Untitled

[malowist]

stomach

Something sits heavy,

Weightless in its gravity.

A compass spins helplessly —

Unknowable, its identity.

Sometimes anxiety fills it up,

Like a balloon pumped sick.

Other times hunger gnaws,

Disguised beyond recognition.

[malowist]

thoughts on THE BEAR (sydcarmy) pt. 1

carmy: “you deserve my full focus. my attention shouldn’t be split” + syd: “i dont want you to think i was jealous” -> the obvious implication that claire & carmy’s relationship affected syd + carmy wanting to put their relationship (&the bear) as a higher priority

“i couldn’t do this without you. i wouldn’t even want to do this without you.”and both of them saying “you make me better at this” -> showing how the bear wouldn’t be possible without either of them. because carmy would never have had the reason to push himself further, nor the support he felt necessary, which syd provided. and the way they both feel like they’re better in cooking because of each other, something which is core to both of them.

“i wont let you (fail)” + “you’re not alone syd” + “neither are you” -> the way they have each others backs :”) the way carmy promises to be there for her & the equal promise from syd that she wants to do this together with him. that it is not either of their burdens to bear alone.

and then he gives her the apron because he saw her looking at his previously !!! a symbol of upgrading from a sandwich grub shop to the fine dining they were progressing towards. which also refers to her dream of getting the star

i just wanted to mention the light entering this scene & the table scene and the effect of that AHHHHH and the way he looks at her ugh

in a room full of people & chaos she is the one he focuses on. they are the eye of the storm (i.e. the only still, calm part within a cyclone). discussing ideas in complete understanding of each other.

bruh does he know he looks at her like she’s the whole world :(

and also the only one that truly holds him accountable. she does not put up with his shit & when she tells him to calm down he does not dismiss her and instead tries to. the only one who does not aggravate him, the only one who he truly tries to be kind to. also panic attack scene where thinking of her calmed him down !!!

partners. in the one thing that matters the most to them

[malowist]

Thoughts on 91 WHISKEY (Destiel fic)

- kudoss to the amount of research the author did into the military operations and history stuff of WWII that was amazing and genuinely got me feeling for the war aspect of the story

- i think the emotions were soo well written and strong and angsty. whether it was castiel’s ptsd, insane internalised homophobia, anxiety etc. the angst was soo satisfying

- their development was well done ! the tension from the very start was so high and you could see the subtle difference along the way even in the way they had sex lol and how it gradually melted from anger & disgust to sexual desire to desperation & love & emotional need.

- the pacing is SO GOOD i’ve never had an appreciation for slowburns AT ALL until now the author was so patient and careful

- another thing was inias’s friendship w cas like i felt soo much for them too and it was clear his impact on cas

- i think a reason why i connected w the characters was that the banter was really good. the jokes from the men, the camaraderie, the humorous aspects of the fic was throughly enjoyable :-)

- A SPECIAL MENTION THAT THE AUTHOR HAD A TRANS CHARACTER 🏳️‍⚧️ and also bc i love canon charlie bradbury ++ others like jo harvelle and gabriel in this fic too were so lovable

- writing was very good. in terms of conveying suspense, intensity of the fights, adrenaline, fear. but also some beautiful sentences, poignant moments.

Cried THRICE T^T

[malowist]

sigh bro they hold each others stares for a good 5 minutes as eddie gets shot and buck is forced by someone else to literally get down and then they continue staring as eddie slowly loses consciousness

and when buck resuscitates him in the truck and all eddie asks is “are you hurt?” bc buck is covered in his blood

and “there is no one else that i trust more with my son” (makes buck legal guardian of his son in his will) & “he believes you saved him” co parenting final boss too genuinely

[malowist]

Thoughts on PAST LIVES (quotes)

- “maybe in our past lives we were just a bird and the branch it sat on in the morning” -> the smallness of such a relationship

- “what if this is already our past life, and we’re something else in the next life? who would we be to each other then?” -> the possibility of what could be, the potential that they have. right person wrong time :(

- “you dream in a language that i don’t understand” -> the idea that there’s a part of your partner that you would never know, esp bc of cultural differences (something which another man could’ve provided her)

- “i didnt know liking your husband would hurt this much” -> the respect they had for each other

- “and the reason i liked you is because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves” -> the importance of Nora’s character for herself, and his acceptance of who she is. Even when it’s sad for both of them that they aren’t together, they still stay true to themselves.

