and Yuta have never once not been at eachother's side. Anyone who knew one of you, had to know the other. You made quite the reputation for yourselfs as an inseparable duo, throughout all your school years together. Yuta was committed to keep things this way, despite his secret feelings for you. He was strong-willed, keeping his longing emotions reined in and your relationship stable just the way it is.
But once the two of you graduate and enter university, this proves to be more difficult than Yuta anticipated. He finds himself in a whole other playing field. One that forces him to see and confront his feelings for you head-on. His once clean consciences regarding you, starts becoming more and more tainted. And worse, uni only seems to pull the two of you apart, something neither of you are used to. What is he supposed to do with all these new experiences and deep yearning for you?
☆ A/N: i actually wrote this chapter a while ago but didnt want to share until i had more planned out and written! hopefully next chapter is soon but this first one is probably longer than the ones following will be! think of it like a detailed opening introduction to the story.
warning: this story switches from fluff to smut/perverted a lot. might throw you off at times. also, HEAVY on the obsession tag. youre both obsessed with eachother but i really went over the top to express how crazy yuta is for you. hehe
Read on AO3
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Chapter 1 - Firsts
Yuta has a guilty conscience.
He’s known he was in love with you since high school. And aside from the painfulness that comes with an unreciprocated crush, he actually didn’t mind his feelings. He liked being head over heels for you. It was a privilege, he thought, to get to love you, even just to know you.
The two of you have been glued by the hip since birth practically. Your mom’s were best friends and somehow ended up pregnant at the same time, basically raising you two together. It really shouldn’t be a surprise the way he feels, after having you by his side all this time, how could he ever love someone else as deeply as he does you?
You were popular in high school, and people would only really acknowledge him in the way it related to you. “Y/n’s friend”. “That guy thats always with Y/n.” And, Yutas personal favorite, “Y/n’s boyfriend.” That one was always used in a way to tease you, and you would always refute it and scold whoever said it. But deep down it made him happy to be called that, and maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why at some point he started doing things in the hallways or the lunchroom to enforce that rumor. Very subtle physical affection that he was known for doing with you at this point. Fingers gently entangling with yours while the two of you talk about something by the window. It’s so gentle that you don’t even notice or mind, but anyone who was looking at you could see that you’re obviously holding hands, albeit weakly. The need to always be touching you in some way when you were together. Shoulders slumped into eachother while sitting together, pinkies wrapped while you sit on the school grass with friends, his hands grazing against yours when you walk side by side. He could never get enough of the little things. And yeah he did it for the rumors, so everyone would know that even if it wasn’t official, you were his. You were claimed already. No one could be this close with you and get away with it. But when you two were alone it was even better.
Yuta's love language was most definitely physical touch. You’ve always known that he likes to be physical, and that was just his way of showing he liked you. Platonically, in your eyes. When you’d hang out at each others house, he was still always connected with you in some way. Head in your lap as the two of you talk about some drama in your class. Arms around you from behind with his head on your shoulder as you finish a level of a game he already died in. Legs entangled in various ways under the kotatsu as you both do homework. It took many forms. It never bothered you luckily, in fact you’d long become accustomed to it. Even as kids Yuta was the same, and your moms used to eat it up and say you two would be married someday, taking a thousand one pictures of you for that reason.
It really was all innocence until sometime in high school when he had developed feelings. His physical affection never changed but the feeling and motive behind it might’ve. And sometimes he quite literally couldn't do some of the stuff he used to do when you were younger, because it would most definitely give him away now.
He’ll never forget the day it really changed for him. Playing video games with his arms around you like normal, but it wasn’t normal this time. His heart was beating, he was nervous. Looking up at you from your shoulder, he couldn’t get over how you look pretty from every angle. How cute were your reactions to every hit of damage you take in the game. Suddenly he’s incredibly aware of where his hands are sitting, how close you are, your warmth, your breathing, how good you smell. Something in his awareness heightens, like the flick of a switch, and he realizes that this is different. Different to what he thought it was. He also realizes how bad that is, and it makes his stomach drop. He went home early that day, but nothing ever changed. Only the way he felt.
After that day Yuta knew he had to be mindful with the way he acted with you, and even in the way he thought of you. He allowed himself to have loving thoughts of you, for they could always be rationalized in someway to be friendly. “You’re so pretty” could be followed by “so I cant believe none of the guys in class have confessed to you yet.” and “You have the most precious laugh” could be backed by “its no wonder why you have so many friends”. Stuff like that. What he wouldn’t allow and actively tried to avoid, were thoughts that could not possibly be platonic in any use of the word. Like sexual thoughts.
It was only natural. After becoming aware of his feelings and with the effects of maturing into a young adult he was bound to have thoughts like this. But he wouldn’t allow it, not even in your absence, in his own privacy. Of course he couldn’t fight sexual urges all together, but he did his very best not to think of you when he was doing something like that. And Yuta was very good at self-discipline, the reason why his test scores are the best in your grade. He was successful in pushing the thoughts away, avoiding seeing you in this new forbidden light. For a long time.
And everything was fine. You never suspected a thing from him, your friendship never changed, and you even ended up enrolling in the same university.
That’s where his trouble started.
College is a totally different experience from high school that he wasn’t quite expecting. And everything has been taking a toll on him lately.
When the two of you first start, everything’s fine. You already know a bunch of freshman from your school, but you’re also easy to make friends with a bunch of other people as well. Yuta mostly stays with your smaller friend group that you two had in highschool. Inumaki and Panda got into the same Uni as well, not to mention the boys ended up living together.
And Yuta has no real issue with you making new friends at all, of course he’s happy for you. You still like to have him with you all the time, even if you don’t have many classes together. So long as he can still have time with you, he’s happy. What starts to bother him is the way the guys around you stare. Men in uni are much different from high school. And most of the guys here have no idea about the rumors of you two, all his years of showing such a thing are now practically worthless. You don’t notice, but he always does. He hated the way they stare, as if undressing you with their disrespectful eyes, grinning and whispering to friends, probably making sly comments he can’t hear when they shouldn’t even have the right to take the slightest glance in your direction.
