Hey darling! I just wanted to request a part 2 for the sirius black oneshot 'All I Want' that you wrote. I mean obviously if you aren't busy or don't want to. But please could you write one with happy ending. Pleeeeeaseee.
hi sweets!! i’m planning it out right now, but with school being so busy, idk when i’ll have it out. but i promise you, it is on the books!! and it does have a happy ending :)
It was a breezy, sunny Saturday morning and James suggested you take your daughter to the park for breakfast and a walk. She was three and a half so you let her wear her comfy ducky zip up pajamas upon her request so she could “match with the duckies”.
While picking up some breakfast at the drive thru of one of your favorite places, your daughter gets an idea while playing with the zipper of her pjs.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, bug?” James replies, looking at her through the rear view mirror.
“Can you order some breakfast for the duckies that live at the park?”
You look at him with a pout at how thoughtful your little girl is and he of course can’t help but smile at how cute both of you were.
“Well they don’t sell duck food here baby. You can’t order a plate of pancakes with a side of duck food,”he teasingly informs her.
Your daughter giggles and scrunches her face at the image of pancakes and duck food together.
“Well then where can we get some daddy?” she asks.
This leads to James stopping at an animal feed store for a small box of duck food on the way to the park..because anything for his baby girl.
Arriving at the park, you pick a shady picnic table to eat your breakfast at and the whole time your daughter can’t stop glancing at the ducks and even lets them know with a little shout that she has food for them but that she has to finish her own first!
After you all finish your food, you clean off the picnic table and head towards the little pond where the ducks swam.
James takes the eager little girl by the hand and lets her hold the box of food with him. “Okay, gently let’s shake the food out for them” he says, wiggling the box with her little hand placed directly under his.
She giggles as all the ducks start coming towards them where the food was dropping. James then walks forward along the pond edge so that all the ducks could get food without crowding and your daughter happily follows his lead. You smile at the pair and walk behind them, watching the ducks eat away at the food.
“You think you can do the rest yourself?” James asks your daughter once he feels the box is light enough for her to hold and shake on her own.
Nodding eagerly, James lets go of the box and lets her do the feeding on her own. “Okay honey, just keep walking all the way to the end of the pond” he instructs, reaching his hand out behind himself for you to clasp yours in.
Hand in hand, you follow closely behind her; not completely hovering but enough to where James could easily stretch over to catch her if she were to attempt to jump in with the ducks!
“Mommy, there’s no more” she says to you once she’s shaking nothing more than an empty box.
“Here, let me take that” James says, taking it from her little hands. “There’s a trash can up ahead, let’s keep walking then we’ll head to the car.”
“M’kay,” your daughter says, continuing little ways in front of you and James.
Despite not having any more food, the ducks keep following your little girl along the pond and it doesn’t go unnoticed by her.
“Are you all coming home with me?” you hear her joyfully ask the ducks.
“You can all sleep in my room. I have a lot of stuffed animals and I can share them with you to cuddle and my daddy can buy you more food and…”
You and James just smile at each other as you listen to her cute, little conversation with the ducks the whole rest of the way.
When you finally reach the end of the pond and the trashcan James had mentioned, all the ducks begin to turn back to pick at any crumbs they might have left floating behind. Your daughter watches them swim away and suddenly her happy face turns into a sad one with a small quiver of lip.
“Duckies come back…the car is this way..” she calls to them.
No duck turns and you see your daughter’s eyes get glossy.
“Momma…why’d they stop following me?”
“Baby the water ended and they have to stay here. This is their home” you softly say to her.
“I thought they were coming with us..”
“Honey,” James crouches down, “we don’t have a stream or pond for them to swim in. They like the water, we don’t want to make them live without water, do we?”
Your daughter shakes her head a little and knuckles at her eyes to wipe tears away.
“Aww don’t do this baby girl, you’re breaking my heart” James says, picking her up where she instantly hides her little face in his shoulder.
“But they’re so thankful baby” you say, rubbing her little back, “they’re so thankful you thought to bring them breakfast today.”
“That’s right,” James says, “look how happy the mommas and papas and their babies are that they got a special breakfast today” he says, pointing over at the ducks hoping she’ll pick her head up to see them all swimming together.
With wet eyes, she looks over and smiles at the happy, quacking ducks.
“There’s my smiley girl” James says, wiping excess tears away. “Now c’mon, let’s go home. We’ll come feed them again another day” he promises, kissing her cheek and beginning the walk back to the car.
There’s a bathroom near your parked car that you take a quick trip to, leaving James to buckle in your daughter.
When you come out, he’s waiting by the passenger door to open it for you and before you get in comments to you, “I think I’m going to have to dig her a pond.”
“I had a feeling that was coming” you tease.
James laughs a little and kisses your forehead then waits as you get in to close your door. <3
{ 15 years had passed since you last saw the love of your life. Every single day you had spent missing him, wishing he was back by your side. Only when that chance finally came, it was ripped away from you cruelly. Now you had to live with that. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
When Sirius went away to Azkaban, you felt like your life was over. This was the man you had been pining for for years throughout Hogwarts. The one who only became yours after your best friends pushed you two oblivious people together before your NEWTs. The man who you had planned to spend your life with. He was snatched away from you in seconds and you didn’t have a moment to process any of it.
Never did you think Sirius would harm your friends, not once did that thought cross your mind. If someone was to ask you, you would tell them they were crazy. But it seemed like everyone was convinced, even Remus; that stung the most, and you knew it would have hurt your lover too had he known. But you didn’t think he ever would, he was never supposed to get out of that bastard place.
But of course, Sirius Black, of the noble house of Black, never settled for regular.
You had heard the rumours about his escape from Azkaban, but you had no idea how true they were. No one had ever done it before, and it didn’t surprise you that your love would be smart enough to be the first; he was always exceptional. But, it did hurt that even free (or as free as an on-the-run prisoner could be) he hadn’t come to see you. You had never left the home you got together right out of Hogwarts, so he knew where to find you, or at very least could have sent you a letter or something.
The only way you had those rumours confirmed, was through Remus Lupin. The two of you, despite the difference in opinion about your lover, stayed in touch over the years. After the war, there was only the two of you left, you had to stick by one another. You were all each other had.
A letter was sent to you sometime in early ninety-three. He detailed the events that had happened at Hogwarts. You were informed Sirius was free, and he had met Harry, and all the shocking information concerning Peter Pettigrew that you never thought you would hear. It was something you needed, the confirmation that your lover was innocent as you had always believed him to be, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear that one of your old friends was not only alive, but the reason for the loss of two of your best friends and your lover.
Knowing he was out there in the world, in the country you were in, kept you on edge every single day. You didn’t know when he might possibly turn up at your doorstep, or find some way to contact you, but it seemed you overestimated him. He never did.
In fact, the first time you saw him in a decade and a half, was when you were called along with the order to help Harry and his friends out of a tough situation with a group of death eaters. The fight had been hectic, and you had barely managed to get out of it okay, but you were with the belief that everything was fine. The death eaters had been spooked and scared off for now, and all the order members and kids were okay.
Now, your guard was let down, wand tucked into your pocket when your eyes landed on his figure. It felt like all the air left your lungs. Your fellow members of the order knew to leave you for a moment, as did the kids in the surrounding area.
“Oh, my god,” you muttered, tears welling in your eyes at the sight of him. Seeing his face, how he’d aged, made you feel emotions you couldn’t begin to explain. You assumed he was feeling the same way, what with the lazy smile that was aimed your way. It might not have been the greatest time for a lovers reunion, but there was no time like the present. “You’re here,” you whispered.
A smile crossed his face, his arms opening to beckon you into a hug. You didn’t wait, rushing towards him despite the people around. It was the first hug the two of you had been able to have in almost two decades, and there was no way it could ever make up for all that lost time. But you could surely try.
His head was tucked into your neck, one of your hands keeping it in place there. Your other was feeling over the long strands of his hair. He had always had hair on the longer side, but never quite this length. It suited him, him and his older, handsome features. Your Sirius has always been so beautiful.
He was squeezing you against him so tightly that you almost couldn’t breathe, but you couldn’t say you minded. You were completely enveloped in him. It was exactly what you had been craving all these years. Now that you had it, you didn’t want it to go anywhere. You never wanted him to leave you ever again. In your own selfish way, if you could, you would keep him locked away with you forever. All to yourself.
“I missed you,” he whispered, pulling back to be able to look over your face. This close you were able to notice the way his eyes were watering like yours. His features had changed ever so slightly, which was what happened when life hit you as hard as it did him, but those big brown eyes were the same ones you fell in love with, as was that dazzling smile of his. Despite the obvious ageing, he was still the boyish Sirius you once knew. “Godric, I missed you so much.”
His words were what broke the dam. Your tears began to fall, a sob tumbling past your lips as things began to sink in. “I can’t believe you’re really here. I love you so much,” you cried, lips connecting with his. It was easy to fall back into that ease of kissing him. It wasn’t like you had spent any time away from each other at all. You were grateful that even after all the hardships, your love for one another hadn’t faltered.
He pulled back first, not able to stand not being able to see your face right now. You sniffled quietly, heart fluttering when he reached up to wipe your tears, leaving his hands cupping your face. “Never leave me for that long again,” you threatened, playfully.
“That fifteen years was too long for you?” he teased.
You rolled your eyes, brushing some of the long strands of his hair out of his eyes. You hadn’t even thought it was that long, but now that he said it it felt even more unbelievable. “Fifteen years…” you muttered. “Merlin, we must look so old,” you whined.
He chuckled, but shook his head. “You look as beautiful as the day I met you.” You knew he meant those words wholeheartedly. The love in his eyes when he spoke them was clear. He always knew how to make you feel like a shy school girl, experiencing some puppy love.
You turned your head, pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand that was resting on your cheek. Neither of you wanted to say anything else, just wanted to look at each other for a while. There was a small smile on his face as he did so, his thumb stroking over your cheekbone affectionately. Though you would have loved nothing more than for the two of you to stay like that forever, you needed to hold him again. So with a slight bit of force, you tugged him back into your arms, holding his body close to you.
There was a faint yell in the background of your moment, one that you almost ignored, and you wished you could have, had Sirius’ entire body not suddenly gone limp in your arms.
“Sirius?” you quizzed. Your heart rate was picking up, fearing the worst when he didn’t respond to the first call of his name. “Sirius?” you tried again, your voice wavering this time out of pure fear. It was a terrifying prospect to pull away from him, to see what it was that was causing this sudden silence. You hadn’t spent all this time waiting to get him back, just for this to happen to you the moment he was yours again.
Before you could look at him, you looked at some of those around you, who were avoiding eye contact. In your mind that meant this was bad.
“No,” you whimpered under your breath. Briefly, your hand brushed over his hair, trying to savour your last possible moments if this was it. With a sharp inhale, you pulled back, noticing the glassy look in his eyes. He still had a smile plastered to his face, for your own feelings more than his. “No!” you insisted.
He was barely there, clearly dying– that’s how quickly the unforgivable curses worked– but it seemed like he was present enough to say one final thing. “I love you,” he whispered.
There was nothing you could do but watch as he succumbed to the veil in the archway. A yell tore through your throat as your knees buckled. The sight of your lover being taken away from you once again, only permanently this time around, was something you thought would be engraved in your brain forever. If you thought losing him the first time was hard, you were going to be in a whole new wave of pain now.
A set of arms encased your body before you could harshly meet the ground, ones that you tried to fight at first. But it didn’t take long for all the fight to leave your body when it became too much to bear. Only did you find it was Remus when he spoke to you. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
The familiar feeling of comfort, the one you had been receiving from Sirius only moments earlier, is what brought on your tears. “It’s not fair,” you cried. Your tears were soaking your friend’s shirt, but he didn’t show that he cared at all. He was trying to help, but you didn’t think there was any possible way he could help. You thought he might have been shedding some tears of his own, that were getting lost in your hair, but you were unsure.
“I know,” he whispered.
“It’s not fair!” You didn’t know who had cast the spell, but you were certain someone in the room did. And in that very moment, you promised yourself you would find whoever it was and they would pay for what they did. You wanted them to suffer, like you had for so long, and you were going to make sure it happened no matter what. There was not a shot in hell that you would let his death be in vain. Sirius Black deserved so much more than he ever had in his life. And you had always been the one to try and change that, that wasn’t going to stop now. Whether the rest of the order helped or not, you would get your revenge for this.
summary: when lily berates james for bullying snape by the black lake, you call her out on her hypocrisy, forcing james to confront how he feels about both of you.
w/c: 5.3k
notes: friends to lovers, mutual pining and mutual idiocy, angst with a happy ending bc im such a sap for it, canon-level "violence," lily's kinda villainized here but lowkey i think there's some truth to it, uhhh swearing. overly detailed retelling of the actual OotP scene bc i pulled out my book for this
(also i realized after i finished writing that this has "you belong with me" energy)
you’d just finished one of your o.w.l.s, and to celebrate, you, sirius, and peter were deep into an intense shit-talking session that remus pretended not to be listening in from where he sat hunched over a book. james was fluffing his hair in case he ran into lily.
“it’s a bit creepy, really,” peter whispered, throwing a genuinely concerned look at james over his shoulder.
“the fact that he’s been practically brainwashed or the fact that he’s literally stalking her every move?” sirius shook his head in disbelief.
“the first one,” you jeered. “both. i don’t know, and i don’t care. all i know is that lily’s incorrigible and that james is out of his mind. even if she liked him back, which she doesn’t, james shouldn’t be with someone like her anyway.”
sirius raised his eyebrows at you, but peter was the one to voice what the two boys were thinking. “how much of this is you caring about prongs’ wellbeing and how much of this is you hating lily evans because you’re clearly in love with him?”
you scoffed, leaning in so you could hiss loudly at peter without being overheard. “first of all, i am not in love with james. he’s an important friend of mine; am i not allowed to care about him? secondly, i don’t hate lily evans. i just think everyone gives her too much credit. nobody holds her accountable for anything because she’s so perfect and pretty and polite and it makes me so frustrated-”
james wrapped his arms around your neck and placed his chin on the crown of your head. “what are we gossiping about over here, ladies?”
you shrugged him off your shoulders, flustered at how close he’d been to hearing your conversation. sirius gave you The Look™ and you rolled your eyes.
“what’s got you all worked up, huh?” james crouched by your chair, respecting your desire not to be touched but still wanting to be close to you. “is it snivellus again? merlin, that wanker has something against you, i swear.” james paused thoughtfully. “well, s’ppose it’s cos you hang out with us. he hates all of us.”
“nah, i think he’s got a separate qualm about me,” you muttered bitterly, knowing full well that he’d still harbored a distaste for you ever since you and lily had butted heads in third year. this was the second year he’d maintained the grudge.
“he doesn’t matter anyways,” peter reassured you, patting your knee gently. you looked up at him and smiled. peter was a sweet boy. you’d always appreciated his willingness to listen to you.
“right lads, i think it’s time to head out then.” james pushed himself upright with his hands on his thighs, brushing invisible dust off his jumper. he looked at you, voice softening. “y’coming?”
you bit back a smile, taking his extended hand and trying to ignore the butterflies that felt more like pangs and less like flutters these days. as much as you’d tried, you couldn’t push away those pesky feelings for your best friend. it was worse knowing that he was hopelessly in love with another girl.
sirius pulled remus from his cushy armchair, and the two of them murmured quietly to each other before sirius pointed at you and james’ intertwined hands and remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. you caught them staring and flipped them off.
“woah, what was that for?” james chuckled, pulling you closer to his chest as you stepped out the portrait frame. you shivered at the momentary press of your body against his.
“pads and moony. they’re being stupid,” you explained vaguely. how were you supposed to tell james that they were mocking you for your unrequited affections?
it was sunny and cloudless out, with a ticklish breeze that would pass through every once in a while and send goosebumps up your arms. when you passed the courtyard on your way out the castle, you couldn’t help but tear yourself out of james’ arms and grab a handful of leaves to attack him with. he didn’t bother gathering a leaf pile of his own; rather, tackled you into the grass and ran his fingers up and down your torso until you conceded in painful bouts of laughter.
sirius and james had run ahead, with peter just a couple steps behind, as the five of you approached the black lake. you and remus were walking leisurely, enjoying the silence that was rare when being amongst the mauaruders.
“so, you and james?” remus broke the silence with an oddly formal question.
you choked. “me and- you and sirius?” you fired back, desperately trying to avoid talking about how you’d perpetually be friend zoned by james potter and then have to watch as he swept away the love of his life and your semi-nemesis, lily evans.
“touché.”
leaves crunched under your feet as you and remus caught up to your three friends, who were entertaining themselves with leaves and sitting in the roots of a sturdy beech tree. to anyone else, it might’ve looked childish, but you found it endearing.
james had found a seat between two large roots and was sitting comfortably with his back against the trunk. you slid down beside him until your knees bumped. it was mindless moments of intimacy like this one, where you’d touch each other like it meant nothing, that made you get your hopes up. you cursed yourself for caving into james’ magnetic presence.
“so, how d’you reckon your exam went?” james sighed, letting himself slump against the tree carelessly.
“oh godric, why would you bring that up?” you groaned, taking the opportunity to place your cheek on the top of james’ mop of curls, as he was so slouched that his head was below your chin.
james chuckled. “i jus’ know you’re smart, figured it would’ve gone easier for you than me.”
you poked his arm teasingly. “you’re ridiculous. james potter, admitting that somebody was better than him?”
“oi, i never said you were better than me, you’re just smart, that’s all.” he pushed himself up to shove his face closer to yours confrontationally.
“did you like question ten, moony?” sirius snickered as he juggled an apple that he’d managed to sneak out without anybody knowing.
“oh, i loved it. give five signs that identify a werewolf,” he pitched his voice up in a poor imitation.
“d’you think you managed to get all the signs?” james asked, feigning concern. from beside him, you laughed quietly. a small smile flickered on james’ face at the sound of your happiness, and his fingers crawled over to your hand until his palm was covering the back of yours.
remus snorted. “think so. one: he’s sitting in my chair. two: he’s wearing my clothes. three: his name rhymes with lemus rupin…”
james and sirius laughed loudly, whereas you and lupin exchanged knowing smiles and peter didn’t show amusement whatsoever.
much like sirius, james had managed to sneak something out of the castle too. only, it wasn’t an apple, it was a snitch.
“hey, where’d you get that?” you watched james in wonder as he fiddled with the snitch like a simple toy, letting it fly a foot or so away and then snatching it back with ease. your eyes trailed over his long fingers, his knuckles that had pinkened from the chill, and the veins that ran up his forearm so tauntingly…
“nicked it,” he said offhandedly, pretending he wasn’t reveling in the attention you gave him. he’d steal a hundred more stitches and take all the detentions if it meant you’d look at him like that—with reverence, not the platonic indifference you gave all your mates.
remus, unbothered with his nose back in his book, was resting his head very close to sirius’ lap. sirius shook his head, amused by his best friend’s antics. “put that away, would’ja?”
james sighed dramatically, but pocketed the snitch. he turned and dipped his head down to get a good look at you, eyes flickering between your own curiously. your heart pounded.
“hey, prongs! look who it is.” sirius wore a no good smirk on his face.
