marianne & kim

[marianneandkim]

Feeling Guilty about Being Happy

I feel like I’m bound to feel guilty because 2020 has gone so well for me. Friends have lost their jobs, family members have to sell property to get by, relatives have died of COVID-19, and the whole world is still on a standstill. Meanwhile, it seems like I’m having the time of my life. I have gotten married, my business has just had its most successful year ever, and my husband is working from home with me and is beside me 24/7. 

They now have a term for it—toxic positivity. I’m always cautious of ending up inside that loop. I cannot blame people for calling out those who always look for a silver lining, especially in this ominous cloud called 2020, because we’ve all had our share of mental and emotional instability during this pandemic. I have built a wall, online at least, to not seem so happy and content in this time of unrest for the sake of the restless. Most of the time, though, my Instagram account is still as curated as it can be, and I seem annoyingly privileged, at least for me. With it comes guilt, which I do not like. 

So now I’m doing something for myself. I’m letting myself be happy—proud even—about all the good things that have happened to me. After all, they haven’t come on a silver platter.

The wedding was postponed, all reservations had to be canceled and refunded if possible, and options had slimmed down to almost none. We almost had no meaningful photo after the ceremony. While most people were lounging on weekends, I worked all day—till midnight—to fulfill orders for my business. The same went for weekdays in my full-time job. Every day was tiring. I never had a day off. I even snuck in a tearful respite during a quick bathroom break one time as my body was close to giving up. 

No, I should not feel guilty. Whatever 2020 has brought me, I have taken and gotten my way around it. I deserve to be happy as I look back on the year that has been. Besides, I’m pregnant. Aside from horrible bloating and nausea, what’s not to be happy about?

“To preach the acceptable year of the Lord” (Luke 4:19).

Kim

[marianneandkim]

A Reflection on Choices

What would you do if you had the choice?

Six months ago my mind was all over the place. I wanted to do something big and creative, but I didn't know what to focus on. With a long list of dreams I wanted to pursue, there were so many to choose from. I could work on my physical health. I could work on my writing. I could work on my hobby of making bracelets. Soon I made my choice, and it was to open my Bible.

In the beginning, I told myself this was my personal project of reading the Bible as I would a novel--continuously instead of in small chunks. But in truth, I was lonely and needed answers. I didn't know how to manage my life. Everything was overwhelming. I had no obligations, and yet life felt hard for me to handle.

There were times when I read the Bible with an angry heart, and I wondered if that was all right with God. For the first time in my life, I thought God had left me and had taken everything away from me--my job, my friends, my abilities, my purpose--and that I deserved it, as if all my past transgressions were catching up with me and handing me my punishment. Still I pushed through with reading no matter how hard it was. I prayed and I prayed for God to come back. I couldn't feel him at all. All my energy was gone, and reading the Bible was all I could do not to fall apart.

Four months later, I felt God again. Little by little, he was piecing my life together. He made me realize he'd never taken everything away from me. I have my family. I have the comfort and safety of our home. I am perfectly healthy. God showed me the way back through the books I read, injecting himself in the stories. He gave me the courage to reach out and apologize to people I hurt in the past. He unexpectedly gave me two job opportunities, after several rejections. And lately, he led me back to the devotional group I've signed up for last year but lost contact with for many months. My first online devotional was very timely. It was about refusing to do the work because of guilt. Guilt is one reason I don't show up and avoid doing the work--such as the guilt of anger and therefore feeling unworthy of reading the Bible and all good things in life. But no matter how much we've messed up, God wants us to do the work assigned to us. Even biblical characters made many mistakes.

In the end, reading the Bible was the best thing I've ever done. I'd rather have God and nothing else than everything I desire but God.

If you had the choice, what would you do? I hope you choose God, too!

Marianne

[marianneandkim]

The Obstacle Is the Key

How do limitations help you?

