Alter Role Myth Busting: Protectors
Part 1 of a series debunking the stereotypes associated with certain alter roles. I've definitely noticed that a lot of online spaces treat protectors very ... weirdly, usually either idolising them and treating them as though they can do no wrong, or the opposite, tearing them down and insulting them. So, let's clear the air!
Let's start with some of the biggest myths I keep seeing:
Myth: "Protectors are always correct when they think something is a threat" OR "protectors are just paranoid and can't recognise actual threats at all"
Reality: These are obviously two different myths, but I'm tackling them together because I feel like they stem from the same basic issue: not understanding that alters are multifaceted and human. Protectors are, largely, labeling things as potential threats based on their similarity to past actual threats. Just like any other person, they are capable of successfully recognising threats like this, and they are capable of mislabeling harmless things as threats, sometimes while failing to recognise actual threats that aren't similar enough to past threats. It honestly just depends on the situation.
Protectors are not automatically correct just because of being protectors. I have had other systems outright tell me that I "had" to let a protector handle certain things, even if the way they wanted to handle it was self-sabotaging, simply because of their role. It should go without saying that this is irresponsible advice to give, especially to systems you don't know well. Protectors can make mistakes just like anybody else.
On the other hand, when protectors appear "paranoid", it's important to recognise that it's almost always based on real trauma. Viewing certain things as a threat may be unhelpful now, but it's likely that it was a necessary survival tactic at one point in the past. Whether they're right or wrong, protectors deserve respect, not to be belittled.
Myth: Protectors want to protect the host, or the other alters in the system.
Reality: Many protectors are like this! It's a common experience, and I don't want to disparage it. However, I almost never see talk about the flipside of this: for some protectors, protecting the system is primarily about self-preservation. Protecting the rest of the system, while not unwanted, is sometimes just a necessary side effect to protecting yourself.
There are protectors out there who don't feel a sense of love or protection for the rest of their system, or who may be protective over specific alters but not all of them. They may even dislike other alters! And I think that needs more acknowledgement.
Myth: Protectors usually have a stoic, unafraid personality.
Reality: Protectors can be afraid! While they may hide it (or they may not!), it is very common for protectors to feel a lot of fear, as this can be part of what motivates them to protect.
Myth: Protectors are rude or aggressive to those outside the system.
Reality: While protectors can be rude to those outside the system, it is usually not just because of their role. If they're rude or aggressive toward a specific person, it's worth asking them why they behave that way - do they have a specific reason to not trust that person? If so, is it a strong enough reason to justify changing your relationship with that person?
If they don't have a strong reason to be rude to a specific person, or if they're distrusting and cynical of people in general rather than a specific person or people, this is something they should be supported to work on and overcome, in therapy if possible. System responsibility still applies, and an alter's role is not an excuse for harmful behaviour.
Myth: Protectors always identify as male and/or have a masculine appearance in the innerworld, including in bodily afab or majority female systems.
Reality: This is obviously an idea based in gender stereotypes. Some protectors are male because, when splitting, their brain had a subconscious belief that a man would be able to better protect them, and I don't think those protectors or those systems should be considered guilty of perpetuating stereotypes for that, especially when they're often children when those protectors split.
However, grown adults (and older minors) in system spaces should know better than to assume they know an alter's gender based solely on their role. Protectors of all genders exist - you don't need to be any specific gender to protect yourself and others.
I also think it's important to acknowledge that, even among male protectors in afab systems, not all of them fit the "our brain thought a man would better protect us so it split me as a man" narrative. Sometimes people just identify as a different gender to their agab without a specific psychological reason for it. It's transphobic to assume trans alters - and yes, alters that aren't the same gender as the agab are trans unless they choose not to identify that way - must be trans due to trauma or internalised gender stereotypes.
In my opinion, a lot of these stereotypes come from not realising one crucial thing: Protectors, like all alters, are people. (Well, parts of people.) They are multifaceted, they are flawed, they are capable of being right and wrong.
blakekathryn
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