“Yuta?” You call to him from where you sit next to him in the dining hall. He just now realizes that he’d been staring down these two guys a couple tables away in his peripheral vision.
“Huh? Yeah?” He calls back to you, turning to look at you now.
“Is something wrong?“
“Huh? No, nothing.”
“Oh, okay… well, did you hear what I said?” You ask and his heart sinks a little. He wasn’t listening, he didnt even realize you were talking to him.
“No.. I’m sorry. Tell me again?” He offers, giving you his full attention now. You give him a smile at hearing his usual sweet tone of voice when he speaks to you. You love everything about the way he is with you.
“I was talking about a party I got invited to-“
“You were invited to a party?? But-“
“Yu, let me finish.” You tell him before he can start lecturing you about it being dangerous or something, as you’re positive he was going to. He pouts a little. Cute.
“It’s for freshman. An upperclassman invited me so I think it’s for all years, but I guess it’s more of a welcoming party.” You explain and Yuta only frowns more. Since when did you make friends with an upperclassman? He’s never seen you with one. And the thought of you being at a party with a bunch of drunk guys or just drunk people in general makes him nervous.
His fingers automatically find yours under the table. Without thinking he finds a way to connect with you. It may have been to calm himself down, or maybe to get your attention again so you could see that he’s clearly uncertain about this idea. He couldn’t say. It does get your attention though, and you give him a look of understanding as your fingers intertwine a bit more.
“I know college parties can be kinda crazy and all that, and I wouldn’t want to go alone anyways even if they weren’t. They said I could invite whoever I wanted so.. You guys wanna come?”
“Sure, I’m down.” Inumaki says, and Yuta had almost forgot his friends were there for a second.
“Oh, yeah! Our first college party! I’ll be there.” Panda grins and you smile at their agreement. Your gaze returns to Yuta again, and his to yours.
“I’m.. not really into parties but..” He starts and you look like you’re anticipating his agreement. “If you wanna go, of course I’ll go with you.”
You smile at him, sweet as ever. But you do feel a bit bad about the possibility that you’re forcing him. As much as you want him there, you don’t want him to be miserable going with you.
“You don’t have to, y’know. Just because I’m going. I wont make you.” You remind him and he smiles too now, nodding.
“I know. I want to.” He reassures you and you feel relieved at that. “Plus, I want to make sure you guys are all safe. It’s better to go with a group to stuff like this and have someone to look over everyone.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” Inumaki tells him. “I can’t drink.”
Right, Inumaki has a chronic condition that makes his throat very sensitive, of course he wouldn’t be allowed alcohol.
“And I have a high tolerance! I’ll be fine.” Panda informs too, and you all look at him like you’re suspicious of how he even knows that. He just smiles.
“Well, still. Being in one place with a ton of drunk people is dangerous on its own.” Yuta says anyways, going back to picking at his food.
You give him a knowing look.
“You can just admit you wanna come and have fun. It’s okay, we wont judge you.” You tease and the other two chuckle a bit.
“Well, maybe.” Yuta gives after a second of embarrassment by your call out. “But I’m mostly going for the other reason.”
You laugh at how cute he is, squeezing his hand before letting it go to hug him. He blushes in concession with both your adorable laugh and your warm embrace. His two friend wiggle their eyebrows at him as your back is to them and Yuta rolls his eyes at them. They are always contempt to tease him in silence. Yuta never even told them about how he feels, but he knows they just know. And he doesn’t mind. As long as it doesn’t get to you.
Agreeing to go to this party with you was probably both the best and worst thing he could’ve done. It would’ve been better if he could’ve talked you out of coming, but he knew from the beginning that wouldn’t be an option, and he wouldn’t want to control you.
When you first get there, the four of you are a bit awkward. Panda offers to take your first ever shot with you and somehow Yuta even agrees to do “just the one”. You take the hit pretty well, but you all burst out laughing when Yuta makes the most disgusted expression you’ve ever seen on him.
It’s sweet, even if embarrassing, the two of you having “first” moments together like this. It’s not long before your two friends are nowhere to be found, and Yuta can assume why they left you two alone. It’s also not long after that you’re convincing him to take another couple of shots with you, even though he hated the first one, he loved having these moments with you. He’d do anything with you. Even follow you to the center of the room to dance when he’s always known he’s not the best dancer.
When you’re dancing, quite a few people come up to you to talk, even just to say hello. You really know a lot of people. But it doesn’t bother him at all because even with everyone that comes by, you never once let go of his hand. And when your attention isn’t on him, he can freely admire you as much as he wants without having to be cautious about the way he looks at you.
He knows the alcohol is catching up to him a little when he starts to get needy. Any kind of connection with you is enough for him on a normal day, but right now he has the urge to be all over you, and it’s taking everything in him to keep it subtle.
You’re still talking to some girl he’s maybe seen a few times— he can’t recall, when he decides he needs your attention again. He pulls your hand towards him, but it doesn’t deter you from the loud conversation you’re having, much more than a quick glance at him. On the inside it feels like he could start whining, begging for you to look at him, be with him in this moment. The music isn’t helping either, some seductive rnb song with vulgar lyrics pumping in his ears. He does something he’s never done before, without much thought to it either. His free hand reaches out and grabs your waist, gripping you tightly and pulling you towards him. You gasp and look at him with surprise. Even more surprised when you see the longing expression on his face. Your friend seemingly understands and leaves you two be, to Yutas relief.
He can’t stand the embarrassment he feels with the way you’re looking at him, but he also can’t bare to be apart from you at all anymore. He pulls you in, his arms wrapping around you, hands resting in a dangerous area. Any lower and this couldn’t be considered platonic at all. He bends over a bit so his head can nuzzle into your neck. He wants to feel you, all of you, even more than this. But he stops here.