Limitations make me creative and organized. They also make me realize what is truly important.—Kim, 31, frustrated Stoic

Limitations tell me not push myself too hard and not feel bad about it.—Andrea

Limitations help put you in place. It lets you know that too much of something is bad enough.—Ivy, 31, millennial mom/wife and marketeer

Sometimes my limitations keep me from doing stupid things.—Joy, entrepinay

Limitations are a good reminder for me to stay humble and keep fighting to defy previously set limitations.—Ice

Limitations help me maximize the things I have on hand. This pandemic, the enhanced community quarantine, helps me make the best out of my time, money, energy, and other resources.—Jany

[marianneandkim]

On Limits

There’s no better time to talk about limitations than today—during a pandemic. We are on lockdown and urged to wear masks, keep our distance, and observe curfews. How do we flourish in a world where the enemy is right out the door and invisible?

I was supposed to get married in March. We planned it in February. Just hours before the president announced the very first lockdown, my partner secured a date with the judge, and I paid the reception restaurant in full. Days before that, I bought tickets to Coron, Palawan, for our honeymoon in June. No one got married in March, and nobody flew in June.

But there was a wedding in July.

“Why?” you ask. “Why push it when the world is sick?” Simple—our marriage license would expire on July 13.

COVID-19 is a gargantuan obstacle. Add to that a legal deadline, and you’re in a helluva challenge. But I told myself, “This is what I trained for. I read books for this. I went to church for this. I am prepared for this. This is the time to apply what I have learned in philosophy, books, movies, sermons, gospels, and life.” Now’s the time to be humble. Now’s the time to be mindful. Now’s the time to be a minimalist. Now’s the time to be financially literate. Now’s the time to DIY things. Now’s the time to prioritize the essential. Now’s the time to put theory into action.

In February, I told him, “Well, this would make a good story for our grandkids. We got married without a proposal and with only a month to prepare.”  Little did we know that the story, the challenge, and the limitations would be more than that.

I’m finally a married woman. We’re living in my parents’ house. We’re both working from home. Our business is still temporarily closed. We sleep in a sofa bed. I haven’t got out of the house since the day we signed our marriage contract for the second time. I still haven’t watched our wedding video. I’m not pregnant. The cases of COVID-19 in the Philippines are still rising. The only car we can use is now sold. We’re currently renovating our room, and it’s looking great. I can kiss him anytime I want. I now have a personal masseur. He now has better breakfast choices. We attend the Mass together every day via livestream. Our new houseplant doesn’t look so well. Flight tickets and reception payment are still not refunded. We’re both turning thirty-two next month. Limitations have always been there. Life goes on.

Kim

[marianneandkim]

Wise Advice

What wise advice have you been given recently?

This one’s from Ryan Holiday: “Whatever it is, know that perhaps the first step to making things better is just not making them worse.”—Kim

Make an effort to be safe, healthy, and strong if you care about the people around you.—Marianne

Don't be an open book.—Kei

To stay positive and always be grateful.—Joje

Cut them off.—Mayam

"The waiting, the meantime, the in-between. It all serves a purpose even the delays and detours."—Andrea

Trust your gut. Don’t let anybody tell you that you are doing your job wrong because mothers always know best.—Ivy

If the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away. My joy comes from the Lord.—Joy

My friend told me: Some situations draw us closer to Him. Sometimes God allows such situations, but let not the enemy reign over your reactions. Yield to the leading of the Holy Spirit, which is to make peace.—Nicole

Look around you and be thankful.—Niña

I think the best advice for the pandemic that's happening right now is to listen to the authorities—"stay at home, wash hands frequently, and observe social distancing." They've based their actions on the data collected on countries like China, who got hit first with the COVID-19 virus. I know it's tough to change our normal routines and quarantine at home, but during this desperate time, we should be disciplined to follow orders to get over this global crisis together.—Kath

[marianneandkim]

Wiser Ever After

Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins begins with Captain Rayford Steele piloting a plane to London, with thoughts of cheating on his wife and risking a new relationship with his senior flight attendant Hattie Durham, who is fifteen years his junior. He comes home later to find his wife, as well as their young son, missing. But it wasn’t only his family that was affected; millions of people around the world had gone missing too. As the whole world watches out every day for the news to figure out what’s happening, several different theories come up: an alien invasion, a result of nuclear power and weaponry, God’s judgment. The world was split, but Rayford believed in the latter. He knew that his wife and son were taken to heaven, while the rest of them were left behind—left behind to deal with all the disasters happening on earth, such as burglaries, car and plane accidents, inflation, deceptive leaders, wars, widespread death. Rayford hoped that he, as well as everyone else, could be given a second chance.

