you bleed just to know you’re alive

marcus greene. 32. i make music.

[gamesgamesglenn]

↳INSTAGRAM: @glenn.r posted a photo to their story:

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Sweet photo.

[roberrys]

↳INSTAGRAM: @rowanberry uploaded a photo:

Tofu is spayed, house-trained, cuddly, insanely lovely and in need of a good home. Her previous owners moved overseas and I want her to find a new forever family. Give me a message if you’re interested!

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: I don't trust cats, but I hope she finds a home soon.

[profkaitucker]

↳INSTAGRAM: @kaitucker posted to their story.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Do you want to sit and edit the lyrics I've just been sent? To save you the trouble, the answer is no. You don't. You're better where you are right now.

[henrybly]

↳INSTAGRAM: @henrybly uploaded to their story.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Can't wait.

[h0peisstrong]

↳INSTAGRAM: @h0pestr0ng uploaded a photo:

flirted too hard with a ceo and now i’m in a room in the plaza ordering room service on his dime. chat did i accidentally become a sugar baby?

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Be careful please.

[profkaitucker]

Kai nodded and waved Marcus towards the chairs outside, trusting that the man would find them a table with the least amount of bird shit on it. With Marcus’ coffee order tucked firmly into his memory, Kai pushed his way into the coffee shop. He’d been telling a white lie about his headache, but as soon as he was met with the usual morning hubbub of A Novel Idea, there was a definite pressure weighing on his temples that threatened to aid his little falsity into becoming true.

The place was loud, students milling around in a mad dash to get textbooks they needed for their next lecture and the coffee line being held up by some sort of foam-y disaster spilling from the espresso machine. Kai tilted his head to the side as he watched the chirpy little blonde try her best to mop it all up with a sodden dish towel. He could only imagine how much Marcus would have hated to be sitting inside on a day like today.

Eventually, the line moved forward and Kai recited the order to Billy, who was wearing a baseball shirt a size too big for him. Kai silently raised his eyebrows at that and tried not to let the age-old jealousy of recognising the signs of a happy, lived-in relationship show.

Without thinking, his eyes strayed to the storefront window, out to where Marcus was sitting at a table for two. Quickly, Kai snapped his attention back to Billy who handed him his cups in a carrier as well as the oversized cinnamon roll Kai spotted behind the glass counter and decided he had to have.

He made his way back outside, plopping himself down in the chair opposite Marcus and tugging the cups out their holder, sliding Marcus’ over to him.

He tore open the bag carrying the cinnamon roll so there was easy enough access for both of them to rip chunks off it. So intent on the task was Kai, that Marcus’ words didn’t quite register with him at first. When they did, his fingers stilled and he looked up, an awed expression on his face.

“Wait, really?” he asked, already knowing Marcus wasn’t in the business of lying. Not like Kai, whose truths were as rare as a blue moon.

He stared at Marcus, lips twitching. There was something about Marcus that was so easy to like, mainly because Kai liked to think that he knew exactly where he stood with the other man. He’d already reconciled himself with the idea of having a dumb crush on him, but Marcus was insanely beautiful in what felt like a gold-tier, top-shelf, untouchable way. Something Kai could never properly want for himself, the same way he’d convinced himself that he’d never have Sean. But that was through the several confirmations of Sean being straight. He realised he had no idea what Marcus’ deal was and if it would even matter if he did like guys.

Instead of saying anything of any merit, Kai dry-swallowed and simply let out a quiet, “Aw.”

He heard how lacking it was as soon as he said it and wrinkled his nose apologetically.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… Hey. I like hanging out with you too,” he said sincerely. “You’re just way cooler and smarter than I could ever be so I didn’t expect - do you wanna share my cinnamon roll so I can stop being such a fuckin’ bumpkin?”

[marcusmixes]

Marcus had an affinity for being blunt, but most often without realising he was doing it. He didn’t know that his words often fell flat and unfeeling, or that people tended to stare at him, mouth agape, wondering why they’d been lumped with this awkward, slightly gormless guy who didn’t have a whole lot to say for himself. He didn’t notice when he was being odd, but he’d had it spelled out to him more times than once. He’d had producers and exes and even friends tell him he was weird, crinkling their nose in disgust as they went on long tirades about how strange and unappealing he was, or how he made them feel uncomfortable. 

It wasn’t intentional. It was never intentional. Marcus just struggled to be, sometimes. He didn’t always feel completely whole in his own body or mind, oftentimes gliding through life as though he was living one out-of-body experience after the other. When artists, sound engineers, and producers alike pushed him down against their body, egging him on as they bartered with him for his right to work, he felt himself float out of his body and free from his mind, watching his own actions as if it was somebody else doing them. So, when Kai was surprised by his words, it occurred to Marcus that he hadn’t been a very good friend to the other man. He hadn’t made it clear that his company was valued, that he was valued. 