- “you make my world so much bigger, and im wondering if i do the same for you?” The idea of mutualism — you mean so much to me, but i don’t mean that much to you right? :( relatable lol

Both hae sung & arthur were so respectful :( the way arthur felt about not being enough for her + the kind of bond Hae sung & Nora had from growing up together in their hometown in a way no one else would understand..

Who do you think they are to each other?

[malowist]

destiel quotes !!

- “they feel like i’ve become too close to the humans in my charge.. you”

- not even a few scenes into meeting dean and it’s “i’m considering disobedience” & “i’ve begun to express emotions”

- “i killed two angels this week. i rebelled. i did - all of it - for YOU” (while literally choking him against the wall)

- “i prayed to you cas. every night” from the man who doesnt believe in praying

- “i did everything i could to get you out - everything! i did not leave you”

- “you have me confused with the other angel - you know, the one in the dirty trench coat whos in love with you”

- “the stench of the impala is all over your overcoat, angel”

- “he was your boyfriend first”

- “i’d rather have you, cursed or not”

- “the very touch of you corrupts. when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell, he was LOST”

- “ to save dean winchester. that was your goal right? i mean you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately it was all about saving one human right?”

- runs away from dean in purgatory because “i’ve been trying to keep them away from u”

- “how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.. you know, everything”

- “dean & i do share a more profound bond”

- “and then youd kill the angel, castiel. now that one, that i suspect would hurt something awful”

- “cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy”

- “i need you”

- “he’s in love; with humanity”

- “you see, he has this weakness. he likes you”

- “you’re hoping castiel would return to you”

- the literal whole confession scene lol where castiel knew that his happiest moment (to call on the empty & sacrifice himself to save dean) would be telling dean that he loved him and how much dean changed him [“i cared about the whole world because of you”]

Other thoughts

- watching it on 1x speed and realising just how long they look at each other with such yearning stares

- the complete loss on dean’s face when something happens to Castiel

- the utter devotion that castiel has to dean (rebelling against heaven, turning down a whole army) shkjsjdhdj bro chose dean over heaven every single time

- the way they brainwashed castiel to kill dean over and over and over and he still couldn’t in the end

- the bloody handprint on dean’s jackets paralleling s4’s handprint where castiel “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition”

- castiel asking dean how he was again bc he knew dean was lying the first time about being fine

[malowist]

Thoughts on THE BEAR (the various chefs + impact on character development)

Asshole chef fields impact on carmy

- carmy making himself not feel anything -> soullless (‘pyscho’) in order to excel as a chef -> unable to function as a normal human being outside the kitchen

- anxiety in his panic attacks, hands shaking etc.

- his extreme bouts of anger bc that is the way of expression in his household + the type of verbal abuse that the asshole chef allowed in the kitchen

- how carmy became the person that he hated in his kitchen

Chef terry’s impact on Richie

- showed just the sheer contrast in how a kitchen could be run -> the calm, respectful atmosphere compared to asshole chef fields & the kitchen that carmy was slowly creating.

- her focus on the little efforts like peeling the skin of mushrooms

- Richie’s job on the forks, as insignificant as it was -> concentrating on the minute details & the dignity in that. Starting form small and growing from there

- “every second counts” but still having a kitchen which could be efficient and organised

- the refined way of carrying themselves -> its contribution to Richie’s character development from swearing, guns etc. -> suits

Chef Luca’s impact on Marcus

- i just liked the bond that they had lol + Luca’s calm nature

- luca & carmy’s relationship as Luca was pushed by the competition of carmy excelling

- it was nice to see Marcus’s development from bread -> cakes, donuts -> refined, sophisticated desserts