“Yu…?” You say in a bit of a confused tone, right in his ear. A chill runs down his spine. Your hands had already come up to wrap around him as well, rubbing his back in a way that made him feel so warm.
“Mmve you.” He mumbles and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore.
“Hm?” You ask for him to clarify, voice smooth like honey, but he doesn’t say anything else. The two of you stay like that, starting to rock to the music when it’s clear that this is not just a hug.
It’s not like you look out of place at all, there are plenty of people around you doing something similar, even straight up making out.
“Yu.. look at me.” You tell him and he can’t help but comply. His head lifts up from your shoulder and he stands up a bit straighter to look at you.
“You okay??” You ask him sweetly and his heart races looking into your eyes. It’s too much for him. This is all too much.
He nods anyways, eyes closing and forehead coming to rest against yours.
He thinks you must be at least a little drunk too by the way your hands start to caress his back and sides. But he doesn’t even think about what you might be thinking about him being so clingy like this. He knows you don’t mind, that you understand, you always understand him. He loves you for it.
“You drunk already? Hmm??” You say and he doesn’t have to be looking at you to hear the smirk in your voice.
“I mean I expected it but you’re really a lightweight, huh?” You say to him and this time he opens his eyes to see you smiling.
“Of course I am.. this is my first time drinking.” Yuta says in basically a whine. Your heart races.
The thing Yuta doesn’t know, is that you’re obviously just as needy for him right now. You don’t think the alcohol has really gotten to you that much, and thank god for that honestly. But you love seeing him like this, it’s making you feel all types of things about him.
There’s a silence as he frowns. You tilt your head as if saying “what?” to him.
“I need to use the bathroom.” He tells you so bluntly that it makes you laugh. But before you know it you’re leading him to the bathroom, guiding him by the hand. Truth is, you don’t know where it is either, you’ve never been here. But you feel a sort of need to take charge for some reason. You find it pretty quickly anyways, and tell him you’ll wait outside.
Relieving himself proves difficult after having gotten half hard from what just happened. He’s lucky you didnt feel it, or maybe you did and you didn’t say anything. Who knows? Eventually he figures it out and gets back outside.
His heart sinks when he doesn’t see you. Glancing around frantically, he tries to look for any sight of you. Red, you were wearing red, that and any of your features that he’s so familiar with would be impossible to miss. He starts pushing past people, anxiously looking for where you might’ve gone. It’s maybe 20 minutes later when he finally finds you, in the kitchen. After the relief washes over him, he realizes that the anxiety looking for you definitely sobered him up already.
He wasn’t able to see at first, someone blocking his view, but as he moves further into the kitchen, he catches it. A guy talking to you, but not just any guy, the guy from the lunch room the other day.
His dirty mouth probably having said disgusting things about you—that you’re totally unaware of, yapping away at you as you nod at him.
No. He wont have it.
He continues to push past people, small apologizes leaving his mouth all the same even with all the anger running through him right now. You’re surprised when he grabs your wrist, even though he’s still gentle about it, it comes so suddenly.
“Oh! Yuta, you-“
“Where’d you go?” He asks immediately, as if scolding you.
“Huh? Where’d I.. oh! My friend pulled me away I- oh but I told someone waiting in line to tell you where I went did they not tell you?”
“No. No one told me.” He states coldly and you frown.
“Oh. Sorry..” You say but realize that now he’s glaring at the guy you were just talking to. “Oh, yeah, this is-“
“Don’t care.” He mutters and before you can say anything, he’s pulling you back towards the living room from where he came in. His pull isn’t harsh, you could easily refute, but you follow him anyways.
He leads you away until you’re in the corner of the room, away from the speakers where it’s a bit quieter.
“Wha was that? Kinda rude, Yu.” You say, confused, and now significantly more disoriented. Your friends had pulled you away for a drinking game, and Yuta was in the bathroom for a bit.
“You said you would wait outside.” He says, almost like pouting, but his expression is stern and serious.
“Yeah but you were taking foreverrr.” You tease, giving him a silly smile. “What were you even doing in there, huh?”
“That doesn’t matter, you scared me! I told you places like this are dangerous for-“ He starts to lecture you, but cuts himself off to focus on you for a second. It finally starts to click for him that you aren’t in the same state he left you in. Your eyes are lazy, kind of wandering. Your body swaying and unbalanced. And just from knowing how your body language usually is, he knows something is really off.
“Did you drink more while I was in the bathroom?” He asks.
“Yeah.” You tell him honestly, not seeing any reason to hide it.
“How much?”
“Ummmm….”
“You don’t know?!”
“I’m thinking!!”
You put your finger to your lips and start working your brain to remember, counting off the number in your head.
“Y/n, you’re scaring me.” Yuta says as it takes you longer than he thinks it should to answer.
“It was like.. four.. actually, five.”
“Five what?”
“Shots.”
“Of what??”
“Um.. alcohol?”
“You don’t even know what they were giving you?” Yuta stares at you in complete disbelief.
“Well, they didn’t tell me, so..” You mumble a reply, feeling guilty now like you must have made a mistake. “Does it really matter?”
“Y/n!” Yuta says as if scolding you, again.
“What? It was a game, we were all just having fun!!” You retort.
“You can’t just take any drink anyone gives you! I cant believe I have to tell you that.” He says, crossing his arms.
“They’re not just anyone they’re my friends!” You retort again, frowning at him.
“I’m your friend. You hardly know these people!” He argues without hesitation and something in you hurts at those words.
“Yu…”
“And what’s in that, then?” He inquires, pointing down, and— up until now you totally forgot the red cup in your hand. Oh, make that 6(?) drinks you guess.
“It’s mango juice and… vodka.” You tell him warily, knowing you have no clue what kind of alcohol it actually is. But you can’t lie to his face, you know you can’t. “…Probably.”
“Probably?!”
“Yu!! Stop worrying! Look, I’m fine! I’m safe! And I have you here, so iss okay.” You tell him genuinely and Yuta’s heart pangs. Knowing you have so much security and trust in him to know you’ll be safe as long as he’s here, makes him incessantly happy. But he just doesn’t trust the people here, and god forbid he lose you again.
