The Truth: Why he won’t commit to an arrangement/relationship
A.K.A … Hard to Get: ‘Playing’ vs ‘Being’ -
Hey guy’s, to come back from my unplanned break, I’ve collaborated wit Sugar Daters (a sugar baby/ sugar daddy/ sugar mommy - dating website) to bring you insight on what you’re probably doing that’s stopping your POTs from turining into SD’s and love interests from turning into partners.
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“Men are competitive beings. It’s in their intrinsic nature to desire that which others want.”
Remember when you had your first ever POT or crush. You were filled with a deep sense of urgency to make the arrangement/relationship happen. Perhaps you found yourself saying “he’s amazing, I better not mess this up” or maybe you’re in the following situation: you are constantly chasing the men in your life. You’re tired of being the one who always initiates conversation and you hope, that for once, a man will just take the initiative to chase you first!
These are the kinds of problems girls share with me on a daily basis. Now the natural ‘dating guru’ (heck, even best friend) response is to say ‘you should play hard to get’… but there’s always something deeply unsettling when I hear advice like this. If they actually take the time to ask these girls more about their dating life they will find some very unsettling truths. In this scenario, I often ask girls “are you going on any other dates this month”? “No” they respond. “Okay” I say, “how many new guys have you spoken to this week”? There’s something in the air now, “none really” they typically respond”. Ensue a sigh on my end “so how many guys, old or new, are you communicating with in any romantic form at the moment” … silence. That’s enough for me to know that the answer is frighteningly close to 0.
So you are probably wondering, what does the number of guys she’s talking to, have to do with whether or not a man will chase her in the pursuit of an arrangement/relationship?
Well men are competitive beings. It’s in their intrinsic nature to desire that which others want. If you have many men who are interested in you, then you do not have the time nor the desire, to over-invest in any one man, and that is one of the things that makes you hard to get.
Now I hear you say “So what’s wrong in playing hard to get”?
Make no mistake, a man can easily tell the difference between a woman that is actually hard to get, vs, the woman who just plays hard to get! When it comes down to it, he’d much rather pursue the woman that is hard to get, because, not only is she sought after by many, but her actually making the effort to spend time with him is a compliment to his worth as a man! The woman who is actually free and desperate but pretends to be occupied just doesn’t have the same effect.
Knowing this, you can now begin to understand why so many women are strung along in their dating life. You yourself, or someone close to you is deeply attracted to someone and makes the conscious effort to invest their time and other precious resources in them (this includes the pussy), yet no matter how much they invest, the other party keeps stringing them along for weeks, months, even years, without any investment in return!
Why do so many people struggle with being hard to get?
It’s a mixture of ‘rarity’ mind-set, a lack of recognised ‘value’ and a lack of recognised ‘challenge’. This combination is extremely toxic to your love life. Even when there is a buffet of great men before you, you fail to see them. You have tricked your brain into focusing on the one person in front of you, believing there is nothing better to be had (rarity mind-set). Due to this, those impulsive, adventurous and flirtatious encounters you once had with the men around you, stops. No longer do you put yourself out there on the market, yet no one has invested enough to take you off the market…essentially you’ve lost you’re market ‘value’ and the challenge … what challenge?
I know, I know, it’s not like you do this intentionally. But you’re so focused on there being only one great guy that you fall into this ferocious cycle of pouring all your investment into one person, ignoring the others around you, making it seem like that one person is the only one prospect left on earth! You stop creating opportunities for you to go out and meet new people, leaving you more and more desperate to make sure everything works out perfectly with this ‘one’ great guy/girl. So now, by the time you’ve gotten fed up with the mediocre investment or things haven’t worked out, you’re back to square 1. Except this time, things are more dangerous! You’re bad experience has made you wonder if there even any great guys left in this universe. Maybe at some point you get lucky and by chance, and a good guy falls into your lap, but now the stakes are higher! “This might be my last chance” your brain screams, leaving you compelled to cling tighter than you ever have before, and the cycle begins again.
Scary isn’t it!
That’s why it’s of the up-most importance to work on being hard to get, rather than just faking it. By doing this, not only do you avoid the scary example above, but any lucky person, interested in you, is completely aware that they aren’t the only one that has taken an interest in you and that you won’t necessarily be available whenever they are available. Neither will you be able to change your commitments just to fit their schedule … not unless they’ve earned that privilege. This is what fundamentally determine your perceived value.
What actually goes on in the mind of a guy if you aren’t hard to get though?
Well. Honestly, he realises that giving you a little hope of a relationship/arrangement, every now and then is enough to keep you coming back. And get this, men in particular at experts in knowing just how much ‘hope’ is the bare minimum they need to string you along.
Here’s an example of how a guy could perceive different women who have varying levels of perceived challenge.
This may be painful to read!
Woman A: “I guess I can drop her a DM and a couple of texts every week to keep her as a backup, I think she must be getting a couple of DMs from other guys”.
Woman B: “Man, this chick was so game when I met her, I just gotta give her some attention once a month and she’s near gone mine”!
Woman C: “Yo, I’ll deal with this one when I can be arsed. This girl has no self-worth, she comes running every time I look her way. *smug grin*, if it weren’t so easy, it’d almost be cute. I just need to give her the smallest inkling I’m into her and she’s hoping I’ll make her mine … yeaaahh right”!
Goddess: “Damn! I’ve met my equal. Shit, this woman’s is electrifying. She’s right up here on my level, heck she’s might even be too good for me! I better level up, God knows every other guy will”.
This may be painful to read, particularly if you know you are A, B or C, just keep in mind that while the person you are interested in, may not explicitly rationalise this way, this is how they’ve been conditioned and hard wired to think about how ‘hard to get’ someone is.
The good news is, the moment someone realises that you aren’t just ‘playing’ hard to get, but that you actually embody it, is the same moment they realise that you are their equal. And at this point, they have to have you.
Now you can see that it’s vital to be ‘hard to get’, but get this … challenge doesn’t just manifest itself in how many men want you, but how selective you are in choosing those men. Hold up though, you can’t be selective if you don’t have an array of options in the first place, so make sure you take active steps to have multiple interests in your life. Here’s an extra bit of knowledge, you love life isn’t the only thing that makes you hard to get, it’s every aspect in your life. Having a great life that is filled with important hobbies, work or education, friends and family and a hopeful future adds to your perceived value too. When someone see’s all these elements, they cannot help but want to be part of your great life too.
Now go out there and enjoy the buffet of men and women that are out there. Have fun with it and I suggest heading over to SUGAR DATERS to practice all that you’ve learnt. And don’t be surprised when it’s not long before someone on the website is showing interest in having a meaningful arrangement with you too, and willing to invest in it too!
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