The Land Down Under

Look into my Buscemi eyes 😍

[funnystories]

funny story

when I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to club penguin except it was called Nicktropolis. and if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was “what is your eye color?” and if you got it right it’d tell you your password. so I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then i would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to “what is your eye color?” (which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). i would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own account’s. and if it I didn’t want it, i could sell it for money

[khanos-deactivated20170219]

I love robbery and fraud

[pupu-platter]

[vitosordinationsong]

[glumshoe]

When my dad was a teenager, he accidentally started working for a restaurant that was a front for the local mafia. He flipped burgers for a semester and then, when he wanted to leave, one of the members pulled a gun on him and said he couldn’t. “Oh, fuck off,” said the guy’s superior. “Really, man? He just flips burgers, and he’s not even good at it. Let him go, dumbass.”

and that was my dad’s brush with organized crime

[paxamericana]

[blueexorcist]

[ruinedchildhood]

[marmite-princess-blog]

While ppl are "sippin their tea," I'm sippin my winnnnneeeeee girl. Girl grow up lol

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[gnar-killed]

[uchigtana]

[drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006]

im glad dogs cant read the “no dogs allowed” signs so they dont feel sad & left out

[prettylittlesuffermachine-deact]

i think im overqualified for this position

[hotvampireadjacent]

He welcomed me to chilis when no one else did

[leerings]

[danielhowell]

‪i’ve done it‬ 

‪i have found the single most phallic looking plant in the entire universe‬

[aria-jane-cherry]

My parents got their nipples pierced together (like they didn’t attach themselves to each other via nipples they both got their nipples done) as a couple thing idk and dad would attach those phone charms that light up with you get a text to them at parties. Well once he forgot to take them off and went to work and had to arrest someone for drink driving and the charms went off so they both had to act like the big scary police officers nipples weren’t flashing

[lunetta-suzie-jewel]

That was wild from start to finish

[itsagifnotagif]

Dogs are too pure honestly