“snivellus…” james sneered. you thought that maybe he’d drop your hand and saunter over, excited as always to make a show of their rivalry, but instead, he intertwined your fingers between his and squeezed your hand twice.
“you alright, snivellus?” james shouted. you looked at peter; the two of you knew exactly where this was going and didn’t care much for it.
snape was quick to dig through his robes for his wand, but james was faster, having already withdrawn his own. “expelliarmus!”
you squeezed james’ hand in return, a warning to not push things too far this time. everybody was exhausted from exams. you (and remus) were in no mood to de-escalate a hoard of bickering teenage boys.
“impedimenta!” james commanded, much to sirius and a growing crowd of students’ delight. you continued to hold his hand but turned your head from his to engage in a silent conversation with peter.
“how was the exam, snivelly?” james yelled.
“i was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” sirius said viciously. “there’ll be grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”
you pinched your lips together to hold back a small smile. you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t somewhat enjoy watching snape be put in his place.
“what was it you were saying earlier?” james made a big show of tapping his chin like he was pondering something great. “ah, i remember! that you’d score higher than our lovely girl here? pretty bird’s quite clever, y’know.”
at james’ words, you remembered what snape had said to you a few hours before the exam. you muggle, he’d spat at you like it was the worst insult he could muster up. always in my shadow, always a couple marks behind me. i don’t know why you bother showing up to exams, much less class. you’re hardly a witch. you’re hardly worth something.
you’d tried not to let it throw you off. you and snape had always been academic rivals, his distaste for you heightened by your blood status, and the animosity between the two of you had only grown once you’d found yourself on lily’s bad side. but you hadn’t been expecting something so hostile from him; at least, not before your o.w.l.s. you’d gone and told james immediately, who comforted you.
you fumed, poking your head from behind james’ body. “it’s quite cowardly, you know, that your biggest worry is being outscored by a muggle-born girl. i can’t tell which is more pathetic, the fact that you’re so freakishly obsessed with my parents or that you’re a misogynistic pig.”
the crowd that’d gathered around your friends and snape’s struggling figure chortled, and you perked up, your ego stoked.
snape glared at you with such hostility that your face pinched in a combination of confusion and disgust. he blindly felt for his wand as he sprung curses and threats upon the five of you.
james sighed theatrically. “didn’t mummy teach you manners? wash out your mouth,” he said coldly. “scourgify!”
thick, pink bubbles of soap spilled from snape’s mouth, collecting up his nostrils until he couldn’t breathe and began to choke…
“leave him ALONE!” lily appeared by snape’s side in an instant, crouching by his body.
“gd’afternoon, evans.” james’ voice darkened in richness, suddenly suave instead of piercing.
“leave him alone,” lily glared. “what’s he ever done to you?”
you opened your mouth to speak, but james held you back with a strong arm. “well, it’s more the fact that he exists, if y’know what i mean.”
“you think you’re so funny, don’t you? but all you are is an arrogant, bullying toerag. leave him alone, or i swear…”
“i’ll leave him alone if you go out with me, evans. go out with me, and i won’t lay a wand on old snivelly again.” james’ voice softened to the tone he only reserved for you, and though it was your hand he was holding, and your body he was leaning into, your heart began tearing itself into dejected, limp strings.
“i wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” lily retorted.
you were right there. you were literally right there, hopelessly in love with your best friend, who was pining after a girl who didn’t love him—or, maybe she did—when you were right there.
you were torn from your thoughts as james yelped in pain, looking down at his robes to find specks of blood splattered across his shirt. you gasped, scrambling upright to examine the cut on his cheek.
james was already pointing his wand at snape in retaliation. with a flash of light, snape was dangling by his ankle midair, his robes falling down to hang by his face as his pale legs and graying underwear were exposed.
lily snapped. “PUT HIM DOWN!”
the crowd that had formed did not share lily’s outrage. with another flick of his wand, james released snape from his dangling position and left him petrified on the grass. “petrificus totalus!”
lily, realizing james would never let up at this rate, came storming over to the five of you. you jumped to your feet, eyes blazing with the same fury.
“you leave him alone,” she hissed spitefully.
your nose wrinkled in distaste. “and what do you want, evans? why is it that you’re always running to save your pitiful excuse of a boyfriend? he’s a fucking blood supremacist, you oblivious idiot. y’know, you are who you associate with. you wouldn’t be the first muggle born to take you-know-who’s ideology.”
lily seethed, james’ presence long gone as she turned her attention towards you. “what are you saying? are you saying i’d associate with the likes of death eaters? do you really think i’m that stupid, that i’d turn against my own identity? if anything, you’re the daft one.”
“you know what? you and snivellus can go fuck off-”
lily raised her wand menacingly, not touching it to your body but holding it at an angle pointing towards you, close enough that she could easily poke you with it at any moment. “you’re just as bad as james, y’know? a slimy, sorry excuse for a witch, picking on people to make you less ins-”
james jumped to his feet, pushing the both of you apart with a hand on each of your shoulders. sirius was on his feet as well, arms crossed and ready to intervene. the gaggle of onlookers was murmuring amongst themselves. the students of hogwarts were used to james and snape’s fights and james and lily’s arguments, but never had they witnessed the two of you throwing such scathing words at each other.
james had to admit, you did have a point.
“you’re such a hypocrite, evans,” you sneered. “you’ll look the other way while snape and his death eater buddies prey on first-year muggle borns, but explode at james and the rest of us for harmless pranks. it’s only a matter of time until snape targets you next, and i bet you’ll be all upset then, won’t you? because nobody else’s suffering matters until it affects sad, sensitive, spoiled lily evans.” you all but spat at her feet, hurling cruelties at the girl remorselessly.
“i’m a better person than you’ll ever be. severus has never done anything to you, and he’s my friend, and you need to lay off him. excuse me if i care about my friends; sorry i just want to help-”\
“i don’t need help from filthy mudbloods like her!”
you and lily froze at snape’s defiling slur. lily didn’t turn to look at snape, nor did she move, but you could see the way that she’d stopped blinking and the moisture that began to collect at the corner of her eyes. you disliked, maybe hated, lily evans, but you hated snape more.
“evans, i’m sorry, i-”
she cut you off with a haughty upturn of her chin. “i don’t want your apologies.” she turned on her heel and made towards the castle.
it was only then that james dropped your hand to chase after the redhead, his hands outstretched in the same way he’d been toying with the snitch earlier, and you stared at remus, sirius, and peter with your mouth parted in post-adrenaline shock.
you collapsed to the ground, rubbing your forehead with your hand, dizzy from the intensity of the unexpected confrontation. sirius came around to take you in his arms, pulling you into his chest and rubbing your back in firm circles. the pressure calmed you.
he cooed into your ear, whispering reassurances and sweet things until you finally relaxed in his arms, letting a few quiet tears slip down your cheek. you buried your face further into your robes to hide them. if sirius felt anything, he didn’t acknowledge it.
once lily had made it up the castle stairs and threatened to hex james, the boy backed down and came jogging back to his friends. the crowd of students who’d been enthused onlookers just a few moments ago didn’t spare any of you a second glance, not caring about your wellbeing as much as they did their entertainment.
as he rounded the hill, he saw you tucked tightly against sirius’ body, whose lips were brushing over your ears in an almost loving manner. a non-platonic loving, that is. his stomach twisted. he wasn’t normally affected by lily’s rejections or snape’s dramatics, but the combined stress of the exam must’ve made him nauseous.
his eyes flickered between his friends, spread out in various locations around the beech tree. he silently asked them what had happened with a raise of his eyebrows, but peter only shrugged and lupin shook his head. when sirius caught on, he merely glared at james in the same way lily and snape had just a couple moments ago.
you didn’t even raise your head to acknowledge his presence; if anything, you burrowed yourself further into sirius’ embrace with a quiet sniffle. sirius pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead before beginning to rocking you back and forth placatingly.
james’ hands were clenched into fists. his knuckles, which had been red from the cold breeze, had turned white. his hands, which had been steady when he pointed his wand to snape, were now trembling.
“y’alright, prongs? looks like you’re gonna punch something,” remus asked, already knowing the answer.
“y-yeah. i’m fine. just, angry at snape. for… upsetting evans, that is.” lily evans could not care less about james. even as she mourned the betrayal and loss of her friend, she’d rather be alone than allow herself to be comforted by james. if he were being honest, it stung. it hurt quite a bit.
evans. you cursed. it’s always about evans. lily fucking evans. you had tried to like her, you really had. but sirius was right. you did hate her, and it wasn’t just because she was prissy and self-absorbed. it was also because you were madly in love with james, and always had been.
you tilted your head up, leaving the safety of sirius’ chest to meet his eye. your faces were close; his breath tickled your nose and you laughed breathlessly.
the look in your eyes told sirius everything he needed to know. you were in love with james potter. you were in love with james potter. it was freeing and excruciating to admit to yourself.
james cleared his throat awkwardly, and you untangled yourself from sirius, embarrassed at the unplanned moment of intimacy. both of you knew it was platonic; both of you were aware of the subject of the other person’s affection. james was an airhead. james knew none of that.
“s-so, you and sirius, huh?” he laughed shrilly, and remus looked at his oblivious friend disdainfully. even peter squinted his eyes at james in disbelief.
you stared at james, appalled, but were only able to keep a straight face for so long before catching sirius’ eyes and bursting into racocious, howling laughter.
“us? oh god, please, never-” you screeched.
“for the love of merlin- i’d rather hug my mother!” sirius cackled.
“pads is like, my annoying cousin at a family reunion.”
“nah, you’re like my bratty younger sister.”
you looked at sirius with faux offense. “younger? i’m obviously the more experienced, favorite oldest child.”
peter snorted when he saw james’ horrified-jealous face morph into a horrified-bewildered expression. james pulled his glasses from his face and wiped them haphazardly on the hem of his shirt before putting them back on, like it would help him understand more clearly.
“what are you on, prongs? has evans finally gotten to you? have you actually turned into a brainless toerag?” sirius probed, eyes flashing not only to see what james’ reaction to lily’s showdown was, but also to gauge if he reciprocated your feelings.
“i’ve always been a bit brainless, haven’t i?” james muttered to himself as he sat on the grass in a dazed state. “i’ve got to get my eyes checked again. i’m fucking blind. oh my god, i’m such a fool,” he blabbed like he was reciting a mantra.
“you are definitely blind,” remus agreed.
“and we’ve all known you’re a fool,” sirius chimed.
you stayed silent, curling your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around yourself like a protective bubble. you wished you knew how to apparate—not that it’d matter, because it wouldn’t have worked on hogwarts grounds anyway—so that you could escape whatever this was. you didn’t think you could handle another one of james’ pity parties, which he threw every time he fucked up in front of lily. lily, lily, lily.
you looked up at the leaves of the beech tree, which rustled back to you, almost like a voice saying, “you lonely sucker. your schoolgirl crush isn’t cute anymore, it’s just sad.” fuck the beech tree leaves, and fuck the breeze that was making them shake. making you shake.
a soft, wooly jumper fell atop your head, covering your eyes. you waved your hands around, trying to capture the culprit. pulling the thick knit from your head, you saw james standing sheepishly behind you with a thin tee shirt. he’d taken off his lovely blue jumper for you.
“thank you, jamie,” you croaked, voice betraying you of the emotions you were trying so desperately to hide. you chastised yourself for your poor acting.
“it’s no problem,” james said, crouching and bouncing on his haunces to reach your level, where he pulled you closer to his body with an arm around your shoulder.
“won’t you be cold?” you held your hand up to his cheek, which was beginning to turn pink. “you’re all rosy.”
james gulped. “uh, i’m not cold. i just… that’s just how my skin is, i guess. what’s it called, rosacea?”
in his peripheral, james saw remus muttering a big “yeah right,” to sirius.
“i’m being dumb.” james lifted your chin with two of his fingers pressed against the front of your jawline. “i haven’t even asked if you’re okay. i was the one who started it, but you were the one who got hurt. i’m sorry.”
you smiled sadly at james, knowing you could never be upset with him. he could be in love with somebody else and crush your heart into dust, and you still couldn’t be upset with him.
“‘m alright, thanks,” you lied.
james frowned; he was always able to see right through you. “you don’t have to lie to me, pretty girl. don’t… feel bad. if you’re mad at me, that’s okay. i kind of deserve it.”
you huffed, feeling your heart tug at itself again. moving your head from james’ grasp and fixing your gaze to a patch of yellowing grass, you grumbled. “don’t call me that.”
“what? pretty girl? it’s true, innit?” you could hear the teasing in his voice that he was using to try and cover up his worry.
“‘s not true. not really. not like that.” you sucked air through your teeth, frustrated at how oblivious you’d been, and how oblivious james was being, and how much more intuitive the rest of your friends had been the whole time.
“what d’you mean, not true? love, don’t tell me you think-”
“stop, jamie, just stop,” you hissed, leaping to your feet and scrambling away from him like he was some type of poisonous viper. “you aren’t allowed to call me those things, not when it’s meant for evans. you don’t get to use me as some sort of replacement just because she won’t have you. it’s cruel, jamie, to pretend i’m her—haven’t you ever thought about what that’s like for me? you’re killing me, ‘cause now i’m truly deluded into thinking you’d actually see me that way when in reality, you’re just picturing lily’s face on mine.” you took a withering, shaky breath. “fuck, james, that’s selfish. that’s just mean.”
james’ face had contorted into one sputtering disaster as he tried to piece together the words that had just spouted out of your mouth, which admittedly, were not very eloquent seeing as you hadn’t been planning on pouring your heart out today.
remus groaned in exasperation, sick of his dumb, emotionally incompetent friends.
“please don’t pull an evans and walk away from me,” james pleaded, looking back at his friends for backup. they looked back at him, unimpressed.
“well? d’you have something to say or not, or may i be excused?” you clenched your jaw, sneering at the boy you loved as if you didn’t.
james hesitated, but he must’ve taken too long, because you scoffed and turned away from him, hair blowing wildly in the wind. you were still wearing his jumper. you tugged at the sleeves, annoyed at how his presence seemed to follow you wherever you went, but rather than anger, little tears beaded at your eyes.
you wiped them away with your sleeve, furious at yourself. you could hear james behind you, begging you to slow down, but you didn’t. it was pointless; he would’ve caught up regardless, with those long legs of his.
“please, wait, just-” james panted, bent over with his hands on his thighs as he caught his breath. you raised an eyebrow skeptically.
“whatever you’re about to say, save it, unless it’s a grandiose apology that ends in you groveling at my feet,” you sniffed.
james dropped to his knees. “okay, okay, i can do groveling. please, as long as you hear me out, ‘cos i was wrong earlier, when we were sitting at the tree. i said you weren’t smarter than me, but godric, you are leagues beyond me, and the fact that i thought the opposite is a testament to my stupidity, i suppose…”
“are you here to be self-deprecating, or…?”
he covered his face with his hands. “no, i’m sorry. shit, okay. i’m a bit everywhere- uh, frazzled, at the moment.”
you frowned. it was a bit awkward to be towering over james as he was practically kissing your feet; despite how angry you were with him, you hated being the source of his humiliation and negative emotions.
you sat on the grass silently, shifting so you were beside him but at a reasonable distance, not looking in his direction or acknowledging him when he picked up his head and looked at you hopefully.
“look, i’ve been blind. literally and, uh, metaphorically. i’m like that, y’know? well, yeah, y’do know; you’re my best friend.” the both of you winced when he said that.
“see, but the thing is… i realize that we’re probably not really best friends. at least, i’m hoping we’re not. ‘cos i think i’d like for you not to be my best friend, but my- my best girl. ‘cos i think i’m in love with you.”
you finally turned to james, bottom lip tucked between your teeth unsurely. you squeezed your eyes shut. “what’s my name?”
“what?”
“what’s my name?” you insisted, a sinking feeling growing in your gut.
but it was like the weight of the day lifted off your shoulders, until you felt so lightweight you thought you might float away, when your name dripped from his lips like the golden wildflower honey his mom nurtured in his backyard.
“not lily evans?” you questioned, pushing the corners of your lips down to suppress the stupid smile that threatened to ruin your entire angry act.
“not evans, i swear.” james chuckled bitterly. “think i’ve said her name enough times to meet a yearly quota. i don’t want to say her name, i wanna say yours,” he mused, daring to chase your eyes for a connection.
“why’d you run after her, then?” you muttered, wanting more than anything to believe him, but held back by all the heartbreak that he’d inflicted.
“the other option was to hold you and kiss your forehead, maybe. perhaps your nose. whatever would make you smile. but then what would you think? you’d think i loved you, and maybe you’d be scared away, and i’d rather chase evans for the sake of continuity than lose you or your friendship.”
“when?” you whispered, allowing him to take your hand in his without complaint. “when’d you realize? ‘cause i’ve been in love with you since third year, and you’ve been after evans since second.”
“fourth year, actually.” james let out a heavy huff. “probably earlier, to be honest. we both know i’m not great with feelings ‘n stuff. but i guess i could only admit it to myself after i saw you threw your coffee at malfoy when he made that comment about some first year.”
“i don’t even remember that,” you admitted, a grin slipping out.
“yeah, well i do. after that, you told him off in front of all the slytherins and i swear avery was trembling. ‘n after, you talked to that first year so sweetly, and all i could think was ‘i wish she’d care about me that much.’” when james came out of his memory and saw you smiling, his face brightened as well.
“look, there’s my favorite smile!” he cupped your cheek in one hand, running the calloused pad of his thumb over your pulled-up lips with admiration. “you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”
“i know,” you giggled. “you only tell me every other day.”
“well, that’s just criminal! i ‘oughta tell you that every day.” james gasped exaggeratedly. his voice lowered to a low, gravelly purr. “wouldn’t want ‘ya to forget, now would we?”
“what’s my name, jamie?”
he laughed quietly, mumbling your name and emphasizing each with a kiss on the cheek. “did i get the answer right?”
you hummed happily. “so you can have a reward.” your voice was small but james felt it travel through his body, the kind of reaction only you could draw from him. “you can kiss me, if you’d like.”
james held back a massive grin, knowing it’d be impossible to properly kiss you if he was all smiley. he held your shoulders so gently it might as well have been a caress, and when he licked his lips and let his eyes puddle into a sea of adoration, you knew that he’d take you up on your offer.
not before he tackled you to the ground though. pushing you backward with a surprised squeak, your back hit the grass as james propped himself up with his forearms on either side of your head. and then he kissed you; he kissed you hard. it was rough and fast and full of longing. james tasted like cinnamon gum and pumpkin juice.
you broke away from him, maintaining the connection by pressing your forehead to his, and your lips were still brushing together as you finally, finally admitted it out loud. “i love you, james potter.”
A/N: This is a short one and I think it’s kinda cute. I don’t do prologues but I’m really trying to avoid series right now. Especially James and Sirius ones bc those tend to become series quickly.j
REQUEST: James fic with slyrherin reader. He’s madly in love with her but she says she doesn’t like him *she does like him a lot*. One night he’s in the great hall or library with her and the reader says something that sparks him to confess his insecurities which makes her tell him she likes him because she thinks he’s a fuck boiiii. Very very specific ik but i thought of it and it sounded cute! Also could you do a prologue please!
XX
With everything in your mind, James Potter wasn’t an easy distraction. You could have sworn that you have never thought a boy like him would like a girl like you. A Quidditch player, a straight O student, a charming Gryffindor and so bloody handsome.
