Her words, her voice--she didn’t seem to change in her absence, but he has. While she remained impossibly kind, he has fallen. ( Yet, he told himself that he has reached greater heights than he ever thought possible with this power. )
Her eyes ( he could picture them without even looking -- kind, tired ) bored holes into his back, but he refused to turn and face her--he couldn’t. Not after all that he has done. This was a side of him that he never wanted her to know, suppressed in the past by his want to see her smile. She believed in him for reasons he never understood. When will people learn that all of their expectations for him were too damn high?
( Really, he was just the one with the tendency to FUCK things up. )
Feeling stirred within him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Bitterness and resentment were at the forefront of his mind. Did she know the pain he went through in her absence? When days without her turned to weeks, when those weeks turned to months--did she know how many nights he spent on the hillside waiting? HOPE was a stranger to him, but he hoped to see her anyway. ( He wondered, if she had been here, how different would things be? ) He was furious she dared to show up as though she was never gone, asking questions that he never wanted her to know the answers to.
He’ll answer ‘ truthfully, ‘ even if it makes her sad, even if it makes her cry. He warned her a long time ago about himself. It was her own fault she didn’t listen.
“Madoka-chan,” the name leaves his tongue bitingly as he looks over his shoulder, “do you really have to ask that? Don’t you know me by now? It’s because it’s fun.”
( ‘ It’s because you weren’t here, ‘ went unsaid. )
“You understand, right? I was bored.” He turned around and tucked his hands in his pocket before he took a daring step towards her. Putting up fronts was something he had long mastered. “It goes without saying that if you do the same thing enough, you get bored.” Like waiting on a hill, looking at the same sunset for weeks. “You have to mix things up every once in awhile, right? I got bored of doing nothing. Don’t tell me you don’t get bored of doing everything once in awhile. Isn’t that what you disappeared off to do?”
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