Poetical Corner

Simply a space to post random poetry of mine 🤷🏽‍♀️

[mail-time1369]

I just wanted him to say

“But that’s still your mom..”

But he never did.

And now, she’s gone..

Maileta /// Nov. 5 2024 🕊️

[mail-time1369]

To my therapist,

The way that I parse through and sort out my emotions prior to each appointment, to each meeting isn’t meant to be taken personal.

For me, it is safe, but for you, it is emotional intelligence hopelessly ensnared in detachment, or perhaps some other diagnosis of standing apart from this space between you and myself.

You are at the door. You knock. I open the door, letting you in to see an apartment that smells of having been freshly cleaned. There are bags filled with scraps of old emotions, mental thoughts and processing, all of which waiting to be tossed out. Meanwhile, all you perceive is the environment already cleansed and cleaned—tidied without you. Still welcoming nonetheless, but it’s a bit impersonal, straightforward, and unpurposefully cold to your senses. Your heart breaks for me a little inside, but I appear completely fine.

Maileta /// until our next appointment…

[mail-time1369]

In death,

We aren’t likely to see

A beautiful flower

Buried underneath.

The rubble of pain and grief

Masks a subtle duality.

The fragility of a life

Perceptibly inhales.

The cruelty of a death

Dismissively exhales.

Maileta /// to die is to live

[mail-time1369]

“But then.. I met you, and I didn't expect anything. I just... I was curious, and I just wanted to practice being respectful, because, I mean, you didn't deserve my disrespect anyway. Not that I had any to give, but...”

“I just wanted to be kind to someone.”

Maileta /// a green sprout from a cracked egg

[mail-time1369]

Today, I found myself

Looking for something..

A sound.

Your sound.

Through thousands of voices

Piercing my ears

I searched desperately

Relentless to find

The perfect pitch

The precise calm

To soothe

A crying babe.

Maileta /// journal entry #2: starved senses

[mail-time1369]

You say you’ll tell me what’s new.

But I’d rather you show me what’s different.

Maileta /// new wine in old wineskin

[mail-time1369]

If I needed you, would you even be there?

Or would you just..

Stand me up

Over

And over..

Maileta /// again?

[mail-time1369]

Nothing is going to change..

What am I waiting for?

Maileta /// fall back

[mail-time1369]

Grief has spoken to me today.

A sip from our favorite soup

Arrests my heart and mind.

My throat tightens

As I think of how you suffered

And fought

And gasped.

I choke

As I can no longer enjoy these things

Without your smile.

Not for a while, anyway.

Not while grief has a place to stay.

Maileta /// journal entry #1: welcome, grief

[mail-time1369]

“Why do we crave what isn’t good for us?”

Maileta /// forbidden fruit

[mail-time1369]

“I’m not really in the business of chasing..

Tell me what you want.”

Maileta /// be direct

[mail-time1369]

Too many hurtful things have been said.

Despite it all, I still wish you the best..

Maileta /// all the best

[mail-time1369]

I love you, but..

I’m not the one for you...

Maileta /// soulmates to strangers

[mail-time1369]

And that’s a wrap, folks

Because we’re all out of straws to give..

Maileta /// souled out

[mail-time1369]

Don’t choose me anymore..

Maileta /// selectively permeable

[mail-time1369]

The pretty blue songbird

Doesn’t sing anymore..

Maileta /// she’s lost her voice

[mail-time1369]

I can see

Everything I’ve tried to build

Crumbling

Right before my eyes

I feel..

Numb

The same sensation

I felt..

When I almost

Died.

Maileta /// falling away