Why would he like you? You, who was nothing special. You, who didn’t have perfectly stunning legs as the rest of the girls in Hogwarts, perfectly styled hair or something that would make you even close to being in his league. Why you?
It was impossible and you knew, he must have been joking with you to ask you out. And a Slytheirn? Definetly not James Potter’s style.
“One date, sunshine? “ he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and walked alongside you. “ One date to make you fall in love with me head over heels.” he grinned and you only shook it off.
“And after?” you asked, clearly messing with him a little.
“Then a second date, third, fourth and on and on. After that we’d move in together, I’d make you a gorgeous wife and you’d give me some gorgeous children. A boy, preferably.” he rambled on and you felt your heart trying to burst out of your chest.
“Lovely dreams, Potter but a first date? That’s far from here.” you moved away from his arm and started walking backward. “See you in the next class.” and you were off.
Though you had a free period at the moment, you knew he did not. So, why was he still walking after you to the library? Didn’t he have class?
“A stalker are we?” you whispered as you turned around when you walked among the bookshelves.
“For you, I’d be anything you’d ask me to be.” he walked closer, his fingertips brushing on the books.
“How about a clown?” you joked around.
“In a second.”
“An astronaut?”
“Immediately.”
“A murderer?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“And what if you murder me?”
“I couldn’t. The brightness blinds my eyes with this one.” he was now too close, his fingers supporting your chin as you didn’t dare to look at him in the eyes.
And that was why. Why you? Why exactly you? The answer was why not you? Because you were the one for him. Each time you walked in the room it was as if his heart would fly away from his chest as his mind did, to cloud nine. Whenever your eyes met, his soul caught on fire, whenever you smiled, his whole day was rainbows and butterflies. He was the one head over heels for you. For your eyes, for your smile, for your voice, your laugh, your thoughts and your mind, your heart and your flaws. He wanted you because he couldn’t find a single thing to hate about you. He loved each corner of you, each secret, no matter how dark. He loved you whole and he just knew you were the one for him. You were meant to be with him as he was meant to be with you.
“Why not one date?”
“Why to be another one of your acquaintances?” you asked in return. “Be one of those girls you date until you move on to the next.”
“Where have you heard that rubbish?” he furrowed his eyebrows at you. “The only girls I’ve ever even been close to holding hands were only my mother, my nana and I’m pretty sure there was this one girl back in the First year, I accidentally bumped into her and touched her hand.”
“So Gloria?”
“Sirius.”
“Martha?”
“Sirius.”
“Jenine?”
“Also Sirius-no wait. That was Remus, I think.”
“Then what about that girl, Ana?”
“She is only my Quidditch co-player. I don’t fancy her.”
You stared at him blankly. Was everything you heard only a rumor? Was he really as innocent as he appeared to be?
“I fancy you, (y/n). “ he took your hands and kissed your knuckles. “It’s always been you and I don’t know if it’s my messy hair or the arrogant, obnoxious attitude people tend to say but I’m not that person. If you just give me a chance to prove to you that I am not the-”
“One date.” you cut him off and smiled at him.
“What?”
“One date and you better not blow it.” you smiled as you backed away from him.
“Wouldn’t dream of.” he smiled broadly. “You won’t regret it. I promise you.”
{ Who knew the sweet gesture tied into a school boy crush could lead to the best thing in a man’s life. James Potter certainly never suspected he would have a baby with you, not after the years of rejection you put him through. But now she was here and the word ‘daisy’ had an even more beautiful meaning. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
James Potter had always been in love with you. From the day he first met you during your first year at Hogwarts when you were both sorted into Gryffindor house during the grand feast, he was head over heels. But you didn’t exactly give him the time of day those first few years, you thought he was too much of a troublemaker after the reputation he built for himself as one of the mischievous Marauders.
Just because you didn’t give him the time of day though, didn’t mean he didn’t try and get your attention. He was always flirting, pulling romantic gestures and performing sweet little actions that were supposed to woo you into falling for him. You wouldn’t say they worked effectively, but after so long they certainly did start to soften your heart a little.
But he noticed that one specific gesture always did the best job at turning you a little soft and it ended up becoming his signature. Every time James Potter saw you, he would give you a daisy. Not always one that he pulled out of thin air with magic, or one individual ones. Sometimes there were entire bouquets he’d picked right from the ground. No matter how many they were, you always kept them in a vase in your dorm, a fact he didn’t know until Lily Evans told him after she was sick of you pretending you didn’t like James back.
{ James loves Sunday mornings because its always the day of the week he gets to spend with his family. And he loves his perfect little family to the moon and back. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
Sundays were James’ favourite day of the week. Most people hated them, they were the dreaded day before heading back to the working week, but to James they were family days and he couldn’t ask for anything better. Today specifically was one of his favourites, he was woken up by the smell of breakfast wafting around the bedroom and your fingers carding through his messy hair. You offered him a warm smile when his eyes fluttered open, pressing a loving kiss to his forehead.
“Morning, handsome.” The first thing he did was reach for his glasses that rested on the table beside the bed, slotting them on his face so he could clearly see you in all your beauty. When he had done so the way he was staring at you made you flustered, your skin growing warm. But even in his drowsy state he noticed, making grabby childlike hands at you so you would love on him.
summary - you and james start a fake relationship to make your crush’s jealous, but what happens if you two start falling for each other?
warnings / includes - mild language, fake dating trope, teasing, kissing, food and alcohol consumption, changes povs often!
————
*gif isn’t mine*
“It wasn’t meant to end up like this, you know?”
“And how was this meant to end up? Didn’t you both get what you wanted? Both of your crushes like you two, even though yours is practically a psychopath,” Remus snorted.
Y/n chuckled, nodding in agreement. “I honestly didn’t see that one coming.”
“Most people don’t,” Remus sighed.
“I just…” Y/n sighed. She rested her head against the bed frame. “I didn’t think I’d actually feel this way about him. It was an innocent plan meant to help both of us. It seemed so simple when we talked about it, but now it’s just turned into this big mess.”
“How do you feel about him exactly?” Remus asked.
Y/n looked down at her hands, beginning to fiddle with a lose string on her sweater. “I… I wouldn’t call it love, but it’s more than friendship. He makes me… honestly, he pisses me off. He’s such an idiot, and he’s always making these horrible jokes! Like, he made a dad joke about cheese. What kind of 17 year old does that?” A smile gradually lit up her face as she began to talk about James more.
“He’s very smart, though. I was pleasantly surprised to hear he was mostly O’s. Oh, and he’s so cute. I love it when he smiles and when he laughs. He’s always so cheerful, and it’s contagious. I love that about him. I always know I’m going to be in a good mood when he’s around.”
“Yep, he’s great company,” Remus agreed.
Y/n let out a little sigh, still smiling from ear to ear. “He makes me feel safe, too. You don’t know this about me, but I’m a little bit of a pessimist. I have commitment issues and I’m not always the best at believing in good things. But James just makes me throw all of that out the window. With him I feel free and I feel happy and… hopeful. I can imagine a future with him, honestly. When I think about us, I don’t even have a single doubt in my mind. Well, not one that involves Lily, anyways.”
Remus put his hand on her forearm. Her eyes snapped up to his.
“He doesn’t like Lily, Y/n.”
Y/n scoffed, “bullshit. You know, you’re a really bad liar, Remus.”
“I’m serious,” Remus frowned. “So am I. I was so stupid to think he would like me. And I was even more stupid to fall for him. I’ve always tried to keep my guard up, but something about him makes me put it down so fast,” she said.
“Do you really think James would have went through the trouble to ask who your favorite musicians are, bend the Hogwarts rules and getting them to deliver the cassettes to you. He also bought a necklace from him because he wanted you to wear something that was exclusively from him.”
Y/n chuckled, “yeah, true. I still can’t believe he spent that much money on me.”
“Yeah, he used almost all of his chore money.”
Y/n went quiet for a few moments, pursing her lips in thought. “You think he likes me, then?”
Remus smiled and nodded. “I think he loves you.”
Her eyes widened and heat fanned over her face. “Oh, man. Love?”
“James feels a lot. He’s the most emotional man I know, besides Sirius,” Remus smirked. “Admittedly, James does like a lot of girls. He finds people attractive, but it’s rare that he actually falls in love.”
“And what about Lily?”
“I’m going to be frank with you.” Remus straightened up and positioned himself to where he was sitting across from her, looking her in the eyes. “I think he did fancy Lily at first. I mean, it was so evident. But as time passed, the chase got more exciting. I think that if it weren’t for Lily always teasing him and then pulling away, he would have stopped liking her beginning of third year. He got so immersed in the game, he turned it into a fantasy, therefore calling it love.”
Y/n raised her brows. “Seriously? Does… Does James think the same way?”
“Honestly, I don’t think James is that smart to realize it. Not yet, at least. But I do know that right now he is with Lily, plotting some dumb plan to make you jealous.”
“Oh, right. He’s with her.”
“But I can confidentially say it’s not because he wants to be.”
Y/n let out a big and long sigh. Her brain scrambled with what to do. What if Remus was wrong and James actually did love Lily for real? As much as Y/n wanted to believe Remus, the little voice in the back of her head held her back.
“You need to tell him how to feel, Y/n,” Remus stated.
“I’m not really good at that.”
“Well, then you need to be.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“But what if I’m right.”
“I suppose there could be a chance of that.”
“Look, Y/n,” Remus began. “I didn’t like you at first, I’ll be honest.”
Y/n gasped, making her eyes wide and her jaw dropped. “Really? I never noticed! Man, you are so good at hiding your distate for people!”
His face turned red and he looked down shyly. “So you did know?”
“Yep. I could feel you wanting to strangle me every time you looked at me,” she smirked. “Okay, I wasn’t fond of you. That doesn’t mean I wanted to kill you,” he rolled his eyes.
“Same different,” she grinned. “Anyways, continue.”
“Thank you,” he chuckled. “Although I didn’t like you then, I like you now. I just wasn’t sure about you, you know? This girl who I had never heard of taking advantage of the sweet and innocent James Potter? It seemed like a disaster waiting to happen.”
“And it did turn into a disaster. Good job for being right,” she sighed.
He held his finger up to her face. “Let me finish, okay? Although it did seem like a disaster waiting to happen and it did turn into a disaster, I’m actually glad you two met. The way you talk about him, and even in the way you look at him, I can tell you really care about him. And he really cares about you, too. I think you two are a great couple. You are opposites, but you balance each other out. He makes you better and you make him better.”
Y/n blinked rapidly and tears began to fall down her cheeks. Remus’s eyes widened and he began to panic.
“I-I’m so sorry. Is that not what you wanted to hear? It’s all the truth, you know. I swear, I’m not a liar. Not when it comes to these things.”
She shook her head, wiping her nose and eyes with the back of her hand. “No, no. It’s not that. It’s just, um, thank you. Thank you so much, Remus. It really means a lot. You’re one of James’s best friends and hearing you say that you think we are good together, it just… it means a lot.”
Remus smiled softly, taking her hand into his. “Well, I hope you’ll be even more happy to hear that Sirius likes you, too. From the moment he heard another the fake dating plan, he’s been rooting for you, too.”
“It’s funny, you know,” she stated. “Pandora is just like Sirius. Granted, they don’t know we are faking dating, but she’s always been so supportive. And Alice is just like you. Very protective and sometimes overbearing, but she means well. Just like you mean well.”
“Alice sounds like a great friend. So does Pandora. It’s great that you have support on both sides.”
She grinned, “yeah, I’m so thankful for them. And I know James is thankful for you two. He talks about you guys all the time.”
“Good to know,” he smiled. “Y/n, you need to tell James how you feel right now.”
She nodded in agreement. “Alright. Okay. You sure your hand will be okay?” She gestured to his knuckles that had ice on them.
“Yep. I’ll be just fine. Now go and save James from his own stupidity, please.”
Y/n giggled and got up off the bed, leaning over and giving Remus a hug. “I’ll have him back in tip-top shape, I promise.”
“I know you will. Good luck!”
She gave him one last smile before leaving the infirmary.
————
“And she’s with Otto. That… that asshole,” James clenched his jaw.
“I’m sure she doesn’t mean any harm, James,” Lily frowned. “I mean, you liked me and you’re hanging out with me, too.”
“Yeah, but…” James bit his lip, nausea bubbling up in his stomach. “It’s just… different.”
“How so?” Lily asked. “Well, I’m… I’m not sure if she doesn’t like him any more,” he said.
“James, I don’t think she likes him anymore. She so obviously likes you.”
“I don’t know. I saw them talking earlier and she looked really happy,” James frowned. “She’s a kind person. I’m sure she was just being friendly.” Lily put her hand on his hand, trying to comfort him.
James sighed and groaned, running his hands over his face. “I’m such a prick.”
Lily frowned, “you’re not, James.”
“Yes, I am. I’m a prick who is an idiot who is a dumbass.”
“James, why do you say that?”
“Because… well… it’s hard to explain.” He began to play with her sleeve, twirling his finger around a loose string.
“If it makes you feel any better, you can talk to me. I won’t judge you or anything.”
James bit his lip, his heart pounding as he thought about telling her the truth. Telling Lily about the plan would change everything, and James wasn’t sure if he wanted that. But then again, how much worse could it get?
“Y/n and I aren’t dating,” he started out. Lily furrowed her brows. “I know things have been rough, but I’m not sure if you can really call it quits yet. Have you two talked.”
He shook his head. “No, we aren’t dating. We never were. It was all a plan to make the people we like jealous.”
Lily’s eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly. “Y/n liked Otto at the time and I liked you, but I don’t like you anymore. I haven’t for a while. I like Y/n a lot. I-I think I love her. I know it sounds crazy, but even though her and I were fake-dating, everything still felt real. The dates, hand-holding, the kissing. I look into her eyes and… and I feel complete. I just feel so safe with her and I’m always so happy to see her. I can’t get her out of my head. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and I see her in my dreams.” He let out a big sigh, slouching into the couch. “But now I’ve ruined it all.”
Lily sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. “James, you’re right, you are an idiot.”
James frowned, “I know, but —”
“Let me finish,” she said. “But you are a kind and cashing idiot. You haven’t ruined anything, James.”
“Yes, I have.”
“No. You don’t know that she likes Otto. You don’t know if she’s with him right this second. Not until you go and find her and tell her exactly what you just told me.”
“And what if she doesn’t feel the same?”
“Then at least you put your heart out there and there’s no shame in that. The worst thing she’ll do is not feel the same way back. You two weren’t dating anyways. But something tells me she will feel the same way.”
James nodded slowly. “Maybe I will go and tell her.”
“No,” Lily said, “not maybe. You will go tell her now.”
“Alright, alright. I don’t know where she is, though.”
“You’re really going to let that stop you?”
“I’m just nervous.”
Lily sat up and held his hands in hers. She looked into his brown eyes. “James, you are anything but nervous. Do not let the 50% chance of it going wrong stop you. Because if you don’t go and find her, then you’ll regret it forever.”
James smiled, “thank you, Lils.” “Of course. Now go and get your girl!” Lily exclaimed, patting him on the back.
James laughed and got up off the bed. “Alright. Um, thank you so much. You’re a big help. And I have to say, I’m surprised you’re not surprised I said I liked you.”
She snorted, “everyone knew, James. It wasn’t exactly a secret.”
“Right. I’m not that subtle,” James chuckled.
“Okay, stop staling! If you stay here one more minute I’m going to throw you off the Astronomy tower.”
“Okay, okay, I’m leaving!” James walked over to the Fat Lady portrait, letting out a shaky breath as he stepped out.
{ Sirius Black was a complete sucker for you and he didn’t care who knew it. He would do anything if it meant he could just sit there and stare at your pretty face for as long as you would let him }
.⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
Sirius Black was utterly infatuated with you. You were well aware, he never closed his mouth long enough to keep it a secret, and the boy certainly wasn’t shy. Godric, the whole of Gryffindor knew about his large crush on you. But you had never allowed him to act on his feelings for you. The two of you weren’t together.
He was relentless when it came to his advances, despite the constant rejections he received. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t enjoy the attention, having someone so deeply in love with you and unafraid to show it made your heart flutter. Maybe at this point you were rejecting him just to see what other gestures he could come up with to try and woo you, and although that sounded horrible, he didn’t seem to mind.
It was never necessarily a problem, though it could be a distraction from things you were trying to focus on. Like now for example. You thought that in order to get your essay done you needed to haul yourself up in a corner of the library, Sirius usually wouldn’t be caught dead in a library, you weren’t even sure he knew where it was. It was a better option than the Gryffindor common room that was for sure.
Maybe it was the dog side of him, his animagus form that allowed him to sniff you out where he found you with papers sprawled on the table in front of you. He thought you looked adorable, eyebrows drawn together and eyes narrowed as you read over and over what you’d written as you tried to male some sense of it. It made him grin, genuinely grin out of pure adoration for you. He was in love.
He made his way over to the table and sat down with a cheeky look on his face, knowing it would rile you up to see him there. “Hi, love.”
You raised your head, shocked to see him sitting there. “What d’you want?” you whined. It wasn’t in a rude way or anything, you just assumed he was going to make himself known every few seconds. Whether it was a poke to your cheek or maybe a poorly drawn heart to your notebook to see you smile. “Nothing. Just want to admire your pretty face.”
You ignored the sudden heat fueling your body and diverted your eyes from his dark ones upon the new nerves you developed. Your voice came out quiet, barely more than a whisper. “Okay.”
The male didn’t even try and pretend he wasn’t watching solely you. He didn’t try to busy himself with any other task like reading or something similar where he would’ve occasionally glanced over at you. No, he just rested his chin on his hand and locked his eyes on your face. It was okay when you got so into your essay that you forgot about the intense stare, but every so often when you’d remember what he was doing, it was like you forgot how to exist normally.
“Sirius, I need to finish this,” you whined. He wasn’t technically doing anything, just staring at you with those dark eyes that were so hard to resist. But he was making you nervous. Every so often your eyes would flicker up to his love filled ones and get lost for a moment or two, it would bring a smug smile to his face that you wanted to wipe off. You couldn’t concentrate on what you were trying to do knowing he was watching your every tiny little move. “‘M not doing anything,” he stated smugly.
You sighed, placing your quill down on the table so you could move your full attention to him to complain. “I can’t concentrate.” You could see his lips form a pout rather than his typical cocky smile, his hand reaching over to tangle with yours. “But you’re so beautiful, just want to look at you.”
Your lip was tugged between your teeth as you tried to bite back a smile, enjoying the feel of his hand on yours. Neither of you cared who was witnessing the interaction between you both. He certainly didn’t care what it did to his supposed bad boy reputation that hung around the students of Hogwarts. “You’re such a sap, Pads.”
He nodded, not a single sense of doubt or denial on his face or in his tone as he answered you. “Only for you, love.” Yeah, Sirius Black was a complete puppy when it came to loving you, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it to anyone.
Summary: Why plan a luxurious wedding when you could just get married in the moment? Except you and Tom kept it a secret from the world, so when the secret finally unravels at Harrison’s wedding, will everyone think you’re just trying to steal the spotlight?
