MariBat 2K20+

2020+ Calendar and more for Our Group! ❤🖤🧡💛💚💙

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: *presenting a PowerPoint*

Jason: Ranking guns by their names.

Jason: Machine gun. 0/10, all guns are.

Jason: Shotgun. 0/10, all guns do.

Jason: Revolver. 10/10, fuck it sure is.

[dianorayopi]

Green Lantern discovered that Robin is the little shiny version of spooky.

[incorrectbatfam]

[at a sleepover]

Damian and Jon: *playing video games*

Clark: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?

Damian and Jon: ...

Clark: You two never went to sleep, did you?

[staysblossom]

I recently learned that Jason’s favorite color is Green—or at least was green pre-death. So what if it still is green? But since half his persona is red hood, the color red has grown on him too.

So picture this. Christmas season comes and Jason doesn’t even have to decorate his apartment if he doesn’t want to. The primary decor colors in his apartment are already green and red.

[The door opens. Jason steps aside with a smug grin as his brothers walk into his apartment]

Dick, stopping in the doorway: …Wow

Tim, blinking hard: Did… did Santa Claus vomit in here?

Jason, clueless: Huh?

Damian, scanning the room like he’s in a crime scene: Drake is correct. This looks like Claus himself expired here

Jason, frowning: What are you talking about? It looks great

Dick, walking farther in, staring at the living room: Jason… your couch is Evergreen. Your carpet is wine red. Your pillows are—oh, look at that—red and green plaid

Tim, pointing at the lamp: Even your lamp has a red base with a mint green shade

Jason, shrugging, smug: And? Red and green are solid colors. Classic. Masculine. Bold

Tim, deadpanning: Bold is one word. Festively cursed is another

Dick, with a cheshire grin: You know, if you added a tree in the corner, you wouldn’t even have to decorate. You’re already living inside a Hallmark movie!

Jason, grinning wider: And yet you’re all still standing in my Hallmark movie, shoes off, and eating up the vibes

Damian, arms crossed: Correction—enduring the vibes

Tim, eyeing a green throw blanket with red stitching: I feel like if I sit down, Mariah Carey will just… materialize

Dick, laughs, flopping onto the couch: Don’t tempt fate, Tim. Jason probably has her on speed dial

Jason, dead serious: First of all, if I did have Mariah Carey on speed dial, I’d be bragging way more. Second, you all sound jealous

Damian: Of what? Your crime against interior design?

Jason, smirking: Of my commitment. Half of you don’t even know what your favorite color is

Tim, grins, leaning against the counter: Maybe… But I know Bruce’s is “darkness”

Dick: Nah, it’s “brooding gray”

Jason, snorts: Exactly. Meanwhile, I’ve got a theme. A palette. A brand

Damian, scowling: Congratulations. You are a Target holiday aisle

Dick, patting the couch: Yeah, but… kinda cozy tho

Tim, reluctantly nodding: …Okay, I hate to admit it, but he’s right

[Jason, smug as he can be]

Damian, muttering curses: If I start humming carols against my will, I’m going back to Nanda Parbat

[incorrectbatfam]

Stephanie: And now, a word from our lawyer.

Cassandra: *holds up a sign reading "DON'T"*

[incorrectbatfam]

Smallvillers are Victorian children in that they'd explode if you showed them a spice rack and Gothamites are Victorian children in that they snort six lines before their 16-hour shift at the crime factory

[jasontoddisasorceror]

Due to all of the chemicals in their air, water, and food, Gothamites are known for over flavoring their food. Also, their local Coke a cola plant still puts cocaine in their pop.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: You lied?

Jason: I may have.

Bruce: You may have or you did?

Jason: I may have did.

[batfamgalore]

*Jason gets Tim and Damian to help find out who is trying to kill him*

Tim: We’re in.

Damian: Now, do we have any information on who might wanna kill Jason besides all of us?

*Jason throws a giant binder on the table*

[dglovergirl]

Damian: I poisoned someone's drink, but I forgot whose.

Tim: You WHAT?!

Jason: The way this dinner is going, I hope it's mine.

Dick: *Chugs drink*

[bigfatbreak]

The idea of feralnette meeting the batfam is actually hilarious because of one Jason Todd aka the Red Hood, this guy would proclaim himself this feral Lil gal big brother and proceed to teach her how to use a gun much to everyones horror lol

(previous-ish?)

[dictearchive]

[traf-graf]

3am dinner

[speedpaint]

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: I lost Damian. I turned around and he disappeared!

Bruce: I told you, never let him out of your sight. That goes double for zoos and science museums.

[jasontoddsguns]

AU where jason Todd actually has pit madness, but it’s because his shitty crime alley apartment is directly above one of the natural pits. it’s in his tap water.

[jasontoddsguns]

Dick: thanks for letting me crash here.

Jason: just don’t break anything, dumbass.

Dick: (sips water)… have I ever told you what a little bitch you are

[eevee-the-cat]

Dick Grayson (age 12, waking up Bruce who’s asleep on the couch): hey, Bruce. I need you to sign this permission slip for a school field trip.

Bruce Wayne (hasn’t slept for 5 days and still thinks he’s in the office): what… what is this? One day at the zoo for $45 that’s a terrible deal! Tell them to negotiate… something… better… *falls asleep*

Dick: …um

Alfred: *taking the paper from him* I’ve been able to forge his signature for ten years now. I techincally sign my own paychecks.

[ascribesstory]

Bruce, exasperated: I don't understand why all my children choose to resolve their anger through violence, I taught them better than this! Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim, and Damian watching their father bash the joker's teeth in, stab him in the shoulder, and push him into the lake after Joker called him a loser: Yeah, a total mystery.

[danismilek]