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@mamsellechosette24601
it’s countryside summer and I’m watching insects like I’m Mr Rochester talking to an imaginary Jane, “Janet, Jane! look at what a fine specimen of dragonfly! one does not often see it this side of the Atlantic, effervescent. am I not so smart and attentive, Janet? Jane?”
listening to the lament of the rohirim on repeat like thank god I already got a tattoo for it, or else I’d have to get it again (maybe I should get another)
When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.
I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"
Cause like
I dont know about anyone else
But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering
And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW
Alternatives to experimenting on me like a lab rat when you suspect me of being inconsiderate:
"I feel like I'm the only one who does this chore. Can we start taking turns?"
"I'd like you to ask me how I'm doing more often."
"It bothers me when this area stays messy so long. Can you do X when Y happens?"
"I feel like the onus is on me to initiate X, and it's wearing me down. Could you try making the first move more? Like 3-4 times a week?"
"I'm feeling upset right now and I'd like to spend some time with you."
"When X happens, I feel like you're taking my work for granted."
"I'm feeling neglected. Could you do X?"
"I'm burnt out and need help."
"I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into X."
"Do you notice this?"
"Are you bothered by this?"
"I am bothered when this happens."
"X habit of yours bothers me."
"When X is like this, I feel bad. Can you [action] when you notice X?"
survival mechanism they don’t emphasize enough is memorizing a poem. you memorize a poem you have a little lift raft for a variety of situations
the two main misconceptions about Jane Eyre seem to be that 1) she’s your typical straight girl; and 2) she’s a “not like the other girls” girl
Incorrect, she’s in fact a lesbian who happens to be, somewhat begrudgingly, attracted to one single man, Mr Rochester. This phenomenon is not unheard of.
The one time Mr Rochester talks about her in this way, sirens go off in Jane’s head. She loves and admires and wants to be like 70% of the women she’s met, and pities the women Mr Rochester despises, knowing it was not for any fault of their own (other than being human)
It came to me in a dream the question, “why did Mr Rochester not tell Jane everything from the start?”, followed by the answer, “he wanted to make sure he’d die before she did”. I woke up trying to make sense of it - there’s no mystery that he hid everything for fear of losing her, so why had my dream insisted on it?
I reread then chapters 26-27 and was amused at Mr Rochester’s claim that, when he set out to find a wife in Europe, his original plan was to find such a woman that he could love and that would hear his story and understand that he was not indeed married, accepting his proposal. He does not explain to Jane why he took a different approach with her - self-explanatory, he could see from the start that Jane would not accept it. And then I started noticing how, despite his behaviour, speeches, and self-affirmations negating his married state, deep down he is a great prude. Like Jane notices, his “you’re different from other women” talk just pointed how, in the future, she’d be paired with the rest of them should she do what they did - be with him without the sacrament of marriage. I used to think that he was disregarding the seriousness with which Jane took religion because it did not matter to him, and so, he was justified in lying to her because her concerns were of an irrelevant nature anyway. I used to think that this minimisation of what was grave to Jane was his biggest fault. What the dream opened the door for me to see was the depth in which religion mattered to Mr Rochester too, in a subconscious level. Then it began seeming to me that he did not tell Jane from the first not for fear of losing her person, but for fear of losing her soul. Perceiving her “purity”, and admiring it, rather than dismissing it, to tell her everything would be to make her complicit and, thus, a heretic - for going against the church knowingly. Her soul would be lost even before his own. Not telling her, however, he made sure she’d not be guilty of heresy, since the misinformed are not at fault. Like this, I started seeing Mr Rochester’s omissions and lies less like the cruelty of one who doesn’t really care about the other, and more like a result of his own internal conflicts and self-illusions about what religion meant to him. The impulse not to tell Jane from the beginning, then, when previously he had made up his mind to be completely open with whatever woman he chose, says less about his impression of Jane, and more about his internal, subconscious judgement of himself. Faced with love for her, he couldn’t kill her soul. That is, until despair made him attempt to kill it anyway. This reading also paves a clearer path for his reform at the end, and I would think that having been forced to do what his subconscious had told him would be the greatest crime, ended up being the main catalyst for his change and sacrifice at the end.
yes I do get literary analysis messages from dreams, this wasn’t even the first time, even less so for Jane Eyre specifically lol
It came to me in a dream the question, “why did Mr Rochester not tell Jane everything from the start?”, followed by the answer, “he wanted to make sure he’d die before she did”. I woke up trying to make sense of it - there’s no mystery that he hid everything for fear of losing her, so why had my dream insisted on it?
I reread then chapters 26-27 and was amused at Mr Rochester’s claim that, when he set out to find a wife in Europe, his original plan was to find such a woman that he could love and that would hear his story and understand that he was not indeed married, accepting his proposal. He does not explain to Jane why he took a different approach with her - self-explanatory, he could see from the start that Jane would not accept it. And then I started noticing how, despite his behaviour, speeches, and self-affirmations negating his married state, deep down he is a great prude. Like Jane notices, his “you’re different from other women” talk just pointed how, in the future, she’d be paired with the rest of them should she do what they did - be with him without the sacrament of marriage. I used to think that he was disregarding the seriousness with which Jane took religion because it did not matter to him, and so, he was justified in lying to her because her concerns were of an irrelevant nature anyway. I used to think that this minimisation of what was grave to Jane was his biggest fault. What the dream opened the door for me to see was the depth in which religion mattered to Mr Rochester too, in a subconscious level. Then it began seeming to me that he did not tell Jane from the first not for fear of losing her person, but for fear of losing her soul. Perceiving her “purity”, and admiring it, rather than dismissing it, to tell her everything would be to make her complicit and, thus, a heretic - for going against the church knowingly. Her soul would be lost even before his own. Not telling her, however, he made sure she’d not be guilty of heresy, since the misinformed are not at fault. Like this, I started seeing Mr Rochester’s omissions and lies less like the cruelty of one who doesn’t really care about the other, and more like a result of his own internal conflicts and self-illusions about what religion meant to him. The impulse not to tell Jane from the beginning, then, when previously he had made up his mind to be completely open with whatever woman he chose, says less about his impression of Jane, and more about his internal, subconscious judgement of himself. Faced with love for her, he couldn’t kill her soul. That is, until despair made him attempt to kill it anyway. This reading also paves a clearer path for his reform at the end, and I would think that having been forced to do what his subconscious had told him would be the greatest crime, ended up being the main catalyst for his change and sacrifice at the end.