Word count - 12,702
Warnings - language, alcohol mentions, idk any others
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The contrast of white card on the tanned doormat was what stopped Tom before he turned off the light in the house entrance. He assumed it was just another letter that was going to be addressed to one of you to do with some adult stuff, like taxes or something, but upon picking it up he noticed the way both of your names, and Theo’s, were scribbled on the front in fancy lettering.
His eyebrows furrowed and he switched off the light anyway, beginning to peel open the envelope as he made his way upstairs to find you.
“Hey, love?” he called, making you raise your head from where you were getting ready for bed in your bathroom. “What’s up?” you asked.
a/n soulmate!au, sentences in red are james, blue are reader
{ Being with your soulmate was an experience like no other. In the wizarding world everyone aspires to find their soulmate and live out their lives, but no one ever considers what it’s like to lose one. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
In the wizarding world, the most important form of magic was widely argued to be that of soulmate magic. Right from birth your soulmate was set in stone, not to be changed by any factor of the universe no matter what. It was a scary thought, that you only got one perfect person for you and that was it, but thankfully the world wasn’t that cruel; it gave you some help at least.
You had two links to your soulmate that began as soon as you were both born. A telepathic connection where the two of you could talk, but until you actually knew one another in person, couldn’t reveal any large details about yourself. And a sort of never-fading engraving on some space of your body that represented the constellations from the day your soulmate was born. Of course everyone was different, different constellations, different areas of the body, no two were alike.
For you, your mark was something you looked at everyday, sitting comfortably right behind your ear. You had to move your hair out of the way to see it, but you thought it made it all the more personal to you. You weren’t very good at astrology, so to you all it looked like was hundreds of little lines of stars that meant so much, belonging to your soulmate. The only real clue you could work with due to your lack of knowledge on the starry subject, was the little date etched underneath the mark, telling you your love was born on the 27th March, 1960.
a/n soulmate!au, sentences in red are james, blue are reader
{ Being with your soulmate was an experience like no other. In the wizarding world everyone aspires to find their soulmate and live out their lives, but no one ever considers what it’s like to lose one. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
In the wizarding world, the most important form of magic was widely argued to be that of soulmate magic. Right from birth your soulmate was set in stone, not to be changed by any factor of the universe no matter what. It was a scary thought, that you only got one perfect person for you and that was it, but thankfully the world wasn’t that cruel; it gave you some help at least.
You had two links to your soulmate that began as soon as you were both born. A telepathic connection where the two of you could talk, but until you actually knew one another in person, couldn’t reveal any large details about yourself. And a sort of never-fading engraving on some space of your body that represented the constellations from the day your soulmate was born. Of course everyone was different, different constellations, different areas of the body, no two were alike.
For you, your mark was something you looked at everyday, sitting comfortably right behind your ear. You had to move your hair out of the way to see it, but you thought it made it all the more personal to you. You weren’t very good at astrology, so to you all it looked like was hundreds of little lines of stars that meant so much, belonging to your soulmate. The only real clue you could work with due to your lack of knowledge on the starry subject, was the little date etched underneath the mark, telling you your love was born on the 27th March, 1960.
a/n soulmate!au, sentences in red are james, blue are reader
{ Being with your soulmate was an experience like no other. In the wizarding world everyone aspires to find their soulmate and live out their lives, but no one ever considers what it’s like to lose one. }
. ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
In the wizarding world, the most important form of magic was widely argued to be that of soulmate magic. Right from birth your soulmate was set in stone, not to be changed by any factor of the universe no matter what. It was a scary thought, that you only got one perfect person for you and that was it, but thankfully the world wasn’t that cruel; it gave you some help at least.
You had two links to your soulmate that began as soon as you were both born. A telepathic connection where the two of you could talk, but until you actually knew one another in person, couldn’t reveal any large details about yourself. And a sort of never-fading engraving on some space of your body that represented the constellations from the day your soulmate was born. Of course everyone was different, different constellations, different areas of the body, no two were alike.
For you, your mark was something you looked at everyday, sitting comfortably right behind your ear. You had to move your hair out of the way to see it, but you thought it made it all the more personal to you. You weren’t very good at astrology, so to you all it looked like was hundreds of little lines of stars that meant so much, belonging to your soulmate. The only real clue you could work with due to your lack of knowledge on the starry subject, was the little date etched underneath the mark, telling you your love was born on the 27th March, 1960.
summary - you and james start a fake relationship to make your crush’s jealous, but what happens if you two start falling for each other?
warnings / includes - language, fake dating trope, suggestive, food and alcohol consumption, changes povs often! in this chapter: harassment, fighting and crying, very mild violence
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*gif isn’t mine*
James and Lily sat right next to each other on his bed, his arm around her shoulder’s while she sat upright with her hand on his knee. They were watching Romeo and Juliet, Lily being invested in the story and making commentary while James couldn’t take his mind off of Y/n and Otto.
Who would like a guy named Otto? He thought to himself. Disgusting, self-absorbed git. Looks like a trash version of Lucius Malfoy, and that’s saying something since Malfoy looks like the trash version of himself.
“James?” Lily’s voice went in one ear and out the other. She nudged him gently. “James? James? Jamie?”
“Huh?” His head snapped to face her. “Yeah?”
“You’re about to crush your soda can. Are you alright?” Lily gestured to the Diet Coke can in his free hand. One side of the can was already dented, and if Lily hadn’t stopped him, then the soda would have ended up all over them and the bed.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was just lost in thought,” James said. He set the can down on the table next to the couch, sitting back and setting his eyes on the tv screen.
“Do you want to stop watching the movie?” Lily asked.
He shook his head, “no, I’m enjoying it.” He honestly had no idea what was happening. He knew the two would die in the end, but he didn’t know much beyond that, and neither did he care. He would rather have the movie on as background noise while contemplating how to get away with murder than a silent room.
“Alright,” Lily hummed. Her eyes slowly slide back onto the screen. She begins to play with her fingers, knowing that James wasn’t paying attention the tiniest bit. She knew that something was bothering him, and she has a feeling it was Y/n.
And speaking of Y/n, she was in the library with Otto. They were in the comfortable seating area, Otto in a single-person chair, and Y/n curled up on the couch writing her essay.
Otto’s eyes flickered between his book and Y/n, more so on her than the book. He couldn’t help but smile at the crease between her brows, her tongue stuck out at her top lip, and the way she was scribbling down the words with no hesitation. She was so cute and pretty. Otto didn’t understand how James got her.
“Do I have something on my face?” Y/n asked. Otto’s cheeks become pink and he looks down shyly. “Just admiring you.”
She let out a breathy laugh. “What’s there to admire?”
“A lot. Your eyes, makeup, hair, lips.”
She raised her brows, shifting in her seat. She straightened out her legs, sitting upright against the cushions. She placed her notebook and quill in her lap, facing Otto.
“I thought you said we were just hanging out.”
“We are!” He smiled. “So, I can’t compliment my friend?”
She rolled her eyes. “You said you were admiring my lips, Otto. That’s not a friend-thing to say.”
He shrugged, “so I like to flirt. What’s wrong about that?”
“I’m with James, Otto.”
Otto sighed, getting up and sitting next to her. He leaned against the cushions, resting is elbow up on the ledge. “I know, but where is he? Oh, right, with Lily.”
Y/n frowned, “they’re friends. I can’t forbid them to be friends just because she’s a girl.”
“Yeah, a girl he liked.”
“Did you invite me here to piss me off?” Y/n scoffed. She stood up, grabbing her backpack and throwing it over her shoulder. “I’m leaving. It was nice seeing you again.”
Otto sighed, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back onto the couch. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand how James would rather be with Lily than you.”
“He’s not with her like that,” she said. “I know, but still. You can’t help but wonder, right?” Otto hummed.
His hand let go of her wrist, his fingertips skimming up her arm. Goosebumps rose on her skin and her eyes flickered from his hand to his face. Her eyes were wide and her breathing became ragged.
“I-I don’t really think about them,” she replied. “That’s good, I suppose. Don’t want to get your heart broken, now do you?” Otto asked.
“I don’t,” she shook her head. Her stomach churned as she saw him move closer to her. Before she knew it, his lips were on hers. Her eyes widened and she felt vomit bubble in the back of her throat. She put her hands on his chest, shoving him away. “What the fuck, Otto?”
He grabbed both of her hands, his eyes wild and penetrating her soul. “C’mon, baby, you know you want me.”
Y/n grimaced, getting up and stepping away from the couch. “I don’t know what the hell you’re on, but you need to open your eyes and ears. I do not want you.”
“But what about the last time we hung out? You were practically begging for a second date.”
“Yeah, that as months ago. I don’t like you anymore.”
“Oh, and you like Potter?” Otto scoffed, getting up and towering over her. She tried to stand tall, holding her head up to show no fear, but one look in her eyes gave her away.
“Yes, I do. Why do you care?”
“Because he’s not right for you. He’s stupid, parties, plays pranks like he’s still 12. And he’s in love with Lily.”
“He’s not!” Y/n exclaimed, the bridge of her nose burning. Tears began to cloud her vision and she tried to blink them away, but they ended up spilling over and running down her cheeks.
“I know it may be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. But you know who does love you? Me.” Otto reached out for her hand, but she stepped back.
“Do not touch me, Otto,” Y/n warned. “Or what? You’re gonna call your big bad boyfriend?” He taunted.
“No, I’m going to throw you out of the window.” It was an empty threat, but she hoped it would work. Unfortunately, it didn’t.
Otto gave her a little smirk, walking forward and caging her in between the wall and him. “I’d like to see you try, darling.” He put his hands on her waist, pulling her flush against him. She punched his chest, trying to get free, but they were in a more secluded part of the library, and she didn’t want to cause a scene.
“I could treat you so much better, Y/n.” Otto’s lips met hers again and she practically threw up in her mouth.
“Y/n?” A voice behind Otto sounded.
Otto pulled away, glaring at the person. Y/n sighed in relief, never have been so happy to see Remus.
“Remus!” Y/n smiled. “Are you cheating on James?” Remus scoffed.
Her eyes widened and she shook her head furiously. “N-No, I would never!”
Remus rolled his eyes, not believing her. “I knew it. I knew you were no good! You two-faced, backstabbing liar!”
“Remus, please!” Y/n begged. “It’s not what it looks like. I need h—”
“Go away, Lupin. I’m in the middle of something here,” Otto spat.
“Fine by me,” Remus shrugged. He was about to stomp off when he took another look at Y/n. He didn’t know how he didn’t see it before, but she looked terrified. Tears were running down her face and her hands were balled into fists and up against Otto’s chest. His hands that were on her hips were gripping her tightly, his knuckles turning white. She was mouthing “help me”, hoping that Remus would do something. Luckily for her, he realized just in time.
“Actually, I think I’ll stay,” Remus said. Otto frowned, “please. We’re trying to continue.”
“There is nothing to continue!” Y/n exclaimed. “Shut your trap,” Otto’s head whipped to her. “You’re going to regret ever —”
Remus grabbed the collar of Otto’s sweater, pulling him away from Y/n, allowing her to become free of him.
“Did you hear the lady? She said there is nothing to continue.” And with that, Remus punched Otto in the nose.
Y/n gasped, her two hands flying to her mouth as her jaw dropped. Otto stumbled back into the table, wiping the blood off of his nose. He smiled sinisterly at Remus.
“You’re gonna regret that, Lupin.”
“Petrificus Totalus!” Y/n waved her wand, causing Otto to freeze halfway into punching Remus. Y/n walked over to Remus, both of them beginning to laugh at Otto’s unwavering scowl.
“What is going on here!” The librarian shouted. She walked over to the three, gasping at the sight. “You two!” She pointed to Remus and Y/n, “detention now! And fifteen points from both of your houses!”
“She was being attacked! I helped her!” Remus explained.
“And while I’m sure your efforts were much appreciated, but you are being disruptive and not following library rules. Go to Professor McGonagall right now!”
The pair hurriedly grabbed their things, practically running out of the library. They went to Professor McGonagall, whom excused them for their disruption, but still kept the 15 points. She then sent them to the infirmary after seeing Remus’s red and inflamed hand.
“Your hand okay?” Y/n asked. “Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s not like it’s broken or anything. Just a little sore.”
“That’s good,” she said. Her eyes wandered over his face shyly, then focusing back on her lap. “Remus,” she started.
“Yeah?” Remus raised his brows, turning his body to her. Y/n let out a sigh, facing him as well. “I want to say thank you for helping me out. I… I don’t really know what I could’ve done. I was just so shocked and scared, I wasn’t thinking straight and I realize I could’ve just pulled out my wand beforehand, but —”
“Don’t apologize.” Remus put his free hand on hers. “It was a stressful situation. Don’t blame yourself for what is his fault.”
Y/n smiled, “thank you. I appreciate it.” Remus gave her a small smile. “No problem. I’m happy to help. You are my friend’s girlfriend, after all.”
“True,” Y/n chuckled.
Remus’s hand fell from hers and his lips curled up into a smirk. “Or should I say fake girlfriend?”
“Who would like a guy named Otto” PLEASE JAMES IS SO MEAN 😭😭😭 also can i just say, remus is so cheeky for that little line ‘or should i say fake girlfriend’ EXCUSE ME.
synopsis: in which years of love fade due to her betrayal
pairing: sirius black x reader
warnings: fluff, angst, cursing? sirius being sirius, impulsivity, and betrayal
11.4k words
•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•
11 February 1974
Sirius’ voice echoed through the crowded corridor as he ran after the witch. She giggled and kept walking, knowing he’d catch up to her. He always did. She could hear Sirius calling back apologies to the multiple witches and wizards he knocked over on his quest towards her. He heaved in a breath, finally catching up to her. He threw his arm around her shoulder and drew the girl in. She breathed in Sirius’ smell: cigarettes, Sleekeazy potion, and the distinct smell of roses and cologne.
“So, Y/N/N, Hogsmeade trip coming up,” Sirius stated, his voice trailing off as he looked at her. The smell of vanilla, ink, caramel, and perfume filled his senses as he hugged her closer to his body. He missed the ghost of a smile that decorated her face.
“Yeah, what about it?” she asked.
“Come with me?” Sirius stopped moving the second she did. His arm fell from her shoulders. She created a distance between the two by stepping backwards, away from him.
“No,” she said. She would have loved to go on a date with Sirius, in all honesty. She just didn’t want to go to Hogsmeade. It was boring, and there truly was nowhere to go for a date, much less a first date. The Three Broomsticks was full of friends and the chatter of villagers. Madam Puddifoot’s was adorable, but it was filled wall to wall with older couples resting their feet. The rest of the shops were nothing more than places they could spend the little money their parents sent them off with. Despite the village's picturesque view, it was no place for a date.
“I figured you would say that,” Sirius sighed but remained standing, “will you go out with me? Not to Hogsmeade. One date. Anywhere you want.”
“Sure,” she said, a small smile on her face.
“Come on, Y/N/N, just one date—” he stopped his grovelling and looked at her with an expression of shock, “did you just agree to a date with me?”
“Yes. But you’re picking the place,” she laughed. The dashing smile that rendered girls speechless broke out on Sirius’ face as he picked her up and twirled her around in excitement.
“You’re not going to regret this,” he vowed, “I will make this the best first date you’ve ever been on.”
“Can’t wait,” she promised and walked away towards her class. Sirius whooped loudly as she turned the corner, and she couldn’t contain the giggle that escaped past her lips. Despite the scolding and the threat of detention she got from Professor Flitwick, Y/N’s smile stayed glued on her face. Sirius gave a sheepish apology to Professor McGonagall after coming in late, uncaring at the detention he’d been given—what’s one more?—he’d just gotten a date with Y/N Y/L/N.
14 February 1974
A knock on the door to her dorm took Y/N’s attention away from her reflection. A fellow student looked up at her with an exasperated expression, her finger pointing down towards her common room.
“He’s been waiting for his ‘étolie’ for the past half hour, and he’s driving us all insane with his declarations of love,” she said, “please get him out of here.”
“How could you possibly know he was talking to me?” Y/N asked as she grabbed her bag and risked one last glance at her reflection. The other witch raised an unimpressed eyebrow.
“You’re the only one Black is smitten for. Everyone knows Sirius Black ‘laid claim’ on you, Y/N,” she stated, “and that you ‘claimed’ Sirius Black.”
Y/N’s face recoiled in disgust, “don’t ever say that again.”
“It’s the truth,” the other witch said, “have fun on your date.”
Sirius grinned at Y/N and stuck his elbow out for her. She looped her arm through and allowed herself to fall into step with him, unknowing of where he was planning on taking her. She truthfully wouldn’t have minded if he had ended up making their date be a walkthrough Hogsmeade. She’d have been disheartened considering the crowds that took to the village for Valentine’s day, but she knew Sirius would make it worthwhile. It wasn’t until they passed all the potential exits of the castle and walked down past the dungeons that Y/N got suspicious.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked, looking around her surroundings as if it would give any indication of where they were going.
“Oh, nowhere,” he sang, “just a little place to celebrate you saying yes to being my date.”
Sirius opened the door to a decorated kitchen room. Hearts on strings lined the walls while the hanging string lights illuminated the ceiling. A single pink daisy sat in a pot in the middle of a wooden table surrounded by rose petals that seemed to cover the ground. A quiet symphony played in the background, disrupting the silence. Sirius looked at her in trepidation, hoping to gauge her feelings. He captured the way the lights bounced off her wide eyes and made them glassy. She had never looked more adorable than she did at that moment.
“Oh,” she gasped, her hands crossing over her chest in admiration, “all my years, no one’s ever done anything like this for me.”
A giggle left her lips the moment she turned to look at Sirius. He had magicked a bowtie on his neck, not caring if it clashed with his attire. “It’s too much, isn’t it?”
“A bit,” she laughed. Sirius chuckled and made it disappear with a flick of his wand.
“Come,” he said as he led her to the table in the centre of the room, “let’s eat.”
After pushing her chair in, Sirius crossed over towards the stove to pick up the serving dish. He carefully walked it towards the table and laid it before her, motioning for her to open it.
“What’s this?” she asked softly as she pulled the lid off.
“Ta-da,” he sang.
“You cooked this?”
“I did!” The bashful pride in his voice had Y/N smiling up at him. She never knew Sirius Black could be as endearing as he was at that moment.
“I’ve never cooked for anyone before,” he confessed as he took his seat in front of her. “You’ve had quite the influence on me, which is amazing because I have dated hundreds of women and….”
Sirius cursed under his breath as he felt around under the table for the bouquet James had supposedly left for him. At her unimpressed glare, he cut himself off, stuttering as he backtracked, “no, like two, three, just other women. And, anyway…”
“Listen, you could not be more different, you know?” Y/N raised her eyebrows in confusion, tilting her head to try and catch a glimpse at what Sirius was looking for. “You’re practically one of the guys!”
“Excuse me?”
“No, wait, fuck. You’re obviously not a guy,” he groaned, “let me start again.”
“Go on then,” Sirius leaned on his elbow, smiling nervously at the deadpanned girl before him. He failed to notice how his elbow was slowly sliding off the smooth table until he was on the floor. He contemplated staying there until death came, but he figured it wouldn’t be fair to Y/N. However, it would make for a memorable date.
“I’m not myself tonight,” he muttered as he stood up, flowers in hand.
