Better than Mike.

[male09-offical]

Hah, Gordon Freeman! And about time, too!

[male09-offical]

Yo @aperturehrdept-official you guys wanna see what happens when someone eats a xen crystal?

[aperturehrdept-official]

(Eli raises an eyebrow, Isaac slowly shakes his head, and Bosch looks as unimpressed as he possibly can with his grand total of one facial feature.)

[male09-offical]

*Erdim eats the xen crystal, and explodes in a burst of blood and viscera*

*another Erdim walks in from the other room*

Heh, glad I'm not that guy.

(I've always wanted to say that)

[hl1-freeman]

Huge overreaction ngl, I’ve licked that evil rock tons of times and I’m fine.

[male09-offical]

Licked is not the same as eaten.

[male09-offical]

Yo @aperturehrdept-official you guys wanna see what happens when someone eats a xen crystal?

[aperturehrdept-official]

(Eli raises an eyebrow, Isaac slowly shakes his head, and Bosch looks as unimpressed as he possibly can with his grand total of one facial feature.)

[male09-offical]

*Erdim eats the xen crystal, and explodes in a burst of blood and viscera*

*another Erdim walks in from the other room*

Heh, glad I'm not that guy.

(I've always wanted to say that)

[male09-offical]

Yo @aperturehrdept-official you guys wanna see what happens when someone eats a xen crystal?

[diespulchra-deactivated20210519]

[toastpotent-deactivated20250619]

he is turning the tiles brown. he needs to be contained

[dangerous-tangerine]

SCP 

[pair-of-ragged-quarks]

fools. this was a white goat, you can see the white markings on him. he’s been soaking up the brown and he’s only got one square left. let him finish his work

[wickerwight]

HE’S STEALING THE BROWN

[male09-offical]

When you're on a date and the guy is really interested in your skin.

He introduces himself as Eddie Dermis and he really really likes your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

He wants your skin.

[historyisntboring]

2,500-year-old Siberian 'ice mummy' had intricate tattoos

The woman, aged about 50, was buried in a Siberian ice cave and discovered millennia later.

She was a 50 y.o. Siberian woman from 2500 years ago, living a nomadic lifestyle, and look at her tattoos...

Look...

I'm going to cry

[male09-offical]

oh no, the strong as fuck ice mummy.

[bogleech]

Why are there just blobs of fake rubber meat that a bunch of unrelated microbes can build in the dirt but they've only ever been found in china and can't be classified any further than "biological objects"

[bromdebus]

“These ugly looking creatures”

[male09-offical]

The homunculus

[aperturehrdept-official]

(Eli digs around in his pocket, eventually pulling out a handful of shrink discs.)

(He tosses one at Isaac, one at each of Isaac’s doppelgängers, and one at Trevor.)

{ Damn, didn’t bring enough for myself.. }

{ Ah well, as long as we can all get outta here. }

{ Hop in the car, we’ve got a long trip ahead. }

[male09-offical]

Yo wassup.

Didn't know you guys were here.

I've been removing the copper wiring from the backrooms.

[aperturehrdept-official]

[ I managed to modify one of the core locomotion rigs to work as a mobility aid because I still can’t use my legs, and neither Isaac or Eli are here to help me move around, took a lot of doing but I got there eventually. ]

[ The problem is that I had to detach from my host body to get into the rig, but since the office area’s airtight I thought I could just turn the thermostat way down.. ]

[ But it didn’t work. My host body is too damaged to use now. ]

[male09-offical]

You need help, dawg?

[aperturehrdept-official]

[ I can move around just fine but I’m still kinda pissed about losing my body. ]

[ Still, it’s nice being able to walk again, even if they’re not my legs. ]

[male09-offical]

I can lend you a homunculus

[aperturehrdept-official]

[ I managed to modify one of the core locomotion rigs to work as a mobility aid because I still can’t use my legs, and neither Isaac or Eli are here to help me move around, took a lot of doing but I got there eventually. ]

[ The problem is that I had to detach from my host body to get into the rig, but since the office area’s airtight I thought I could just turn the thermostat way down.. ]

[ But it didn’t work. My host body is too damaged to use now. ]

[male09-offical]

You need help, dawg?

[oneofthosecrazycatladies]

You've been kidnapped but the main character of the last TV show you watched is coming to rescue you.

Who’s rescuing you?

[male09-offical]

FUCKING BATMAN???

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

the last song you listened to is your battle theme now how is it going

good

bad

great

awful

meh

perfect

results

Voting ended onAug 11

[male09-offical]

HOLY SHIT I GET INFINITES THEME FROM SONIC FORCES

I SOUND BADASSSS

[aperturehrdept-official]

As you send probes throughout the multiverse, you stumble upon one that is quite... strange.

You can't find anyone. The universe is just... here. City 17, Aperture... it's all here, except... no one is there.

And amidst it all, the lights are still on, the combine's technology is still working, despite there being no one to operate or maintain them.

There are a couple places you think of to check, mainly Kleiner's labs, Black Mesa East, Aperture, and White Forest...

-@the-voidwalker-official

(Eli stands by the console in his TARDIS, peering at the small display screen in front of him..)

(He reaches over to a knob on the side of the screen, turning it to change the view..)

{ Still nothing..? I’ve been sitting here for three hours! something has to be alive out there! anything! }

{ There’s still foliage, but I haven’t seen any life other than that besides myself since I landed.. }

{ What the hell..? }

[male09-offical]

yo, wassup?

[mothcub]

We've all been there, Grungus.

[skinks]

I love that thing when people get a little bit tongue-tied and garble what they’re trying to say so they make a little “blegh” 👅 noise and start over. verbal reset button. hitting the top of the tv to unscramble the signal

[aperturehrdept-official]

Hey so the backrooms is out of copper wiring.

I took it all.

@male09-offical

( We weren’t even in there for a week! How on earth did you manage to do that?? )

[male09-offical]

Oh yeah, i went in again a couple of weeks after. Evaded a-syncs detection pretty easily, and I didn't see any of your detection equipment, come to think of it, I don't remember if you guys set any up.

And Black Mesa let me walk right in, cuz technically I never formally quit my job there.