“Y/n, let’s go home.” He tells you as nicely as he can.
“What? No, I’m having fun.” You tell him to his dismay and he frowns. He really doesn’t want to argue with you.
“Please. The alcohol you had probably hasn’t even really caught up with you yet. We should get you home before it does.”
“Yu, I’m not leaving. I came to have a good time.” You tell him again firmly and he basically pouts at this. “Cmon. I wanna have a good time with you too. Let’s go dance again.”
You entice him, your hand finding his for the millionth time, that look in your eyes as you stare up at him. You have to know what you do to him, right?
“…Alright.” He agrees and your smile spreads into a grin, practically jumping in place with excitement and victory at convincing him.
“But!” He interrupts, putting his finger up and making you go still again. “No more drinking for the night.”
“Whattt?” You frown and protest as he takes the cup that was basically empty anyways out of your hands.
“You’ve had a lot already for your first time and I don’t want you to get sick. Let’s just hang out for the rest of the time, okay?”
You pout as he waits for your compliance to his terms. You think about how likely it would be for him to actually carry you out of here if you didn’t.
“Promise me? Please?” He says sweetly, looking into your eyes as if further asking with them. You cant say no to him like this.
“Fine.” You tell him and you adore the way he smiles afterward. “For you.”
After that, the two of you are back in the middle of where everyone else is dancing. This time he isn’t really intoxicated at all and maybe that’s why he’s not so needy. Your other friends come to join with you, even inumaki and panda as well. He sees you having a good time and that’s enough for him to have a good time too. Though he supposes he’s also just having fun dancing and being young with everyone like this.
The night about peaks there.
After dancing a bit, you lean into Yuta’s ear to tell him you’re gonna go get water for the two of you. You’re basically yelling since you guys are dancing pretty close to the speakers this time. When Yuta finally understands you he shoots you a concerned look. You roll your eyes.
“You trust meee, right?” You say again into his ear. He nods without hesitating. Of course he trusts you.
“I’m just getting water, promise.” You tell him again. “I’ll be back.”
Before he can offer to get it instead, you’re gone.
He watches you go, snaking your way through people toward the kitchen. He feels a bit awkward with you gone now, like it’s not as fun in your absence. Still he watches your friends and his dance along together, and he can’t help smiling at them.
After a minute he feels a hand on his arm, and he looks over, thinking it’s you. It’s a girl he’s never seen before. Or at least he thinks he hasn’t. She’s mouthing something at him, probably talking at normal volume, but he can’t hear obviously.
“Sorry, what? I can’t hear you!” He shouts over the music and she beckons him with her hand to come closer. He complies, not really thinking much of it. She must have something to tell him. Maybe it’s about you?
When he does lean in, shes so close he can feel her breathing. It’s weird, being this close to someone else and it almost feels wrong. She just starts a normal conversation with him, asking where he’s from and what year he is. It seems normal and Yuta talks along with her, thinking it a little strange to be having a normal conversation somewhere so inconvenient. But he’s polite about it. She keeps talking, and all Yuta can think about is where you are. Would it take this long to get water? No, but, he trusts you. He doesn’t need to worry.
“Are you okay?” The girl asks and he snaps back to the current moment again.
“H-huh? Oh, yeah.” He yells back, as they’ve been doing for a few minutes.
She says something like he’s very cute, or that’s what he thinks she said. When it’s clear he didn’t properly hear her, she pulls him close, forcefully by his shirt. It’s when she starts saying things in his ear that are obviously flirting now that he finally sees you out of the corner of his eye. You look shocked but, hey, you do have two cups of water with you.
You start talking to the girl, back and forth, the two of you talking quickly about something he’s not quite hearing.
Something something- you. Something something- your boyfriend? Something something- just leave something alone.
Then they start getting louder, and he starts to hear better. This is also where he starts to realize you’re not just talking to her, you’re arguing with her.
“Why do you even care? _____ jealous?” The other girl says, parts of what she’s saying still kind of blank. The two of them are clearly angry now. Even your friends are starting to wonder whats going on.
“Excuse me? Who even are you? You ____ and then ____?!”
From there it all happens so quickly, Yuta barely has time to process it all. He knows how you get when you’re angry, he’s seen you argue with girls and even guys from your school before. Hell, even when you were kids you used to get into fights with other kids who would bully him until they stopped. It’s not that you look for a fight, or that you’re easy to get upset at all, but when you do you’re a hundred percent with it. You don’t waver or back down, as long as you believe you’re in the right. But, what could this girl have possibly done to make you so mad? And what’s gonna happen when how you usually are in an arguement is boosted with the effects of being intoxicated?
He has no time to prevent it at all. Voices get louder, you both get closer. Then he hears the other girl say “Oh, why don’t we test that then, huh?”
She turns to him, calls something out to him, but he just continues to stand there, very confused. Suddenly her hands are reaching up for him, taking his face in her hands and pulling him towards her own. Again, this is all happening too fast for Yuta to process. He only realizes shes about to kiss him when all at once the girl is now drenched in water, some of the splash bouncing off and hitting him as well. She freezes to look down at herself in shock, and Yuta stares with eyes wide. He’s too late to look at you because when he does, you’re already lunging at her, shoving her towards the wall with no remorse.
He’s quick to act this time as you’re about to go after her for more, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you back as you actively squirm and yell for him to let you go. It’s to his dismay when he sees the other girl coming towards you now rather than leaving. Your other friends join in to help in holding the both of you back. It’s a bit of a struggle to get you two apart, but before he knows it, Yuta and the other boys have successfully gotten you away. Which happened to be upstairs, since the girls were taking the other girl outside.
Thankfully it didn’t cause too big of a scene. People around had stopped to look and see what was going on, but once the fight was prevented, everything went back to normal.
“What the hell was that?! What happened?!” Panda shouts at you as you’re still panting from all the struggle to get out of the hold of the three boys that now stand around you in some random bedroom. You’re on the bed, and Yuta sits next to you. You don’t even want to look at him.