“Y/N!” he practically yelled, causing her to jump, “fuck, I’m sorry, that was loud. This is a disaster.” He groaned. Y/N’s silence was soon replaced by a snort which was followed by laughter. Sirius looked up at her, his downtrodden expression replaced with one of hope.
“No,” she said after her amused laughter subsided, “it’s cute.”
“Can I start over?” Sirius asked, “and we pretend that didn’t happen?”
“Yes,” Y/N agreed, “but only if you tell me who taught you to cook.”
Sirius smiled and sat down in front of her. The grey-eyed boy had kept his promise; it was the best first date she’d ever been on.
15 March 1975
"Étoile, please?" Y/N let out a sigh of annoyance through her nose and watched her shaggy-haired boyfriend as he followed her, her books in hand as if the action would sway her into agreeing with him. She only rolled her eyes and let him lead her to where his friends were, all of them leaning against a tree with bored looks on their faces.
"What do you want me to say to them?" She questioned with an annoyed tone. He only grinned in response and watched as she walked away, not before handing her bag to him.
"Hello, my dear Y/N/N, what can we help you with today?" James asked. She opened her mouth to respond before furrowing her eyebrows and holding a finger. She turned to look at her boyfriend and walked towards him; he only sent her an expecting smile.
"What was it that you wanted me to say to them again?" Sirius sighed.
"Curse you and your bloody brain. Tell them that 'Mister Black would like to apologise sincerely for the damage he has done," She rolled her eyes and walked back to the three boys once more. She repeated his words and waited for their response.
"Well, tell Mister Black that Mister Potter, Mister Lupin, and Mister Pettigrew have yet to forgive him," With a groan, she walked towards him and repeated their words.
"Tell Mister Potter, Mister Lupin, and Mister Pettigrew that Mister Black knows that he made a mistake and wishes to make things right," She rolled her eyes and did so. This continued for twenty more minutes before Y/N glared at the four boys.
"Enough! Miss Y/L/N would like to tell Mister Lupin, Mister Pettigrew, Mister Potter, and Mister Black that if they don't start acting their bloody age and makeup already, not only will she owl their parents, but she will hex them until they forgive one another? Is she understood?" They all grumbled in response but nodded in embarrassment. She smiled at them and walked towards her shaggy-haired boyfriend before pushing him towards the sitting boys and grabbing her bag and books from him.
"Makeup or I will hex you all," She left the group with a swift turn and walked towards the castle, peering behind her to see if they were talking. They weren't. She groaned in annoyance and walked towards them again.
"I don't think you took my threats seriously. James, I will show all the girls in our year your baby photos, the especially embarrassing ones. Peter, I will read all the love letters you’ve written to that seventh-year girl you've been fancying," Remus and Sirius chuckled, making her turn to glare at them.
"Sirius, I will make sure everyone single last one of your hookups and the whole school knows about the bet you had going on with the Prewett twins," he shut up promptly, Remus continued to laugh thinking that the witch had nothing on him. She narrowed her eyes on him and he shuffled under her glare.
"Do you think I have nothing on you, Lupin? I will show the whole school that picture of you from the New Years' party we had last year. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a paper to write," She looked at them with a smile before heading off one more time. She turned to look at them, they were finally talking. Now she could finally get Sirius to stop bothering her.
11 April 1975
She bit her lip as she knocked on the dorm room door. There was a shuffle on the other side before James stood in front of her. She could see how his jaw clenched; he was still mad at her. She opened her mouth to ask for her boyfriend, but he only shook his head. He didn't want to hear her. He turned and was soon replaced with Sirius who smiled softly at his girlfriend.
"Hi, étolie," he greeted leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek. She simply moved away from him slightly so that he was left hanging in the air. He furrowed his eyebrows and took her in. She was dressed in her regular school day outfit. Her pleated skirt with knee-high socks and a matching white shirt. She had taken off her tie and shoes, opting for a pair of black slippers. Her wand kept strands of hair from her face.
"I have to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me," she said. Sirius opened his mouth.
"What's going on, Y/N/N?"
"Just, promise me you'll be honest, please. You said you would be honest and truthful with me in the letters you wrote to me, right?" She asked. Sirius nodded at her and bit his lip. He was now leaning on the door frame of his dorm. Y/N could see James on his bed, fiddling with a snitch. Remus was reading a book, one she had loaned him. Peter was writing furiously with his quill, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah. What is it then?"
"It's about the letters," Sirius' breath caught in his throat, "did you truly write them?"
"Y/N, where is this coming from?"
"Sirius, it's a yes or no question. It's a simple question, and I expect an answer. You promised me you would be honest. Did you write these letters, Sirius?" She asked again. Sirius felt his heartbreak a little when he heard her call him Sirius. She would usually call him by a nickname. She would always call him by nickname.
"Please tell me you wrote these letters, Sirius," she begged. She sounded exhausted like she was tired of holding onto hope. She clutched said letters in her hands; he hadn't noticed. She clutched the envelopes as if they were made of rubbish.
"I can't tell you that, Y/N. I didn't write those letters," she inhaled, her eyes started to water. She bit her lip and nodded, wiping away the tears threatening to leave her eyes. They were unaware of the three sets of eyes on them. James, Remus, and Peter could hear them very clearly.
"Who wrote them?" she asked, her voice was unnervingly steady. James had told them that Y/N was very good at keeping her emotions at bay. At keeping herself level and unwavering despite the turmoil in her head and the pain in her heart. He had said that that was the worst part of their talk back in the fourth year–one they had had because James was a prick and she had gotten hurt. Sirius hadn't believed him. Y/N wore her heart on her sleeve, and he'd been friends with her for years to know that. He'd met her parents. Y/L/N’s expressed themselves, they had explosive emotions, they felt deeply. Now he believed him.
"Who wrote them, Sirius?" she demanded, her voice hard. Her eyes were now guarded behind a mask. He couldn't read her anymore. She had closed him off. He didn't know what she was feeling or thinking anymore. She was an open book to him, but now, she had closed the book. He was shut out. She had shut him out.
"Remus," he admitted.
"Remus?" she spluttered, stretching her head to look at the honey-eyed boy, betrayal painted on her face.
“No!” Remus shouted, “I didn’t help him, I swear. I wouldn’t do that, Y/N/N, you know that.”
“He wrote them,” Sirius started, “but they weren’t intended for you.”
“What?” her voice cracked, hurt dripping from the single word she uttered.
"It's not that big a deal—" she turned to him quickly, he swore she had gotten whiplash. She glared at him with the infamous ice-cold glare and familiar Y/L/N scowl.
"Don't you dare tell me it's not a big deal. I told you I would give you a chance if you promised to be honest with me. If you swore to do everything in your power to make it easy for me to trust you. Yet, you couldn't do that. The simplest thing is what you struggled the most with. You begged me to give a relationship a try, to give you a chance so you could show me you were different from what they said. That you were going to try," she said, angrily shoving the letters into his hands.
"Are you really mad over the fact that I didn't write you cheesy letters?" she scoffed at him.
"You are so daft! They were not just 'cheesy letters' to me, Sirius. They were the foundation of my trust for you. I believed every word written in those letters, I cherished them deeply, and I loved them. Not for the context, though it was a plus, but the idea that the boy I loved was expressing himself to me. Even though I knew it was hard for him. That he was going to be better. That he was going to try harder. That he was truly going to love me unconditionally. The words on those pages were just words I could read to remind myself of your willingness to try when I began to doubt our relationship. It was the basis of everything we built our relationship on. Those letters were what pushed me to give you a chance, to open my heart for you, to trust you. But clearly, that had been a lie," her voice cracked, "and you stole them from Remus? Why couldn't you just write them?"
"Because he's much better at words than I am. Godric, Y/N, I just wanted you to have words you'd cherish. I'm not good with emotions and love, especially not with writing them on parchment, so I stole Remus’. I wanted you to have better than what I could have possibly come up with,"
"You don't learn, do you? I wouldn't have cared if you sent me letters with one single sentence saying you liked my eyes or even broken fragments because then I'd know that that was truly you. That even though you struggled with it, that you were trying, and that's what mattered to me. That's what matters. But you had someone else write them for you, someone who wasn't you. Someone who wouldn't put his heart and soul in their words,"
They stood there. Y/N and Sirius were now aware of their friends gawking at them. Y/N’s friends stood in the corridor. Marlene and Lily were closest to her, ready to step in and take her away when needed. Sirius looked down at the letters in his hands and then at his girlfriend. She still had that same calm demeanour he hated. She looked normal, her eyes were still unreadable. The only telltale sign that she was mad was the scowl on her face. She was the first to break the silence.
"I'm done,"
"What—" he swallowed, "what do you mean?"
"I mean, I'm done trying, Sirius. I can't be in a relationship built on lies and mistrust. I tried too hard to ignore what everyone said about you. To ignore their warnings of your reputation. I realise now that I shouldn't have, that they were right. When I was with you, Sirius, I saw colours I never saw with anyone else, but now, all I see is blistering red. Goodbye, Sirius and enjoy your fabrications," she said before turning around and allowing Lily and Marlene to pull her away. Sirius watched as Marlene, Lily, Alice, Mary, and Dorcas shield Y/N from him after shooting him angry glares.
Remus was the one to pull him in. James sent him an angry look, and he adorned a scowl that rivalled Y/N’s.
"What the fuck, mate?" he seethed.
"You have no place to talk, James, you've hurt Y/N in the past, and you're doing it now. For Merlin's sake, the reason you’re angry at her is ridiculous. So she went to Hogsmeade with Lily, one of her best friends, and not you? She sees you every day! When are you going to learn that some things are more important?" Remus barked. James dropped his gaze in embarrassment and shame. He turned to Sirius.
"And you. When will you learn that Y/N is not as complicated as you make her out to be? She is a simple girl who wants nothing more than for her boyfriend to show her that he does, in fact, care about her and their relationship. You are honestly the biggest idiot in the world if you truly believe that Y/N was angry at you over some letters. She said it herself, they were a metaphor for the love you have for her. And don’t think I’m not absolutely miffed at you for stealing those letters from me.”
"Moony has a point," Peter spoke. Sirius and James hung their hands in shame. They had been reprimanded by Remus before, but his berating had never held as much anger and disgust as they did at that moment.
"I suggest you apologise to Y/N for being an absolute git," Remus said, pointing to James, who nodded at him.
"And you," he seethed, pointing at Sirius with murder in his eyes. It was no secret to anyone that Remus had grown fond of the Y/L/N girl. She had always been accepting and welcoming of him. She never asked him uncomfortable questions, and when she did, she would apologise and assure him that he didn't have to answer them. She had become like a sister to him and a close friend. She had been the first friend he made when they first arrived at Hogwarts.
"I don't even know if it's going to be at all possible for you to mend her broken trust, but you have to find some way to do it before she completely erases you from her life. And need I remind you, she was there for you when even we weren't. She cared about you so much that she couldn’t stand the thought of you not having anyone. You better fix this, Sirius, you better do you damndest to make things right with Y/N, even if she doesn't forgive you because she is the last person who deserves the pain,”
"Why don't you write her letters?" Peter suggested after long minutes of silence, "not Remus, not whoever, you. She said it herself, she wouldn't have cared if you wrote her simple sentences, just as long as they came from you,"
06 June 1975
Sirius clutched the envelope, ensuring the ink had dried and the seal kept the letter from potentially flying out. His fingers, covered in ink, rubbed his owl’s head as tenderly as possible. His nerves sent butterflies into his stomach at the thought of her rejecting him by sending back his letter unopened and unread. She would be wholly justified, but it would sting all the same.
“Get this to Y/N Y/L/N, please,” he whispered, “as carefully as you can.”
He watched as his owl flew off until it was a speck in the sky.
Y/N smiled at the familiar grey owl as it flew into her room. She hated how much the colour of the owl had her yearning for her ex-love; the owl was the same colour as his eyes. The gorgeous and cold grey that held mischief and the emotions he wouldn’t allow himself to feel. She missed him, she would admit it, but he had hurt her. Accepting the letter from the owl, she allowed it to rest on her desk and motioned for the small pile of bird feed.
Situating herself on the edge of her bed, she carefully opened the white envelope and let her eyes run across the ink.
To my brightest star,
I want to begin by apologising. What I did was unforgivable, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I will leave you alone if that is what you desire, but, and I know I am in no place to ask anything of you, I won’t do so until I have written every last word proclaiming my love for you. If you will let me, I will write you a letter every day until the end of time, because I will love you for that amount of time.
I have loved you through many moons, and I plan to love you for many more. I have never been the best when it came to love, but you showed me what it was meant to be. Your love is innocent. It is pure. And I have never met anyone quite like you. And I doubt I ever will.
You’ve shared with me Greek Mythology tales, and you told me that the story of Perseus was your favourite because he lives. He got the girl and lived a long life with her after a tough fight. You said you wanted that one day. To have lived through the tough battle and come out with the person you love the most. I hope that person is still me. Because you are still mine. You will always be the person I love most.
You’re my forever.
Yours until the end of time,
Sirius Black.
Despite the hurt Sirius had inflicted on her, she welcomed each letter. She would read them repeatedly, from the beginning of the days when the birds sang themselves awake to the final hours of the night when the only thing singing were the crickets. She treasured the words the same way she treasured the man behind them. With every piece of her body, she loved him.
3 November 1975
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sirius! Happy birthday to you!” The students in the Gryffindor common room collectively sang. James had thrown his arm across his best mate's shoulder, swaying slightly with a bottle of Firewhiskey gripped in his hand. Remus stood on his other side, drinking from his cup of liquor. Sirius had been forbidden from drinking until midnight.
“The best way to bring in a new year, Pads, is with alcohol,” James had said.
“Shot! Shot! Shot!” their Hogwarts peers echoed, urging him to drink his first drink of the night. Sirius licked his lips before looking down at the clear glass in his hand, shrugging his shoulders before throwing his head back and allowing the burn to flow through his body. The party was in full swing as the clock struck midnight. It seemed as if everyone in Hogwarts was invited to his party. Bodies of students lined the walls of the golden room while others danced on the red carpet: everyone but her.
Sirius had been dragged into a game of beer pong by James against Remus and Marlene McKinnion when she walked in. He hadn’t noticed at first, too focused on the game at hand—even if he were looking for her, she would’ve gotten lost in the crowd—it had been Frank Longbottom who’d gotten his attention. His grey eyes followed the direction of Frank’s finger.
Standing in a gold dress with a red gift bag, she looked like an angel right out of heaven. He wondered if her outfit colour and the colour of the gift bag had been intentional. He sauntered over to her, apologising distractedly to James, who rolled his eyes and called over Frank and heaved a breath to steel his nerves.
“Hi,” he shouted over the bass of a Queen song. She looked at him; lips rolled over each other before they stretched into a shy red painted smile.
“Hi,” she greeted back, her fingers fiddling with the strings of the bag before she handed it over, “happy birthday.”
“Thank you, love,” heat rushed to her cheeks at the pet name, missing it more than she anticipated.
“Can I talk-can we talk?” she breathed out, “please?”
If Sirius hadn’t been focused solely on her, he would’ve missed her words. But she was all he ever focused on. She had all his attention. She always did. Sirius nodded and followed her out of the crowded room, leaving his own party. She pulled him away from prying eyes and listening ears into a secluded corner not far from the portrait.
“I’m a prideful person,” she exhaled shakily, sparkling eyes trained on the ground, “I always have been. It’s my fatal flaw—my hubris. People have told me that the truth will be the only way to rid me of that. And my truth is that I love you. And it hurt when I found out it wasn’t you pouring your heart out in those letters, but it hurt, even more, to walk away from you.”
Her eyes glazed over with tears as she uncharacteristically shuffled her feet. Sirius wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her, but he refrained, allowing her to continue. “You are the man of my dreams. I think of you constantly. I dreamt of a future with you. But I can’t be in a relationship built on fabrications, and I won’t date someone who lies to me. I want you, Sirius, I do, but I need to be sure you’ll be a hundred per cent honest with me even when the truth hurts—especially then. Promise me you’ll try.”
“Y/N,” he sighed, pulling her into his chest and cradling her head, “I will spend a lifetime atoning for all the wrong I’ve done to you, and even then, that won’t be enough time. I love you, and I promise to do right by you. You want a hundred per cent? I’ll give you a thousand. You’re it for me, Y/N. You’re my forever.”
And it had been the best birthday Sirius had ever had. All thanks to a lovely witch dressed in a golden dress and a red gift bag.
11 December-16 December 1977
Excited chatter filled the great hall following Dumbledore’s announcement. Sirius made eye contact with Y/N, both coming to an agreement. They’d be each other’s dates. It was inevitable, of course, they were together after all. They didn’t have to worry about searching for a date to the holiday ball Hogwarts was holding.
Of course, with Sirius, things could never be done simply. His throat-clearing had caught the attention of every student enjoying their dinner, and the act of him getting on the table got that of the professors. From the corner of her eye, Y/N could see McGonagall facepalming with a shake of her head.
“Could I have your attention?” Sirius’ voice pompously danced through the silence, “thank you.”
“Get on with it, you git!” James called from where he was sitting. Sirius kicked him with a wide grin.
“Y/N Y/L/N,” at the sound of her name leaving his lips, Y/N groaned and hid her face in her hands, “the most dazzling woman to ever grace the earth and the boring halls of Hogwarts, will you make me the happiest man in the world and accompany to the ball?”
“Whaddya say, Y/L/N?” the unmistakable voice of Remus Lupin had her glaring at the boy for allowing Sirius’ actions to continue. Merlin, Remus was a prefect, and James was bloody head boy, yet they didn't act like it.
“Yeah, Y/L/N?” Sirius prodded, “And remember, we’re dating. You can’t really say no.”
Y/N rolled her eyes, “no.” Sirius gasped in faux offence before falling dramatically into James’ awaiting arms. She watched as Sirius ‘cried’ and James and Remus comforted him. All she wanted was a normal boyfriend.
“Are we still going together, étoile?” Sirius asked timidly one night after his stunt in the great hall. Y/N paused in her walk and turned to look at her boyfriend, head tilted in confusion.
“Yes,” she confirmed, “why wouldn’t we be going together?”
Sirius shrugged and looped his arm around hers, pulling her closer, “I don’t know, I figured after that stunt you’d want to go with someone else. Like James’ girlfriend or Remus’, you’re awfully chummy with them.”
“Sirius, I’ve dated you long enough to know you’re prone to dramatics. I was expecting something embarrassing from you, and you certainly delivered, but that’s never enough to deter me from being your date. You’re my forever, remember?”
“Okay, good,” he muttered, “just making sure.”
Y/N smoothed the fabric of her dress down, feeling the mini crystals on her fingers. She blew out a breath and peered around the corner, searching for Sirius. James’ girlfriend sent her an encouraging smile while Remus’ sent her two thumbs up. She nodded slightly and closed her eyes before stepping onto the steps. James noticed her first, his grin widening at her sight before he nudged Sirius, who was busy talking to Remus. His grey eyes moved from James to his girlfriend. The feeling of heat and comfort enveloped him as she locked eyes. Ease settled into his bones as he held his hand out for her, and tranquillity found home the second her palm touched his.
“You are a dream come true, ma belle étoile,” he whispered.
“You keep saying things like that, Sirius Black, and I might just fall in love with you,” she said through her flush. He chuckled and looked down at her with gleaming eyes.
