moved to cannib4l

new blog here: @cannib4l

" me, nice?? ew. " but it's the truth, despite an attempt at an intimidating front, && it's true that a lot of his kindness was almost always directed to her. eddie always thought he'd hid it well with jokes, sarcasm, even being a little mean sometimes. but judith was constantly on his mind, there was a newfound excitement to his daily life getting to see her in school, even if they didn't hang out there, && around the trailer park. && when they did spend time together?? he doesn't know how he ever kept it together.

" it's gonna be so romantic, i hope you like seven hours straight at the arcade. " judith's excitement is contagious. he's never been one for dates, it always sounded a little ... cringy, until it's been with her.

the touch of her hands on him as she steadies herself could very well send him into an early grave. funny, all these things like hugs && stares they've done all along, eddie always felt a bit flustered but this is crazy. even the way judith says his name, he could hear her say it a million times more && never get sick of it.

there it is, those two words he's been waiting to hear for an embarrassingly long time. his hand slides effortlessly into her hair as he leans in && fucking FINALLY, their lips meet. the earth feels like its spinning on its axis at fifty times the usual speed. no, a hundred. all the stars must be aligned up there. he'd think this is a dream, except the moment is far too perfect to be made up. she's too perfect.

there was so much he's wanted to tell judith before － how pretty she looks when the sun lights up her face, how she deserves so much more in this life, how her smiles brightens up a room, her outfits, her music taste, the sound of her laugh. everything eddie has wanted to confess && compliment is said now through the kiss, && she's pulled a little closer to him in the process, as close as can be. fuck drugs or getting drunk or any of that shit, kissing her is way more euphoric than any high.

at school, judith really didn't hang or talk to eddie as much. she wasn't sure of the reason, perhaps she still wanted to keep the few friends she had left. even though they pitied her more than actually wanting to be friends. it was stupid, she knew that, but judith wasn't one to drop all her friends over a guy; no matter how great he was. that was something to work on another day, for now, she simply giggled, " i see you during lunch, talking to your hellfire club kids. " judith admitted, " it's really cute." it was more than cute, but judith kept those details to herself.

her face beamed at his idea of a date, " seven hours is easy -- just don't forget to feed me pizza and cherry cola. " she paused for a moment, " that's pretty much the road to my heart. " judith figured it was best to just give him all the secrets, given that it took forever for them to finally admit their feelings.

butterflies turned to wasps in her stomach as their lips finally clashed. her hands settle on his jacket, clinging and pulling onto the denim fabric to keep herself from floating away into the star filled universe. desperation deepens the kiss, unable to breathe, but did that truly matter now ? judith would be content if she died at that moment. she steps forward, body inching as close to his as it could get it. wasps violently swarming in her stomach, this must be what heaven is like.

she's forced to pull away for a split second, catching her breath as forehead is kept pressed on his. " whoa... " was all she could say, feeling dizzy from that surge of adrenaline and pleasure. " i guess all those nights kissing your pillow really paid off. " judith playfully nipped at his lips, still catching her breath, taking in the moment though slipping a little quip couldn't be resisted. one deep breath and her lips are back on his. this time, she's a bit more sensual, but fucking thrilled all the same.

it's a miracle, by the name of judith pierce, to be able to convince eddie to attend a dance. he's dreading it already, but if it means a chance at something more than just friends, he'll suffer through. as if he hasn't been suffering through this crush for long enough.

" it's a date then. " her reaction is the confidence boost he needs. a smile is flashed judith's way before his attention returns to finishing the food, or so it seems - all he's thinking about is friday night. despite appearing calm, eddie feels like he could jump && down with excitement.

but appearances must be kept ... until he feels her arms wrap around him && he freezes. they've hugged before, it's never been a huge deal, even if eddie did savour every second. this time, everything feels different.