“What did she say??” Inumaki adds.
“Are you okay?” Yuta also adds, sweetly more concerned about that than anything.
“I’m fine.” You say in a tone that indicates you are infact not.
“Oh, sure, answer Yuta but not us.” Panda says, rolling his eyes. “Can we get an explanation?”
“Guys. Cmon. That was obviously a lot. She needs time to process.” Yuta says in your defense and it’s honestly hard to stay mad at him, though you’re not even quite sure why you are. You’re feeling a lot of things right now.
The three of them go back and forth a bit and you’re not having it, already upset enough.
“Can you guys jush leave me alone!!” You shout and again, you’re not even sure why. You don’t want to be alone.
“…What?” Yuta says, almost like in disbelief, and you turn to see his sad expression. Something on your heart tugs. You don’t think you’ve ever asked Yuta to leave you alone. He was always around to help you even in your lowest times, even when it was the two of you who fought.
You hear a sigh from Inumaki.
“Alright, we get it, we’ll leave you two alone. Lovebirds.” He says, muttering the last part. You blush slightly, they totally read through you just now.
“We expect an explanation later though!” Panda calls on their way out. The two of you stare at the door for a moment after.
When Yuta finally turns back at you, he’s genuinely surprised to see you look so angry. Were you mad at him?
“What’s… going on? What happened back there?” He asks you gently, cautiously.
“Yuta you are so clueless!!” You shout at him suddenly, making him jump.
“H-huh?!”
“You didn’t notice?! She was flirting with you!” You say and push his chest, too gentle to actually be real anger.
“What?? I mean.. well I kind of noticed, eventually…” he says sheepishly, a bit confused. “Why does it matter?”
He watches your face heat up and you quickly look away from him.
“Oh my god,” you say, putting your face in your hands. “You make me feel crazy.”
“Huh?” Yuta mumbles again and then he suddenly remembers that you’re still drunk. He goes to touch your arm but you snap back around at him before he can.
“She was trying to kiss you!!” You shout and he nods in surprise.
“I know!” He confirms and his heart speeds up when he realizes that was clearly not the thing to say. You suddenly look sad instead of mad, and it breaks his heart.
“I-It’s not like I wanted her to. It happened so fast I-“
“Yeah right, when I got there she was all over you! You’ve always been clueless!! It’s like this any time any girl flirts with you! In highschool too.”
…what?
When Yuta looks back on tonight, it was obvious that girl was flirting with him, sure, even if he did notice kind of late. But high school? He never had girls who flirted with him, not that he can think of.
“What.. do you mean? I was never hit on in high school.”
“Yeah, that’s what you think.” You say, poking his chest. “That’s my point.”
This is troubling for him as he starts to really analyze anytime any girl might of flirted with him in the past. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t even think of one.
Then he realizes something. What… does this have to do with anything? So you were mad that that girl was flirting with him. Got that. But why? There’s really only one answer right? But there’s no way… it has to be in a platonic way, right? Jealousy.
He snaps out of his thoughts suddenly when he hears a familiar sniffle, and his awareness lights up, like an instinct. You’re crying. You’re crying right next to him, and it seems like it’s his fault. His heart aches and he immediately pulls you into an embrace, quietly cooing soft affirming words and apologies, rubbing your back. He remembers AGAIN, the fact that you are very drunk, and of course your actions are not going to completely make sense to him or anyone. People do unreasonable things when they’re drunk right? Things they’d never think of doing sober. So, he decides to just comfort you and assure you rather than argue or try to understand anymore.
You stay like this, gently crying into his chest and gripping his shirt as he holds you, his chin resting on your head. He knows exactly when you need this kind of comforting, and he’s very happy to give it to you. You go quiet after a few minutes, and he doesn’t pull back until you quietly call his name.
“Yuta.” You say, slightly muffled.
“Mm?” He hums as he softly pulls back to look at you.
You look up at him, eyes wet and face tinted pink, an absolute painting of purity underneath him.
“We should kiss.” You tell him, completely genuine.
“h-hUH?!” He squeaks and the crack in his voice does not help his face that immediately turned red at your words.
“You don’t want to?” You say sadly and this feels like some kind of test.
“No, I!- I mean… why… do you say that?” His words leave his mouth in a pathetic way that he hates, as if betraying him.
“It’s just…” You start sheepishly, and now you have to look away, embarrassed. “We’ve been together since we were kids.. we’ve done everything together. All the firsts. So…”
He watches as you breathe in and turn to look at him again, hanging on to every word you’re saying.
“Doesn’t it make sense that we should be eachothers first kiss too? It’d be weird to give it to anyone else… and you almost had someone take your first kiss tonight… that can happen too, so…”
He has to hammer that into his head to not lose himself here. But even repeating it to himself over and over, he’s leaning in, and you’re leaning in. You’re so close, something he’s always wanted deep down is right in front of him, teasing, taunting him.
It takes everything in him to pull back again.
“I can’t…” He says, his eyes clenched shut.
“Why?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“And?”
“And… it would be wrong…” he continues, really trying his best to keep composure here, and somewhat failing. His eyes shoot open when he feels you climb over him, coming to sit in his lap where your legs stratal him. Now this is something you two have never done. Your body is so warm on top of his, and your hands too when they come to rest against his chest. One hand comes up to brush a hair out of his eyes, then falling down to caress his cheek. He swallows hard.
What are you doing?
“This is about me?” You ask him curiously. Your sober self would be shocked by how easily you’re about to do something you’ve always dreamed of doing to Yuta specifically. You want to kiss him, of course, but you also want to tease him. You love to do so on a normal day, but you’ve been given quite the special opportunity with the current situation and your rise in confidence thanks to the drinks earlier.
“Yes.. b-but this is-“
“If it’s about me, then let’s just do it. I’m practically sober.” You lie to him, which you never do. You really want this.
