marritt the lesboy

they/he if i appear girl like it’s drag. no more questions.i’m obviously transgender and super gay. i leveled up from lesbian procrastinating my gender identity to magical lesboy gaybian. idk what i’m doing i just know it’s really gay.

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

my queerness but dissertational thesis style 🫶

i was offput by masculinity as a whole because i all i EVER saw was cis, patriarchal masculinity. i knew i wasn’t a girl so i played into the whole “gotta look gay thing” and put everything into looking gay/visibly queer all the while telling myself it was a “finding a mate thing.” when it really was distancing myself from being a woman/girl. i said i was a lesbian (still am, just in a new light.) in place of a girl or woman. and i was fine as being perceived a weird or quirky/ a girl because surrounding myself with queer media focused more so on sexuality led me to the conclusion that girl was a gender neutral term. but as i got older the word gained a connotation of feminine gender and being a woman. so i reclaimed feminity in a lesbian light, using lesbian as a gender identity, thrifting vintage clothing, skirts, dresses— you name it. i took to feminity as a preformance, like a costume, or character i had invented almost without realizing it. i felt like my life was spent puppeting this girl everyone saw.

It took 2 major happenings to find myself.

1. not a girl— like not even at a distance

it took thrifting a pair of those plaid shorts every twelve year old wore in the 90s(as a girl or gay boy) to realize i really wasn’t a girl, even in a detached remote way. like i couldn’t just shove it under the demigirl box and move on. so, that led me to fully fledging androgyny— still repressing masculinity.

2. the masculinity thang✨

i owe my soul to sasha allen and those big old butches and really androgynous ppl that strangers in public would call men.

i did resonate with sasha allen’s music, but that didn’t click into my head until 3 weeks after the lil gay boy shorts. i really resonated with him in a way i didn’t for-see. (Oh, yah big fat dummy it’s because you’re trans! 🏳️‍⚧️) so i investigated it. i discovered that masculinity could be inherently queer. so yeah, i had the dude realization, and added he to they (ending in my pronouns being they/he.) i felt like i wasn’t really trans enough, because i didn’t always know! but being queer in such a nuanced and odd manner you really need queer spaces and experiences to see all you can be. i am trans enough. for the longest time, i repressed my attraction to queer men and limited it to “in another life” style thinking. the only thing i am not attracted to is cis masculinity. i would date a cis dude, but only if he was also masculine in a queer way. (not just being gay or bi) i love all feminity tho, cis or queer! oh don’t let me forget androgynous ppl that’s shit i could drool about for hours.

i still claim femininity, but in an entirely new light. i am visibly feminine by decoration (fem clothes, makeup etc) in a masculine way.

like my femininity is masculine. it’s also androgynous. it’s never purely feminine. my androgyny is masculine, it’s also androgynous. my masculinity is queer, it’s always queer, and androgynous/ masc as well.

i think i have found myself, but i am always growing and making more things that are part of me. i didn’t choose to be queer, but i chose to claim it.

i owe my soul to pinterest and music

[javadiology]

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

is it odd to say my moms’ confusion about my gender is lowk validation that i am as gay as possible in every dimension? aside from her just seeing me as being a girl having an odd phase

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

Hi there! What’s up?

ummm not to trauma dump but i came out to my LESBIAN moms as trans, (transmasc genderqueer lesboy that still is very much a lesbian) to discover that my moms both know nothing about trans people beyond data points and news headlines. For people with an identity that is very historically gender diverse and very gnc trans filled! they sure don’t know anything about queer history but stonewall and the discourse surrounding gay marriage. I will say that my moms didn’t have access to queer history when they were younger up until about 10yrs ago. They have access to the info now and i found it very validating to learn that i can be all of me at once. Mom 1 told be i can’t be trans and a lesbian (not true at all) and that lesbian is women loving women, which would erase SO many lesbians from history and today! Mom 2 is too scared that i could really be trans that all she sees is data points that make being trans and transitioning sound harmful for me to be/do. That and she really sent the message home that I had to pick between my sexuality and my gender??? uhh mom those are tied together for me! I did do the whole sexuality circle dance and nope, I like my label. I say gaybian because it really just erases more binaries but i didn’t get to telling her that. Yeah safe to say they didn’t see it coming but when have i ever been predictable mom????

Other than that i’m great. I got an annabelle dinda concert tomorrow and i’m chugging grape juice from the bottle while writing poetry

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

8am and my fatASS is eating chicken nuggets with a strawberry milkshake. (yes unfortunately i do love the lord’s chicken)

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

the only boys i want in my yard are lesboys

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

my moms will be seeing my new haircut for the first time in a few hours (i got it without them on vacation with my queer godfairy that happened to be a friend of my moms’)

sooooo yeah! i did have it shorter like lil boy short at eleven but i have been growing it out for a few years now. okay this me trying to prepare my mother for me coming out as trans. i mean it’s a shaggy mullet esque thing right now. nobody should be surprised but, yk they will be.