" seriously?? " it isn't that big of a surprise, considering the invite && the countless times the guys have teased him over their closeness, but the quietness of judith's voice has him second guessing whether he's hearing her correctly. it's exactly what he wants to hear. the empty bowl is discarded aside, almost thrown across the counter, as he turns to face her, arms wrapping around her waist as if the movement came naturally.

this is real, it's happening, && he still questions why. why him. judith is, in eddie's opinion, definitely the prettiest girl in hawkins high. hawkins town. indiana. maybe even the world. he always figured she'd find someone special at a party, or school, && he'd have to watch on in horror, pretending to be happy for her. but life's apparently not that cruel.

pent up impatience finally spills over. any fear of mishearing her can be damned, it's too late. " i really like you too. " it's a stomach churning statement && a relief at the same time. " more than a friend. if that hasn't been, y'know, obvious for a while. " his defence mechanism of a joke or sarcastic comment to cover up true feelings isn't deployed this time. instead, eddie falls silent, brown eyes studying her reaction for any impending signs of rejection, disgust, laughter, the usual.

a thank you is spoken internally, thanking the goddesses that judith had finally found the courage to utter those four little words to eddie. she never thought they could be more than friends, because who wanted to date the stoner, hippie chick with a drunk of a father and a beaten, abused mother? judith always felt alone, especially when they moved to forest hills. they had lost their social status and friends and meeting eddie had showed her that none of those things actually fucking mattered.

her hug is tightened, not wanting to ever let him go. she had finally said those words and it sounded like he said them back. it was hard to tell, her head was buzzing with happiness that she could barely hear him. suddenly she feels his arms around her waist and she’s staring into those dark brown eyes of his, finally, they were on equal understanding.

“ i can’t tell with you, doofus, you’re always so nice to everyone. i just figured you were just being nice to me too. ” she had really been so clueless, not having the confidence to believe someone liked her in that way. sure, the jocks always seemed to try, but she knew they really didn’t like her. they just wanted access to drugs and god knew what else the way they looked her over before opening their stupid mouths.

they were going on a first date and it was a dance. she really couldn’t imagine dancing with eddie, but she couldn’t wait to dance with him, even if it’s only one song. maybe by the end of the evening, they’d be officially boyfriend and girlfriend. the thought alone made the room spin and she held onto eddie’s arms to steady herself. “ since i’ve chosen our first date, you get to choose the second one. ” she smiled, giddy with excitement at the fact that they were now going on dates.

the butterflies are fluttering wildly in her stomach, realizing just how close they were. “ eddie…” she spoke his name again, she loved doing that. especially when his dark brown eyes fell on her, made her heart skip a beat.

“ kiss me. “

he's about to bombard judith with a million && one questions, until her expression twists as she takes the candy. he may have purposely not told her they were ultra sour. " nuh-uh, you don't get to ask questions. "

her lips are tinted blue as she looks at him, but for eddie, that's not enough. he has to keep a poker face, trying not to laugh at her as he speaks, " no, you need another one, or two. finish the entire pack. come on, your precious project is on the line here. "

the first candy had finally dissolved and she narrowed her eyes at eddie, " you better not be lying to me munson. " she shoved her books toward him, making him hold onto her books as fingers fished for another candy.

she takes a deep breath and pops it into her mouth, her face twists as she could already feel both the stinging and sour sensation happening in her mouth. it truly felt like her tongue had been sliced by a thousand tiny daggers. " are they blue now ? " judith got closer to eddie, puckering her lips at him. " tell me the truth or i'll kick you in the gonads. "

his attention is fixated on judith; her giggle, the way her legs swing, her nonchalance to this entire conversation. he can't shake it, no way she didn't realise what was she was doing. " mhm, it's great. " eddie mumbles through a mouth full of noodles, && they're way better than she hyped them up to be. truly, wife material.

he's only one forkful in to his own bowl && she's at it again. must be how far can we push eddie until he goes fucking crazy day. he's overanalysing her body language, overthinking what comes next, preparing for another system shutdown or false alarm.

shit. eddie despises those dances, even if he's never been. the thought of the cringey music, stupid outfits, && shitty crowd is enough to send shivers down his spine. nothing has ever convinced him to attend, not even come close, until now.

