Married

Married is a half hour comedy about being miserably in love. Renew your vows Thursday 7/16 at 10:30p on FX.

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What disappointment looks like.

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Sometimes you just want to test your limits.

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Nothing freaks you out about your family’s future quite like almost getting in a car accident. So it’s no surprise that last episode’s near miss got Russ and Lina thinking about who should take custody of their kids upon their untimely demise. While they ultimately (and smartly) decided on Shep, let’s go over the pros and cons of the other candidates.  

Jess:

Pro: She’s stylish. Jess will def buy clothes that will make the girls popular.   

Con: That white stuff on their morning pancakes might not be powdered sugar.

Bernie:

Pro: He’s got cash! And… well, he’s got cash. 

Con: Children should never have to spend time with Grandpa.  This Grandpa.  (pic of bernie’s grandpa)

AJ:

Pro: No one cares quite like AJ…

Con: No one shares quite like AJ… 

 Abby:

Pro: She’s a great Mom. You can’t question her commitment.

Con: She’s dating AJ. You can question her judgment. 

Lina's Mom: 

Pro: Everyday will be like Thanksgiving!

Con: Everyday will BE Thanksgiving!

Russ’s Mom:

Pro: She can teach the girls how to get free cruises from strange guys on the internet

Con: She might leave them home alone when she goes on cruises with strange guys on the internet

So, Shep… You up for taking care of Harrison and three girls? At your age? You might want to place Lina and Russ in a protective bubble.  

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They own this whole renting thing. 

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The little white lies we tell. 

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That moment when you question just about every decision you’ve ever made.

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The Top 5 Most AJ Things That AJ Has Done This Season… So Far

Let’s celebrate the bearded gift that keeps on giving! Never change, AJ.

1)     That time he told his ex-coworker’s mistress he’d kill himself if she didn’t sleep with him because… revenge. 

2) That time he set up a drinking intervention for his girlfriend without a drinking problem because… love. 

3)      That time he helped a webcam girl fulfill her dream to teach deaf kids because… philanthropy.

4) That time he brought his own birthday cake to Lina’s birthday party because… a man needs his cake.

5)  That time he crashed someone else’s blind date in hopes of getting the girl because… AJ.

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If it’s on the internet, it must be true?

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But at least the valley has great sushi.

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Married’s Salute To “Taking One For The Team”

Some beatings lead to free beach houses.  Thank you, Maya.  

Miranda, you went behind enemy lines in an attempt to humanize the robot masturbator. We appreciate you.

At least you can’t get a sunburn through an iPad. Thanks for gettin’ that money made, Russ.

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