#1 Phone Kisser

Yo. I'm Lewis, Lewis Stevens. I work at some pizza place, I forget the name. I like phones. My boss sucks. That's all I've got to say. Bother me, if you please.

[theoroarrustlebelt]

I would kill you with my bare hands like a chimp on Adderall.

— @magentamrlewis

“THAT'S AN IMPOLITE THING TO TELL SOMEONE, WOULDN'T YOU SAY, MON CHER?”

[magentamrlewis]

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I brought my American flag cowboy hat to school and my friends called it embarrassing :[

Those ain’t yer friends…

[magentamrlewis]

You should kill those people, anon. It's always morally correct to kill someone for making fun of hats.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

mr norm allen im gay for randy do you think abt that

Well, pardner, a lot o’ people make mistakes, and a lot o’ people are attracted t’ randy. I think those two groups o’ people tend t’ overlap, what d’ YOU think?

[magentamrlewis]

We are married, I'll have you know.

[caspermothwalker]

Opinions on one "Randal Valentine Jade" ...? Just asking... no pressure or anything... =)

- @magentamrlewis

"Ahh Randy, well if I'm being honest, I somewhat pity him-!"

"I don't talk to him much anyhow, though occasionally if we ever have leftover food that the both of us weren't plannning to finish, I usually just give it to Randy- if Gingi isn't in the way during that walk and begging for it like a SOPPING dog."

[magentamrlewis]

Ah, I speak to him... quite frequently, let's say... It's good to know you're kind to him.

There would be problems otherwise.

As for Gingi, I'll have you know it likes salami.

... Like, a lot.

...

She has an addiction.

[caspermothwalker]

FOOD.

I- Sure-?? Here you go bud-!

[magentamrlewis]

Wouldn't recommend that.

[directdogman]

You Randy get upset if I gave him mlp bandaids?

[iralthegreat]

Please I spent a whole 17 kr (1.70 usd) on these

[magentamrlewis]

In my humble opinion, I don't think he'd mind.

After all, he slept wrapped in a My Little Pony blanket last night... so it's probably fine.

Have fun with whatever you're planning to do.

[magentamrlewis]

:3

(Lewis is a furry I'm sorry you all had to learn this way/j)

[magentamrlewis]

i wanna fuckin' kiss yer boss. I needa' kiss old sport. any fuckin' opinions?

I mean... cool, I guess?

Love wins or whatever, but like, why HIM of all people? You deserve better, whoever you may be.

J: Stevens, who are you even talking to? That's a WALL.

(PS. Jack and Harry are askable too!)

[kiddinstrangler420]

Davetrap jokingly winked, giving Jack a flirty ass wave. Either to piss him off or genuinely flirt was up for debate.

"Why, hello there, Old Sportt..." He had to hold back a laugh when he cooed to the man, but fucking ended up failing and snorting. He covered it off with a fake cough though, but of course, made a little snicker.

(HOPING THIS IS FINE DSFDSFDGF I JUST WANNA FUCK AROUND </3)

[magentamrlewis]

J: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU YOU'RE BANNED, YOU KEBAB HUFFING PIECE OF SHIT.

L: Wow, you two STINK of divorce... and rotting corpse, but that's beside the point

[magentamrlewis]

i wanna fuckin' kiss yer boss. I needa' kiss old sport. any fuckin' opinions?

I mean... cool, I guess?

Love wins or whatever, but like, why HIM of all people? You deserve better, whoever you may be.

J: Stevens, who are you even talking to? That's a WALL.

(PS. Jack and Harry are askable too!)

[sergeant-norman-allen]

i hope u trip over and land face first in a puddle of mud <3

Wishin’ ill on folks who ain’t done ya a lick o’ wrong ain’t very polite, pardner.

[th3-b1t3r]

sorry but mayor mingy don’t like u and she is never wrong !! ^_^

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Th’ same “mayor mingy” who ostracized then exiled me from town fer refusin’ t’ conform t’ a societal expectation that she herself didn’t even fully understand? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who exiled Phonegingi fer th’ same reason? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who regularly commits tax and voter fraud? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who I have since made peace with and have been hired by?

THAT MAYOR MINGY? THAT ONE?

[magentamrlewis]

Unpopular opinion apparently, Mingus sucks, and I hate her.

Rude ass cat.

If I wasn't approximately five feet tall, I would likely bite her face off.

[th3-b1t3r]

hehe but silly kibby car tho

[magentamrlewis]

Kibby I would hit with my car if my license wasn't revoked last month.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

i hope u trip over and land face first in a puddle of mud <3

Wishin’ ill on folks who ain’t done ya a lick o’ wrong ain’t very polite, pardner.

[th3-b1t3r]

sorry but mayor mingy don’t like u and she is never wrong !! ^_^

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Th’ same “mayor mingy” who ostracized then exiled me from town fer refusin’ t’ conform t’ a societal expectation that she herself didn’t even fully understand? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who exiled Phonegingi fer th’ same reason? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who regularly commits tax and voter fraud? Th’ same “mayor mingy” who I have since made peace with and have been hired by?

THAT MAYOR MINGY? THAT ONE?

[magentamrlewis]

Unpopular opinion apparently, Mingus sucks, and I hate her.

Rude ass cat.

If I wasn't approximately five feet tall, I would likely bite her face off.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Mr Allen would you advice gun use on transphobes and the like?

I’ve learned that, even when yer opponent is insufferable, it’s best t’ avoid violence.

However, if there ain’t no reasonin’ with em…

[magentamrlewis]

I'd say start blastin', but that's just me.

[iamthattrap]

Do y'all sell...

*Lewis looks at what you presume to be some kind of shopping list. Everything scrawled out upon it is in sloppy handwriting with a brown pen or marker*

... Why does he want me to buy BULLETS at a WALMART...?

...0.22 LR's?... Whatever the hell those are.

- @magentamrlewis

"In Aisle 3 on the left bottom shelf sir/miss"

[magentamrlewis]

Why do-? ... Y'know what, sure. Thanks

God this fuckin' place is weird... now I know why he likes it.

[abel-bunny-4ever]

Dear Abel, I have released the mould. Sincerely, your ex employee's husband, @magentamrlewis

"How do YOU know about that? I thought I-"

"Jerry.... When I get you..."

[magentamrlewis]

Blehhh hehe :3

[gnarliest-phone-dude]

Would you like a bottle of popcorn butter I got on discount for 4$ at the Wal of Mart?

-- @magentamrlewis

“HELL YEAH?? THANKS, DUDE!!”

He takes the popcorn butter and stashes it underneath the counter.

[magentamrlewis]

Great, I was getting really tired of drinking that whole thing.

[askmayormingus]

Why do you hate my wife Randy so much? Like - what did he do to you, Governor Mindy, or whatever your name is?

-@magentamrlewis

Are you asking for my word-document of 358583467 reasons why?

[magentamrlewis]

Yes, I am a trustworthy man, I assure you.

[magentamrlewis]

How’s work bro? You work alongside Harry or is he somewhere else?

Work? Well, it's work, Mr. Kennedy's been on my back all week, per usual.

As for Harry? We actually met at work. The only good thing that's ever come outta that hellhole... ♡