the bowl is placed down next to hers && his fingers anxiously drum along the counter. " you really want to go to the dance?? " that's not a decline, at least. but then the thought crosses his mind, the image of someone else having the honour of going with judith, someone else taking that chance, someone else —

" yeah. sure, i'll go. "

judith really wasn't a fan of dances either, especially with the current music making her want to blow her head off. no matter how many times she requested a song, the dj never seemed to play them. she figured it would be like the roller rink, where she would bring her walkman and skate along to her own mixtape. still, she really wanted to go to at least once school dance before she graduated and eddie was the only one she wanted to go with.

she nodded to his question, " yeah, i really do want to go. " judith waited in grueling anticipation for his answer. hands clung to the edge of the counter, squeeze until her knuckles went white. " you won't have to wear a tux, promise. " she added, hoping that persuaded him to say yes.

" great. " her face beamed with happiness at his answer, picking up her bowl to continue slurping on noodles now that the nausea had subsided. she was trying to act cool, even though she was screaming happily internally.

once she finished eating, she hopped off the counter and placed the bowl in the sink. she stood there for a moment, then turned right around and hugged eddie from behind, nuzzling her cheek into his back as arms wrapped tightly around him. " i really like you..." she whispered, hoping it was loud enough to hear.

it's for the best, is all he can think (or try convince himself of) as her face drops && she lashes out. " judith, wait, wait, stop!! " eddie calls after her as she storms out. this isn't how he pictured their first kiss, this wasn't how their story went. but reality isn't fairytales && stories && happily ever afters - he should know that by now.

her outburst sets him off but not enough to retaliate, instead stare on as judith runs out the door - disappearing through the trailer park into the dark ahead until he can't see her anymore. their ending shouldn't be this tragic, && yet here they are.

logic overcomes anger; she's drunk, alone, angry, upset, presumably heading straight to the forest. && this, tonight, can't be their ending. eddie takes off after her, knowing the forest like the back of his hand. but it's pitch black, he's not the steadiest on his feet so every step is carefully placed, slower than her pace so he trails behind. he can't hear anything, no footsteps or crying, only the sounds of the forest at night.

but as his eyes adjust to the dark, making out the trees easier && the branches strewn along the ground, a figure lays ahead. on the ground. " oh fuck. " eddie rushes over, crouching down next to them && of course, it's her. of course it is, because who else drunkenly storms off into the forest??

" shit, are you okay?? judith?? hey, get up. come on, i'll help you up. " panic sets in, when he hears no reply from her - even another 'fuck you' would be a relief.

there's a good sized gash on her knee and hand, blood trickle down her leg to her ankle, but she couldn't really feel the pain. she's hugging her legs, head buried in her arms as she hummed one of her favorite songs. this would all be over soon, she could start over in california and try to forget all about eddie fucking munson.

no, that wasn't going to happen and that pissed off judith more than anything. she could hear his voice at a distance and that pissed her off even more. she didn't say anything to him. instead, she turned her whole body away from him. hoping he'd go away if she just sat silent in the forest.

when he didn't leave, judith slowly stood up without his help, her scraped knee pulsing with intense pain. how badly had she hurt it? she wasn't sure and really didn't care. she was still on a mission to get blackout drunk, it was friday after all. she limped toward the trailer park, not acknowledging eddie whatsoever.

she's past the entrance of forest hills and she's walking limping toward town, having a destination in mind. her haven; the bar.

" uh no, not that easily. " eddie would usually proceed to lecture her on why she, a hypothetical level 10 wizard, couldn't solely defeat the lich && all the preparation such a battle would require.

but he's preoccupied - the paper could have a hole burned into it with how intense his stare is as his mind wanders with the thoughts of judith. what it would be like to confess everything to her, all the repressed feelings of love && need after all these years. what it'd be like to love her, properly, in a relationship. or even just to kiss her.

reality snaps back at the sound of the water sizzling && the food preparation. this is getting out of hand, but eddie still can't muster up the strength to tell her. her question hits him like a ton of bricks && he freezes at her touch, eyes widening like a deer caught in headlights as they lock eyes. there's no way she can't hear his heart beat right now ... oh god, this is it. moment of truth.

