The culture of my family is Italian. My mother’s parents were born and raised in Sicily, Italy while my father's parents were born and raised in Calabria, Italy. My mother has two sisters who were both born in Italy as well. My mother was the first and last child that was born in America. My father and his younger brother were both born in America as well. Both my mother and father are the first generation of Italian-American in their families. Both of my parents' first languages were italian, and second english. They were both raised with an Italian mentality. The mentality of italians is to put family life over everything. You are to always stay loyal to your family, and remain close. Italian was both of their first languages as children and learned English as well. My parents were grown up with similar traditional beliefs, values, and lifestyles that stemmed from their parents (my nonni), and generations prior.
My mother and father met in their mid twenties, in Brooklyn where they both have lived all their lives. They were introduced to each other by mutual friends. My grandparents were pleased with both my mother and fathers and their choice to get married. They both came from families that had followed similar italian lifestyles. Although my family did have a preference that my parents get married to a person with the same culture, it was not required. Today my parents have the same preferences for me. I am more attracted to italian men in regards to getting romantically involved with. I tend to look for a partner who has grown up with the same traditional values as myself. Arranged marriages in Italy are no longer practiced for most families. Recently as I was having a conversation with my nonna she had told me that her parents brothers and sisters did end up in incestral marriages with their first or second cousins. We had this conversation when my third cousin Francesco was immigrating to America with his family. My nonna went on and on in conversation about how handsome he was and was speaking to her granddaughters with the intention of potentially setting us up. We all looked at her as if she was absolutely insane but incestory was something that was normal in Italy years and years ago but is something that sounds so absurd today. My mother’s sisters and father's brother had also been able to marry who they wanted, and it just so happened they had come from an italian cultured background as well. It just so happens that you sway to what you know. A couple years ago my cousin Frankie who was twenty-one at the time got his girlfriend pregnant. Both of the families including my cousin and his girlfriend agreed to keep the baby which turned out to be babies (twins). They were both brought up in families that were extremely faithful. In my family and the catholic religion it is traditional to get married before having sex (which has faded away over generations) and having children. Basically, the couple was together for 5 years prior to this happening but decided to have a shotgun wedding before the babies had arrived. It made their family members happy and it felt like the right thing to do morally. When my parents got married their lives and resources had merged together. After years of being in a relationship and in marriage, they shared a house, a bank account, level of their education. Many people in marriages do not share everything with their partner. Especially in today's society many keep separate accounts or any other independent resources they may have. My mother and father share almost everything, unlike their best friends who keep their money and spend separately.
My mother and father were treated as family on each of their sides. My mother refers to my dad's mother as mama, and his father papa, and vice versa. They are both extremely close to their inlaws, and both sets of my grandparents are close to each other as well. My nonno on both my mother and father's side were extremely close and had passed away a day after each other in the same year. My nonnas are still alive today and enjoy each other's company in and out of the family kitchen. My nonna rosa who is my father's mother is extremely close to my mother's side as a whole as well. My parents, and their siblings have raised myself, my brother, and my cousins in the same traditional way they had grown up. As I stated earlier, my mothers and fathers family are both from Italy but come from different towns or cities. My aunts and uncles share the same situation. Although there are different parts of italy, most lifestyles are similar. Italian values include spending lots of time with family, religion and maintaining Catholic traditions, and pleasurable meals prepared with dedication and most importantly love. As a child I was always surrounded by family, and was fortunate for that. Unfortunately, my dad's brother and his family live in Long Island so we only see them a few times a year. Most of my family on my maternal side live in the same neighborhood as me, one across the street on the same block, and one a couple blocks away. The rest do not live far maybe 10-20 minutes away. Since we all live so close we tend to see each other often. My maternal cousins and I even attended some of the same schools. I don’t consider them to be my cousins. I consider them to be brothers and sisters to myself. My mother and her cousins are extremely close and were raised on the same block which allowed them to have a sister or brother relationship with them as well. I refer to most of my mother's cousins as aunt or uncle because of the close relationship. Their children who are technically my second cousins are just as closed to myself as my first cousins are to me as well.
I do believe other cultures are close with their families as well, but the Italians idolize this in their families. Another important value in my italian family is religion. Almost ninety percent of Italians are catholic. My family is included in that ninety percent. Traditionally a good catholic would be one who goes to church weekly, prays, receives sacraments, respects others, follows the ten commandments, and has faith. Today it is extremely difficult to get to church every week so my immediate family tends to attend on religious holidays. Italian families tend to share an early dinner once a week with their families which catholicism is still provided in a moral structure. There are many patron saint days that Italian families celebrate. A popular saint day for Italians is on March 19th, Saint Joseph's day. A feast takes place in Italy that honors Joseph, husband to the Virgin Mary and earthly father to Jesus. It is also the day in which Italy celebrates Father's Day. And if your name is Joseph or Josephine, you will also be celebrating your “onomastico.” Since my family is living here in America, there is a traditional pastry we get every year on Saint Joseph's day. Italian tables are filled with fig dishes, including fig cookies, zeppoles, or sfinge dough fritters covered with powdered sugar as well. We celebrate with pastries because Saint Joseph is also referred to the saint of pastries. Every Sunday my family makes it a point to gather for an early evening dinner that is also a tradition in Italy. My grandparents made sure it was essential no matter how busy the family got.. There are three portions of this dinner, antipasto, primo corso, and secondo corso. Antipasto always comes first and most of the time involves fresh bread, bruschetta, olives, soppressata, and some cheese. The primo corso which means first course comes out a few minutes after which consists of usually pasta with fresh tomato sauce, or can be soup or stew. The secondo corso which means second course is usually meat, usually chicken cutlets on a usual Sunday. During this dinner we spend quality time laughing and lots of yelling. By yelling I mean speaking to one another. As Italians we spend to speak out loud. Till this day my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and now my cousins children all join together for meals on Sunday filled with lots of food. The social life of italians revolves around eating, and celebrating. The love of food conforms to the traditional vision of an italian family.
The role of being a female in an Italian family has shifted as new generations come. It is still expected for women to take on household chores. Those chores include cleaning, cooking, laundry, and taking care of their children. Years back the women in these families were not expected to work or even learn how to drive. All labored work was saved for the men. My mom is the youngest of her two sisters and I believe that is when this shift happened in their family particularly. My two aunts are stay at home mothers and do not drive. My mother at a young age was working and continued working years after she gave birth to my brother and I. She still manages to work, clean, do the laundry, cook, and do whatever we ask her to do. She does it all well. The Italian women cater to their families and tend to put them first. Some would say we tend to be spoiled growing up.
The way others are brought up in their cultures are individualized for each family. For my family specifically due to our italian heritage the main important things are food, family, and our religion. These three things are what has shaped my family and the morals we have.
Nonni: Italian for Grandparents
Calabria: town in Southern Italy
Sicily: town in Southern Italy
Onomastico: Name Day in Italian
Virgin Mary: Mother figure of Catholic Religion
Jesus: Son and Savior of Catholic Religion
Primo Corso: First Course
Seconde Corso: Second Course
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