stressed out

marley scott darwin || 21 || now i'm insecure and i care what people think

[xoxaubree]

No, you’ve always been super careful whenever you’re dealing with things like that so it’s always seemed a little strange that something like this would happened all of a sudden. You’ve been into Chemistry for years, you know how this stuff works and what it can do to you. I just…I hope they figure out what’s going on. Maybe you’ll finally get some closer.

[marleydarwin]

I don’t know... Maybe. Like I said, it’s not definite or anything. Honestly, he doesn’t even know what he saw. So, who knows? It could just be nothing.

[xoxaubree]

That’s…so insane if something like that did happen. I have no idea who’d dislike you enough to wanna make your life this tough, Scott. Everyone loves you. Did you have any bad blood with anyone in any of your chem labs?

[marleydarwin]

I really just... I don’t know what to think. Part of me wants it to be true because I don’t want to have to live knowing that I did this to myself, but if it is true... That means someone purposefully did this to me. Someone ruined my entire future over.. Over I don’t even know what! And I don’t know if I could live with that either... Knowing someone hated me so much they had to take everything away from me...

[xoxaubree]

Something weird like…like it really wasn’t an accident or something like that?

[marleydarwin]

I don’t know... But that’s what I’m thinking. I’ve thought about that day a hundred times. I know I didn’t do anything that could’ve cause what happened. I really... I don’t know who would’ve done something if it had been tampered with, but I just... I don’t think I would’ve made this big of a mistake.

[xoxaubree]

Who? Was it someone really important?

[marleydarwin]

Professor Windham. He says that they were looking over the security tape of the day of the... Incident, and that there’s something weird about them. Didn’t say what, but he said he’d get back to me if he found anything.

[marleydarwin]

You’ll never guess who I got a call from today.

[xoxaubree]

[Aubree smiles. Although he wouldn’t give her thirty, she was perfectly content with fifteen instead. As long as Scott got out of his bedroom, she was happy.] It’s pretty nice outside right now. It’s warm, but not too warm and it’s sunny. Do you want to go out today for a little bit?

[marleydarwin]

[Scott doesn’t really want to leave his room, but he knows that it’ll make Aubree happy, knowing that he did. He sighs, shrugging his shoulders.] Sure, why not? Can we just go in the backyard, though? I don’t think I’m really feeling safe enough to go out into the world.

[xoxaubree]

[Aubree looked away from Scott briefly, wondering if they’d ever be able to get back to where they were before any of this happened. She knew that it would take some time for him to learn to live without his eye sight and Aubree loved him enough to wait for that though, she questioned whether or not that day would actually come. She worried about Scott wanting to sleep in so much and shut everyone out.] Just…a few minutes, Scott. Thirty minutes. Just thirty. If you seriously cannot stand it, we can come back inside, but just…please?

[marleydarwin]

[Scott purses his lips, weighing his options as he decides what he’ll do. He knows that she isn’t going to drop the idea until he gives into her. Part of him wants to just lay down and ignore her, but he knows that he can’t do that. He lets out a long breath, nodding his head.] Fine. Fifteen minutes, that’s it. Then I want to go back inside and go to bed.

[xoxaubree]

You can’t live the rest of your life in this bed, Scott. You can’t shut the world out. Sure, things are going to be different for you, but your life isn’t over. I know it’s going to take some time for you to learn to do things again, but this isn’t the end for you. We can start by getting out of here for a few hours a day. We don’t have to do anything much, just take a walk in the park. I’m worried about you, babe.

[marleydarwin]

I can damn well try. [Scott knows that it’s probably not good for him to spend all of his time laying around, but it’s hard to find the will to do anything right now. All he wants is to sleep because when he is asleep, he dreams and he forgets his current situation. In his dreams, he isn’t blind and that’s all he wants right now.] What’s the point, Aubree? It’s not gonna make me feel any better. It’s just gonna depress the fuck outta me. I don’t really want to be a part of the world right now. I just wanna sleep.

[xoxaubree]

You are normal, Scott. I know it might not seem like it fight now, but you’re normal and you’ll be able to do the things you love again someday. I don’t think you’ll ever feel better until you’re out of this room.