" huh?? " the suspense comes crashing down, dwindling back to a bowl of noodles. " um, yeah, i guess. " eddie's response is stumbled over as he regains composure, blinking back to the real world && the food laid out before them - how anticlimatic.

what was that just now ? judith lingered for a moment, brows furrowing before she let go of his sleeve and went to hunt down some hot sauce in the fridge. a few splashes and her creation was ready to eat, she hopped onto the counter, twirling her fork into the noodles, slurping them up.

" oh that's so good ! " she giggled, pretending not to notice the very distraught eddie and took another bite. " i don't think it needs the chips , but they're here if you want 'em. " she twirled another fork full of noodles and held it up for him to taste, " here have a taste. " trying to feed him, snap him out of the trance he seemed to be in.

she grabbed a beer from the plastic bag, twisted the tap open and took a large gulp. judith knew what it was about and if he got that flustered, then maybe he felt the same way she did.

" uhm -- eddie ? "

judith put the beer can and bowl of noodles down on her side, looking down at him from the counter as long legs swung anxiously, cowboy boots thumping against the laminate cabinets. she promised herself that whatever happened next, she'd stay put and help him with homework. they could still be friends -- right ?

" want to go to the dance with me this friday night ? "

her words are such a relief yet so damn heart wrenching at the same time. he figured judith would eventually forget about him, move on && live it up in california while he withers away in boring old hawkins. but he can't keep her here, he can't be the reason she feels miserable in the city of angels - where they'll recognise her talent. he can't hold her back, even from a distance, from the greatness she's destined for. && eddie is trying to find the words, until he hears it.

years have passed with a longing to hear judith say i love you, or to have the guts to say it to her. he waited far too long - there were countless opportunities to confess, but he was never brave enough, too scared of rejection or ruining their friendship.

&& now?? he still loves her. god, he loves her more than anything. his face shows it all - the relief, shock, longing. but it's right person, wrong time. eddie can say i love you back a million times but it doesn't change the fact that she's leaving. he doesn't even have that chance to respond...

all the anxiety, anger, fear melt away when her lips meet his. it's SURREAL. eddie imagines it so often, when it finally happens, he has to wonder if it's a dream. but it's not, it feels far too good that no dream could ever conjure up this feeling.

he wants to stay like this with judith forever, pulling her ever so slightly closer to him through the kiss, but they can't. they shouldn't even be doing this now. so, he moves back. there isn't an excited smile on his face like expected after all this time, but a frown. " we can't do this. " the saddest words known to man. " you're too drunk && um, you're leaving so ... let's pretend you didn't just do that, okay?? "

her feelings for eddie are now out in the open and a giant weight is finally of her shoulders. she can breathe, but it doesn't last long as eddie pulls away and their first kiss is abruptly cut short. she could still feel his soft lips on hers, her lips glittering with the love they shared for each other. how bittersweet. it's quickly realized that the confession is meaningless as the option of spending one last night together is diminished.

judith's face fell, she's back to being angry. it didn't take much for her blood to boil and she's ready to douse the bridge between them with gasoline and let it engulf in flames. her cheeks are now red with embarrassment and anger and instead of lashing out, she simply grabbed what was left of her beer and stormed out of his room.

" fuck you , munson ! " she yelled as loud as she could on her way out of the trailer, slamming the front door as hard as she could muster. she needed to run away, her heart was officially shattered and she needed to continue her partying. now with a much stronger substance. she was the party girl after all, why not live it up before she headed to california?

she's sniffling, rushing off to nowhere. she didn't have a car, but she needed to get out of the trailer park. her head was spinning and her heart was broken, she needed it all to just stop. legs pushed her toward the forest behind the trailer park and she ran and ran until a root tripped and she fell hard.

new blog here: @cannib4l

now that he has her attention, he's not sure where to start. he wants to apologise, although she may not even remember this tomorrow.

but seeing the tears fall is enough to know what to do. " i'm sorry. " it's sincere, HONEST finally, as he gently wipes away her tears.