“The only Bible verse Rayford could quote by heart was Genesis 1:1: ‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.’ He hoped there’d be some corresponding verse at the end of the Bible that said something like, ‘In the end God took all his people to heaven and gave everybody else one more chance.’”

When I first encountered this book, I had no idea what it was about. The only reason I bought it was because it was cheap at a book sale. And let me tell you, it was the wrong book to read during a time when we ourselves are experiencing a global pandemic and the whole world is on lockdown. I have to admit, though, that it does make the book all the more exciting and scary and realistic. What was more chilling was coming across the quote, “It had become an ugly world overnight[.]” Prior to reading this, I never knew Christian fiction ever existed.

Rayford’s character was developed well throughout the book. He did a lot of thinking and searching. He had many realizations, such as that his attraction to Hattie was merely physical and that he truly loved and longed for his wife. There was also a moment when he realized that he took too much pride in his intelligence, looks, and abilities. As a pilot, he was respected by many and was very knowledgeable. But once he confessed his pride “in a childlike way,” once he sought humility and admitted that he has a lot more to learn, that was when I felt that he had finally gained wisdom.

Friends and people I follow online have developed their own theories about our current situation as well. Maybe this is a reminder for us to slow down and take a break. Maybe it’s Mother Nature who needs a break from all the damages we’ve done. Maybe this is a time for self-reflection. Maybe God wants us to stay at home during the holy week. Whatever this is, I just hope and pray that we’ll all come out of it stronger, healthier, and, most of all, wiser.

Marianne

[marianneandkim]

Wise Beyond Her Faith

I have this habit that I can’t seem to shake for years. I have tried disciplining myself and setting an environment to get away from temptation, but it’s still there. I’ve cried many tears, but as we all know, that won’t solve anything. I have prayed for it too, but I’ve slipped and slipped and slipped.

Then I had this meeting with the Lord. (Believe me, he was in a suit and tie this time, dining in an alfresco coffee shop. I was slumped in bed with my feet up.) I was very firm and desperate. He was acting like an insurance agent, as if he wanted my future to be brighter. He was pragmatic and all business. He just listened, didn’t tell me anything. Then I realized that sometimes behavioral problems need procedural answers. That was when I found peace and acted on my problem using man-made solutions.

When we think of wisdom, we always imagine sages and old people and their philosophies. Wise quotations pepper our social media feeds; they come and usually go, disappearing into thin air. Nonetheless, they are valid and help us be better people if we practice them constantly. Then there are those boring scientific and even legal shizz. They are also there to solve problems. They are not as inspiring as Seneca, if at all, but God has also put them in the table for our consumption.

It is wise to trust in God and not people. It is also wise to use what God has allowed through people, especially when it will make you love and serve God and others more. You just need to know what works for you. All good things come from him. Do not be guilty if your faith alone hasn’t healed you. Have faith that you will be healed so you can worship him better.

Kim

[marianneandkim]

Truth You Should Know

What’s one truth you want everyone to know?

God saves you from the world and from yourself.—Kim

Making assumptions is dangerous. If there's something you need to know, just ask people directly.—Marianne

You can't heal any inner wounds with material things.—Meggy

Jesus is enough.—Joy

I want everyone to know that my ties with my family and relatives will remain as it is. But as I enter a new chapter in my life, I choose to leave some family members behind and never let them be part of that new chapter. Love begets love.—Andrea

All things change when you become a mom, the way you feel about things and the way you see things. It’s like you give meaning to a little person and to a brand new you.—Ivy

[marianneandkim]

Telling Stories

For the past ten years, I’ve had a very diverse work history, and my current job allows me to meet and talk to many people on a daily basis. Forgive me, but sometimes I can’t help but make generalizations about people in each profession. For instance, I’ve noticed that doctors and nurses are kind, teachers (especially preschool teachers) are patient, students listen to every word I say (or am I just old to them, and I therefore have to be obeyed?), lawyers read the waivers (LOL). Let me tell you though, when it comes to telling the truth, nobody does it better than editors.