[marleydarwin]

I’m not normal, Aubree. [He takes his hand from hers before crossing his arms, turning his head away from her a little bit.] I won’t be able to do them. I can’t without being able to see. And that’s something I won’t be able to do again. I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t lie to me.

[xoxaubree]

It’s just hard right now and it’ll take some time, but you’ll get there. It isn’t going to happen overnight and maybe I can start coming over just to get you out of this room for a little while. Even if it’s just for a few hours. We could go to the park so that you can get some fresh air or even just take a nice car ride. Something to get you out of here, babe. [Aubree replied. She glanced down at her own hand, trying to hold back her own tears when she noticed her fiance’s tears began falling.]

[marleydarwin]

I don’t want it to take a long time. I just want to be normal again. [Scott’s voice cracks on the last word and he has to pause and take a breath to try and regain control on his emotions. He’s not going to cry in front of her. He refuses to. He clears his throat, sniffling a little before continuing.] That sounds nice, Aubs, but I just... I don’t think that’d help me much. The leaving the room part. It just... It seems pointless to me, going places where you’re supposed to get lost in the scenery when you can’t even see it.

[xoxaubree]

[Aubree furrow her eyebrows as she listened to Scott speaking about her losing interest in him. Which was something Aubree knew would never happen. Scott was the love of her life. The man she was going to marry someday soon.] Scott…I still love you. Just as much as I did before any of this happened. I still want to marry you too. I still want everything with you. This hasn’t changed the way I feel about you one bit. [Slowly reaching out, Aubree gently took Scott’s hand into her own.] Don’t think that way. There isn’t anyone else i’d rather be with and we’ll just have to describe it to you and let you feel the materials and things like that.

[marleydarwin]

[Scott bites his lip as he listens to Aubree, trying to prevent it from trembling as he listens to her. He wants to believe her, he wants to believe that she won’t lose interest in him as time passes, but he can’t help the fear that’s settled inside of him. All he can really do is just try to not think about it. He takes in a large breath, raising his free hand to wipe at his eyes under his sunglasses as he feels them tear up.] I just... I don’t know. It all tires me out a lot. All I do is lay here and think. It’s all I can do.

[xoxaubree]

Yeah? That’s really good. I can’t see them with the glasses, but i’m sure they’re looking well. [Aubree replied before shrugging her own shoulders.] I don’t want you to. I want you to worry about getting yourself better. I’m fine, but I guess I just…I just kind of worry if we’re going to be fine. You know? I’ve been looking through wedding dress catalogs a lot. I found one I kind of like, but I don’t know if I want it since I can’t try it on. My mom knows someone who might be able to make one with the exact design though.

[marleydarwin]

Good, that’s the way I wanna keep it. Nobody needs to see them. [He adjusts his sunglasses a little before clasping his hands in front of himself.] I can’t just shut it off. It’s natural for me to worry about you when something’s going on. I think we’re going to be fine. I still... I still wanna marry you, Aubree. None of this is gonna change how I feel about you. I kinda... Sometimes I do kinda worry if this’ll affect how you feel about me, though... [He hates to admit it, but the thought has popped up in his head more than once.] I’m sure the dress is beautiful, Aubs. I’m... I’m sorry I won’t get to see you in it.

[xoxaubree]

It’s fine, babe. This has been a rough time for everyone. I…I don’t mind giving you your space. No matter how much I miss you. I’m just really happy that i’m getting to see you now. [She replied, smiling softly as she finally got a better glimpse at his face.] I’m glad you’re feeling better today at least. I’m okay. I’m making it. Don’t worry about me though.

[marleydarwin]

Yeah, I just... I’m still trying to deal with the whole thing. Mom says the burns aren’t as bad, though. Can barely tell they’re there when I wear the glasses. At least, that’s what she says. I don’t know if it’s true or not. [He shrugs his shoulders, his head turning down.] Aubs, of course I’m gonna worry about you. I wanna make sure you’re doing okay.