“That’s the plan,” looping his arm with hers, he motioned towards the great hall door, “shall we, my lady?”
“We shall,” she confirmed.
The tables that adorned the dining room had been charmed away or transfigured into any object they could use. The professor’s table had been turned into a drinks table and pushed against a wall. The ceiling had been magicked to snow. Christmas lights lined every corner of the room, and mistletoes had been sprung haphazardly around the room. Y/N stifled a giggle as she watched James chase his soulmate around with a sprig of the plant.
“Marry me,” Sirius muttered into her hair. The night had calmed down. The younger students, fourth-year and down, had been sent to their common rooms, leaving only the older years alone in the space. Slow music played and had pulled couples onto the dance floor to sway. Sirius and Y/N hadn’t been an exception. She had been lost in the music that Sirius decided to utter the words he’d never thought he would speak.
He watched her, falling more in love with every step they took. Her head rested comfortably on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, and her eyes were closed as she took in the music. She had let him lead the dance. She merely followed. Because it reminded her of his eyes, the grey dress she had chosen fit her perfectly and illuminated her in a way Sirius had only seen the sun do to people. Her radiance didn’t blind. It was a simple and forgotten beauty. It was like the moon. He was enamoured, and he didn’t want to lose another moment with her.
“What?” she breathed out in shock, looking up at him.
“Let’s get married,” he repeated, “I want to marry you. I want to spend my lifetime, and then some, with you, Y/N. I don’t want anyone else.”
She breathed out a laugh before looking up at the falling snow. Maybe it was the way the white of the decorations bounced off his eyes and made them seem lighter. Or the way his heart seemed to thump in a steady beat, with the occasional skip. Or maybe it was the way he was staring down at her with a broad smile and adoration in his voice. Whatever it was, it drove her to say:
“Yes. Let’s get married,”
18 December 1977
It took Sirius years to grasp the concept of being loved. His family had been rather persistent in instilling the idea of him being unworthy of love, but it had taken a special person to undo that. Y/N Y/L/N bulldozed into his life unforgivingly. She had taken residence in his heart, planted her roots, and refused to leave. Years chasing the thrill of sleeping around and using his body to feel relief were long gone, and it was because of her. And he, for one, couldn’t have been more grateful.
Sirius stood in front of the Black Lake, the moonlight reflecting off the movement of the waves and casting a silver light into the depths. It seemed like the stars sparkled extra bright, perhaps it was the occasion. The wind blew the perfect amount of breeze between his hair and did a good job calming him down. He was nervous. He could feel himself sweating through his dress shirt but thank Godric for glamour charms. He was about to marry the love of his life.
The sound of the leaves crunching caught his attention. He turned around and smiled softly at the sight of his future bride walking towards him. She had donned an ivory lace dress and a hypnotising smile on her face. It was brighter than the moon, and all the stars combined seemed to light up the path far better than the celestial bodies could.
He reached her with extended hands, “étoile, tu es belle.”
She smiled, “et tu as l’air beau.”
He brought her left land to his lips and kissed it softly, “are you ready, mon cœur?”
She hesitated, and Sirius felt nothing but dread, “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited some people.”
“Godric, love, don’t scare me like that. I thought you didn’t want to do this anymore,” she furrowed her eyebrows.
“Don’t be daft. You get dumber every time we talk,” she reprimanded, “If I didn’t want to marry you, I wouldn’t be here.”
The sound of whooping cut off his chance to reply. He turned his attention towards the direction of the castle. His friends were walking towards them, all wearing identical excited grins and holding a bottle of Firewhiskey.
“You didn’t think we’d let you get married without us, did you, Pads?” James jested as he drew closer. The sparkle in his eyes told Sirius he was just as excited as he was.
“‘Course not,” Sirius chortled and threw an arm around James and Remus, “I need my best men.”
“And I need a maid of honour,” Y/N whispered, gazing into Marlene’s. Marlene’s blue eyes widened at her best friend’s insinuation.
“Me?” she asked, pointing to herself. Y/N laughed and pulled her in for a hug, nodding her head.
“Lily, I hope you don’t mind,” Y/N started. Lily started to deny being offended but was cut off as Y/N continued, “it wouldn’t be in the best interest to have my maid of honour be my officiant as well.”
“Me?” Lily repeated Marlene’s question. Y/N and Sirius shared a look and nodded their heads. “Alright then. Let’s get you two married!”
While everyone knew they wouldn’t actually be marrying one another–Lily wasn’t an actual officiant, and they hadn’t signed a marriage license–it was nice to treat it as a real wedding. Their friends decorated the area around the Black Lake until it was wedding-ready. Spells conjuring up chairs, flowers, and a wedding arch were thrown around. Y/N had been dragged away from her husband to be by the girls while the boys had taken to decorating. Mary MacDonald had run up to the castle searching for her stereo, having been tasked with the music. It wasn’t long until her cue was called.
Lily had walked first, taking note of the variety of white flowers that made up the aisle. Alice followed after, arm linked with Frank. Remus was paired with Dorcas. And James and Marlene followed last, making way for the bride. James’ girlfriend had conjured up bouquets and boutonnières for the ensemble. Y/N inhaled and stepped out into the aisle. Her eyes danced around the decor, taking note of the lace on the chairs and the flowers dotting the petaled aisle. The arch of pinks, reds, and whites allowed her eyes to settle on her fiance.
Fabian Prewett pressed the play button, allowing an instrumental version of Carole King’s Will You Love Me Tomorrow? to play. Y/N smiled at Sirius. Their eyes unwavering and full of love. Sirius wiped away a tear, chuckling as James nudged him. Reaching the end of the aisle, Y/N extended her hands out to Sirius, grasping them and smiling at Lily, who cleared her throat.
"Okay, um, you can sit, everyone. Wow. Well, we are gathered here today before Wizarding law and nature to join Sirius Black and Y/N Y/L/N in Matrimony,"
"Nice job, Evans," Sirius whispered. Y/N chuckled and swatted him.
"Thank you," Lily responded.
"Now, some of you may be wondering where the word "matrimony" comes from. Well, interestingly enough, the word "matrimony" is from the Latin root word for "motherhood," which I think is really appropriate today. Well, the thing is that, uh, every, um ... Rose has its thorn. And thorns hurt, you know?" Lily stuttered. Everyone watched, confused.
"Lil, you okay?" Y/N whispered. Lily nodded, shoving her hands into her bag, pulling out a piece of parchment paper.
"Okay. Oh, wait a minute. Ohh, uh, "Y/N Y/L/N will become Y/N Black". Sirius wrote this in our first year. I remember him talking about her constantly and not just talking. Singing, dreaming, sleep-talking, writing about her. Everything. Without even talking to her. And, finally, in our third year, after multiple failed attempts, Sirius actually gathered up his courage and talked to Y/N for the first time, right over here by this lake…and she was a bitch. He ran into me after, screaming, "Lily, I finally talked to her!". And when I asked him if the fantasy was finally over, if he could finally admit that Y/N Y/L/N was human after all. He said, "No. Y/N Y/L/N is not human. She's an angel. And she's my angel."
"I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe love conquers all. And that doesn't mean there's not going to be hard days or difficult things to deal with because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you back. It just makes everything so much easier. ‘Y/N Y/L/N will become Y/N Black’. That was the dream. And here we are, some years and break-ups later, and we all get to witness a dream come true today. Sirius?"
Sirius cleared his throat, "Y/N, you are the brightest star in any constellation. You are the brightest star, easily seen as that by everyone. But to me, you are the brightest, most beautiful, sweetest girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and eventually, loving. From the moment you hexed me, I knew I wanted to love you. Our relationship has been tumultuous, but I will do everything in my power to fight the world for you from here on out. This ring and these words are simply a way to show the rest of the world what has been in my heart for as long as I've known you. I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I always have, and I always will. You are my forever."
Y/N smiled tearfully at him, mouthing a quick 'I love you.' She cleared her throat, "Sirius Black ... We've been through so much together. And despite how confused I've been or lost I might have gotten, there was always you finding me and saving me. You deserve to be adored, so that's what I'm going to do. I am going to adore you for years to come. I can’t wait to build a future with you. I am so terribly in love with you. And I always will be. You said that you would fight the world for me, darling. I will stand beside you, protecting you. You are a dream come true. You are the brightest star. You are my forever."
Lily giggled and wiped her eyes, thanking James quietly as he passed her a handkerchief, "well, by the power vested in me by Y/N and Sirius, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Sirius Black, you may kiss the bride."
"Finally," Sirius breathed, tugging her into him and placing their lips together. The Prewett twins let out sparks from their wands while her dorm mates threw petals into the sky. Dorcas Meadowes captured the image before her, camera clicking and flashing in the night.
05 June 1978
“No more carefree laughter,” James sang, his wand being used as a microphone as he jumped from couch to couch in the common room.
“Silence, ever after,” Remus continued, equal in his dramatics, taking his girlfriend’s hands and contorting his face into one of sadness.
“Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes,” Peter tumbled over the fallen pillows, eyes closed.
“Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye,” Sirius finished, sorrowful eyes planted on his girlfriend. Y/N made eye contact with James’ girlfriend, and from the look on her face, she knew the Ravenclaw was cursing the wizarding world for making him her soulmate. Remus’ girlfriend was currently threatening to burn the letters he had sent. Y/N shook her head at Sirius as he drew closer to her, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Memories,” James crooned, “good days, bad days.”
“They’ll be with me, always,” Peter sang.
“In these old familiar rooms, children will play,” Remus and Sirius continued, both sobbing in exaggeration as they finished.
“Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say,” Y/N looked at Marlene in confusion as she jumped into the singing.
Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba had been cut off abruptly before the sound of a throat clearing caught their attention. The small group turned around slowly, grimacing collectively as they met McGonagall’s unamused expression.
“Minnie!” Sirius greeted. He glared at his girlfriend as he rubbed the sore spot on his ribs where she’d elbowed him.
“Mister Black,” she greeted, “ladies, gentlemen, shouldn’t you be in the Great Hall? They’re waiting for you.”
“We’re on our way, Professor,” James’ girlfriend reassured. McGonagall’s eyes narrowed on the Ravenclaw, brows drawn in confusion.
“Why is the Head Girl getting into mischief?” McGonagall asked, causing her to shrink into herself although they all saw the sparkle in her bespeckled eyes, “I expected more from my granddaughter.”
“Sorry, nana,” the affronted girl muttered, a smile tugging at her lips.
“Never mind that now. You all need to get down to the Great Hall, now. I will escort you lot down,” she stated, eyes flickering from James to Sirius, “to ensure no one gets lost.”
James snickered and took his girlfriend’s hand, following the professor out of the common room. McGonagall motioned for them to get into their places in line. James and his girlfriend took the front as Head boy and girl with the house prefects lined up behind them. At McGonagall’s subtle nod, the send-off ceremony commenced.
“Black, Sirius Orion,” was called first. Sirius smiled cockily as he crossed the platform.
“Evans, Lily Jasmine,” Lily, with her signature style of grace, smiled at her parents.
“Fortescue, Alice Laurel,” was followed by “Longbottom, Frank Neville.”
Dorcas Meadowes’ name was called, followed by Marlene McKinnion’s. Which then led the way for,
“Lupin, Remus John,” and “Potter, Fleamont James.”
Until finally, “Y/L/N, Y/N Y/M/N.”
Y/N walked across the platform, the feeling of deja vu striking her as she did. She remembered walking the same path the first time she stepped foot in Hogwarts. It was on her way to the Sorting Hat. She was placed in a house full of people who shared the same qualities and would sleep in the same dorms for seven years. And she had done that. Now she was walking across the threshold for the last time as a student. Seven years had gone by the blink of an eye, and those seven years had been wonderfully kind to her.
“That was your graduating class of 1978,” Dumbledore announced, “departing alums if you would so kindly raise your wands and release your celebratory sparks, please.”
Hundreds of colourful sparks lit up the enchanted ceiling of Hogwarts’ dining hall. Flashes of green and silver from the Slytherins, reds and golds from the Gryffindors, bronze and blues from the Ravenclaws, and yellows and blacks from the Hufflepuffs. It was a sight to behold, and it made Y/N teary-eyed. She locked eyes with Sirius. Despite the war raging beyond the protective walls of Hogwarts and the threat of death looming over them, she knew she would be okay. Because Sirius had promised her forever.
31 October 1981
It was meant to be a festive day. Halloween was always Sirius’ favourite holiday—the aspect of becoming someone else for a night just to thrill always excited Sirius. He had dragged Y/N into his celebrations during their Hogwarts days and she hadn’t been able to escape them. That’s how she found herself dressed as Cher with Sirius as Sonny. While their small village in York had put up minimal decorations, they’d gone above and beyond in decorating their safe house. Colours of orange, yellows, and blacks flooded the small cottage. Y/N knew Sirius had gone overboard with his decorating, but she hadn’t had the heart to tell him to stop. Not with the war going on before them and the two unable to do anything to help.
Like the Potters, Sirius and Y/N had been forced into hiding. Sirius was chosen as the family’s secret keeper, but despite being willing to die for James, he thought it too obvious and nominated Y/N instead. Y/N had accepted the title as their secret keeper, like Sirius, ready to sacrifice her life for the life of her best mates and her beloved godson. But because of her role, she had been forced into hiding by the Order. They were going to great lengths to protect the Potters and, by extension, the Blacks.
“Sirius, love,” Y/N called, “come sit. I don’t think there are any more kids out there. It’s quarter past eleven; it’s too late.”
“I just want to make sure there aren’t any stragglers,” Sirius called back, eyes peeking through the window.
“Sirius,” Y/N whispered in his ear, “come watch a film with me. There aren’t any more children out.”
“I miss them,” Sirius said. Y/N smiled sadly and placed a kiss on his temple.
“I know, my love, I miss them too, but we’ll see them within the week. James’ been dying to show us the new trick Harry’s learned.”
Sirius leaned into her touch and allowed her to pull him towards the couch, “what film are we watching?”
“I was thinking–” she was cut off by the screech of an Order owl; it dropped a letter on the coffee table before it went out of the open window.
‘The Potters have been killed,’ it read. Time seemed to stop, the blinking lights of the VCR getting lost and the idea of watching a film forgotten. Sirius looked at Y/N, shock and mild betrayal painted on his face. Y/N’s heart dropped, and she moved to grab her wand. Sirius leapt out from his place and held it before she could reach it.
“You stay here,” he gritted out. She flinched back, eyes widening at the venom coating his words and the disdain on his face. “You don’t get to see them. Not when it’s your fault they’re dead.”
Y/N’s face twisted in bewilderment, “what? No! I’m–”
“I don’t care,” he barked, “I don’t want to see you when I get back.”
Y/N’s eyes filled with tears at his words. She could not let this be the end of them. “Sirius, please listen to me. I didn’t do this. It was Peter.”
“Do you honestly think that I believe you? That I would, for one second, believe that Peter would betray his friends like that,” He spat out, “you killed my brother, and I want nothing to do with you.”
She opened her mouth in shock. His distrust in her hurt more than his words. Staring down at the simple gold band he had given her as a wedding ring, she slid it off and forced it in his hand, “I thought you said I was your forever. You promised me forever.” It was a last resort—her last attempt at getting him to listen to her. He cherished the ring and the person he’d given it to more than life itself.
She watched as Sirius stopped moving and looked down at his ring before he was slipping it off and throwing it behind him, eyes embedded with hatred, “forever ended the day you betrayed my family.”
His words were the final nail on the coffin, and in it laid a relationship that had withstood the test of time. Years of love and adoration were tossed out carelessly by the callous words of the man she loved. Letting out a choked sob, she paced around the room, looking for the rings Sirius had thrown. Rushing through the halls of the house, she threw her belongings into bags as fast as she could. She knew she missed some of her things, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not when the only thing on her mind were the words he’d spoken and the look of absolute hatred he’d given her.
With a final longing look, she gripped her wand and the picture she’d stolen from the walls of the home that would never be hers. She disappeared.
05 November 1993
She hadn’t expected anyone to find her. She’d been living alone in a flat in New York City for twelve years. She had her friends in the States, but she kept her distance–never getting too close. That was a luxury she couldn’t afford. Y/N had lost too many people before, and she wasn’t looking to lose more. She had found comfort in being alone, watching as people from all walks of life passed by in their colourful clothing. A big city with thousands of people, and she felt isolated.
When the familiar pecking of an owl’s beak broke her trance on the stack of papers in front of her, she’d ignored it. No one knew her well enough to send her mail, nor did she think anyone would want to reach her. She brushed it off as a figment of her imagination. It wasn’t until it let out an angry screech that Y/N looked towards the window, tired eyes widening at the sight of the familiar owl. Letting it in, she hesitantly brought her hand to rub its head. It nuzzled into her palm, a feeling of nostalgia striking her.
“Hello, Mercury,” she whispered to the old grey owl. It hooted at her. Leaving the owl on the stack of papers it had perched on, she rummaged for treats in her kitchen. She prolonged going back to the letter the owl had dropped on her table, not wanting to read it and have her heart break into more pieces. She had finally accepted the solitude and the harsh reality of her life. It wasn’t fair of him to undo all the hard work she had put into feeling whole again.
“Here you go, buddy,” she cooed, placing a small bowl in front of the grey owl, “you must be tired, flying over the Atlantic must’ve been draining.”
Mercury ignored her in favour of the bowl of food, and Y/N took that as a sign to open the letter he had tirelessly carried over the ocean to deliver. On it, a familiar scrawl had her heart beating incessantly.
Come to Hogwarts. Harry is in danger.
Remus J. Lupin
She huffed out a breath. She had been naive to think Sirius would send her letters. It was ingenious of Remus to use Sirius’ owl to get to her, she most likely would have thrown out the letter if it had come from another. Without thinking, she grabbed her wand and summoned her bag. She looked around her flat, her eyes landing on the moving image on her wall. The Potters smiled at her, grabbing Harry’s hand to wave at the camera, while Sirius and Y/N stood beside them, hands intertwined and grins of love painted on their faces.
“You’re more than welcome to stay here until you’re feeling better, Mercury,” Y/N assured the owl before turning and walking out the door. She rushed out into the street and into the corner with an apparition point. With her heart set on Hogwarts, Y/N felt her body being pulled in thousands of directions before she landed on the cobblestones of Hogsmeade. The Hogwarts castle that gave her a home for seven years stood proud in front of her.
Desperate eyes looked around frantically, hoping to catch a glimpse of her former friend and anyone he might have been accompanied by. Following the sounds of screaming, she turned her attention towards the Shrieking Shack. During her Hogwarts days, she’d learned why the students had given it the rumour of being haunted. It was a secret she would take to her grave. Just as she would have taken the secret of the Potters’ whereabouts twelve years ago.
She crept slowly through the open door, watching from a distance as Remus and her former love confronted Peter. Her eyes burned with tears, her mind running with the image of a venomous Sirius shattering her world. Flashbacks of the night her life had been ruined on instant reply at the sight of the man who caused it all: her friend, their friend, Peter Pettigrew.