Let me explain. People love to talk. And sometimes, perhaps without realizing it, they tend to add to the story or exaggerate the truth until it stops being the truth. Sometimes they don’t even realize they’re already lying. But editors, aside from editing written words, edit their speech. They cut out all the unnecessary information, the ever-so-boring details, the words that put other people down and instead cut to the chase—making them, in my opinion, effective storytellers. They don’t add, at least not until they’re sure of the facts or have done their research. They don’t exaggerate—which is, I believe, the reason why there weren’t that much gossip and conflict in the workplace when I was an editor. (Also, we don’t have time to talk; we focus too much on our computers.) Looking back now, it was the most peaceful workplace I’ve been in.

Do you have a tendency to exaggerate stories? I admit I, too, am guilty of that. But once you’ve come to identify and accept that, the next step is to be conscious of how you tell these stories. Are they useful and necessary? Are you straightforward, or do you beat around the bush? Is your listener even interested? And most of all, are you telling the truth?

Marianne

[marianneandkim]

Worth It

What is something worth waiting for?

A lovingly made meal, something that will stand the test of time, and anything that you put your heart and energy into are worth waiting for.—Kim

Being with the Lord.—Marianne

Promotion that you worked hard for.—Hazel

God’s plan for me, I guess. But in the meantime, carpe diem!—Sam

The rain, your coffee to brew, "the one", and God's plan.—Juana

For me, anything or anyone that you love or ignites your passion or makes you happy is worth the wait.—Joje

Grinding, getting better at something, growth.—Ice

A good life partner.—Myx

Seeing our loved ones finally falling in love with the Lord and the miraculous restoration of a broken marriage.—Sheryl

Anything that will last long.—Meggy

[marianneandkim]

Wait a Second

One of my “weaknesses” is I tend to jump the gun like I only have a second to live. I cannot count how many times my teachers said I speak too fast when tasked to read out loud. I also tend to be in front of the pack when my friends and I walk home, stopping often to wait for them. Slowing down seems so difficult for me.

I work like the clock is ticking. I feel the need to be productive all the time. I want to make the most of my prime years before it becomes hard for me to lift anything without hurting my back, to strike while the iron is hot. I guess that’s okay when you put it that way. But when it comes to words and emotions, it could be hurtful.

If that’s what a Christian is supposed to be, then I have a long way to go. For some reason, I’ve morphed from a person of a few words to an extrovert, not that extroverts are far from being model Christians but airing my thoughts and emotions carelessly brings me guilt issues. If I only know how to wait a second.

A second to pause and really think of the right words, to wait for people to finish their sentence, to breathe deeply to suppress a budding fit and think straight—that’s what a hustler like me needs. I’m working on living slow, not just to meditate and breathe but also to give myself and others time to express ourselves better. Slowing down means I care about what others think, say, and feel. Slowing down gives anger and frustration time to dissipate. Slowing down offers me a chance to be eloquent—and sound smart. Effective communication means waiting for others and taking your time. There’s no need to rush if you intend to understand.

Kim 

[marianneandkim]

It Can’t Wait

There are people whom I’ve had the privilege of meeting and having conversations with and whom I admire—people who are kind, brave, and encouraging. One of them is someone I’ve known for about a year now and whom I consider as my health inspiration. I learned about her battle with cancer a few months ago. To make the story short, she decided to forgo chemotherapy (after much deliberation and several visits to doctors, of course) and instead change her lifestyle. She stopped eating meat and canned food and opted for fruits and vegetables. She attended yoga classes every day and took painting lessons for a year. Now she is a yoga teacher, an amazing artist, and a cancer survivor. I myself am witness to how physically strong she is, having taken several of her yoga classes. Her experience made me remember the time I decided to take my dancing seriously only when I lost someone and the time I started to incorporate healthy food into my diet only when I got sick. My friend's main takeaway and advice? Pursue your goals and live healthily now--not until something tragic happens.

I used to feel guilty whenever I spent money on my health. I was afraid that others saw it as luxury rather than a necessity. In fact, I’ve had several people comment on my “expensive” food choices and “expensive” fitness classes, which I’ve already gotten tired of justifying. But after having this inspiring conversation with her, my views have changed. I no longer feel ashamed of taking care of myself and letting others know that my health is of high importance. I now make sure to exercise and eat healthy as much as I can and as much as budget would allow. I also found that when I take good care of myself, I’m more helpful and conscious of my surroundings. This time, there’s no such thing as waiting.