" i'm sorry i didn't celebrate with you, i'm sorry i ignored you && said all that shit. it was wrong. i - i was being selfish. " eddie knew that all along, but saying it out loud was something else. painful, but a relief. " if anyone in the entire world deserves to follow their dreams, it's you. "

he keeps his gaze on judith - petrified of her reaction, concerned for her drunken state, taking in all her features because what if one day he forgets what it's like to look at her for so long?? what if he forgets how beautiful she looks, even in moments like this??

it feels like she sitting still, but in reality, there's a little sway in her upper body. it helped that eddie was holding onto her as she was afraid she'd just fall over and go right to sleep.

a gentle movement leaves her forehead resting on eddie, half-lidded eyes as she listened to the sound of his soothing voice. tears kept falling, staining his dark bed sheets with the sadness that enveloped her.

" going to ucla is not my whole dream -- " emotions flooded her body and she reached to grab both his arms so that she didn't lose it completely. " you're not going to be there , so not all my dreams are coming true. " judith sobbed, but that wasn't enough, her emotions were far too great for a simple little sob.

" i love you, you idiot. "

there's no waiting for his reaction as it was now or never, and if they weren't meant to be, she would go to california knowing she did the right thing. she leaned in and pressed her lips against his as black sabbath's n.i.b filled eddie's room.

eyes light up at the comment, catching him off guard with the reference - he didn't think judith ever paid much attention to his never-ending rambles about the club's latest campaigns.

" don't be so harsh on yourself, you're at least a level 10. " eddie is still smiling to himself as her instructions for the next questions are followed. lo && behold, the answers appear like magic. or more like, her formula worked.

talk about comedic timing; the way the pencil fumbles in his hand, drawing a line straight through the final question as judith speaks. " oh, absolutely. any guy would be lucky to have you. " eddie mumbles, keeping his gaze glued to the paper for fear she'd see his sudden nervousness.

but now it's TOO obvious. " that's if they could handle your attitude. " ah, the usual trick of a sarcastic comment thrown in, hopefully enough to quash any suspicion.

" does that mean i can defeat vecna ? " she asked, really not knowing much about the game, only bits of pieces of when she listened to eddie recap the hellfire club's latest session.

judith leaned against the counter, watching the noodles dance in the boiling water, but she's really daydreaming about a relationship with eddie. she felt butterflies in her stomach, cheeks flushed a light pink, because in her mind, it was beautiful. the problem was, it was only in her mind.

the sound of water sizzling against the hot burner snapped her out of her daydreams and she rushed to the other side of the small kitchen, trying to act calm though her heart is racing. the heat was turned off, bowls filled with noodles, vienna sausages laid out to look like a smiley face. " eddie, i have an important question to ask you. " she's near him now, a hand reached out to grab his arm, dark brown hues gazing right at him.

" do you like hot sauce on your noodles ? "

he's on thin ice, eddie can hear it in her voice. but he can't let her drink her problems away like this regardless of whether she'd snap or not. " you can do that, just ... not right now. " so much for attempting to forget about her. not that he EVER could, no matter how hard he tries. guilt replaces the anger from their earlier argument, seeing judith in this state - it's his fault. maybe he should've been a little nicer, less selfish.

" if you're gonna break in here like this, at least listen to me && sit down. " he's more stern now, his own patience being chipped away as judith continues to be reckless, it's heartbreaking.

but can he really blame her after how he treated her?? no.

four beers had numbed her, and she was pretending not to know the reason why she even opened up a can of beer in the first place. it was the only thing on her mind. she just wanted to pretend like it never happened; like she never called eddie a freak. judith didn't mean it, but she needed to at least deal eddie some damage so she wasn't the only one hurting.

she's upset that her little party is finished and she's refusing to glance up at eddie. tears welling up once again, because she knows how out of control she was being and knew fully well how much more reckless she could be.

judith tried calmed down, tears silently streaming down her cheeks as she gave eddie her full blown attention. her heart racing and breaking at the same time. she felt ill just waiting in anticipation, plus the four beers didn't help.