“She betrayed my parents! She sold them out to Voldemort! After all you said about her while I was growing up, you have the nerve to stand here, defending her.” Harry yelled. Y/N held back a gasp. He was the mirror image of his father. His words echoed in her head. After all you said about her. Harry didn’t grow up knowing her as Aunt Y/N, his parents’ best friend and his loving godmother. He grew up believing she was the traitor responsible for his parent's death, all because of Sirius.
“She wasn’t there!” Sirius shouted, snapping her out of her trance.
“Someone else betrayed your parents, Harry. Someone else in this room right now. Someone who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead,” Remus said.
“He’s as good as dead,” Sirius muttered. Regret flashed through his body as the image of his beloved looking at him with broken eyes crept up again. An image that hadn’t left his mind since learning the truth.
“What’re you talking about? There’s nobody here.”
“Oh yes, there is,” Sirius trailed off, eyes moving across the room. Y/N held her breath, hoping he wouldn’t notice her presence. She let it out as Sirius turned to the red-head beside Harry, eyes locking on him. From her place, she could see the boy’s horrified expression.
“Come out, come out, Peter,” Sirius sang, “come out, come out, and play.”
“You’re mad,” the redhead cursed, drawing back from Sirius. Sirius and Remus raised their wands, aiming them at what she knew was Peter’s animagus form.
“Expelliarmus!” Y/N cursed at the sight of Snape. The spell had sent their wands flying, far from where they were but close to her.
“Ah, Snivellus, still putting your bloody nose into things that don’t concern you,” Sirius tutted, clicking his tongue in mock disapproval.
“When I heard you were planning on bringing that traitor back, I knew I had to be the one to stop you,” Severus drawled. Y/N rolled her eyes, but that didn’t erase the pounding in her chest.
“Give us our wands back. Remus and I have a bit of unfinished business to tend to,” Sirius demanded, growing more annoyed each second ticked by. The faster the rat before him was brought to justice, the sooner he could find his lover and begin to make amends. Y/N held her breath as Sirius took small steps towards Severus until he was in front of him. Snape’s actions were quick, and in the blink of an eye, Snape held his wand to Sirius’ throat.
“Give me a reason. I beg you.” Severus threatened. Sirius clenched his jaw. Y/N closed her eyes, begging every higher power that Snape wasn’t as trigger happy as he was in their Hogwarts days.
“Don’t be a fool, Severus!” Remus exclaimed, annoyance in his tone. Sirius cracked a smile.
“He can’t help it. It’s habit by now,” Remus glared at Sirius.
“Quiet, Sirius!” Y/N chuckled under her breath at the two of them.
“Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old married couple. Except, it’s meant to be you and Y/N, right, Sirius? The fool and the traitor.”
“Piss off,” Sirius growled. Snape merely chuckled and pushed Sirius towards the door of the Shrieking Shack.
“Witty as ever I see. Tell me, will you be so irreverent when I turn you over to the Dementors? Do I detect a flicker of fear? One can only imagine what it must be like to endure the Dementor's Kiss. It's said to be unbearable to witness. But I'll do my best. Aiding a traitor and leader of Voldemort bears a price, Sirius.” Snape tsk’d. “After you.”
Siris had no choice but to move towards the door, body trapped in by Snape’s. Remus followed after them, hoping Snape would leave them alone. The wand was still lodged on Sirius’ throat, and Y/N knew she couldn’t let Snape turn Sirius over to the Aurors. Then Harry would be left without a father figure and one of the last connections to his parents. In an instant, her wand was in her hand, and a spell left her lips.
“Stupefy,” she called, sending Snape back and colliding with a wall with a hard hit. The group before her turned to look at her in shock. A flash of something Y/N couldn’t distinguish flashed through Sirius’ eyes: was it guilt? Remorse? She didn’t stare long enough to deduce it.
“You said Peter before,” Harry interrupted, drawing attention to him, “Peter who?”
“Pettigrew,” Y/N answered, “He was at school with us, we thought he was a friend.”
“No,” Harry denied, “Pettigrew’s dead, and it was her fault.”
Harry pointed at Y/N, who looked at him, sadness on her face. Remus cut the silence, “I thought so, too. Until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the map.”
“Then the map was lying,” Harry started, only to be cut off by Sirius. Y/N had made it a point to ignore his lingering gazes and kept her gaze on the scene before her.
“The map never lies. Pettigrew’s alive, and he’s right there.” Sirius pointed at the ginger sitting beside Harry. Said boy looked at Sirius, affronted.
“Me? You’re crazy,”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “not you, you idiot. Your rat.”
“Scabbers?” the boy spluttered, “Scabbers has been in my family for–”
“Twelve years,” Y/N cut in.
“A rather long life for a common garden rat. He’s missing a toe, isn’t he?” Sirius cut in.
“Yeah, so what?”
“All they could find of Pettigrew was his–” Harry muttered.
“Finger. That coward cut it off so everyone would think he lost it defending those muggles, he’d been the one killing them. He faked his death and transformed into a rat.”
“Show me,” Harry begged. Y/N could hear James in his voice–always giving people the benefit of the doubt and believing in nothing if not hope. She missed Remus and Sirius, causing Peter to shift back into a human, too lost in the could have been’s to realise the man responsible for taking her desired life stood before her.
“S–Sirius. R–Remus. Y–Y/YN. My old friends,” Y/N, looked at him with disgust.
Watching everything in front of her, Y/N felt like a spectator. As if she was watching from somewhere other than her body. Harry and his friends paid her no mind as they focused on Remus and Sirius arguing with Peter. It wasn’t until Peter’s beady eyes turned to her.
“I didn't mean to! The Dark Lord, you have no idea the weapons he possesses! Ask yourself what you would have done, Y/N. What would you have done?” Y/N ripped her arm from Peter’s, glaring at him with disdain.
“Died. I would have rather died than betrayed my friends,” she confessed, “I would have taken that secret to the grave, and I was ready to.”
Peter turned from her to plead with his former owner, begging him to save him from the inevitable. But really, what could a thirteen-year-old do? It was by Harry’s conscience that Peter hadn’t been killed. He would face a fate worse than death. The Dementors wouldn’t have the same regard for life that Harry did. Y/N felt it wasn’t enough. Peter deserved to be tortured for all the pain he caused a slow and painful death that would end only twelve years later. Twelve years for all the years she was forced to spend alone.
Sirius turned to look at her, appreciating the way she had aged. Time had been kind to her. However, the permanent frown on her face was new, and the blank stare in her eyes was haunting. She was still as stunning as the day he married her. Trying his luck, he grabbed hold of her jumper sleeve and kept her back. He ignored the way her jaw ticked in resentment and opened his mouth.
“Hello, darling,” Y/N glared at him, turning from him to discreetly wipe away the tears forming at her waterline.
“You don’t have the right to call me that anymore, Sirius,” she said, “not after what you did.”
“I’m–”
“You were the first to believe that I would betray my best friends. It wasn't me, and I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen! You kicked me out and told me you never wanted to see me again!”
“So you just fled?”
“Yes! I had to. I wasn't going to wait around until the truth came out–until you decided you were ready to listen to your ‘wife,’” she paused, “I preferred being alone and not seeing you to feeling alone with you by my side.”
“I’m sorry,” he said mournfully, “I just couldn’t believe that Peter would do such a thing,”
“But you believed that I could?” she asked tearfully, “They were my family, too.”
“Dumbledore said-”
“I don’t care what Dumbledore said! He ruined my life! I missed 12 years of my godson's life because of him! Because of you! I left my home, my friends. The love of my life. And that’s time I will never get back!” tears fell from her eyes, clouding her eyes. Sirius’ eyes matched hers. His grey eyes stormed as the weight of her words settled on his heart.
“Y/N—” he took a step towards her and felt his heart drop when he saw her take a step back, “I’m sorry.” It was the only thing he could say.
“I’m sorry, too, Sirius. I can’t forgive you. Not for this. This wasn’t a meaningless prank, this was my life,” she shook her head and moved backwards, stumbling into warm arms that smelt of chocolate. She moved out of them and looked at Sirius.
“I thought you, of all people, would believe me. That you would listen to me, but I guess I didn’t know my forever as well as I thought I did.” She spat the word out as if it hurt to have it in her mouth. Like she wanted to rid it from her vocabulary and never utter it again.
“Y/N, please. Please don’t walk away–just listen to me,”
For the last time, she turned away—his words ringing in her head, venomous and full of spite.
“You told me you never want to see me again, Sirius,” she spit, “I’m just doing what you asked.”
When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside.
“I didn’t tell you,” he said, words like spun silver from his lips, “how beautiful you look today. Forgive me.”
Your heart rocketed. You took as subtle a steadying breath as you could manage, using the very tip of your index finger to push a misbehaved wave from his face. He waited patiently, his eyes drifting shut at your touch.
You dropped your hand. “So tell me,” you said, as bravely as you could.
summary you ask James to pretend to be your boyfriend. he always says yes. [6k]
warnings fake!dating, pining, marauders era, basically a love note for james. fem!reader, fluff, intimacy
requested here
"James," you murmured, edging into his space where he was standing at the bar. Mary said he’d be here and, hallelujah, there he stood.
He rolled his eyes, glancing from his friends and then down to you. "What do you want, shortcake?"
You held back a scowl, determined to be as nice to him as possible. You were hardly short. Much. At all. He was just tall. And he knew you hated the nickname either way.
"I need a favour."
His eyes softened just a smidge at your tone.
"Anything you want," he said.
You looked out of the corner of your eye at Sirius who was listening intently and Remus who was pretending not to be.
"Can I ask you in private? Sorry."
Remus cleared his throat. "Is something the matter?"
"No, it's nothing. Just a secret," you said, attempting to smile at him beguilingly.
James sent the boys a blinding what can you do smile and threw his arm over your shoulder, steering you both from the prying eyes of the local and out into the biting early spring cold.
"What's your issue?" You pulled out from under his hold to wrap your arms around yourself. "C'mon, you're making me nervous. You killed someone?"
"What? James, no!"
"You're pregnant." You laughed weakly. His face went white. "You're not!"
"I'm not!" you rushed to say. "No. Sorry."
"’Sorry sorry sorry‘. Don’t be. You didn't kill someone and you're not pregnant — I can fix whatever this is."
"My hero Jamie, always trying to fix things," you sang, trying your best to cheer up. "It's not so terrible, I'm only shy 'cos I'm afraid to ask you, not cause it's the end of the world.”
"Rip off the plaster and ask, then. I’ll say yes,” he said, patient where he leaned against the pub's brickwork.
"I know. I think that's why I'm afraid to ask." He raised his eyebrows. You looked at his hands and asked. "Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?"
His easy smile slowly faded.
"What?"
"For Alice's wedding. Please? Just for the wedding."
"I'll be your date, whatever you want."
"No… I- I'm just…" you covered your mouth with the back of your hand before closing your eyes, clenching your fist and pushing it out awkwardly. "Georgia Finningley said I'm not the kind of girl who gets a boyfriend. That she couldn't see me with someone. And I know she didn't mean it to be mean, and it wasn't mean, and I know I'm being silly, but-"
"When did she say that to you?"
"Last week, after Lily's."
"She said that to you in front of the other girls?" he asked, eyebrows scrunched together.
"No. We were- we were out on the mezzanine."
"Smoking?"
You warmed. "That's not the point."
"You're right, it's not. I'll come back to the smoking after." He stepped closer to your side, not touching but close. "She said it to be mean."
"I know," you admitted.
"I know you know."
You stood in silence, two blades of grass in the wind. His hair was ruffled by the breeze, skin warm in the dreary landscape. He was always the warmest thing in sight, even in summer.
"I'll be your boyfriend."
"Thank you.”
"But, and you know this about me already, I won't do anything by halves. Alright?"
"Right."
"We need at least a few public sightings before the wedding so people will believe it. And I'll have to lie to the boys. You'll have to lie to the girls."
"And then…"
"We’ll slowly fade off after the wedding and Finningley won't be any the wiser. We can say you broke up with me for being too handsome."
"Too irritating, more like."
"That too. If they're gonna believe us in love by Longbottom's wedding we're gonna have to put on a good show," he said excitedly, "you may be so lucky as to kiss me, you realise? We're gonna be so in love it makes other people sick."
"Thank you, James." You meant it. You knew he was offended on your behalf by what Georgia had said.
"I'm not doing it for you! Well, I am. But also 'cos I can't stand uppity wankers like Georgia fucking Finningley thinking they're judge and jury."
You fizzled. He opened his palm out in front of you and beckoned for you to take it. "We fancy each other starting now. Okay?" He was grinning too deviously for your liking.
You felt a little nauseous as you agreed, even worse when you followed him back inside the bar and found his friends sitting in a booth awaiting his return. He pulled you by the hand into the seat beside him and then dropped it like nothing had happened.
"We totally saw that," Sirius said, shocked.
Remus looked similarly surprised.
"Saw what?" James asked, taking an appreciative sip of his pint.
"You were holding hands!"
James raised his eyebrows, slipping his hand behind your back casually. "Are we five?"
Remus was at a loss for words. Sirius was enraged.
"What's happening?" Remus asked.
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked in turn.
You could feel yourself begin to sweat. James pressed his hand tight to the small of your back when he noticed your nerves before patting you firmly and pulling away.
"Nothing," he said. "She's tired."
"You're being all touchy."
"I'm always touchy."
"While I agree you're very sensitive, I think we're talking more about your sudden tactileness,” Remus cut in.
James snorted, peaking at you out the corner of his eye in a show of nervousness. "Don't know what you mean!"
"Mate, you just looked at her."
"Y/N," Sirius appealed to you, "he's not acting out of character?"
You shrugged and chuckled nervously. It wasn't fake.
"Are you two…?"
James said nothing. You, having been counting on him, also said nothing, which said enough for both Sirius and Remus to look blindsided.
"Since when?" Sirius demanded.
James smirked into his drink.
"Right, and your favour?" Remus asked smugly, zeroing in on your windblown appearance. "Little old to be tumbling in alleyways, aren't we?"
"We didn't-"
"Never too old for some fun," James said cheerily, then turned to you. "You want a drink, shortcake?"
"Yes," you said. You thought you'd probably need it.
-
You were standing outside Sirius Black's flat, nervous. Tonight was your official unveiling as a couple with James and most of your friends were going to be there among whatever company Sirius had deigned to invite. You'd worried yourself silly over the fact that James was probably going to get handsy because you desired it and knew you shouldn't, not knowing how to act in love enough to fool everyone and not in love enough to fool James.
The door cracked open, Sirius with a cigarette in hand.
"Oh, you creature. What're you loitering on my mat for?"
You crept back, eyes crinkling. "I was just about to knock."
"Sure you were. Cig?"
"Yes, please."
You accepted the cigarette and let your weight fall on his doorway, let him light it for you. You took a careful first drag and smiled as your throat burned.
"Don't tell James."
"I won't tell your boyfriend, but he'll know."
"How?" you asked, pushing off the doorway to flick ash over his railing. Sirius grinned manically under the stoop, overhead lights painting him stark pale.
"He'll taste it."
Noise from the party drifted out the door. "Big crowd tonight."
"Nah, they're all alright. Long as someone keeps Marl off the peach snapps it'll be a quiet one."
His definition of a quiet one was different to everyone else's, evidently, as things were getting quite rowdy inside after you'd finished your indulgent cig. You vaguely recalled most people's names and found yourself familiarly tucked into the group of girls, Lily and Mary having acquired a tray of jello shots.
"And where've you got all these?" you asked Mary.
She shook her head and tapped the side of her nose. "Secret."
"C'mon, I hate secrets."
"Don't we all!" Marlene said to you. "Ironic considering a little birdie told me something interesting about you this morning."
"Yeah?"
"Very, very interesting," she said, nodding.
"If it's the same thing I heard then I'm very mad at you," Lily said. You froze up and she laughed. "For not telling us!"
The girls had all leaned in for your confession.
"It just happened. I don't know when. Suddenly, we're together."
You smiled like you couldn't help it, picking at your nails. Your group of friends giggled and cheered, Mary forcing a shot into your hand. "This is a cause for celebration," she declared, similarly appointing each girl with their own jelly. Emmeline stared down at hers apprehensively. "Do it for Y/N," Mary said pointedly.
Emma took her shot and groaned. "Congratulations," she said hoarsely. "I'm not doing another one."
The rest of you took your own shots.
"I really hadn't expected it. You've been firmly in James Potter's friend zone since third year,” Dorcas began.
"I asked him out one time!"
"And he was still of the idea Lily would change her mind back then," Mary said, nodding sagely.
Lily frowned a little. "You say that like he's settling. Don't be cruel." Mary laughed, pinching Lily's arm until she was giggling and crawling away.
"That's not what I meant at all! Just that he fancied you at the time. I wouldn't call it settling, anyhow. That's like saying a poor man settles for caviar," Mary said.
"Am I the poor man or the caviar?" James asked, voice very close. You twisted to find he'd stationed himself behind you without being heard, movements covered by the general hubbub of the room. "I best be the caviar, or I'm going to be very upset." He said this as he pushed his hand across your shoulder until his palm was cupping your neck. He leaned down and kissed you quickly on the mouth, a chaste peck. "Hello, sweetheart."
You said hello back, word so quiet it got lost on the way from your mouth. He smiled at you very sweetly and then turned his attention to the ladies. "Evening, girls."
"Yeah, hi, loverboy," Lily said, squinting at him.
"Evans, always so cold. Mary, you look ravishing! Orange is your colour." It really was. Mary pressed a hand to her chest in mock swooning, leaning back so her braids pressed into Lily's shoulder.
"Potter, keep the flirting for your missus."
"Right you are, Marl." James turned his eyes to you. You imagined his expression wavering, the mark of adoration in his eyes. "You look lovely," he said, uncharacteristically quiet, and then, "good enough to eat. Mind if I try?"
"You admit, I'm the caviar?"
He grinned. "No, I don't."
"Don't like that," Dorcas complained.
"Yeah, I don't remember signing up for the tooth-rotting stuff," Lily agreed.
"Tooth-rotting! I was thinking sickening," Sirius said, grabbing James' shoulder in a manly clasp.
"Don't get too jealous, I've saved some for you." James maneuvered into Sirius' space until he was close enough to kiss him. Sirius called his bluff and stayed very still until James backed off. "You're no fun, Black."
"Don't want to catch whatever it is you've got. No offense," he said, nodding to you.
James remembered himself and smiled at you easily. "Whatever it is," he said warmly, "she's got it bad."
Half the girls cried out in disgust while the others cooed. Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered something about finding someone less insufferable to drink with.
"Didn't want to drink with that plonker anyways," James said, his hand finding a home at the nape of your neck, squeezing with his fingertips. You were puzzled at his behaviour and shuddered, pulling away to analyse his expression. He wasn't looking at you, instead his eyes were on the TV. "I hate this song."
"You hate this song?" you asked.
"What, s'hard to believe?"
"What kind of music do you like, James, besides top of the pops?"
"Stuff too mature for ears like yours, baby, don't worry yourself with it."
You huffed. "Prick."
"And proud. Want a drink?"
You could feel the warmth of the jelly shot still, and banked on getting in another. The best part about drinking was the taste becoming easier to manage the more you drank. "I want something fruity, please."
"Your wish is my command, sweet thing."
“You know what else my little birdie told me?” Marlene asked as soon as he’d gone.
“Your little birdie being Sirius Black, of course?”
“Quite right.”
