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@magic-and-dreams
MOTHER OF GOD
ARE YOU FUCKIN
OH GOD ITS BACK
DEAR GOD THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TUMBLR POSTS IN EXISTENCE.
YOU THINK JUST THE NOISE IS FUNNY AND FITS WITH THE GIF REALLY WELL
BUT THEN
THEN
THE LYRICS START
seriously i have almost crashed my car into a telephone pole, becuase I suddenly thought of this post and started laughing uncontrollably
Imagine how pleased you would be with yourself if you were the one who did this! 👏🏽😃
can confirm, very pleased
I SWEAR I LAUGH AT THIS EVERY TWO SECONDS
LOL
ohana means fuck you dude read this shit
Quiet walks in a loud world.
Instagram @melvolkman
By jackdarylphotography
🍂 Autumn Cozy on YouTube
You know the problem with reading a book? You get hooked and then it ends and you feel sad
This post is cancelled, I have found a new book and everything is all right again
By Talos this cannot be happening
I have a story for you. I was once a book thief. There is this gorgeous building a few hours drive from where I used to live as a child that once was a city library. Inside are endless rooms of books, large fireplaces, stain glass windows, spiral staircases and a tower with glass floors. When I was a kid my aunt would take me and walk among the shelves and pick out books. I went for years and it became a haven from the world I was growing up in. When I was ten, the owner passed away. (Part 1)
Since he passed away his wife owned everything, including the bookshop (once library) but somehow his children were left all the books. Locked in a fight over who should own it all, the shop was locked up and closed down. Years started to pass and still the doors remained locked. Until I learned to pick them. As a young teen I would sneak in with a large bag and carry what I could out at night. For two years I did this. I was never caught and no one went to the shop. (Part 2)
Okay, I’ma need you to write a book because this is beautiful! <3
WAIT THERE WAS A 3RD PART
I donated all the books. Only keeping one for myself. I gave the books to homeless shelters and women’s shelters. I left them in donation boxes for children and random places in town or the coffee shop. One night the shop was burnt down by the owners son for insurance money - angry his dad left books and not money. Nothing survived the fire. I’m much older now and I know stealing is wrong but I’m glad I did because I know the books I stole got a chance to live on in other hands. (Part 3)
NOW I REALLY REAAAALLY NEED YOU TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS. So sad that they burned it down, wow :( You’re a wonderful person, Nonnie, honestly. This is amazing!
MORE MORE
Sometimes when I see my kids reading their books I can’t help but smile and think back to the nights I would pick old locks to climb through old windows with a duffel bag much bigger than myself that weighed twice what I did. My kids think I’m lame and silly and only good at cooking spaghetti but they have no idea that the book I read to them at bedtime is my only souvenir of a much dangerous and exciting life I lived so long ago. (Part 4)
For clarification, I was 10 when the shopped closed, 13 when I first broke in and the two years that followed for twice a month every month I would carry out my weight in literature gold. Sometimes I miss being young. (Part 5)
PLEASE WRITE A BOOK
also, we should all carry our weight in literature at least once in our lives
YOU ARE GOALS, NONNIE
I WANT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND
What book did you keep though?
The Book Thief kept a leather bound collection of stories by Hans Christian Andersen :)
Reminder that this is one of the best stories I ever got here and it needs a million more notes.
Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat
“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”
Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.
well you did ask
Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.
you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN
Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.
plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.
Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.
Slow cooking until the meat is tead-apart-with-a-fork-tender is probably also easier for an old witch to eat, if she’s missing some teeth.
the old witch and the hannibal fandom probably has interesting discussions
Creative & DIY
SO THAT’S HOW THEY FUCKING DO IT
Reblogging this because my entire life, all of my bows have looked like my shoelaces. Wrapping presents is going to be so much more aesthetically pleasing now
Draw a maid dusting her employer’s assorted spare brains.
I’m pretty okay with the way this one turned out
tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like
“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”
and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent
“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”
“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”
“How about kimoNO.”
“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”
“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”
“THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”
Adding this because she is amazing
Best addition to this thread
LOUDER
I think the mentality of "why bother doing something if you're not good at it?" feeds directly into "if you're good at it why aren't you monetizing it?". At its core I really think its about commodifying every last shred of labor and experience.
The nine-year-old is the most savage of all, and I love it.
I’m p sure those are their addresses not their ages.
I am Ever-Powerful, One Who Protects, One Who Smites
If I go full birth name it’s “Fair Featured, Joy, of the Untamed.”
I think I like it.
Friendly and Gentle, The First, Father of Multiple Nations
@magic-and-dreams
Gift of All Gods, Appointed by God, Servant of Jesus
@epicaurora...okay then...