For a beat, he thought he’d done it again. Kai was uncomfortable, and this would be the last time he saw him. 

And then the other man returned his sentiment, and Marcus’ shoulders sagged in relief, a soft sigh escaping his lungs. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Marcus blinked, frowning just a touch. His brows knitted together in gentle confusion. His mums had always taught him not to apologise when he hadn’t done anything wrong, and he had always tried to follow their words of wisdom. He’d struggled with that lately, when his kisses had been lacking, his hands trembling as wet lips were pressed, unwanted, to the nape of his neck. His last studio manager had thrown him out without any warning, insisting he needed to find a new space to make his music if he didn’t get his shit together. 

He hadn’t gotten his shit together. He’d found a new space, had found himself in the clutches of other bodies needing to be warmed. 

His mind wandered, and he felt himself leaving again. Leaving their table, leaving Kai, the wide expanse of the sky opening up to swallow him whole. He cleared his throat, blinking as he tried to force himself back into existence, into the present day. 

“I’m not very cool or smart. You’re a professor. You teach. That’s impressive, Kai,” he shook his head, knowing that everything Kai had to offer the world was of far more significance than anything Marcus had. 

He extended his hand, annoyed as he noticed his fingers were trembling, and ripped at the edges of the cinnamon roll. He didn’t really want it – he found cinnamon overwhelming, the taste of it on his tongue startling – but he rolled the pastry between his thumb and forefinger for something to do, something small to latch himself onto. 

“I know people think I’m weird,” he stated, shaking his head. He was ruining things again. “I like that you don’t think I’m weird.” 

[kennedyjane]

↳INSTAGRAM: @kennedyjane uploaded a photo:

Posted with full permission from Mama! 🧡 It’s always such a lovely feeling to check back in with the babies you helped bring into the world. And look at this cutie pie! #ilovemyjob #midwife

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Must be a great feeling.

[spectreravi]

↳INSTAGRAM: @spectreravi uploaded a photo:

Lily-Rose, this is my fortnightly ‘proof of life’ post. You’re welcome. No arrests this month, they still haven’t shot him (I’m sure you know that though) and Skye took this last week at the office. I think you’re caught up now.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Looking good, Ravi.

[paranormaljoey]

↳INSTAGRAM: @paranormaljoey uploaded a photo:

joey going on a spontaneous trip that she didn’t spend weeks upon weeks planning in advance? stranger things have happened! (alternate caption: poppy is planning a tour, chess is elbows deep in fashion things and other people are busy so i was left to my own devices.) see you soon @.talkvalentina i guess?????

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Very nice. Have fun.

[littlemaggiechance]

↳INSTAGRAM: @maggiemeichance uploaded a photo:

and i feel likе i might throw up, left hook, right punch to the gut. you’re so, so prеtty, i’m paranoid i made you up !!! 💕🫧 new single drop dead is out now

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Great track, Maggie.

[profkaitucker]

↳INSTAGRAM: @kaitucker uploaded a photo:

Third wheelin’ like you no wouldn’t believe right now

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: What is the dog's name?

[profkaitucker]

↳INSTAGRAM: @kaitucker uploaded a photo:

Children people keeple dying

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Is there a typo in this caption? I don't understand.

[profkaitucker]

↳INSTAGRAM: @kaitucker uploaded a photo:

This is our third time this morning watching this while her old man is in Philly. Asked if we could switch to Tarzan and she threw her Berlioz stuffie at my head wtf do you plan on doing about this @carolandandclover?

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Tarzan is better, but I don’t think you’re supposed to tell babies that.

[profkaitucker]

Kai immediately took the pamphlet that Marcus offered him, hitching his backpack, mulit-coloured monstrosity that it was, further up his shoulder so he could flick through the contents of it. Thumbing through each and every page and raising his eyebrows at the bright, punchy colours and easy to understand language, he nodded in approval.

“This is cool,” he said. “Even an idiot like me would have no problem understandin’ this. I’ll give it a proper read when I get to work, Scout’s honour.”

He pulled the backpack on his shoulder round to his front, balancing the bottom of it against his thigh so he could unzip the front pouch and slide Marcus’ pamphlet in. He made a show of doing it carefully, so it wouldn’t end up ripped or crumpled the same way any number of coffee shop receipts or subway tickets usually ended up being when Kai shoved them carelessly to the bottom of his bag. He wanted Marcus to understand that he would read the leaflet and wasn’t just dismissing it by zipping it away to be forgotten about.

A grin broke out on his face when Marcus agreed to coffee. He hadn’t actually been totally sure that he would. He really liked Marcus, but oftentimes he wondered if Marcus would readily say the same thing about him. The other man was hard to read at times, and he was quiet in a way that Kai didn’t necessarily mind, but he had to wonder if maybe he was filling up all the gaps in their conversation with mindless chatter and Marcus was just simply waiting for him to shut the fuck up. But surely someone who hated Kai’s ramblings that much wouldn’t agree to coffee with him.