Marianne

[marianneandkim]

Professor Time

What has waiting taught you?

That life goes on and that you should spend that waiting time working on other things.—Marianne

Waiting has taught me to think clearer because sometimes my initial response can be haphazard or negative, which I might regret later.—Kim

Waiting has taught me a lot about faith. It has taught me to accept and let go of things or people and just believe that God knows better. I learned that even though at times I might feel that I am missing out or losing something, God is working on something better. I learned that there are things that I will never understand during the process of waiting and that only in God’s perfect time will everything make sense.—Joje

It taught me that good things really come to those who wait. And when that thing comes, you can really say it is what you ever wanted, what you really prayed for. And all you can feel is gratefulness.—Andrea

Waiting has taught me that patience is really a virtue and that there is always a perfect time for everything, for God's plans are never too early and never too late, just always perfect timing. On another note, it has been a waiting game for me and my baby these past few days. As I patiently wait to go on labor, waiting has taught me to be more prayerful. Also, I guess it has given me more time to build the courage to face childbirth. Waiting has also taught me that good things come to those who wait, so when I finally give birth, I know all the waiting is definitely worthwhile.—Ivy

Waiting does not necessarily mean doing nothing. When you decide to wait, decide to do something else worthwhile.—Hazel

Waiting gives me a clearer vision of what lies ahead.—Kei

Waiting has taught me to be patient. I'm originally not a patient person, but I've been doing my best to be more understanding of others, given that we have different personalities, hence different approaches to any given situation. Aside from that, waiting has also taught me not to expect from other people, whether they're close friends, family members, or colleagues. It taught me to accept the bitter reality that some people just won't ever change, making it pointless to hang on to every bit of hope that they will.—Mayam

Truthfully, I’ve never been a fan of waiting. It has only made me miss a lot of opportunities. Looking back, during all that waiting, I should’ve just jumped in and done things I wanted to do. Now I just close my eyes and take a leap of faith. Things work out the way it’s supposed to.—Sam

Waiting allows for introspection. It really lets you see what you really want and what are impulse responses.—Ice

Waiting has taught me that everything happens for a good reason.—Myx

Waiting has taught me to focus on the things I can control, especially working toward becoming the best version I have been created to be so that when the wait is over, I’ll be ready to receive the outpouring of blessings.—Sheryl

Waiting has taught me that we get good things when we patiently wait for the right time.—Thess

Waiting has taught me what I can live without.—Meggy

Waiting taught me to value my time and to consider other options that may work for me as well. Sometimes I don’t mind waiting, but most of the time, I think waiting is just an excuse to hold off whatever it is that should be done at that moment or pushing for something that isn’t really for you to begin with.—Mae

[marianneandkim]

Enjoy the Wait

Normally, when you start early, you will finish ahead of others. Not so with my experience about relationships. I have been with the same man—a boy then—for sixteen years. You would think in our circle of friends, we would be the first to settle down. Lo and behold, we’re still dating—and I love it.

We have done a lot of waiting. Usually, women are the ones itching to get married, especially after being together for half our lives in our case. But I have made a lot of conditions, which he has to put up with even when he’s ready to bring the relationship to the next level: we have to have a house first (because I always argue that to be a housewife, my dream job, the “house” has to come first before the “wife”), he has to feel that he has accomplished something on his own as a bachelor (especially for his family), we have to save a hefty sum for the wedding and the life after that (no debts just to get married and to get by), and other things he has to suffer before he could take home the elusive me. I always joke to people bold enough to ask that I’m just waiting for him to pop the question, but in reality, he has done most of the waiting. I hope he enjoys it.

We enjoy it. We enjoy being lovers, with no kids or in-laws in the way. We enjoy planning our life together because dreaming is just as sweet when you dream as one. We enjoy the wait because we have no other choice; the alternative is not worth the time.