“You’re not. You’re drunk, I can tell.” He calls your bluff even in his flustered state. You’re caught. You can’t really argue with him on that. Instead you bring your head down to lay on his shoulder, resting there for a moment. He sighs quietly in relief, thinking you’d given in, his arms coming in to hold you again. There’s a moment of peace.
A loud gasp leave his lips suddenly when you start pressing your lips to his neck. Softly, you place one by one, moving around to make sure to give him plenty. You feel like you’re on fire when you hear him start to moan at this. You knew he’d be the type to moan and whine, you know him. You want to hear more. You cant stop yourself.
“Ah.. Y/n..” he breathes as you kiss up to the nape of his ear and along his collar bone. You even come up to give his cheek a couple of pecks the way you think you must’ve when you were really little. My how times change, and yet not at all. All he can think about is how soft your lips are, trying to fight against is own pleasure.
“Y/n..” he says, strained, like he’s pleading you. “Really, we can’t do this… Please, stop.”
At his specific request for you to stop, you do. You pull back and look at him. His face is flushed like crazy and he looks so lusted. Yet he said no, and his hands stay put on your back. In fact, he’s not moved a muscle at all since you climbed onto him.
“You really don’t want to?” You ask, almost sadly.
“I already told you..” he trails off weakly, not able to look at you in the eyes. His face is really burning up. Honestly even he’s impressed with how much he’s able to hold back right now. Literally any other circumstance. Anywhere, anytime, he would give into you. But he would hate himself if tomorrow you said this was a mistake, or god forbid got angry at him for letting you do something in a state where your minds not right like this. You trusted him to keep you safe, and that includes from himself. He is a man after all, childhood best friend or otherwise. He’s doing this for you essentially, even though it’s ironically the opposite of what you want in the moment.
“If you’d rather have your first time with someone else, you can just say that.” You say, stubborn, frowning at him. What first are you talking about here?
“You know it’s not that-“
“Say you don’t want to and I’ll drop it.” You say sternly, giving him the hard choice. You don’t know how you got stuck on this, or even if your reasoning or actions were making sense. All you know is you want to kiss your best friend, and you want him to want it too.
He groans, almost a whine and you feel him squeeze your sides. You get excited for a moment, thinking he’ll give in.
“Fine... I… I don’t want to.” He says finally, and looking you in the eyes when he does so you know that he’s serious this time. He can’t even believe it himself, he knows that’s a huge lie. But it’s the only way to get you to stop apparently, and it’s for your own good. Plus, this is something he hasn’t even allowed himself to fantasize about, and now it’s happening right in front of him. He’s a little scared of what this might do to him, and more importantly, your relationship. He’s also unsure if he has the self control to stop after kissing you once. Cross that first line and there’s no telling where this will end up. Maybe that’s the real reason he knows he has to hold back for your sake. One kiss wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
You go from looking hurt, and then back to angry. You push yourself up off him, coming to stand.
“Fine. Then, maybe I should go get that girl. Since I obviously ruined what you two had going on.” You shoot at him, turning towards the door. Apparently being drunk really amplifies your jealousy, which is new to you. Usually you’re very good at hiding or completely ignoring it.
“Y/n, that’s crazy. Why would I want to kiss some girl I hardly know?”
“Well you clearly weren’t against it!” You say, turning to him again with your arms crossed.
“I didn’t notice! I don’t want to kiss her!” He insists.
“Whatever!” You head for the door again, hand taking the knob. You feel him grab your other hand.
“Y/n-“
“Let go!” You shout and try to pull your arms from his grasp to no avail.
“Please. Just stop. Listen to me.” He pleads, ignoring your squirming to pull you back to him. You finally look up at him, annoyed.
“You’re my best friend. I’ve had you for as long as I can remember, and you’re right. We’ve done everything together. It would be weird to have my first with anyone else, so… I actually think, what you said.. I think it’s a good idea. I want to do it.” He tells you quickly so that you’ll hear him out. You look at him a little surprised.
“Wha..? But you just-“
“I’ll tell you what…” He stops you before you can retaliate. “If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”
He tells you this and you immediately believe him. You know he will, he never goes back on his word. Still, your stubborn expression doesn’t waver much.
“I promise.” He says, squeezing your hand and giving you a genuine look. That does it. You let out a sigh.
Truth is, ever since standing up, you’ve felt kind of dizzy and gross. It’s been hard to even stay focused on what you were mad about.
You lean forward, dropping into Yuta’s chest, surprising him a little.
“I don’t feel good.” You say weakly and he chuckles.
“Let’s leave, yeah?” He suggests and you nod, following as he finally opens the door and leads you down the hall. He only stops in front of the stairs when you stop, pulling his arm by staying in place. He looks back at you, confused, but understands almost immediately after seeing you. He realizes now that he must’ve underestimated just how “not good” you felt.
He takes you back towards the bathroom, gently, but with urgency. You make it there and luckily there’s no line either. He guides you in with a hand on your back, shutting and locking the door after you.
Honestly you don’t know why but you’re embarrassed by what he’s about to see. It’s not like he hasn’t seen you in terrible states before, sick, or sobbing, or depressed. But this is just, humiliating for some reason, especially after what just happened. Though it could be worse.
He of course pulls your hair back as you let it out into the toilet. He hates hearing your sounds of pain and he’s pretty sure he hears you crying as well. He wishes he could help more, but once he thinks you’re done he just gently rubs your back for a while.
“Sorry..” you mumble to him without moving and he shakes his head immediately.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reassures you.
I love you. I would do this for you everytime. Is what he wishes he could say. And he so badly wants to think about everything that just happened in that bedroom, to replay it in his mind and ask questions. But he knows to save it for later. Your condition is more important right now.
Eventually people outside need to use the restroom, and it seems like you’re not going to throw up anymore, so Yuta helps you up and outside. But even then, you feel too weak to stand and you decide to sit against the hallway wall. He takes a seat next to you without question. He sits with you for a while, even after your head falls onto his shoulder and he can tell that you’re asleep.
