Burn, Baby, Burn!

Swishy, Asoue and Atwq Sideblog

[eatorganicmulch]

we need an ATWQ adaptation stat. kids these days are watching too much brainrot and not enough people getting eaten alive by genetically engineered eldritch abominations

[slowspinningredemption]

lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events (for adult readers)

the cavernous conference room

the terrible teams call

the sinister spreadsheet

the barbarous bank balance

the eerie emails

the belated bills

the gruesome grocery shop

the malicious meal plan

the woeful website

the mysterious malaise

the dreadful deadline

the perilous prices

the nefarious newsfeed

[lyeekha]

*receiving hyperactive visions at 4AM* understand please that count olaf believes he is hamlet titled noble of danish origin set apart by the narrative and  therefore owed special treatment by the universe feigning madness and ignorance to test all those around him while haunted by the ghost of his father but instead of cathartic tragedy he just grows old and hamlet is meant to die young and it eats him up inside

[lyeekha]

the revenge procrastination becomes endless. just keeps on putting on plays within plays

[lyeekha]

escalating pointless risk every since being knocked out of the rot-at-home depression funk like hes TRYING to die meaningfully! which - congratulations - he does

[snckt]

all wrong !!??! as in … no i shan’t hope … !!!!

[beatricebidelaire]

It is always interesting to me when someone tells me a story that they think is not about themselves, when of course it almost always is.

[kitsnicket]

Nothing on earth could prepare me for this sentence

[kitsnicket]

Scrolling through an instagram account full of things found in old books and. Well.

[beatricebidelaire]

(night of dec 31)

olaf: i haven’t showered since last year

fernald: boss, it’s not new year yet

esme: he knows

[fanonical]

the baudelaires were skeptical when they were told that the answers to every question can be found in a library

that is, until klaus stumbled across 'how to get rid of count olaf forever by limey snackman'

[beatricebidelaire]

B,

Before we first met, you were a perfect figure our shared chaperone put on a pedestal so high that I couldn’t reach, and I was the rebel who ran away from a breakfast shop that served horrible eggs to a faraway town where the sea had long drained. Now you’re still a perfect figure on a pedestal so high I couldn’t reach, only I put you up there myself, and I’m still someone who ran away, this time from all my family and friends. (x)

[constancecontraire]

then, finally, we bring them to headquarters so they can learn the skills they need before they are introduced back into society, in order to make sure the world remains, as we say, quiet. (insp.)

[lockpicktf]

[okthatsgreat]

dating simulator where it starts normal but it slowly becomes clear that all of the romanceable characters are attempting to cover up an extremely specific murder they committed a year ago before you arrived

[beatricebidelaire]

anyway i’m still thinking about this

lucy punch:

tony hale:

[navree]

what makes the ‘i will love you’ letter so insane to me is that lemony is answering questions beatrice asked in the break up book, and the questions can be inferred, at least broadly, based on his answers (like when he says “three, myself, kit and jacques” it’s pretty easy to tell she was probably asking him how many kids his parents had, for some reason) and he starts out the answer that soon leads into the main “i will love you” stuff with enough words that you’re able to tell the question he was being asked was “do you/will you (still?) love me?”

so lemony writing this insane thing enumerating how much he loves and will continue to love beatrice in all these different ways is very very obviously done specifically to reassure her in an answer she herself asked while breaking up with him anyway

[reptilesroom]

[captaincrazycreative]

Lemony Snicket will go through the most, horrific, traumatizing experience you can imagine and still find the energy to be a little bitch about it

[quotespile]

“I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a glass of brandy to calm their nerves, and as a glass of brandy loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of glass shattering loves to make someone else gasp, and as someone else gasping loves a nearby desk to lean against, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and reveal a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and until all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled.”

— Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters