Here I am again. And when I'm here, it's a bad sign. Recently it feels like it's the world against me. Life has been a bit of a rocky boat lately, I'm in such a huge loss of what to do, and what I'm doing. It feels like shit, it does. It hurts, it does. It stings, it does. My decisions usually end up in regret, but maybe life is like that. Letting go, although in the instance doesn't feel like the best option, may be the one in the long run. I don't know, but who really knows? Falling in love is a mess. I haven't been single for 9 years, and I feel like I don't know myself enough to be in a relationship. I'm losing people I love simply because I'm shit at handling my emotions, my decisions. Sometimes I burst out, and I pour everything. So it happened that I pour out everything about my relationship to my parents. Turns out bad. I don't know, really, I do not know anything with myself right now. All I can say is, here I am in this shithole again. I brought myself here, yeah I did. Subconsciously. I'm at a loss of what to do, and how to feel. Times like these it feels like i need my friends, but really, I don't. I need to be alone. I need loneliness. I need loneliness to know how it is and how to appreciate being loved. My whole head is a huge mess right now, and I know she might have it worse. But I hope it's for her own good, as much as it is for mine. Relationships are lessons. I learnt mine. The hard way I must admit, but then again life isn't a bed of roses. It is so damn uncertain. All you really have is yourself. Everyday I fight this battle within myself. Do i really deserve this? Do I really have to do this? I don't really know. But life is a constant learning journey. And here I am learning. Sucks for me, but I have to learn it this way. I am so sorry for everything, but I really don't know myself enough. I need to go in search of myself. I love her, I do. But I Guess, we need to learn to love ourselves. Self love before anything. 😌
dailybridgerton
dededos
areudirty
theartofmadeline
romaincrisis
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
germansingergirl
blakekathryn
kaledo-art