Panda and Inumaki find you and suggest leaving, so Yuta knows he has to wake you. He shakes you slightly by the shoulder.
“Hey..” he says softly when you groan and blink your eyes a couple times hazily.
“Think you can stand?” He asks you.
You groan and nuzzle further into his shoulder.
“Mdont wantto.” You mumble into him and he smiles.
“Alright, I’m gonna carry you then, okay?” He tells you and you just hum in response.
Eventually you’re on Yuta’s back, walking outside around your school campus to get to his apartment. Most of its a blur as you fall in and out of sleep through the whole walk.
Yuta tells the two very eager-to-know boys about what he thinks happened with you and that girl, but not much about what came after with him. They say the same things his brain was trying to tell him and he kept ignoring. They say it’s obvious. That theres no such thing as “platonic jealousy” like that. But he’s still in denial.
“I’m sure it was only a platonic thing.” He says, trying to convince more than his friends, looking over and checking on you every few seconds to make sure you’re still out. “We’ve never been romantic with anyone so shes probably just nervous about what would happen. I would be too.”
They don’t believe him, and he’s not sure if he does either. But he has to. Because if tonight meant anything else, then what does that mean for you two?
Yuta decided a long time ago that he would never confess, not unless he was 100% sure of your feelings. For fear of losing this privilege to know you, to get to have you around, even if just platonically. He couldn’t bear it. Things had to stay the same.
When you get back to his apartment, he brings you straight to his bed, ready to let you sleep there and find his own place on the couch.
“Do you want to shower first? I can lend you some clean clothes.” He suggests softly as you both sit in the quiet of the room. He brushes your hair gently behind your ear so that it’s out of your face.
“You’re just saying that cus you don’t want me to get all my sweat and stuff on your sheets.” You accuse, but he can tell it’s not hostile at all. You’re not mad anymore.
“I don’t care about that, I can just do laundry tomorrow. But I think it’d feel better for you that way.” He tells you honestly and you sigh. He knows you don’t want to.
“I just wanted to remind you that you can, you don’t have to. But you know what’s mine is yours here, right? If you need anything just go ahead.” He says sweetly and you hum, finally moving to lay down, resting your head on his pillow. It smells like Yuta. You nuzzle into it further.
“Okay.. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” He tells you with a chuckle.
“Wait.” You say before he can get to the door. He turns to you.
“Mwhere are you goin?” You mumble sleepily. His heart melts.
“Just to the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch so don’t worry, okay?”
“Come here.” You tell him bluntly and he does. When he gets to the bed you pat the spot next to you. His face flushes.
“What? You want me to sleep here??”
“Mhm.”
“With you?”
“Just lay down, Yu.. I wanna sleep.” You groan, too exhausted to be explaining or convincing. You just want him next to you.
And then he’s laying next to you.
This shouldn’t be awkward, you guys have napped together before. But that was a long time ago, and things feel different now. He’s so unsure of where to put his hands or how to position himself until you decide for him. You reach out and pull yourself into him, arms wrapping around him and legs tangling. He naturally just curls around you all the same, feeling your breath on his chest as you easily lull into sleep like this. It’s a bit hard to think about anything but how soft and warm you are for a little while, hot and flustered from how intimate this feels and scared to mess it up. But, he does feel more comfortable after. How could he not? The way you sleep so peacefully in his arms sends him off to sleep not long after you.
The morning after that night is the start of his guilty conscience.
When he wakes up sporting a full hard-on, he’s incredibly glad you’re not in a position to have noticed it. He had the craziest dream about you, and waking up face to face to you afterwards could not make him feel anymore mortified and embarrassed. How could he? Have a wet dream about you when you’re sleeping RIGHT next to him.
And the thoughts he’s having about you right now as he watches you so innocently sleep, blissfully unaware to his thoughts.
It’s horrible.
It’s exciting. No, it’s perverted.
Even with all his self control in previous years, you can’t really control what you dream about, can you? Sure, he’s had dreams like these about you before. But he’s read on the internet that people have wet dreams about random people too, people they’ve never even considered like that! So he doesn’t count it.
But it’s when he’s sliding out of bed to take care of things in the bathroom, trying to relieve himself to anything but the thought of you. He just can’t think of anything else good enough. He wants to think about you so bad. The way you were all over him last night, so many opportunities where he could’ve told you how he feels. He could’ve told you want he wanted from you so badly instead of denying it.
When he was tipsy, body pressed against you and music pumping in his ears. His face tucked into your neck, breathing in your scent clearer than anything and feeling your hands stretched around his back. He even could’ve told you then, that he loved you. How badly he wanted you in that moment too, his desires bubbling up so bad that he could practically beg for you. And maybe you would’ve at least humored him, giggled at his drunken daze and been so gracious as to grant him more of you.
Or what would’ve happened if he had let you do what you wanted? In that bedroom, alone just the two of you, with you in his lap. Would you really have stopped after one kiss?
And then snippets from his dream start to cross his mind. You in the same dress last night that he tried so incredibly hard not to think about too much, how it hugged every curve of your body and made your breasts look so nice. And in that dream, the dirty things you said to him between kisses on his neck while you stroked his length.
“Does that feel good, Yu? You wanna cum for me?”
“Yes.. ffucyes..” He mumbles to himself as his pace gets faster. Somehow it ended up like this, not sure when he even started to touch himself, but far past the headspace to care. He feels his climax already, the thought of you making him so unbelievably excited.
In his mind you’re on top of him, bouncing on his cock in all your glory in that beautiful dress that you love. And he could admire anything else right now but all he wants to see is the look on your face. He wants to see how good he can make you feel, not holding back anything at all.
“Fuck, Yu… That feels so good.. I love you..” You’d whine for him and he can feel his pleasure spilling over.
“Y/n… godfuck.. I love you, I love you.” He chants to himself as quietly as he can manage as his hips start to jerk up and stutter. His climax hits and normally he’d be ready to catch his load in his hands, but it rips through him so urgently and suddenly that it manages to catch him offguard.
