so, uh. It's been a while.
I don't really know why I'm making this now, lying in bed, on a whim, starting this at like 1:40am and definitely going to finish it way after, but. I guess I just realized I had to do it eventually.
so. 18 now. Actually uh, turned 18 a few months ago. This blog is basically a museum of my middle and high school years. Lotta regrets. Lotta people I've met. Lots that I'm happy I did. Some that, well, it's complicated. I'm kinda one of those people who likes to think everything happens for a reason, y'know? so. I've not been the most active on here anymore, have I? A lot of reasons for this. Uh. One of those is that I realized it was way better for my mental health, I think. Mostly because i ditched during like, the real height of tumblr being a borderline newsfeed about Gaza and just being a middle eastern teenager with a few too many mental illnesses you kinda struggle with that on top of your own shxt but then Iran got dragged into it actually, and that's. Yeah I think my therapist actively recommended cutting back on this site at one point? Like I was already getting news from my international relations class and struggling with that I didn't need the mess that is a bunch of random tumblr posts that are ultimately people posting in the heat of it and aren't exactly the most scholarly objective things and I just keep thinking about all the potentially wrong information I could've spread and like I was a teenager but it was also only like a year or two ago like . I barely even feel like an adult now.
And people kinda. Guilt you on here if you don't want to submerge yourself in this stuff, and they don't care about if you have a reason or not they just put posts out there saying you're obligated to doomscroll about this. Like, as if some of us aren't touched more personally, or don't have lower bandwidths for human suffering, or both.
and I would like to just. Point here that some of the messages I came back to, were this (one is from a deactivated account so I can't read it but the others. Aren't. And given the amount of messages I have versus what I can see from other people I imagine it was also spamming):
I was literally inactive and not using tumblr at all except the few times I opened a post without interacting with it at all. And when I get back I see that scammers have evolved new tactics and they're still again preying on guilt tripping over human suffering. And people allow this. during the time I was sent this I've been dealing with my dormmate situation. I'm doing a sort of college transition program, I stay on my high school campus but I'm taking college classes. It's just for this year.
I have two dormmates. One of them is pretty cool, and the other has done things I would have to add a trigger warning to the post if I wanted to describe. I've been dealing with this for about the whole semester and fighting an uphill battle and they're only finally MAYBE going to move him into a different dorm. (Yes my school does unisex dorm housing before I get asked, people always question that when I bring this up)
so, I don't think I have time for tumblr during all of that actually. Sorry probably-not-real person.
outside of this, uh. I. Don't know what to do or say entirely. I remember I had posted about the one cookie run AU I made and like, I have so much stuff on that but no clue where I'd really start posting or how many people really care and . I'm more active on discord nowadays but I'm kinda nervous about putting my discord just out in the open on here given I've. Been on here since I was 13 and unlike Wattpad the atmosphere on tumblr isn't chill- like honestly I should probably put my discord in my Wattpad description. Like that's also a museum of my formative years, but like . I still go on there sometimes because it isn't overwhelming.
I think that's the thing. I also get kinda overwhelmed by how many notifs I get from tumblr if I'm just off for a little too long and come back, and that makes it hard to. want to. And also my dashboard moves too fast I think I need to unfollow some stuff but.
I guess what I'm saying is "if anyone wants to talk to me on discord, DM me and I'll tell you my account" and also maybe I'll post my II AU on here again if anyone wants to see it. And maybe I'll do other stuff too if I feel like it? I dunno. I'd be sad to ever abandon this account completely like it has history and it has You guys, like I've made a lot of friends on here y'know? And also met a lot of weird judgmental adults when I was way too young but that's neither here nor there. uh we need to like, be better people for the future tumblrinas I guess is what I'm going for? Idk I just. Wanted to rant a bit I guess. This probably isn't that coherent and I don't know if there's really a moral to this
also I still get asked about this so: guys I retired from the Kirby light novel translating I thought I made a post about that 😭 I'm so sorry like I miss y'all but also I don't have time anymore I have too many mental breakdowns /hj
