hey so I know this might be fuckass random, but since it's now FINALLY Pride month I wanted to cone out to my mother. I've been pansexuel for a fuck long time and I never told her. I think I might write her a letter and she has to open it first alone (my dad is kinda Homophobic and I dont want him to know) and when I'm on the CSD with a few friends of mine. any tips of what I should say? cuz this bullshit is kinda making me nervous ahhh
and I'm asking u cuz u do got a few queen characters in ur audios.
IDK if I'm the right person to ask. I reeeeally don't think you're going to like my approach, I'm kind of out of step with most other people on this topic. I'll tell you my approach but keep in mind that my approach is tied to my opinions and life circumstances so it may not apply to you.
I am bisexual but I never "came out". I didn't stay in the closet either, I simply acted. I just lived my bitesticals life. I think the idea of sexual orientation as a center of identity is profoundly boring though. I never liked the idea that "coming out" was supposed to be this big event or turning point in your life, especially when it's treated with more significance than the actual relations you have. Identity is hollow, abstract, and undeserving of importance. Action is real, and the only thing that matters. The broad and fluid nature of my attraction made me care even less about declaring identity or making a big deal of it.
With me? My parents just say evidence of my un-straightness and that's really all there was to it. Same with my friends. There was some minor friction with my parents but it could have been worse. My mom saw a picture of me kissing a boy on Facebook and said "ew" and that was basically the end of it. My dad just kinda shrugged but secretly hoped I'd be married to a woman in the end and give him grandkids. I was a grown ass adult ass man by the time they learned that stuff so who cares, their hands where off the steering wheel by that point. I'm still grateful that they didn't trouble me much over it.
I always found tying sexuality to personal identity to be a nuisance though. I first noticed it with straight guys who are constantly anxious about being perceived as straight, who freak the fuck out over the possibility that someone might interpret something they do as gay, but it applies to everyone who frets about sexual orientation labels. Bisexuals feeling the constant, insecure need to affirm their bi-ness when they're in a monogamous relationship with one gender or another. Gay men and lesbian women making a hundred microscopic sublabels for what kind of gay they are and placing huge importance on that. Twenty different bespoke sub-types of asexuals that all have their own obscure pride flag for some reason. It's so exhausting to me, I just don't care about that stuff.
You don't have to do it my way but that's really the only advice I have to give. I just never vibed with the idea of sexual orientation as important to one's ontological sense of self, or sense of community, or whatever else. Especially in the context of identity holding more importance than action. It goes beyond sexuality too, I just really dislike the modern obsession with "discovering" and declaring this fixed identity of one's authentic self. Sexual orientation just epitomizes that, with the ritualistic and sanctified nature of coming out, eight bajillion different pride flags, the implicit need for external affirmation, the idea of your sexual attraction enlisting you as a member of a "community", etc all being extremely off-putting things to me. I have similar feelings about political party affiliation as a center of identity, the subcultural labels that form around every interest from hobbies to fashion to music, etc.
It sounds like you might have a different point of view, in which case you can take my advice with a grain of salt. That's just the way I did it/the way I see things.
TL;DR: I think it's best to just do your thing and care more about living your life the way you want care and less about what labels people describe you with. That's basically it. I apply this to all aspects of life.
