Bella āThe Beanā McGee (2008ā2026)
āLifeās a soup when youāre a Beanāābut all good soups must reach the bottom of the bowl eventually. Her Leguminousity Bella McGee, more popularly known as āthe Beanā, or by her wrestling epithet āBean Rumblesā, passed away this Friday, February 13.
The Bean was born in Davis, CA to Kitty Girl, a young single mother of several. The Bean first left home in order to become stupider on Jupiter. She achieved her MBeanA with the brain activity of exactly one bean bouncing around her head, creating a single thought when it perfectly reached a corner. She maintained this level of intellect for the rest of her life.
The Bean returned to California only to immediately rise back to the stars. Her acclaimed career began on the wrestling mats of the WWE, where she soon earned the name āBean Rumblesā for her iconic loud purr. Though it was the waaoh-waaaaoh-wwa! of her magnificent hunting warble that her opponents feared the most! Her career as a heavyweight champion peaked at 16lbs, her primordial pouch swinging proudly with every step.
However, the Bean truly became a household name when she followed peers like the Rock from stage to screen. Her starring role in 2014 spy thriller The Bean was initially viewed with skepticism by critics, but widely praised by audiences. It was swiftly followed by 2 Bean 2 Beanular (2016), and Revenge of the Bean (2017), both equally acclaimed. The Bean was nominated for the Oscar for Best Catctress in 2017. Though the Bean-less spin-off Men in Beans (2019) is viewed as a cult classic at best, the Bean franchise is credited with inspiring modern heroes like Perry the Platypus, through a soupishly complex time loop understood only by the Bean herself.
The Bean then retired from big-scale show business and returned to her family in Davis. When their human passed away in March 2020, the Bean moved to Berkeley, CA with Kitty Girl, where they jointly adopted three new humans.
The Bean and Kitty Girl preferred to maintain a polite three feet from each other at all times, or come to blows. Yet they collaborated to nurse their new humansā mental and emotional health through the Covid-19 pandemic.
āWhatās a man to a king? Whatās a king to a god? What are all the anxieties of a global pandemic, not to mention current politics, to the soft belly and steady breathing, pressed gently against your cheek, of a cat who neither knows nor cares about any of that?ā one of their humans remembers gratefully.
The Bean continued to pursue her passions of athleticism and entertainment. She was a skilled pianoforte player, and could make a nine-foot vertical leap, though she never mastered the levitation that would have won her a husband. Her hunting warble often echoed through the house, as she captured scraps of sparkly purple cloth. She inspired epic poetry, helped pioneer the girl/bean/independent son trichotomy of cat genders, and, with the help of Viewers Like You, won a spot in the 2023 Black Cat Showdown, racing through Round 2 before the contest went on indefinite hiatus.
With the power of her single bouncing brain bean, the Bean knew how to open a pull!door by hooking her paw underneath and tugging, yet would stare in blank confusion at any push!door that wasnāt cracked widely enough for her girth. She also, of course, was fluent in German, though she chose to speak only Cat.
When Kitty Girl passed away in 2023, the Bean inherited her role as HR Director of the household, and her first dibs on laps. When a new cat, Candi, joined the family in 2024, the Bean firmly maintained this dibs.
She was braveāthough afflicted with unwieldy obesity (eventually dieted down to 13lb!) and suspected faltering eyesight, the Bean was always willing to step onto the uneven surface of a welcoming lap.
She was boldāshe didnāt care whose glass of water or in-progress quilt square that was; it was hers now!
She was, without doubt, the most Beanular cat to ever live.
The Bean is survived by her three beloved humans, her fellow cat, and a deep, fur-filled, maybe-genuinely-permanent indent in her favorite sofa cushionājust like her deep, fur-filled, permanent indent in our hearts.
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