“Go about it, then,” Emma prompted.
“You’ve been shagging Pots in alleyways and pub bathrooms.”
That had actually been the fun part of your deception. James had taken Remus and Sirius’ smoke break as an opportunity to plan ahead. “Right, when they come back, I’m going to look at you all subtle - as in, not subtle at all - and go to the bathroom and you can bat your dainty lashes at them both and make some excuse about needing some air, and then we’re going to fuck in the bathroom.”
You’d looked at him in total shock.
He’d lasted a further five seconds before breaking. “I’m messing with you, darling girl,” he pulled a pack of exploding snap cards from his pocket, “we’ll shoot the breeze for half an hour.”
“Half hour? They’ll definitely know we’re lying,” you’d said, laughing at your own joke as he’d pouted at you.
“Only a bit,” you admitted, ears warming. Marlene tilted her head back.
“I wouldn’t have thought it of you,” Dorcas said.
“Thought what?” you asked.
“Well. That you’d fancy James, and that you’d fancy him enough to shag in the leaky cauldron. Sirius is right, you might actually have something,” she joked, grinning. “Just saying - must be a pretty good fuck to risk dragon pox.”
“Sanitation spells are quick and easy,” James said pointedly, pressing a cold can of cider into your hands, sitting on the arm of the chair you were in with a flourish of his smart jacket. He pulled your shoulder against his thigh, hand on your other side. “But you’re right, Dor. I’m a good fuck. The missus will attest.”
"The missus doesn’t kiss and tell,” you muttered, flushing. You opened your can of cider and took a drink to avoid meeting the eyes of your teasing friends.
The night drifted on. James played a diligent boyfriend and stuck by your side even when the boys left to play cocktail waitress in the kitchen. This was, perhaps, his best move. Each of your friends seemed shocked and (to your pleasure) a little awed at his watchdog position. He only left to get more drinks and was back quicker than he had to, always returning to press you into his leg, hand firm on your shoulder. As the night progressed his hand rose, drifting slowly like the tide – up and down and up again.
His fingers in your hair had you biting back a shiver. You looked out of the corner of your eye to find his arm, muscled from the quidditch season, straining against his smart button down shirt. From under your lashes you could see he wasn't looking at you, his eyes somewhere across the room, distracted by boyish laughter.
You pushed into his side as a show of affection and whispered, "You don't have to stay here all night."
You heard the conversation around you hiccup. Your friends were listening and pretending not to be. He leaned down to talk closer to your ear.
"The point in being your boyfriend is spending time with you."
"It's been an hour. Go – stretch your legs, embarrass Remus."
He weighed his options and then dotted a kiss on your temple. "Alright, pretty girl. I'll be back," he said.
You brought your hand to your temple as he walked away, dusting the pads of your fingers across his kiss.
“That’s awful,” Dorcas said.
You winced. “It is?”
“I mean — you can tell how much he likes you,” she corrected.
“Too much,” Marlene agreed.
“Have you ever known James Potter to shy away from a party?”
“Maybe he really likes you guys,” you deflected.
“He really likes you.”
Someone said something else. The conversation span. Somebody spoke about their latest fling, Marlene made enough jokes to put Sirius to shame. You ran your thumb across the embossed cider can, thinking.
“Well,” said one of the girls. “I just didn’t expect it from you.”
There was a small silence in which you didn’t realise she was talking to you.
“What?” you asked with a sheepish smile.
“A boyfriend.”
You bit your lip hard enough to taste blood.
“That’s funny,” you said, clearing your throat. “Someone said the same thing to me the other day.”
“I can see it clear as day. Maybe not James,” Lily said decidedly, “but definitely someone.”
“Our flower,” Mary said, brushing your shoe with hers.
“I just - excuse me, would you guys? Too many drinks,” you said, pushing onto your wobbly feet. It was half a lie.
You closed yourself in Sirius’ small bathroom and sighed. Considering he was a boy, he kept the space clean. You put the toilet seat down to sit and felt a sudden rush of embarrassed tears. Were you truly so off putting? You were old enough and smart enough to know by now that when people said they couldn’t see you in a relationship, it meant there was something undesirable about you. Were you ugly? Stupid?
You’d never been jaw dropping like Marl or top of the class like Lily, but you weren’t bad. You were pretty, you told yourself, staring into the large mirror set on the wall in front of the bathroom sink. You looked nice tonight. Your hair was perfect and you were dressed in something new and flashy. Maybe they didn’t mean it in a bad way. It still hurt.
You watched a tear trace the soft hill of your cheek and run down to the curve of your chin, sniffling weakly. It was the kind of hurt that made you feel pathetic, made your heart hurt.
“Shortcake?” You flinched at his gentle voice on the other side of the door. “Are you in there?”
“Yeah,” you said, too loudly.
“Can I come in?”
You flicked the lock. James let himself in and was quick to lock the door behind him.
“I hope you’ve brought your a-game tonight, these cards are burning a hole in my pocket. Literally. Hey, are you alright?”
You swiped the heel of your hand across your face quickly. “I’m fine, James.”
“You don’t look fine,” he said. His hands hovered, like he wasn’t sure what to do with them.
“Too much cider. It’s nothing.”
He nodded like he’d suddenly understood what you were saying. “Quite right. A lady such as yourself can’t be expected to keep down two cans of cider and a jelly shot. I’m surprised you’re still standing.”
“I’m sitting.”
“Semantics.”
You giggled. He looked at you as though he were watching something terrible - an avalanche of powder white snow, a great wall of saltwater coming to flatten everything in its path. Morbid trepidation.
“What?” you asked him.
“Don’t cry, you look so pretty tonight. Please.”
You rolled your eyes and turned away to face the shower, watching the still damp curtain drip run-off down the drain. The words sent fizzing straight through your sternum.
“Has someone said something?”
“Were you expecting them to?”
“No, of course not. Just…” he leaned his weight against the sink basin. “I’m your fake boyfriend but I’m your real friend. I know what it takes for something to upset you.”
“Can people see something I can’t, James?” you asked quietly, pinching the material of your shirt distractedly.
“I’m betting I see a lot more than you do.”
“Is it bad?”
“Are you joking?” He laughed, awkward but earnest.
“No, I’m not joking.” He didn’t know what to say and neither did you. You sniffed very quickly and patted under your eyes carefully. “Doesn’t matter. What did you say about cards?”
James grinned, pulling the offending items from his trouser pocket.
“I’m gonna wipe the floor with you, doll.”
-
“Though I’m suspicious of how you found out where she works, I’m more curious about your plan.”
“My plan?” James asked, a pair of sunglasses on, his own glasses in hand. The label hung off and rested on his sun-warmed cheek.
“How you plan on explaining to Finningley why you, a fan of all sport wizard, are doing in a muggle JD’s.” You paused as he slid a pair of matching sunglasses over your nose.
He grinned brilliantly, the sunglasses doing nothing to dull his exuberant shine.
“Not I, shortcake, we. What are we doing here?”
“That’s more suspicious.”
He led you down an aisle of trainers, boxes piled so high you couldn’t see the tops without craning your neck. “We don’t need to talk to her. Truth be told, I’d rather not. She just needs to see us together.”
“She saw us at Sirius’.”
James poked at a pair of shoes with mild interest.
He looked awful today. Well-dressed, brown skin kissed by the sun over and over. His dark, thick hair was a devilish mess as usual, curls falling this way and that. The sunglasses hid away his melting brown eyes, resting on his handsome hawk-shaped nose. He was clean shaven and smelling of his usual cologne, which in itself was enough to haunt your dreams. Sandalwood unfurling into a deeply woody smell, like a pure, burning flame. You held back the want to press your face into his neckline, to stand in his arms and soak up all his sunshine heat.
Perhaps awful was the wrong word. Either way, it was awful for you.
You turned from him, eyes searching for Finningley.
“In the market for anything?” James asked.
You turned around to find him holding a small football, meant for kids. He sorted through neon coloured footballs and then moved on to expensive branded socks, to rugby jerseys, to windbreakers. The whole shop smelled of sports equipment, slightly plastic. He came across a shockingly ugly pair of football studs, bright orange and fluorescent yellow, raising his eyebrows. “I’d do well in playoffs wearing these. Very distracting.”
“They’d laugh you off the pitch.”
“An unkind sort, quidditch players,” he agreed.
“You’re a quidditch player.”
“And I’m horrid.”
“I concur.”
James grinned something wretched. “You like ‘em mean?”
You were much too fragile to play this game with him. You imagined a version of you that said yes, that goaded him, that kissed him to kiss him and not to convince others you were kissable. That version of you, that brave version, would step on the toes of his shoes and put your hand on his lean chest and say all the right things, set your mouth on his mouth and kiss him like you meant it.
This version of you faltered noticeably.
James frowned and set down the ugly shoes.
He looked like he might say something heartfelt or at least something probing. Conveniently, your reason for being there appeared. You threw open the curtains on your stage play, idling into James’ space like you loved him. You smiled coyly and looked up at him from under your lashes.
“You tell me,” you said, hoping she could hear.
James looked startled. You pressed your hand to his neck. He covered it with his own.
You eased the sunglasses from his face and tucked them into his shirt, leaning up on your tip-toes to speak in his ear. He stilled.
“She’s behind you,” you whispered.
“She’s - oh. Oh.” The undertone of his lovely smile turned from earnest to guarded but he gave it as good as he got it, pushing your sunglasses up into your hair. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he said under his breath.
You braced yourself for his mouth, a polite peck, eyes drifting closed as he came close. Then, a passion — a roughness. James was kissing you hard enough to feel your lips press against your teeth. You froze. He pulled back, nipped your lip, said, “Play along.”
You were trying, only it was difficult to suddenly be kissed so deeply by someone. It was a wish fulfilment at best and a ruination at worst. James Potter was really, truly snogging you, and you wanted it bad. He tasted of spearmint.
He pulled away. You couldn’t help it, you chased him. He appeased you with a last peck and a laugh you’d never heard before and said, “Don’t overdo it, shortcake. We’re still classy.”
You nodded, taking your tingling bottom lip between your teeth. The cheesy novels always got that part right: fireworks. He readjusted your sunglasses back over your eyes and put his own back on and you both refused to turn your head’s in Georgia’s direction. When you looked out of the corner of your eye she was looking at you both with a broom loosely on her hand. When it hit the ground James laughed and covered his mouth. You both stood there desperately constraining contagious giggling.
-
Your final appearance as a couple began on the morning of Alice soon-to-be Longbottom’s wedding. The dress code was simple — as decadent as you please but don’t get cheesy with it. The bridesmaids wore gorgeous bronze silk slip dresses with bouquets of red roses, the groomsmen each with a rose tucked into their pockets.
You’d thought that a black dress might steer people’s attention from you completely and had bought the first one you found that flattered, ending mid-thigh. The fabric at your breasts was stiff, almost an invisible corset, and the straps were settled over each armpit.
The wedding was held on the Longbottom’s four acre property, green green grass topped by long, hand-carved wooden benches set on either side of a white silk aisle adorned by red petals. You and James stood at the top of it and set about making your judgements.
“It’s lovely,” you said.
He looked dreadfully handsome, the dark tendrils of his curls immaculate above his sharp eyes. He dipped down his head to you and you thought maybe he might kiss you. “It’s very dramatic,” he said.
How ironic, you thought. You look like a perfume model and you think everyone else has gone overboard.
“What’s that look?” he asked.
“What look?”
“I know you better than you think,” he said instead, staring at you. You marvelled at his ability to melt you, propping yourself up with a hand on one of the benches. Sirius was causing a palava at the registration table, the sound of Remus’ tired frustration reaching your ears. You hoped their hubbub might distract James long enough to save you, but no such luck. He waited patiently for your answer.
“I — you look very handsome today,” you admitted, feeling hot all over.
Perhaps he didn’t know you so well, as his spine straightened and his hand came up to tug against the collar of his shirt before he tucked it into his pocket with bravado. “Of course I do. I’m a handsome guy.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, embarrassingly earnest, “you are.”
He cleared his throat. The usher was trying madly to get people into their seats, begging ‘Bride or Groom?” to anyone who would listen. This was a difficult question, as most attendees where here for both. You eventually settled on the groom’s side with James, bare thigh pressed into his muscled one.
You could see the shape of his legs through his trousers and then looked away, blushing as you realised your own ogling. He didn’t notice. Well, fair do’s, you thought to yourself, he’s gotten an eyeful of my legs already.
You shivered. A small draft moved through the grounds and wafted the smell of rose water into every crevice. The cardigan you’d worn was similarly black, stopping just below your ribs and tied by two small, soft pieces of fabric at the front. You liked it because it didn’t fully cover the dress, though you were regretting it now.
A general hush had fallen over the crowd in anticipation. James pressed his knee to your knee and leaned over to talk to you without looking at you. “Are you cold?”
“A little.”
He brought both your legs into his and covered the outermost with a big hand, roving stripes over your naked flesh. “Bit frigid for an outdoor wedding,” he said, grinning, his pearly teeth peeking out through his parted lips.
You agreed weakly. You could hardly think. Your skin buzzed under his touch.
The music began. Bridesmaids and groomsmen drifted down the aisle looking bright and excessively happy. Lily, in her lovely brown slip, floated down the white silk in her strappy sandals looking like an angel, hair curled and glossy behind her. You knew you shouldn’t, knew it was ridiculous, but you looked to your left. James looked completely normal, no lovesickness, no outward yearning. His hand didn’t pause on your leg for a moment.
“Warmer?” he murmured.
You were burning.
Alice finally came down the aisle in her knee-length gown, all shiny fresh with love and elation on her face. You’d never seen such a ridiculously happy pair of lovers, laughing all through their vows and kissing passionately enough that the pews began laughing too. James’ hand tightened over your leg when the crowd cheered. He and Sirius began whooping loudly as to break your eardrums and, you figured, the sound barrier. Frank bowed to them both with a movement like a rolling bow.
People began rising from their seats to the reception tent.
“What did you think?” James asked as you stood. He remained seated. It was strange to be taller.
“About what?” you asked.
He held his hands out. You accepted hesitantly, felt the broom-wrought callouses on his otherwise soft hands slide against your palms as he spread his fingers over your pulse point, securing them around your wrists. You did the same. You didn’t look unlike Alice and Frank had, index fingers sliding under his forearms.
He gently pulled you forward to be standing between his open legs. “About the ceremony?”
You relaxed. “I liked it.“ You hesitated to say more.
“What?” he asked conspiringly, seemingly excited by your opinion.
“I can’t say it, it’s mean.”
“Please say it,” he begged. He moved one hand so his fingers were wrapped around the fleshy hill of your thumb. “Please, shortcake, I love to gossip.”
“It’s not gossip!” you said, looking down at where his fingers held your thumb. He pulled you closer still, so close your knees touched the bench.
“It’s the flowers, right? It’s suffocating,” he murmured. You blew a relieved breath out the side of your mouth.
“A bit,” you agreed, giggling, hands tensing around his.
“Like a first year’s hair-softener.”
You laughed more and then looked over your shoulder in paranoia.
“James, shush.”
“What? It’s hardly hearsay!”
“It’s not nice. They’ve had such a perfect day so far and we’re taking the piss.” Even as you said it, you didn’t feel guilty. Your pulse was pressed to his palms, his hands drifting over your skin as you talked and laughed. Half the attendees had moved to the gazebo and yet neither of you noticed.
He’d said something terrible that had you cringing down, stomach aching. When you looked up he was giving you his beatific smile, the sun shining down on you both just right and you felt pinned by it.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” you said, smiling distractedly, looking down at his wrist. You curled your fingers inward and scratched the underside of his arm gently, feeling a little put out. After today, this would be over. You’d miss the stolen moments in bathrooms and hallways, would miss being allowed in his space like this — unapologetic, unflinching. James moved one hand up your arm, over your cardigan sleeve, to squeeze the crease of your arm.
“You…” he started shaking his head. “You make me so mad sometimes.”
“Mad?” you asked, worried.
“Furious.”
You didn’t know what to say. You tried to pull your arms away and he held on tight.
“You get this look on your face,” he said. He was smiling as he spoke, the strained kind, like he didn’t know how to say what he wanted to. “Like you realise you’re enjoying yourself and have to stop. Like you’re not allowed.”
You looked down at his sleeves, his cufflinks.
“Are you having a good time?” he asked you, suddenly, his voice loud in your ears.
“Yes,” you said timidly.
He let go of one arm to grip your shoulder, a comforting squeezing motion that made you sway. “Yeah?”
“I always have a good time with you, Jamie.”
He gave you a very long look. At first you didn’t recognise it on his face, it was so unlike him. No walls, no guarded secrets, a boy stripping back his bravado.
James let go of your elbow to wrap his arm around your shoulder blade, guiding you down to sit on his leg. You stopped breathing, pulse roaring in your ears whilst you tried to settle over his thigh without squirming. The hand wrapped around your wrist loosed go of your hands. They fell into your lap. His knuckles brushed against the tops of your covered thigh.
You had to wrap your arm around his neck to stop from falling backwards, chest against his chest, soft dark curls crushed under your hold. He smelled as intoxicating as always, sandalwood and something like smoke.
Live music had begun playing in the tent. Guests were clapping and cheering, laughter floating on the rose water breeze. The sun had begun to descend in the sky.
He let his hand rest on your hip, the other on your bare knee. All you could think of was his hands.
“I didn’t tell you,” he said, words like spun silver from his lips, “how beautiful you look today. Forgive me.”
Your heart rocketed. You took as subtle a steadying breath as you could manage, using the very tip of your index finger to push a misbehaved wave from his face. He waited patiently, his eyes drifting shut at your touch.
You dropped your hand. “So tell me,” you said, as bravely as you could.
His hand inched up your knee, spread wide over your thigh. “You’re beautiful.” He faced you head on.
This part was all on you, you realised. You had to be the brave one — he’d made it so it was your decision, had let you be the taller one. You had to be the one to lean down. You had to be the one to mean it.
You inched closer to him, little bit little. You’d never been brave all at once like him. Best he knew it from the start.
“James,” you said, words soft. His smile was gentle. You mirrored his expression unthinkingly. “James.”
You had no grand confession for him. You wouldn’t tell him you loved him, but the idea that you could know him, that he could know you, and that the both of you could make something pretty of it. Well, you’d be brave for it.
You moved down another inch.
“Ask me,” he murmured, your lips so close and not close enough, noses a whisper apart. “I’ll say yes.” What he’d said when you asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend. Your heart would burst through your chest any second now.
“I know,” you said, repeating your own words, a world apart. “I think that’s why I’m afraid to ask.” He exhaled through his nose in a laugh.
“What are you afraid of?” he asked. His exhale graced your lips. Nothing, you wanted to say. Everything. “I already told you, I don’t do anything by halves.”
You shivered, shifted on his leg to be taller still. “Why’s it up to me?”
His eyes darted down to your lips. He bit his own, inhaled so sharply you felt his chest move under your hand. The sun set, poured light all over him like a blessed being dripping nectar. His hand came up to touch your face and was soaked in colour. The music lulled, the laughing grew louder.
He ran the back of his hand down your cheek. “Kiss me?” he asked you.
You set your palm over his cheek and closed your eyes. You leaned in. This time, when you kissed him, nobody was watching.
-
omg first james fic kinda nervous
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