Whether single or in a relationship, there might be tedious waiting involved. The right person is worth it, and it will be hard to know if you don’t pause to discern. You have to stop and smell their armpits because you will have to live with that and then move on to consider each of their quirks. That should take time.

Normally, when you start early, you will arrive ahead of others. In reality, when you leave home in the morning during rush hour, it will take you longer to reach your destination than when you depart at two o’clock in the afternoon. However, it doesn’t matter who gets there first or how much time it takes to travel to the last stop. The goal is to get there, period. Relax, no one really is waiting for you to arrive. Everyone else is busy with their own journey. Take your time and enjoy the ride.

Kim

[marianneandkim]

The Big Picture

For the past year, I’ve been obsessed with biographies of historical figures. I’ve noticed that, for some of them, it had taken many years after their death before their body of work had been accepted. For instance, when Johannes Kepler, in the 1500s, introduced the idea of a mysterious force in the universe, which he then called “magnetism,” to support the notion that the earth floated and orbited around the sun during a time when what was accepted was that the earth was the center of the universe and that everything—the sun, the stars, the planets—revolved around it, people thought he was crazy. About fifty years after his death, Isaac Newton gave a name to the previously mentioned mysterious force in the universe that stuck to this day: “gravity.” Johannes Kepler is just one example of an important historical figure who died before he could witness his scientific efforts proven as true. Today he is recorded in history as someone who had made many great contributions to science and changed our understanding of the universe.

Johannes Kepler, as well as some other historical figures I’ve just discovered, struck me as someone who not only believed in his work but also never forgot what he was there for. He did what he was meant to do and never gave up despite all the backlash he received and despite the possibility that his work will never amount to anything. (This is all pure speculation on my part and not a historical fact.) It can feel excruciatingly painful to wait for a long time for something significant to happen in your career—or life in general—especially when you’re right smack in the middle of the waiting-for-the-fruits-of-your-labor part of your life. But at the same time, when you read about history, it makes you think that perhaps fifty years later is exactly the right time for a certain person’s life’s work to get recognized.

In history books, we don’t read about the uninteresting, insignificant bits, like someone getting their hair done or waiting for a friend at lunch—it’s not a day in the life. It only shows us the eureka moments, the sacrifices, the main events, the bigger picture. Sometimes in life, when we feel stuck, all we see is the “now.” How long until everything makes sense? But like in historical accounts, God sees the bigger picture. He sees ahead. For all we know, whatever we may be going through right now might just be one of those uninteresting and insignificant parts of our life that won’t matter in the future. Perhaps if we knew the ending, everything would be worth the wait and the toil. Trying to see God’s point of view and looking at the bigger perspective in times of waiting can help us cope and understand that everything has a perfect time and a reason. Who knows? Maybe my work will amount to something in a hundred years’ time. And I guess that’s okay.

Marianne

[marianneandkim]

A Place of Peace

What gives you peace?

Knowing that God is bigger than and in control of everything, including my anxiety.—Mae

What gives me peace is knowing that I have the capacity to help people.—Meggy

Healthy relationship at home and at work.—Eynna

The truth behind Psalm 139:7–12.—She

Knowing that my family back home is safe and healthy.—Kat

When even I’m struggling, I know that I’m giving my family a comfortable life.—Keshia

Knowing that there is a place for me in my Father’s house.—Juana

Knowing and having faith that everything that happens in my life is part of God’s bigger plans for me gives me peace.—Joje

Talking to God through prayer. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad; I know he will not judge me and will give me additional faith instead. That gives me peace.—Jan

[marianneandkim]

Peace Out

What gives you peace?

Currently, it’s a one-year devotional book that my friend gave me, where you read one passage a day for the whole year. I don’t know how to explain how it gives me peace, but all I know is that whenever I read it, I find it very comforting to know, on a daily basis, that all will be well and there’s no need to worry.—Marianne, 30, always curious

Surrender gives me peace. Knowing that I am not in control of most things in this world triggers me to let go. Some call it faith, trusting that whatever will happen is part of a grand scheme beyond me. Whatever will be will be. There’s a reason for everything, there’s a reason for this pain, there’s a reason for that struggle. Submitting myself to nature, God, and fate allows me to breathe easier and journey with fewer worries.—Kim, 31, hopeful