" yes, eddie ? "

" gee, i'm gonna be top of the class. " a sarcastic mumble, followed by a smile - he is grateful, anything that isn't a big red 'F' on the page suits him just fine.

eddie awaits the lightbulb moment, the ding && suddenly it all makes sense. but judith's explanation is met with a confused stare. even the formula she writes might as well be gibberish, he'd understand it better if it was elvish honestly.

" when'd you get a nobel prize in math?? " put him in charge of deciding the nobel prize winners && she'd have one, because after a moment of blank staring at the page, it's there, it's been right there all along, && after a few scribbles, the first few questions are complete. " wow, look at you, all smart && culinary && shit. "

judith sees that the water is boiling and prepares to drop the noodles into the pan. before she did that, she looked over to check eddie's answers and was surprised with how quickly he got it. she bit the inside of her cheek, knowing fully well that it was the teachers failing eddie and not himself.

" it's because i am a level 8 wizard, duh" she giggled, her knowledge of dnd was minimal, but she couldn't resist saying such a silly remark. " alright, so these next questions are different so you'll need to use this formula to solve them. again, just plug in the numbers and you'll get it." while he worked on that, she dumped the noodles, watched them for a second before going back to eddie.

she laughed, unsure why he was so impressed with her cooking skills. " i know, i'm such a nerd, but don't you think i'll be the perfect wife someday ? " judith asked, glancing at eddie before her cheeks were flushed with pink.

#𓆩 ♡ 𓆪 ⎯ visage › judith pierce.

beccs

Outer Banks | Sarah Cameron

eddie stares on as she spins around, baffled at the audacity to burst in here after everything. baffled && worried. this isn't like her, && god knows what could've happened to her if he wasn't home. worse, if she hadn't come here at all && ventured off elsewhere.

the beer is thrown aside, && he quickly stands, gently grabbing a hold of her shoulders to help steady her. this could end very badly if that drink opens. " we can do that later, okay?? " eddie reassures her with a flash of a smile as the beer is snatched from her grip && held out of reach.

there's probably little chance getting through to judith on why she's here or in this state, now he only has the option of making sure she sobers up. " how about shotgunning some water?? "

the alcohol is numbing to all the emotions she had felt that day, but it is encouraging when it came to breaking into eddie's trailer and dancing like nobody was watching. she just wanted to dance and dance until she couldn't and then dance some more.before their fight, she felt safe with eddie and that was perhaps why her drunken self stumbled to his place.

brows furrowed as the beer disappeared from her hands and she was being held by eddie. why wasn't he shotgunning beer with her? she shook her head at his suggestion for water, " i just want to drink and dance, alright ? " there was annoyance in her voice and her patience was running thin.

" jesus, sorry mom. " eddie grins as the spoon comes into view, but he does quite hastily disappear into his room to root out the math homework. it takes a few moments, with various papers && clothes thrown around. until it's yanked out from underneath a pile of books && magazines. the pages are riddled with doodles && blank spaces next to the questions.

eddie returns to the kitchen, basically slamming the page down on the counter next to her. " okay, see, it's here. && this one. " the first two questions are pointed to, followed by the next ten. " it's ... yeah, it's kind of all of it. " it's not his fault that some whacko mathematician thought it'd be a great idea to bring letters into math.

in the meantime, she's still waiting for the water to boil and searching for bowls to pour the noodles into. they're set on the counter and she looked down at the math homework, understanding what she needed to do. " alright munson, i am going to help you get a d in math. " she smiled brightly at him, not wanting to let her friend down.

she grabbed his pencil, ignoring the fact that it wouldn't really be considered a pencil as it was chewed up and without an eraser. " alright, so here, you're going to just plug in the numbers for these letters, like this... " she jotted down the formula before turning around to see if the water was ready. it was.