TWELVE

sometimes bad things feel so good

[margaritawednesday]

every time i think of you i still love you...

i just dont think of you often anymore

[margaritawednesday]

how the fuck is it january 19, 2019 and i STILL want to die?

[margaritawednesday]

how the fuck is february 18, 2020 and i STILL want to die?

[margaritawednesday]

january 17, 2021 and i wish i could throw my whole life away and start over. too many mistakes have been made. i’ve made too many mistakes that are irreversible. i feel dead among the living. i still wish i was dead ill spend the rest of my life paying for all my mistakes.

[margaritawednesday]

may 12 2022 and were about to graduate if you make it through today. dont die. maybe another day cuz i do still wanna die lol

[margaritawednesday]

Today was the first day I realized I don't love you anymore today I realize how shitty you were to me today I no longer miss you anymore I moved on today today is May 12, 2022 I haven't seen you since November 2019 it has officially been 2 1/2 years I never thought I would be over you I never thought I'd see the day 2 1/2 years later after I never saw you again it broke me to lose you. and here I am okay... never thought I'd see the day

[margaritawednesday]

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

nothing last forever wendy. you should've known by now.

[margaritawednesday]

you are the love of my life, but i moved on because you moved on.

[margaritawednesday]

i know i have my own demons to work on. the thing is they’re also my only friends...

[margaritawednesday]

lu lu lu loser

is all i’ll let myself say

because the is after is regret

[margaritawednesday]

having a voice is important

being able to use it is a skill

speaking up for yourself is wise

you can’t force anyone to listen

those who have already decided

they shut their eyes and ears and ignore

you can’t force anyone to listen

scream or shout, making your presence known

they turn the other cheek and ignore

you can’t force anyone to listen

your message was seen

carry your head high from being ignored

[margaritawednesday]

hope for hopeless

the dimming light at the end of the tunnel struggling to stay alive

[margaritawednesday]

rejected again

why am i so surprised. we shared a few weeks and silly me i thought you were mine. why does it hurt so bad? although i understand rejection is never fun for anyone. but what are the odds that it would happen to me so many times in a row. not a single date or a single mate has standed the test of time. these people are good people. i believe they must be. they want love and happiness all in the same. the next person they meet could be the one but why is my next person never the one. i liked sam. he was awkward and cute and sophisticated and i wished i wasn’t me, because maybe then he would have loved me.

[margaritawednesday]

anger a familiar yet freighting emotion. part of the grieving process of the road to acceptance, i’m mad. i’m mad.

[margaritawednesday]

wondering what i did to deserve having to live my life without you. 1-22-21

[margaritawednesday]

how the fuck is it january 19, 2019 and i STILL want to die?

[margaritawednesday]

how the fuck is february 18, 2020 and i STILL want to die?

[margaritawednesday]

january 17, 2021 and i wish i could throw my whole life away and start over. too many mistakes have been made. i’ve made too many mistakes that are irreversible. i feel dead among the living. i still wish i was dead ill spend the rest of my life paying for all my mistakes.

[margaritawednesday]

i wish i could just kill myself and start over

[margaritawednesday]

this is all the proof i needed for you to never be around me

[margaritawednesday]

a year without you

[margaritawednesday]

i don’t think anyone was capable of making me strong enough to move on from you other than you.