What’s the main feeling that Andrei’s death gives you?
I was thinking today of its ambivalence. He reached a state of understanding he’d never reached before, he found out how to love. Would he have come to it were it not for the already-present death? An early death was always gonna be his end, but it still comes too soon, too pitiless, a scythe cutting the flower that had only just blossomed after many a winter.
So, what predominates for you? Satisfying character growth, a beautiful realisation of the self, or the final tragedy to a life that could not have ended any other way, tragic in how it came precisely when it should not, when he knew now what to do (did he)? (Remembering as a curiosity that Tolstoy had planned for him to die back in Austerlitz)
Is it Kate Bush’s “The Morning Fog”, or is it One Hundred Years of Solitude’s “races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth”?
The Morning Fog, lyrics:
The light Begin to bleed Begin to breathe Begin to speak D'you know what? I love you better now
I am falling Like a stone Like a storm Being born again Into the sweet morning fog
D'you know what? I love you better now
I'm falling And I'd love to hold you know I'll kiss the ground I'll tell my mother
I'll tell my father I'll tell my loved one I'll tell my brothers How much I love them
what does your soul say?
the morning fog
races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportun-
something else / please ramble w me
i feel like people always say dostoyevsky is really depressing compared to like, tolstoy. and i gotta wonder if we’re reading the same books. dostoyevsky will throw together the darkest plot points and conditions of the human soul to create like a verbal cathedral of light that shows you love is still real and good and beautiful and it can save you while tolstoy will take beautiful people and scenes and shatter everything to show you that everything is empty and you can only grasp at an ultimately fleeting and intangible meaning. idk i feel like dostoyesvky is not the depressing one here
it truly is the 26yo Prince Myshkin, to the 27yo “I have no money and no prospects, I am already a burden to my family, and I am frightened”, to the “Mrs Tilford, at 28, do you spend your life with other people’s children? No new clothes, working every night, nothing to look forward to but a summer vacation with Karen Wright?” pipeline for me, I’m afraid
but what if Dave Malloy composes a new song about AI for the octet movie and it wins the Oscar for best original song, what then (will the great comet come back???)
”He felt her tremble, and then under his hands the delicate bones of her back began to rise and fall and he heard her sob quietly”
like we all talk about the atoms speech but the way how it’s followed by them talking about the 1st time they met and mocking each other and then this. All within one single page. I never recovered and feel it in my skin constantly.
Mary Malone’s notes
[It is evident that there is no end to the wicked imaginings of heretics and the blasphemous accounts they give of supposed ‘other worlds’.
There can be no compromise with heresy. It is to be extirpated wherever it is found, even in the mouths of babes and sucklings.
The magisterium has suffered reverses in recent times because of internal rivalries and arguments, some of them amounting almost to heresy themselves, and all detrimental to the great work. It is time to come together in a holy purpose and unite all our efforts under one banner. It is time for a holy war. Brother L]
The long baseline neutrino experiment in Chicago/Minnesota. A 130km beam sounds a lot but supposing they went right through the earth for 11,000km or so—to Australia or New Zealand—what is the diameter? Something like that—the DAQ system could serve the near and the far detectors in exactly the same way as it does for the MINOS project and dammit with all that magma and stuff in the way they’re bound to knock out a few more neutrinos even if those little monkeys are as slippery as they seem to be. I bet they could collim line it up if they wanted to.
Oh by the way I’ve found a new flat. Just a step from the lab—couldn’t be better—nice old lady owns the house—quiet, near the parks. Address as this letter. Spare room. Come and stay!
Love, Mary.
Keep reading
ok I feel like showing off my hdm collection
the 2 TRF are signed and so is serpentine
the French Northen Lights is not there bc my mom is (not) reading it rn
the Portuguese trilogy is not there bc it didn’t fit and idk to whom I last lent NL rn (with the movie cover, 18 years since my life was changed forever)
Like I even have the script of the 2003 play, how come I don’t have the appendices with Mary’s diary T_T
no one knows how much hdm rotates in my mind constantly bc no one (in Brazil) knows hdm. So I have to make it about Nietzsche or phenomenology and people assume I’m obsessed about these things but it’s just a cloak to talk about hdm actually
btw i do think the lantern slides -> imagination chamber release was the funniest thing ever because yeah i have the lantern slides pastebin memorised, and idc about your malcolm additions, AND what do you MEAN you're going to put the lantern slides in a random ass order so they're not even linked to the correct book.. and yet i will still be buying it to have on my shelf and have the #asriel lyra photo #will parry "he was six. he would have killed them if he could" and #will physician and #lyra learning the alethiometer again quotes on really nice quality paper for the cash grab of it all
