#queer identity

[thegirlmirage]

Transfem to Transmasc solitary must exist as much as any trans solidarity must exist.

Protect my boys.

[sunny-aside]

The best thing I ever learned about queerness after I came out as bi is that you don't need to apply the same rigid structure of straightness to it. Like, heterosexuality is pretty narrowly defined as "this not that" so when you come to terms with your queerness it's very easy to get caught up in the same paradigm but with different genders. You can get trapped in this lens of feeling like your sexuality has to be based on exclusion, and has to follow certain rules like your straightness did.

Queerness is about rejecting those rules! Not about tying yourself up in new rules. When you think you might be less-than-straight try not to rush to find a label. You might end up with a new set of rules you box yourself into.

People get really hung up on the labels side of things- "Wait, am I still a lesbian if I only like dating girls but I have liked one guy and I have crushes on fictional men?" "am I bisexual if I'm a guy who only likes girls who look like boys or am I gay if I like that and I like anal sex??"

Just experience for a moment, the freedom to see yourself as you are. Go through the world with an openness to your feelings. Gradually you can unlearn the "this not that" strict mentality and learn what you actually like. You'll start to see the world with fresh eyes. Maybe you find someone attractive who you had never considered before. Maybe you notice, as I did, that you find certain traits attractive regardless of gender or sexuality. The way someone speaks, the way they move, the way they treat others. In time you'll start to define your unique sexuality.

Try on labels like clothes. They're not who you are. They're just tools to speed up communication between you and others. Eventually you may find one that fits well enough to tell others about, and remember you can always change it later. Queerness is about the freedom to be yourself, and to take time to experiment and learn what that really means to you. That's kind of the beauty of 'queerness' that those in the community are always going on about. The freedom of getting to know yourself without restrictions.

[notnowricky]

I hate when people are dismissive of Shane coming out to Ilya. It’s completely disrespectful and missing an important theme of the show.

It’s always along the lines of “How silly he would tell his top of x years that he’s gay. Duh!”

Have they no media literacy? Aside from the couple’s dynamic between Shane and Ilya, the story is in large part about Shane’s journey of self discovery. As far as we can see, he starts out as a person who considers himself straight. Once he meets Ilya, that belief becomes shaky. Even so, he tries to hold on to some sort of heteronormativity when he starts dating Rose. And that journey comes to a formal conclusion in that hotel room at the ASG.

First of all, let’s not pretend it isn’t a big deal to say the words “I’m gay” out loud to anyone for the first time, let alone someone as important as Ilya is to Shane.

Secondly, the point isn’t “yeah, we all know you like dudes”, the point is he only likes dudes. He has tried and failed to like women. And he acknowledges this formally. For Ilya’s benefit and probably also for his own. That’s a big step for Shane.

And for the less perceptive viewers, we even have it spelled out. Immediately after Ilya reacts like some viewers do, Shane puts his statement into perspective very clearly: I am gay but you are not!

The point isn’t that he likes men; the point is that he doesn’t like women.

We get the contrast to Ilya’s bisexuality spelled out for both Ilya and the viewer. Shane is emphasizing that his declaration is not silly or unnecessary. It’s him finally positioning himself on the queer spectrum and he’s not the same as Ilya.

This gets picked up again in the cottage scene where Shane points out that Ilya has the possibility to live a straightpassing life if he marries a woman. The implication is that he could still find someone to live that life and be content. Shane can’t. And he’s also afraid that Ilya will choose a woman over him because it’s easier.

So no, that scene isn’t unnecessary, it’s not silly and yes, Shane is brave. People who make fun of it are just missing the point.

And to the ones who come back to say “it was obviously a joke” I can only say this: by that definition, we can’t engage with anything or anyone online. You’re not using any markers to denote you’re ‘joking’, we can’t use tone, so if we have to guess your intention, we can just chuck the whole thing in.

[asynca]

I often hear people saying they "don't understand asexuality" and mean it in a genuine way rather than an invalidating way. While I'm not claiming to be able to understand or explain OTHER PEOPLE'S experiences with their own asexuality, I came up with a metaphor the other day that perfectly explains mine:

My sexuality can't be triggered remotely. I'm like an old TV: if you want me to work, you need to come over here and operate me manually.

It's genuinely that. No person I look at can cause me to feel something by looking at them, but everything on my body still works if someone I like touches it.

[killrisma]

Being intersex is crazy because what do you mean I am the example that queer people use to “prove their identity” while also being completely ignored and dehumanized by conservatives.

[fskatenet]

amber glenn on incorporating her queer identity into her skating

[piniatafullofblood]

sometimes I feel like some queer people just reinvented more binary norms to ascribe to. yk? like. I see conversations fairly often where someone’s like “I feel this way and I say I’m (x) gender” and then there’s a whole comment section about “that experience you described isn’t (x) gender, it’s (y) gender by definition” and like. I feel like we lost the plot

the point of creating new labels isn’t actually creating new boxes to fit people in, the *point* is to make someone more comfortable. If someone’s feels like they have multiple genders at once, but they want to call themselves nonbinary instead of bigender because that's what makes them happiest, that’s the whole point of creating new labels in the first place. At its core, the queer movement is supposed to encompass do what makes you feel good. So, do what makes you feel good.

I feel like a lot of people are acting on the ideology of queerness without actually realizing the idea in your brain that being queer is about finding self expression that fulfills you. When you don’t, it comes out hollow, and it affects your activism. Queer labels aren’t rigid barriers, and you don’t have a right to say anyone else can or cannot identify with literally anything they want. The whole point is that, to exist as a human is nonlinear and nebulous, and queerness as an ideology is based around allowing for expression of a diverse, nuanced experience.