“Hey, that doesn't sound like a bad morning,” he pointed out as they headed towards A Novel Idea. There had been plenty of times where he and Livvy had whiled away the early hours of a weekend passing a joint back and forth on the sofa. Not that he’d admit that to the faculty board, but Marcus was safe.

“Ain’t a problem,” he reassured the other man. As soon as they reached the door of the coffee shop, he held it open for Marcus, but immediately stopped when he heard the cacophony of noise spill out. The early morning caffeine rush at his favourite cafe was evidently a busy affair and his eyes immediately darted sideways as he looked at Marcus. Marcus, who he’d seen flinch at loud noises, and usually had his headphones on to block out the raucous atmosphere that came part and parcel of living in New York.

“Hey, man, you think it’d be cool if we sit outside?” he asked, gesturing to the table and chairs littering the storefront. He scrunched up his own face. “I kinda have a headache and it sounds crazy in there. But if you tell me what your poison is, I can go grab us some drinks if you wanna save us a seat?”

[marcusmixes]

Marcus genuinely appreciated the enthusiasm that Kai showed toward the pamphlet. He didn’t know if it was one hundred percent sincere, but he liked to believe it was. The other man handled it with care, even as he tucked it away into the recesses of his gaudy backpack. Sometimes it was the little things in life that meant the most, and as oblivious as Marcus could be, he still picked up on the resigned groans that he tended to draw out of people when he tried to talk politics. Kai seemed invested in most, if not all, the things that Marcus had to stay though. He liked that about him.  

Absently, he wondered if that made them friends. Marcus would really like to be Kai’s friend, he thought. 

They walked in tandem towards A Novel Idea, which had become the default for most of his friends since he’d moved to New York. He wasn’t sure why – there were plenty of coffee shops around the city – but he enjoyed it there well enough. Aside from the time he’d burned himself and Dante had come to his aid, he hadn’t had many bad experiences. The chirpy, blonde one sometimes gave him headaches, though he knew deep down that she likely had good intentions. Plus, she’d gotten quite good at remembering his coffee order, even before he made the request. The cowboy could be quite loud too, and his accent was quite grating, but lately Marcus had noticed him softening his tone whenever he entered the store, already with a book recommendation on hand that he thought the producer might like.  

Over time, he’d grown fond of the place. But only on their quieter days. And today was not one of the quieter days. 

The moment the door swung open under Kai’s touch, Marcus felt his entire body cringe at the noise that came spilling out. He winced openly as a sharp pain shot through his eardrums and into his skull. For all intents and purposes, Kai seemed to be a reasonably loud and enthusiastic person. Marcus could only assume that he didn’t mind spending time in spaces that welcomed noise, so it came as a surprise to him when the other man released his hold on the door and let it swing shut again, muffling the sound from within. 

“Oh, sure. Yeah, whatever you prefer,” Marcus nodded, feeling a rush of something unfamiliar wave over him. He felt a warmth spread through his chest and down to his stomach, heat flushing across every inch of his body. Was Kai lying? He hadn’t mentioned a headache before, though he supposed it wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility. 

Still, this didn’t feel like the first time something like this had happened. Any time that Marcus bumped into Kai or spent time with him, it seemed like the other man was always taking great efforts to accommodate him. He might even have found it humiliating to have another grown man tend to his strange quirks and unusual needs, if not for the fact that Kai made it seem like the simplest, most normal thing in the world. If they were crossing the street, Kai would make sure to hit the button for the traffic lights so that Marcus wouldn’t have to get his hand dirty. Whenever a stranger got too close to Marcus on the subway, the other man would sidle in between them, using his own body as a shield for Marcus. On those days, he didn’t mind the closeness of the other man. He welcomed it. 

After giving Kai his order and waiting for him to return with it, Marcus offered him a genuine, warm smile. He knew that his friend was making an effort to ensure his comfort, and he owed him a great deal of gratitude for that. 

“I like getting to hang out with you, Kai,” was the most he managed to say, the words sounding earnest and forward. To Marcus’ horror, his ears burned bright at the admission. 

[littlemaggiechance]

↳INSTAGRAM: @maggiemeichance uploaded a photo:

it’s giving dream girl <3

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Any new music on the horizon?

[arturofloresart]

↳INSTAGRAM: @ARTuroartistry uploaded a photo:

Accidentally stole this jacket from a handsome man at the Valentine’s mixer. Had a smoke with him, was a bit pissed. Handsome men of New York, can anyone claim this jacket?

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Looks like you have a new jacket now.

[henrybly]

↳INSTAGRAM: @henrybly uploaded a photo:

chérie ❤️

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: Congratulations Henry. Who is he?