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

my search history is just smut, fluff, ao3 in general plus synonyms for * insert word* and rhymes for *insert word* because all i do is write music and read fanfiction

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

Uhhhh help? I’m staying with my friend and she has an evil queerphobic sister (tw for transphobia, homophobia and general bigotry)

So to preface this story, I am going to call the sister A, and my friend K. Apparently A had been exhibiting this behavior consistently for some amount of time. A and Ks mom is a recovering trump voter— still believing in the two party system but i will say she is well intentioned now.

I came out to Ks mom before I got to her house and got a positive response. I told her my new name and pronouns and all of that jazz. I had been staying with another friend of my moms’ (my gay advisor)where they were also nonbinary married to a trans man. Very affirming and the best week of my life so far. I was swimming in gender euphoria having my chosen name and pronouns used. I had been reaching out to them for help with some gender stuff and planning a gender reveal to come out to my moms. I also got my first gender affirming haircut with them that week.

I did not want to waste any time living as my true self before going back to the closet. I had a date planned to come out to my moms with said gay advisor. That is why I came out to K and her mom. I didn’t know about As behavior and i wish K would have told me/warned me.

She is technically bi but it’s really more like hereroflexible. I wish i did not come out to Ks mom and that I just came out to K only. Because once I got to their house, Ks mom sat me down for a chat and attempted to convince me to come out to my moms then and there because she was worried my moms would be upset she knew first. 1. I had a plan. 2. You should never make someone come out before they are ready. She then told me she wasn’t going to use my name and would continue to use my deadname because she said she didn’t want to make a habit of it and let something slip to my moms. She decided that when I corrected her on my name. She also decided that she wouldn’t use my pronouns for the same reason when I had corrected her later on. That is a losing battle that is not worth fighting now. I sat K down and told her to use my pref name and pronouns when her mom wasn’t around after explaining it was hurtful when she didn’t. K is accepting she just needs to figure it out and learn but it still shouldn’t be this way. Considering she is technically part of the community.

1. I am transgender— and A didn’t know up until a certain point in this story.

2. K knew i was trans the entire time because i came out to her beforehand.

3. I have been out and proud as a flaming lesbian for YEARS (since i was 8 lol) A obviously knew this

4. The first thing that tipped me off was when A on the phone with her cishet male friend playing a game on call with him.

I was SITTING ACROSS FROM HER IN THE SAME ROOM. WTF???

-he was losing the game and she said he was “such a femboy”

-she continually calls him gay as an insult.

5. I asked K why on earth her sister would act like that because she to my previous knowledge was sweet before.

K said it was just bc of the friends she had that were a bad influence on her — but any reasonable parent would legitimately stop their kid from talking to people like that.

She said that A had called her the f slur in the past.

6. As we all know, if someone is homophobic, they are likely transphobic if not more so that they are homophobic. I was spending time with A and I was committed to a comedic bit.

I sorta said i was trans because it was for something funny. A thought I was joking about being trans and asked me if i was a “he”. It’s to late go back now so I said “or a they”. Stupid decision on my part but? I already felt unsafe because I semi accidentally came out to her but A hasn’t used my correct pronouns since.

I brought up As behavior directly to her and she played dumb and kept talking about the tension in the room. I then further discussed it with K over text. K sorta swept it under the rug because her mom was going to talk to A. K then told me not to talk to her which is not a solution at all. She also decided to delete the messages as well??? I dont know how to address this anymore. K is just acting like it’s not really that big of a deal.

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

my gender is whatever attracts the lesboys to my yard okay? like i got a problem with drinking milkshakes to the point i am milkshake now

[my-gender-is]

My gender is mostly about loathing the toils of late stage capitalism

[thepittmemes]

[urlisalisa]

Do you watch the pitt?

Have you watched the pitt?

Will you watch the pitt?

When will you watch the pitt ?

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

yes

yes

yes

yes

and i will do it again

[hrast-ika]

Trinity "i will be kind to you but cover it up with some bullshit" Santos my beloved <3

[helvyeah1]

all this touching

[dr-denniswhitaker]

Now why would anyone uhhh

What a strange-

What a strange piece of artwork..!

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

shameless reblog idec who knows about the ship that made me stop procrastinating my gender identity

[marrittisaflaminghomo]

yes little bi curious friend of mine explore that crush on a girl. yes send that cute lesbian flirty messages. yes take my advice. kinley middle name this is about you. being gay makes you even more leftist but please stop glorifying dean withers. i’m literally the gay shepherd. i’m the motherly father of my queer children.

update; i told her what queerplatonic relationships are (girl had several w girls) and what it means to be ✨hereroflexible✨

oh and motherly father smells a looming gender crisis+ she(as we know so far) keeps saying she’s not gay?? i mean it’s not giving cis straight girl vibes to me— more straight transgender vibes tbh?????????????

[esoteric-aesthetic-lyrics]

Everyone Likes To Be Forgiven - Annabelle Dinda