Magnus Penna

The heck is this.

[magnuspenna]

Dear David #3

5 years.

I hope there's no news stations in Mars. The spiders would be really heartbroken if there were. They wouldn't believe what the news guy told us while weeping. It shouldn't be a surprise to you, but it's going mad sick here (pun unintened I swear).

It's the fifth year without you and, this is probably the only time I wish you were wrong, because it looks like the Earth is really dying. More mothers are sighing in the streets, the soldiers don't just break arms now, more people are going off their heads, and more cops are kissing feet (the queers still throw up at the sight of that, don't worry).

I'm not a mother but I'm sighing every day. The streets are in my hand now. It's rectangular and you don't walk on them, you scroll with your thumb. I just wish everything was better, just like when you were here.

I just hope it will get better somehow.

Happy birthday.

8 January 2021

[magnuspenna]

What are you doing?

-

I've just gone through this old subsite thinking about the choices I've made. Thanks for asking.

[magnuspenna]

Fear

She's at the edge of dawn, about to step into the morning. Her foot sways back and forth waiting for her to decide if it's finally time for her to fall into the sunlight. Her hands are fidgeting in the crook of her neck. Her mind wanders back into the deep coldness behind her, the comfortable darkness and the peaceful night breeze she's been dwelling in for the past few years.

She hasn't seen morning in ages. To her mornings seem dangerous, uncertain, and she doesn't even know if she will make it to the afternoon, even though she knows that what she wants more than anything is waiting for her at dusk.

She hesitates. She's scared. Somewhere in a certain zone in the world, someone's dawn is longer than the others.

At the end her fear wins. It holds her back, and she decides to step back into the night, letting her dawn last a little longer.

[magnuspenna]

Confession #57

I'm the problem.

[magnuspenna]

Confession #56

Dear Yogyakarta, allow me to confess.

I love you. So much. With all my heart. However there are things I never said out loud about you.

There's a part of me that doesn't know you, and my apology, I'll never allow it to know you at all. That part of me will only love that town, the root of my ever-growing dreams, the permanent anchor that I left at the shore.

I know you won't care--big cities are too busy to care anyway, right?--but as a little girl in that little town, I used to dream about striving for a better self and a better life, and you have provided me with all that. Your streets, your lights, your people, your trees, your spirits, your cafes, your magic, they created their orbits around me and made me the center of the universe.

I know sometimes I hate you for constantly reminding me of my unfulfilled desires, for always reminding me of how lost and clueless I am, but then again, I love you for that. Being in my hometown keeps me safe from all the uncertainties in life, but being here keeps me moving and learning.

I can't promise you to stay here forever. I may leave, but I won't let you leave me. Thanks for letting me build my own system, thank you for letting me be the star of my own. I owe you big one.

[magnuspenna]

Confession #55

Every year, at the night of my birthday, I've always wanted to do one thing. Always at this hour, the same day of the year.

Now I've spent 4 birthdays thinking about it. No matter how every year the universe seems to encourage me more and more, I just can't, because once I get in, there's no turning back. Ever.

So tonight, with a heavy heart, I have to tell myself the same thing again: not today.

Happy birthday, girl. The world is a wonderful place.

Cheers,

Magnus

[magnuspenna]

Confession #54

One of them is mine.

[magnuspenna]

A Letter to My Teenage Self

Dear teenage self,

Don’t worry if you don’t think you’re beautiful. Don’t worry about your dark skin. Don’t worry about being the least bright in class. Don’t worry about your future in college. Let me tell you one thing: You’re doing great!

Sooner or later you’ll learn to love yourself. You’re not ugly, you just don’t know yet what beauty really means. You’re not stupid, you just don’t like what you’re learning. In no time you’ll be beautiful because you make yourself feel beautiful by getting more comfortable in your own skin. You still want more but you’re so much better and happier. You still love reading, don’t worry. Now you like learning, you love it. You eat more healthy food too. I know it’s surprising!

Keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for learning about who you really are so I become who I am today.

Cheers!

[magnuspenna]

Everyone has their own secrets.

Indeed they do.

[magnuspenna]

Confession #53

These varying types of fear are trying to swallow me to the ground.

[magnuspenna]

Confession #52

This huge ass secret is killing me.

[magnuspenna]

Are you young or old?

Can’t you tell?

[magnuspenna]

*shoves a bundle of flowers into your hands

-

Thank you.

[magnuspenna]

Let Me Tell You a Secret

Legends said we were born with monsters inside our heads.

They lied.

We weren’t. It was us all the time. We created them. We fed them. We grew them. And that’s why we didn’t try to kill them when they took over.

Damn monsters. They won, didn’t they?

[magnuspenna]

What do you like the most from the classes that you have ever attended in college?

Wow. I didn’t think it would be this hard to pick a favorite class. I’ll go with all literature classes because they helped me think critically while they were entertaining. And that’s rare.

[magnuspenna]

The Last Sun

The boy was turning white

The world was turning black

And grey was sitting on his throat

[magnuspenna]

Confession #51

I’m flying blind.