He stares at the scene in front of him, the mess he made. His breathing is shaky and uneven. His heartbeat doesn’t slow as he starts to realize what he just did. He just jerked off thinking about you, shamelessly, while you’re literally a room away. How could he? What would you think of him if you found out about this? You’d probably think he’s a huge pervert and never talk to him again, right?
You always understood him, but this is unforgivable.
The guilt eats him alive, even after he’s cleaned up and started making breakfast. Trying to distract himself with tasks and chores, he can’t even bring himself to go back to his room and face you as he keeps thinking about the awful thoughts his mind willingly conjured about you. There’s no excuse now. And even in his guilt, he can’t stop thinking about how good that felt. He’s never felt that good thinking or looking at anything else when pleasuring himself. This is bad. He could get addicted to this. He wants to do it again right now, actually. Is that horrible?
“Yu?” Your voice startles him so bad that he jumps, almost throwing the frying pan in his hold. He turns to see your still fogged-with-sleep self standing before him. You’re still in that dress.
“H-hey. You’re up! I’m… making breakfast. Are you hungry?” He says, nervous for some reason. Like you’d be able to tell immediately just by looking at him what he’s done, smell the pervertedness and deceit on him.
“Mm.. That sounds nice.” You just smile and then let out a small yawn. You’re so adorable. What has he done? “I’m gonna shower first, is that okay?”
Another wave of anxiety rushes through him as he starts to overthink whether or not he cleaned up enough in there. Which is dumb, because he literally scrubbed any evidence possible off the floor with diligence. But maybe you’d find something anyways.
“Oh.. um.. yeah, go ahead. You know I don’t mind.” He says after maybe a little too long of a pause.
He waits for you to come out again with breakfast laid out on the coffee table in front of him. He mindlessly scrolls on his phone to keep his thoughts busy with something, anything else.
When you step out again, you’re wearing one of his t-shirts he almost never wears and seemingly his boxers as well, though he can’t see them very well from how far the shirt falls. He has to act like he’s reading something very interesting on his phone to avoid looking at you, his face blushing. This should be just a regular morning for you two and yet why does it feel like like you just-
“Fuck, I needed that shower! I feel so much better” You tell him as you take a seat by his side.
He smiles, putting his phone down now.
“I’m glad.” He watches you sip down some of the water in front of you, eyes shamefully trained on your lips. “And.. how are you feeling?”
“I feel fine! Don’t worry. I think I probably puked up all the alcohol in my system last night. If anything I’m just hungry. And thirsty.” You tell him as you poke your fork into a piece of pancake on your plate, and then catching yourself. “Oh. Sorry, that’s kinda gross to say right before we eat. Thank you for the food by the way.”
You look at him and smile so sweetly that it makes Yuta forget about all the thoughts plaguing him for a moment. He laughs at your words.
“You’re welcome. But you should eat as much as you can before the other two get out here and devour it all.” He jokes and starts eating as well. You let out a small laugh and nod in agreement.
“You’re right, I forgot they live here.”You say and you’re only half kidding. “That’s why you made so much, huh? I got worried you were expecting me to finish this, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Yuta laughs and shakes his head, taking another forkful of eggs. After that the conversation kinda dies as the two of you just enjoy your delicious breakfast.
A few minutes of silence go by before he decides to speak up.
“So.. do you remember much about last night?” He asks you and you turn to him with a curious look. “I know that sometimes if you drink too much it can affect your memory.. so I was just wondering.”
He knows he’s probably blushing a bit now. There’s a real reason why he’s asking you, right?
“Oh. Well, yeah I’m pretty sure I remember most of it. Some of it is maybe a little foggy.” You tell him after thinking for a moment. When you look at him again, he’s staring at you. You laugh a little.
“If you’re wondering if I remember the almost-fight and all that, I definitely do. Though I kinda wish I didn’t.” You joke, but not really kidding. Deep down you are a little mortified about what you did. Moreso with Yuta than with that girl, but still even then you only caused that scene because of your jealousy over Yuta. Does he know you like him that way now? Did you give yourself away?
“Ah.. I see.” He says awkwardly and your guilt pangs in you.
“Yuta.. I’m really sorry about last night.” You say finally and he looks at you kinda surprised. “I mean I did a lot of embarrassing things that weren’t too bad, could just be written off as those funny things I did at my first party, yknow? But..”
You play with the food on your plate a little, not quite able to look at him.
“But I did something really not okay with you. I.. I was forcing myself on you and you were clearly uncomfortable, right? I don’t even know what I was thinking.. I would never..” You start to apologize, but kind of struggle with how to put it. How can you even explain yourself for something like that? Isn’t it obvious?
“Hey, it’s okay.” He says gently, putting your nerves to rest with just one phrase as he puts his warm hand on yours. You look over at him to see him smiling fondly. How can he forgive you so easily?
“It wasn’t like that. I know you weren’t in the right headspace. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t.. do something you’d regret, yknow?” He explains like youre sure he said to you similarly last night. You ended up being regretful anyways, but you suppose this is best case scenario. You cant imagine if you had kept forcing yourself on him then, probably ruining your relationship forever. You’re thankful that your best friend is as sweet and forgiving as he is.
“Thank you.. I still think it was wrong though. I’ll make it up to you.” You promise him and go back to eating.
You don’t bring up the kiss at all. Even though you remember exactly what he told you last night.
“If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”
You believe him. You know he would, and it scares you. It scares you because you know you might not be able to control yourself if you open that door. Anything could happen after. You’re scared.
Yuta doesn’t bring it up for the same reason. And he doesn’t ask you about your reasonings or motives for why you did what you did that night either. Like why seeing some other girl almost kiss him made you so angry that you offered to take his first instead. No, even though his mind yearned for answers, he was also too scared to look for them. Afraid of what he might find or what trap he might set off.
So, neither of you bring it up. You act like it was all meaningless. Just drunk nonsense with no actual motive behind it.
But even so, that night ends up changing your relationship forever.
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