[xoxaubree]

It’s me, baby. [Aubree stated softly as she slowly made her way into the room, shutting the door behind her. It had been a while since she’s seen Scott and she honestly was happy just to finally lay eyes on him.] I’ve missed you. I’m really glad you decided to have some company to day. You look really good, but then again you always do. You’re my handsome man. [She gave a small chuckle as she made her way closer to the bed, taking a seat on it beside Scott.] How are you feeling?

[marleydarwin]

[Scott clasps his hands together on his lap, waiting patiently while his door opens and her voice moves closer to him. He gives a half smile, nodding in agreement.] I missed you too, Aubs. I’m, uh, I’m sorry it’s been so long.I haven’t really wanted to see anyone. [He lets out a breath, shrugging his shoulders.] I wouldn’t know if I did. [He turns his head in her direction when he feels her sit next to him.] I’m, uh... Not doing too hot, but I’m feeling a little better than I usually do. How about you?

[marleydarwin]

[Scott lays on his bed while he waits for Aubree to come over, arms crossed and the front of his body close to the wall. He’s nervous to see her, since it’s been so long. He knows that he can’t make her wait forever, though, and honestly, he misses having her around a lot. His head turns toward his door when he hears a knock, his eyebrows furrowed as he sits up and adjusts his sunglasses on his face.] Unless it’s Aubree, please leave me alone.

[xoxaubree]

 “You couldn’t hide this from me, Scott. I’ve been worried sick about you for the past three hours. You couldn’t have kept this from me. No matter how badly you wanted to.” Aubree spoke from across the room. She got up from her chair to try and comfort her fiance any way that she could. Though, Aubree knew it would be a while before Scott ever truly felt at ease again, considering his condition, she wanted him to relax since it wasn’t helping the situation at all. A part of her was glad she didn’t see him sedated and witnessed them having to strap him up, she wasn’t really sure she would have been able to handle it. “Scott, you have to calm down.” Aubree spoke softly.

[marleydarwin]

Scott’s jaw clenches and he turns his head away from the sound of Aubree’s voice. He can feel a lump forming in his throat, feeling awful for making her wait so long to find out what happened to him. He can’t help it. He didn’t want her to see him like this. He knows it was a stupid idea, but he just wasn’t ready for her to see this new broken version of him. He shakes his head, gulping before turning his head in her general direction. “Oh, I have to calm down? Oh, yeah, great fucking idea, Aubs. I’ll calm down. My life is fucking falling apart and I’m gonna be blind for the rest of my life, but yeah, sure, of course, I’ll calm down. Great fucking idea!” He yells, his voice growing louder with every word. He knows that he shouldn’t yell at her and that she’s just trying to help him, but this isn’t the time to tell him to be calm. His entire future just fell apart. He’s allowed to be angry about it.

[xoxaubree]

Aubree stumbled back when Scott pulled his hand away from hers then stuffed away from her. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to do anything she could to comfort him and making him feel better, but she also understood that this wasn’t easy for him. It wasn’t easy for any of them. Seeing him in so much pain. Seeing him so hurt shattered Aubree’s heart into a million pieces. She resisted the urge to reach out and touch him again as he began shouting, looking over at his parents, Aubree allowed Scott’s father to walk her back to a seat in the corner of the room. This wasn’t anything Scott could keep for him. They shared an apartment together. They were engaged. There was no way he could keep something like this from her and Aubree couldn’t quiet understand why he even wanted. As he continued shouting, Aubree’s tears continued flowing.

[marleydarwin]

Scott hears shuffling around in the room, but no one’s said anything and that just makes him more anxious. They could be doing anything and he wouldn’t even know unless they told him. That’s one of the worst things about this new condition. “What’s going on? What’s happening?” He asks, his voice still loud as he continues to try and break the restraints on his arms. He flinches when he feels a hand on his shoulder and he sinks back into the bed, worried it’s going to be someone trying to sedate him again. “Scott, honey, try to relax. Aubree was just worried, you can’t ask us to not call her and let her know what’s going on.” His mom’s voice appears, making him relax a little knowing that it isn’t someone trying to drug him again. “I didn’t want her to know yet,” he says, laying his head back and turning his face away from the source of his mom’s voice. “I didn’t want her to know what happened. Not yet. Not til I was ready.”